13. Olivia

Chapter thirteen

Olivia

A t 11:50, I lock my computer and grab my purse. Caroline asked me this morning if I wanted to go to lunch. I was worried because I never say no, but she didn’t ask any questions. She might have an idea that I’m going with Victor, but after our ride home yesterday, she seems to realize I’m not ready to talk about that. I’m not sure what’s going on with us. It could be nothing, but it doesn’t feel that way. Not to me.

As I step on to the elevator, I hear Lincoln ask someone if they’ve seen me, so I immediately hit the close button. Whatever question he has can wait until I get back. He either wants to talk about this project with the city or to see how Ansley was doing this weekend. Stepping out of the elevator, my eyes flit around looking for James. I exhale when he waves and stands.

I’m pretty sure James was a Marine, but he’s never talked too much about it. Just a few things he’s said over the years have given me the idea. So knowing that and finding out he’s part of The Outsiders makes me feel even better. I’m sure he’s noticed how skittish I am, but he’s never asked me about it.

“Liv, how are you?”

I give him a friendly smile. “I’m well, James. How are you?”

“Can’t complain.” I chuckle. That’s his answer every time.

“How’s your wife?” I position myself so my back isn’t facing the entry so I can keep an eye out for Victor. I never asked him if he was going to ride his motorcycle or not.

“She’s doing a lot better. She’s fully recovered from the surgery and is up and about.” He comes to stand with me, looking out at the street. “She tried that trick with the newspapers in her garden and it worked. She told me to tell you thank you.”

I smile at James. “Really? That’s great. I try to do it every year, but I ran out for one section and I have to pull weeds all the time.” I crinkle my nose and shake my head. “I won’t let that happen next year.”

He chuckles. “Well, I always have a ton of newspaper, so let me know and I’ll bring you some.”

“Thanks.” I turn back toward the door. My pulse increases.

What if he changed his mind? What if he decided I’m too much trouble? What if Donovan found him and has him? I inhale slowly, trying to calm my racing heart.

“You look pretty today. Do you have a lunch date?” James asks.

“It’s not a date. I’m going to have lunch with Victor. We were supposed to go last week, but I couldn’t get away from work, so he brought me something.”

He puts his hands behind his back, and rocks back on his feet, nodding. “Victor is a good man. How do you know him?”

A gray sports car pulls up to the curb as he asks. I know it’s Victor before he gets out. I’m relieved he didn’t bring his motorcycle. It’s not that I mind riding the motorcycle, but the idea of being on the back of his bike makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. One day when I know Donovan is no longer a threat, I’ll go riding with him.

“He was friends with my parents when I was a kid.” I don’t take my eyes off Victor as he climbs out of his car. Pulling my lips between my teeth, I realize my heart rate has calmed down at the sight of him. How does he do that? James pushes the door open and holds it open for Victor to walk through.

“Thanks James.” Victor shakes his hand before turning to me with a smile. “Olivia,” he greets me, his intense green eyes focusing on me. “The shirt looks better on you than laying on your bed.”

My stomach flips as my face heats up, and he smirks like he knows how that statement affected me. I rub my thumb and forefinger together, unsure of what to do. I want to hug him, but I don’t do that. At least not with anyone that’s not my friend.

Victor looks like a dream in his black pants, white button-up shirt, and black pocket vest. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing off his tattoos. He reaches his hand out to me and my eyes are drawn to the ring on his thumb again. This time I get a better look at it and realize it is the one I gave him. I gave it to him right before my mom died. Well, it was my idea. Mom paid for it. On the inside there is an inscription that says love you big .

Lifting my eyes to meet his, he tilts his head at me like he knows what I’m thinking. “You ready?” he asks.

I put my hand in his and my nerves tingle up my arm to my neck and down my spine. He rubs his thumb along the back of my hand and guides me toward the door. I never want him to let go.

“James, it was good seeing you again.”

“You too. I’m glad she was here this time,” James replies.

I glance between him and Victor, but don’t say anything as I wave my fingers at James, letting Victor lead me to his car. He opens the door and holds my hand as I get in, kissing my fingers and making my heart flutter in a way I’ve never felt before. Once he closes the door, he walks around to the driver’s door.

Why do I feel like this? Victor is my godfather. Of course, the first person I ever feel this way toward has to be unattainable. I rub my hands down my slacks and swallow trying to wet my dry mouth. He gets in, puts the car in first gear and merges into traffic. That’s when I realize I didn’t look at my surroundings as we walked to his car. Glancing in the side mirror I check to make sure it doesn’t look like someone is following us.

I don’t think I’ve ever done that before. Not been completely aware of my surroundings. He shifts gears again as he accelerates and gives me an encouraging smile.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He frowns and I force the uneasiness building in my stomach down. “Yes,” I reply again. He looks at me for a second before returning his attention back to the road.

“It’s okay to say you’re not okay.”

I turn to look out my window and begin to rub circles along my knee. Why do I feel like crying all of a sudden? I don’t cry. How does he bring out these emotions from me? He’s not even trying. His hand grabs mine, stopping me from rubbing circles along my knee.

Returning my attention back to him, I’m begging him not to push the issue. He doesn’t say anything. He offers me a small smile, puts my hand on the stick shift, then puts his hand on top of mine.

“You used to say you wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift. Did you ever learn?” His hand engulfs mine and is in stark contrast next to my pale skin.

“I didn’t.”

He begins slowing down and moves the gear forward. “This is third gear.” He slows down more, then brings the gear down and to the left. “This is second gear.” I feel as it slides into gear. He winks when I smile at him.

I never want this to end.

“I’ll take you on a road where we can go a little faster on another day so you can experience all the gears.” He pulls into a parking lot and releases my hand. “I’ll open your door.” Before I can respond, he’s out of the car and walking around to my side.

I rub my hands down my slacks again and take a deep breath. He opens the door and extends his hand to me, helping me out. Dropping my hand before I’m ready, he locks the doors, and places his hand at the small of my back, guiding me to a door that says Valentine’s Pub .

“You’re opening a pub?” I ask as he opens the door.

I look around and fall in love. At one end of the room, there’s a huge fireplace that goes all the way up to the ceiling. There’s a bar across from the door in dark wood with an abundance of taps to choose from. A man steps out of a hallway next to the bar with a tray of food and places it on the bar.

“Victor, everything is ready to taste. I adjusted some of the recipes from last week and they’re ready to taste as well.”

“Thank you.” He motions to me. “Lee, this is Olivia. Olivia, Lee.”

I give him a small wave. “Please call me Liv.”

Lee nods his head. “Nice to meet you Liv. Victor has told me about you.”

I glance at Victor, surprised. He winks at me again, and I have to take a deep breath to calm my racing heart.

Victor gestures for me to walk to the bar. I climb up on a stool and look at the appetizers on the tray. Rubbing my thumb on my knee, I glance at Victor out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t think this through. He’s going to know how much I eat or don’t eat. Whenever I’m anxious or nervous, my stomach gets so tight with knots it’s hard to eat.

I hear Rose’s voice in my head and take a mental inventory of how I’m feeling. She reminded me about that at my last therapy appointment, but I haven’t been doing the best at remembering. I’m not nervous or anxious. That’s not what this feeling is. I did get upset when I realized I didn’t look at my surroundings, but when he showed me how to change the gears in his car, he was able to calm me down. I’m still not sure how he does that. When I break out of my inner thoughts, I realize I missed Lee’s explanation of what each food was.

“You’re not allergic to anything, right?” Victor asks. I shake my head as I look at everything before us. Nerves or no nerves, I’m not going to be able to eat all of this.

“No. How much will you have to taste test?”

There’s not a lot of each thing. Like the pretzel rolls. There are only two. But there’s a bowl of chili and another plate with meatloaf. Victor chuckles and it washes over me like a warm blanket. I turn to him and he smirks at me.

“The key is to only take a bite of each item or you’ll feel like you’re going to burst at the end. There isn’t a large menu here, but I’ve still had to do taste tests for the past week. The pretzel rolls and chili are the ones he had to adjust the recipe for.”

I shift and look back at the food. “The pretzel rolls are homemade?”

He nods and picks one up, holding it up to my mouth. “It is. And don’t worry, you don’t have to eat anymore than you want to. I wanted to see you, but I also needed to finish this. I thought it would be fun.”

I stare at him for a few seconds before he arches an eyebrow like he’s asking me if I’m brave enough to allow him to feed me. I lean forward and take a bite, my lips brushing his fingertips.

His eyes widen slightly, before he pops the rest of it in his mouth and my face flushes. Why does it feel like we just kissed? That was oddly intimate. I begin to chew the pretzel and close my eyes, savoring the taste. It’s buttery, salty, and practically melts in my mouth.

“That’s good.”

He smiles at me, pleased I enjoyed it. Flutters erupt in my stomach. What the hell is wrong with me? Turning back to the food, I grab what looks like a fried pickle trying to move past whatever just happened between us. I shake my head. Not us. It’s me. There’s no way he’d be interested in me.

“Wait!”

I pop the fried pickle in my mouth as I look back at Victor with a confused look. As soon as I bite down, I realize why he said that and I think I might throw up. Grabbing a napkin, I try to spit the fried mushroom in the napkin discreetly and crumple it. He hands me a glass of sweet tea and I take several gulps, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. I don’t like mushrooms and Victor remembers.

“I tried to warn you,” Victor says. “I could tell you zoned out a little when Lee was going over each thing.”

I give him an apologetic look. “Sorry, I should have been paying attention.”

He shakes his head slightly and leans forward, placing his hand on the back of my chair. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

I stare at him openly, trying to figure him out. He’s aged well with his dark hair. He doesn’t look forty-four. His mustache and beard are well trimmed. His shoulders are broad and his biceps are as big as my thighs. Glancing down at his tattoos then his ring, I reach out and touch it. Running my finger over the smooth metal.

“I knew Josie and I wouldn’t make it the first time she told me she didn’t want me wearing this anymore.”

I look at him from under my eyelashes. “Why wouldn’t she want you wearing it?”

He exhales loudly. “She was jealous.”

Leaning back, I tilt my head. “Of a thirteen-year-old girl?” That was ludicrous.

He lets out a mocking laugh. “And a car, a motorcycle, my business ventures.” He shakes his head. “If my attention wasn’t on her, she would get angry.”

I touch his forearm, feeling the strength under my fingertips. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Victor lifts his hand quickly toward me, and I flinch backward. His hand stops mid-air, and he goes completely still. Shit. Fuck. My tongue darts out and licks my lips. He slowly lowers his hand, then turns back toward the bar.

“Olivia, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” His voice is firm, but soft.

“Why do you insist on calling me Olivia? I don’t want to be called that.”

He faces me again and studies me. I don’t like it. It feels like he can see things I don’t want him to see. No one looks at me like he does.

“Why don’t you want to be called Olivia? When your mom named you, she said your name is Olivia and no one better call you anything else. It never bothered you before.”

My hands ball into fists at the reminder. “Things change.” My voice wavers. Donovan ruined everything. My throat closes up and my nose burns. “I’d like to go back to work.” He stares at me, but I lift my chin, trying to put on a brave face.

As he exhales, he nods. “Okay. I’ll go tell Lee. I’ll be back.”

He slides off the bar stool and walks away. Guilt hits me as I slide off my chair and walk toward the fireplace. I should have sucked it up and stayed so he could finish doing his taste test. Now I’ve messed up his plans, possibly his day. Staring blankly at the fireplace, my chest tightens for the first time since he picked me up. I just want to be normal. As I rub my thumbnail along the cut on my finger, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to get through one damn day without feeling this way.

“Hey.”

Victor’s soft voice brings me back. I turn to face him, but I’m able to do it without getting upset. I’ve been focusing on putting all of these emotions in these tight little vials and putting them on the appropriate shelves in my brain. It’s something I’ve been practicing for a while now. When the emotions become too much and I can’t release the pressure, this is what I do. I’m not sure if either method is healthy.

He grips my biceps gently and rubs his hands up and down. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I would like to continue to call you Olivia if it’s okay with you. If it’s not, I’ll try my best to call you Liv.”

I’m not sure what to say. I stare at him, shocked he’s so willing to listen to my wishes. He sighs, wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. It breaks me out of whatever dissociative state I was in.

I wrap my arms around him and allow him to comfort me, wondering what he would do if he found out. He pulls back and kisses me on top of my head. My eyes gently close. It’s been such a long time since anyone but Ansley or Caroline have touched me. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve never wanted one. But with Victor, it’s like being under a warm blanket on a rainy day drinking tea.

He’s right. That’s what mom wanted people to call me. I can’t allow Donovan to ruin it. Victor calling me Olivia is not the same. At all.

“You can call me Olivia.”

He pulls back and studies me for a few seconds before hugging me one more time. He steps back and offers me a small smile. “Thank you.” I give him a small smile in return. “I’d like for you to bring your friends when I open.”

I nod, a little confused at the change of subject. “Okay.” He puts his hand at the small of my back and guides me toward the door. I walk on auto pilot.

He’s not going to ask any questions about why I flinched? Or why I want to be called Liv?

He holds my hand as we walk to his car and opens my door, helping me get in. I watch Victor intently as he walks around to his side. He backs up out of his spot, grabs my hand, and shows me how he changes gears.

“Can you tell me when I need to change gears?” he asks as he begins to accelerate after a light turns green. I listen intently to the engine.

“Now.”

He smiles at me and changes gears. “Good job. Tell me when to change again.”

I listen closely. “Now.”

He squeezes my hand and shifts into third. “You’re doing great. If you’re able to hear when to change gears, that’s half the battle. The next part is learning when to press in the clutch and when to release it.” He doesn’t ask me to listen anymore, but I pay close attention each time.

When he stops in front of the building, I realize I was so distracted by him I didn’t pay attention to see if anyone was following us or not. I quickly glance around us as he walks to my door to open it. There isn’t anyone that stands out. He opens my door and extends his hand, helping me out.

“You’re safe, Olivia.”

Victor closes the door and rubs his hands up and down my arms again as I stare up at him. How did he know I didn’t feel safe? Does he know something? I lick my lips and his eyes drop to my mouth for a moment before he smiles at me. There’s a look in his eyes I don’t recognize, kind of like he wants to eat me. My face heats up at the thought as we walk toward the entrance.

He leads me into the lobby, greets James, and walks me to the elevator, pressing the button and waits with me. I keep stealing glances at him, but I don’t look at him for too long. After a few seconds, he grasps my hand lightly and pulls me around to face him. How is it that it doesn’t bother me when he touches me? He’s an anomaly that I can’t quite wrap my brain around.

“I’ll see you soon. Okay?” He slowly raises his hand and cups my face, rubbing his thumb along my jaw. I lean into his touch, accepting that it calms me. Some way. Somehow.

“Okay.”