Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The inspection went fairly well, and although the officer had made several tutting and clucking noises, he declared we'd narrowly passed but also offered a long list of advisories, such as determining whether we had a gremlin problem. Thankfully, he had no idea gremlins were the least of our issues.

For the rest of the afternoon, I caught up with the running of the hotel, and tried not to think about the big questions hanging over us. When would Princess Daisy make her move in revenge for the death of her mother? What was Cain's next play? When would my sweet and innocent act no longer cut it?

Zee appeared late in the afternoon and informed me he'd had to arrange the tickets, after Victor's contacts no longer wanted to talk to a "loser vampire" with no money, status, or social clout.

They'd agreed to meet the commissioner's wife somewhere discreet to secure the tickets in person. Then, with the tickets in hand, they'd scope out the next venue to see if the trailers had already arrived, but wouldn't get too close. If anything went wrong, Zee promised to call Madame Matase. If everything went to plan, they'd be back by midnight.

I had faith they'd be fine.

They left together after sundown, with Victor dressed-down in task-appropriate black pants and black turtle-neck, and Zee wearing multicoloured patchwork pants, pink heeled boots, and a shirt declaring: I Rented This Hooker , with an arrow pointing to the side—at Victor. After I was caught up with my hotel tasks and the evening wind-down, I settled at a table in the hotel bar.

Tom was busy spinning cocktail shakers, and looking the part with his sparkling racks of multicolored bottles behind him. I really needed to find out more about his family—if he had any—or where he'd come from, and Gideon Cain had all those answers.

Cain definitely wouldn't tell me anything about Tom, though, since we'd burned down Reynard— Cain Technologies and ruined FaeMade ? Cosmetics, a company he had shares in. Add that to the list of reasons to hate Adam Vex and his list was getting long.

Sorcerers loved nothing more than bits of dragon to fuel their abilities. If he knew who I was and that the prophecy was about me, he'd steal my heart as quickly as I'd stolen this hotel out from under him.

Why had he wanted it so bad?

I studied the bar. We'd fixed it up, painted... added the stage, Tom, and the jukebox. The bar had become the heart of the hotel.

Cain had said the land was worth millions, but he already had millions. What was it about this run-down, almost derelict old hotel that had caught his eye? And why had my buying it put us on a collision course?

I'd bought it with Zee on a whim, needing somewhere to hide while Zee soaked up the spotlight. But what if it hadn't been a whim? What if something larger than me had been behind the decision to buy a run-down hotel?

A shiver tracked down my spine. Nope. Not destiny.

I mulled over all the things , and as the minutes ticked into hours, I sipped my whiskey, enjoying its heat, and listened to the jukebox cycle through its tracks.

Midnight came and went. The bar emptied of visitors and guests, until it was just me and Tom, dressed in his best red jacket with black lapels and black tie over a brilliant white shirt.

"They've not returned," he said, his tone ominous. I hadn't told him I'd been waiting for Victor and Zee, but he'd known.

"It's fine," I said. "They just went on a recon mission together. What can go wrong?"

"Have you met them? A whole fucking lot," Tom said, unhelpfully. "Would you like a margarita while you wait?"

I showed him my whiskey glass, still half-full. "I'm good."

"You sent two mortal enemies outside the hotel wards to... work together ." He air quoted. "Two very capable killers. Did I mention they're enemies?"

"Yeah, thanks Tom, I got that part."

"They're probably dead."

He wasn't helping.

"It's a fucking miracle they get along at all," he continued. "During the long war, demons and vampires annihilated several hundred thousand of each other. They have been enemies for generations."

But Zee and Victor were different. Weren't they? "We've gotten past the whole enemy thing."

He grabbed a glass and wiped it down, eyebrows rising, face skeptical. "Do lions change their spots?"

"I don't think lions have spots."

"That's what they want you to think. "

Wait. What? "I have to trust they'll be okay," I sighed. With everything going on in our lives, I needed them to be okay. And if they were okay, and could get past decades of hate, then it meant we might all be okay. Maybe.

Tom slid a drink on a coaster over to me. I looked at what was clearly a margarita and sighed again, then picked it up and glugged it down. To be fair, it was a good margarita. I licked my lips and set the glass down. "Yeah, okay, it's good."

He beamed. "I always know what's best for my customers."

This seemed like the perfect time to discuss Tom's identity. Nobody else was in the bar, and he deserved to know the truth—what little I knew of it. "Tom, how do you know about the demon and vampire war, when it's not in your programming?"

"I just... know. Perhaps from my jaunts in the internet?"

It could have been that. "There's something we need to discuss."

"If this is going to be another Adam Vex, navel-gazing pity party, please go cry into Zodiac's velvet pillows."

I blinked. "That's . . . harsh, Tom."

"See my previous comment." He smiled, as though he was as professional and polite as his appearance implied.

"I'm not a customer, though. I'm a... friend? I think?" I waited for him to help me out with some kind of confirmation but I got nothing back, just a forced smile. "And as your friend," I continued. "There are some things that have come to light that you should know. Such as... we don't think you're an AI." He blinked again and continued to dry that same glass he'd been drying for twenty minutes. "We think you might be djinn, Tom. A living Lost One. We think maybe Gideon Cain deliberately put you into an AI Tom Collins unit to spy on us—on this hotel. Spy on me, I guess. "

He stopped drying the glass and gently set it down on the glossy bartop. "Is that so?"

"I wanted to confirm it before telling you, but I don't really know how to prove it unless we can somehow get Cain to confess, and he's not going to do that since we've sort of ruined every effort he's made to infiltrate the hotel. I don't think we're on speaking terms."

He smiled, like he always did, playing the part of the bartending AI. "Being djinn seems like something I'd remember, Adam."

"Unless he wiped your memory. That black hole you spoke of? I think that's what he took from you."

Tom spread both hands on the bartop and went very, very still. His smile stayed pinned to his face.

"It's just a theory," I added, hoping to help ease him into the idea. "But we all know you're no ordinary AI, not after what you did to Agatha at FaeMade? Cosmetics. And there are some other... signs that you're maybe different."

He stared at the clean glass, looking through it. "What am I supposed to do with this information, Adam?"

"Well, I don't know exactly. Just that the truth is always better. Isn't it? That's what Victor says." I had my doubts. Like now.

"Is it?" He straightened. "You've just told me I'm in a cage of Gideon Cain's making. That I might have a life beyond this one-star hotel but I cannot leave? How is that better ?"

He snatched my margarita, threw his head back and downed it. As his body was technically robotic, I had no idea where that drink went, and now was clearly not the time to ask.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly.

"Absolutely." He grabbed a large bottle of whiskey off the rack, upended it, and glugged its contents down. "Shall I dance a jig to prove how fine I am? Would that ease your concern, soothe your guilt?"

I winced. This was maybe a good time to leave him alone with his thoughts. "I'm just gonna call it a night."

He didn't reply, just kept right on glugging neat vodka. AIs couldn't get drunk, but could djinn? I stepped outside the bar and clicked the door closed.

The clack of Madame Matase's knitting needles summoned me to the front desk. "It's probably best that nobody goes into the bar for a while," I whispered in the empty lobby. "Tom's having a crisis."

"Alright, darling. I'll dig out the sign. Agent Leomaris called again. He had me write a note out. Where did I... Oh yes, there it is." She handed it over.

In response to your public performance, the SSD will be visiting your premises tomorrow to ascertain your Lost Ones status.

Oh dear. That meant they no longer believed I was human, and needed to ascertain what kind of Lost One I was. If they deemed me too powerful, they'd put me on a watch list—or worse, bundle me off to an institute somewhere, for public safety.

Call me immediately to discuss mitigation.

Was Leomaris trying to help, or did they have their own motives like everyone else? Whatever their reasons, I was going to need help if the SSD got wind of my true nature and why I happened to be stuck inside powerful glamor.

"Please call Agent Leomaris back," I told Madame Matase. It was time the agent and I met. "See if they can come by?—"

A welcome and familiar voice filled the foyer as the front doors flew open.

"I told him, that's not how Zodiac does things. So with his hands bound—right?—and a pear down his pants, he blinks up at me and he says... get this, Fancy Daddy, he says... ‘ What do I do with my fruit cocktail?'" Zee laughed, but more alarmingly, so did Victor, who impossibly appeared to be tucked under Zee's arm.

The pair walked into the foyer together, chuckling like besties.

My heart leaped at the sight of them.

Their closeness might have been surprising enough, but they were also scratched up, their clothes twisted and torn. As they got closer, I couldn't decide whether they'd been playing in a red-paint factory or the splatters on their clothes were blood. They seemed well enough.

"Hey." I hurried over. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"We're good. We ran into a few of Fancy Daddy's fang-fucker family members on our way back, but we got our murder on." Zee freed Victor from under his arm, letting him step aside and adjust his sleeve cuffs. "Victor can fucking slay, baby."

Zee was clearly impressed, and a glance at Victor revealed his oddly bashful smile—the blink and you'll miss it smile. "Zodiac is equally quite the astonishing warrior."

Were they really okay? Had they got concussions? Were they possessed by some terrible spell that had made them like each other? Because their budding touchy-feely friendly vibes didn't seem right. Had there really been a vampire ambush, or had they snapped and tried to kill each other again?

Both options were equally possible.

"You guys wanna get cleaned up?" I asked.

"Yes." Zee spotted a splodge of something grim on his I Rented This Hooker shirt and picked at it. "We should definitely do that. What say you, Victor?"

"I concur, Zodiac."

They glanced at each other, nodded, and immediately separated, walking in opposite directions.

There was definitely something weird going on. No way were they this nice. Ever .

I hurried after Victor. He was more likely to tell the truth than Zee, who often tried to wriggle out of revealing any uncomfortable facts.

I caught up with him leaving our repaired elevator on the second floor. "So, erm, hey... I just..."

He stopped in the hallway, folded his arms, and said calmly, "Yes, Adam?"

"Just . . . follow me, I think. Please?"

"Of course."

We entered the lift and headed up to the next floor, then to Zee's room. Victor gave me a questioning side-eye, but remained quiet as I rapped on Zee's door.

"Is open," he called.

I pushed inside his brightly colored boudoir made of fluffy cushions and rainbow colors, where we found Zee by the bed, shrugging off his shirt and about to undo his pants. He turned, eyes widening at the sight of me with Victor, then narrowing with sly suspicion as his thoughts hooked-up on other things. "This is the kind of room service I can get behind. Literally."

"No sex," I said, pointing a finger. "Not that I don't want to... I just... Something happened, and you're both going to tell the truth. Right now."

"Pfft." Zee fluttered a hand and turned on his heel, putting some swagger into his strides, then let his wings unfurl behind him, knowing full well their pretty made them undeniable distractions. His tail gave a final, irritated little flick. "Nothing happened ," he crooned.

I slid my gaze to Victor, who was doing his best vampire-statue impression.

"It's not my place to say," he said, flatly. His gaze flicked away then back, as though he caught himself looking guilty and corrected it, hoping I hadn't noticed.

And now I knew what it felt like being on the other end of Victor's morals. If he didn't want to tell me then it meant he was protecting Zee, which was kinda adorable but also inconvenient, because getting answers out of Zee was impossible if he wasn't in the mood to give them.

Zee entered the bathroom, leaving the door open. "Imma take a bath. I see you judging my interior design, Vampire Daddy," he called back. "Jealous of my rainbow pillows?"

"I'm not jealous of his rainbow pillows," Victor denied.

This was more like their typical interactions. Borderline frenemies, not giggly besties.

"In fact, I find this décor needlessly garish when subtlety and elegance are far more appealing." Yes, this was where we should be. Mild disdain, reluctantly in love.

To be fair, Zee's room did look as though a unicorn had vomited over it. But like him, it was unique.

"There's space for two more in this tub," Zee called over the sounds of running water.

It was temping.

Victor arched an eyebrow, making it clear the call was mine. No, nope. This was what Zee was so good at—distracting people.

"No sex until you two tell the truth," I called back.

Zee appeared in the doorway, shirtless, pants slung low on his hips, arms braced against the doorframe, looking like the poster boy for a night of raw incubus fun. "I must have heard you wrong, because Adam Vex is not trying to bribe the truth out of me by withholding one of my three favorite things ever." He sauntered forward, using his tail to slam the bathroom door closed behind him. "Those three things are mac and cheese, Adam Vex, and sex—if you were wondering, Fancy Daddy."

"I was not," Victor said, still as rigid as a plank beside me.

"Just tell me what happened, and you can have all the sex you want," I said. "Three way. With oral. And tail play. "

Zee stopped a few safe strides away, folded his arms and lashed his tail.

"Flavored dildos?" I added.

His eyes narrowed some more. "Adam Vex getting his dom on. I fucking love it, but also kinda hate it." Those sparkly purple eyes flicked to Victor and darted away.

This didn't have to be so difficult. They were making it worse. "You guys are going to stand here and tell me you went out, you did the mission, you ran into some vamps, and that's it?"

"We completed the mission," Victor replied. "The next event is two nights away. We visited the venue. The trailers are in situ, but security is double what it was at the warehouse, probably due to your previous intervention."

I folded my arms. "That's good, but what happened after?"

Victor's gaze settled on Zee.

Zee rolled his eyes. "We may have had a tiny disagreement. Super small. Hardly worth mentioning. Which is why we didn't fucking mention it."

We were getting closer to the truth, but that wasn't it. "You had a disagreement about what?"

"I wanted to get a closer look but Fancy Daddy said no." Somehow, he'd said all of that with his body too, hips and shoulders cocking with every word.

Victor nodded his agreement, and I was beginning to figure out where this all ended up. With them scrapping in a ditch.

"You went ahead anyway," I told Zee, because of course he did.

"Fucking right, I did." Zee started pacing, arms and wings gesturing. "It was the perfect opportunity to get a closer look, and one of us has wings. It's not my fault he's wingless and pointless. "

"There weren't any vampires after, were there?"

He stopped by the end of the bed and winced. "There was one."

"There weren't any vampires . . . who weren't Victor."

"No."

"So what really happened is, you two got into it like you always do, and instead of talking it out, you Zee, decided to go off on your own—and I'm going to take a guess that you were spotted, resulting in Victor having to come in on foot."

Zee clamped his wings together and tried to make himself smaller. "Turns out he's not always useless," he mumbled. "Who knew?"

"Then, on the way back, you argued."

"He fucking started it."

I turned my attention to Victor, still doing his statue impression. "I merely pointed out his bullheaded approach has cost us the element of surprise at a later date."

"See!" Zee snapped.

Victor wasn't wrong. Zee did have a habit of rushing in, but he also had a point in that it was a good opportunity to take a look around. He did have wings, and he could translocate, which meant he was capable of dropping in and disappearing in the blink of an eye.

"You fought?" I urged, since they were still hung up on not telling me what really happened.

Victor lifted his chin defiantly. "He tripped."

"I did trip." Zee agreed.

Clearly, that was not the extent of it.

"My tail happened to hit Victor across the face." Zee raised his hands. "Total fucking accident."

"Was it though?" Victor asked, eyebrow of judgment raised.

And there it was . . . "Oh dear. "

"He grabbed my tail!" Zee clutched his tail and waved it to demonstrate.

"It was in my face," Victor explained.

"I tripped!"

"I've warned you on multiple occasions what will happen should your tail venture into my personal space."

"You didn't seem to mind when my tail was jerking you off in Adam's bed this morning."

Victor blinked. That remark had gotten through his stoic mask. "That is... true."

"You lied to me?" I asked them both. "You came home and you lied?"

Victor softened, and faced me. "Only to keep you from worrying, Adam. I'm certain we will work through this."

"I know what this is." I breathed in, and could hear Tom Collins as though he were in my head, telling me exactly what had to be done. It was obvious, really. The tension, the bickering. I stepped aside, so I had them both in my line of sight. "You two need to fuck it out."

Zee gasped, and dramatically covered his mouth with his hands. "Sweet baby Gareth. Adam said fuck."

"I don't believe sexual intercourse is a valid solution to our issue," Victor explained predictably.

"With respect, Victor, you're wrong." I pointed at them both respectively. "You don't hate each other. In fact, I happen to know you like each other. A lot. And maybe I'm not the best person to give advice about these things, but I know what Tom would say, and he'd say, fuck it out. Even when we've been intimate, you've both stayed at a distance, using me as the in-between, which is great, honestly, but we need to..." I made squishing gestures with my hands, not really sure what I was demonstrating.

"Choke someone?" Victor asked.

"Switch it up?" Zee suggested .

"Yes, that. I know you want to. I saw that kiss in the bar at Zee's surprise party. You guys really want to, but it's getting all messed up in your heads. Channeling some more Tom Collins here, you need to fuck each other unconscious." I shrugged.

Zee's tail swished while the rest of him mirrored Victor's stonelike stance.

They knew I was right, but admitting it was a milestone.

"Demon," Victor grumbled.

"Vampire?" Zee replied.

This was it.

This was the moment.

Victor would swoop across the room and take Zee in his arms. They'd kiss like long lost lovers, and then Victor would have Zee against the bathroom wall, because Victor unleashed was a thing of raw, masculine beauty. I had it all worked out in my head.

Here it came.

Any second now.

My heart thumped, gearing up for the kiss of the decade. The kiss that would break down their barriers and confirm, once and for all, they were in fact deeply in love.

Victor took a breath and said, "There are bubbles creeping out from under your door."

Zee blinked and unfroze himself, body relaxing. "Bubbles what now?"

"From under the door. Behind you."

I saw them then too. Foamy bubbles spewed from under the bathroom door, but weirdly, from higher up around the frame as well. And they dribbled from the lock. That was a whole lot of bubbles.

Zee reached for the handle.

"Wait! They might?—"

He opened the door. A tsunami of bubbles consumed him. A blast of soapy suds poured like water from a fire hose. I had a second to gasp before I felt Victor grab my waist and yank me off my feet. A moment later, we were in the hallway. Zee waited, having poofed out before us, covered wing-tip to tail in clingy white bubbles.

Victor slammed Zee's bedroom door.

"Zee, what did you put in that tub?!" I asked, clutching my knees to breathe.

"Nothing!" He flapped his wings, sending bubbles splattering against the walls. Licking his lips, he frowned. "Strawberries."

I flicked bubbles from my hands. Why was it, whenever something went wrong I got covered in it?

"You have bubbles in your hair, it's adorable." Zee grinned, then squelched over and patted my head, trying to flatten the bubbles.

"It is rather delightful," Victor agreed with a genuine smile.

"Great, but can we focus on the bubble flood?" With a huff, I looked up at Zee's face. "Did you take some of those bath beads from that machine, Zee?"

"What bath beads—oh." His eyes got all shifty. " Those bath beads. I may have grabbed a handful."

"Did you put some in the tub?"

He took a step back and pinched his lips together. "That is a thing that may have happened. They were glittery and squishy—and free. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I'm not made of stone like Fancy Pants there."

I wiped popping bubbles from my face. "At least you didn't eat any." Zee blinked, and I sighed again. "How many did you eat?"

"One. They do not taste like strawberries."

"You don't even know what's in them. Clearly not good stuff if they've filled your whole suite with bubbles. "

"We don't know they've filled the whole—" He flicked a hand toward his closed bedroom door. "Never mind, they're coming out the keyhole."

"Where did these free bath beads come from?" Victor, our voice of reason, enquired.

"The Dine and Fight date. There was a machine that dispensed bath beads."

He crouched by the bedroom door and watched bubbles drizzle from the keyhole. "How peculiar."

"We thought so too," I agreed. "But the whole evening was weird, so... it fit."

"They have the same machine at the next fight," Zee said. "Rigged the same way, with the big cables from under the boxing ring. I saw it when I got a closer look—which Fancy Pants said not to do."

Victor blinked. Standing and wiping bubble foam from his clothes, he said, "You took beads of unknown substance from a machine of unknown origin and purpose, and placed those beads into your bath?"

"And ate one," Zee said proudly, then scowled at Victor's judgmental expression, which looked a lot like his normal everyday expression. "You can't tell me, Your Highness, you've never wanted to eat a bath bead."

"I can tell you, with confidence in fact, I have never had the desire to consume a bath bead. I'm not entirely certain what they are."

"Squishy multicolored dissolvable balls, packed full of essential oils. You toss them in hot water and luxuriate for a few hours. The height of hedonism."

Victor looked as perplexed as I felt. "Zodiac, how have you survived into adulthood?"

"Excuse moi, Fancy Fangs. Due to my selfless sacrifice we are now aware the bath beads are bad news and they're not for eating. This is new information. It's a good thing. "

"Except for the bubble flood," I added. A flood which was now pushing from around the door seams and creeping across the hallway.

"Pfft, it's just my room," Zee dismissed with a hair flick.

"Ah," Victor said, suggesting he'd thought of something. "Did you say a machine dispensed these balls? Did the machine resemble a large oil drum, by any chance?"

"Yeah, as big as me," Zee replied.

"Oh dear," Victor said.

"Oh dear?" I echoed. "More of an oh dear than my earlier oh dear ?"

"I suspect I know what the machine does." He closed his eyes and sighed. "It is definitely not a good thing."