12. Olivia

Chapter twelve

Olivia

I wake up, groggy from tossing and turning, since I had another night terror. This one didn’t feel as real as last time, but I was so nervous about having another one I didn’t sleep well. Rubbing the palm of my hand against my eyes, I try to get rid of the sandpaper feeling. I’m going to have to wear a lot of concealer today to hide the dark circles from Victor.

Nerves take flight in my stomach at the thought of going to lunch with Victor today. Pushing the covers back, I stand and stretch, wondering where we’ll go.

He did say he would text me. What if he forgets? Or decides he doesn’t want to go after all? I think about our conversation last night. What did he mean when he said he wanted all my tomorrows? Was he only talking about lunch or something more? And why did I say okay?

With a groan, I stand to go make myself some coffee. I’m overthinking. My phone vibrates on my nightstand and Victor’s name pops up. It’s like he knew I was thinking about him. It seems like now that he’s back in my life, he isn’t going anywhere. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Victor: Good morning Olivia.

I scowl at the name.

Victor: I’m opening a new restaurant downtown and I have my final taste test today with my chef. I would like for you to join me. I will pick you up in front of your office building at 11:55 and have you back promptly at 1:00.

Relief washes over me at the fact that I don’t have to drive and meet him. I usually eat lunch with Caroline or at the office.

Olivia: Please call me Liv. If it’s okay with you I would like to wait inside the lobby until I see you drive up then I’ll walk outside.

Victor: I will continue to call you Olivia. That is your name. It’s okay for you to stay inside the lobby. I will come to get you and walk you to the car.

I huff. I’m frustrated, but at the same time I’m grateful he didn’t ask why I needed to stay inside until he got there. He went a step further and offered to walk with me. As I take a deep breath, I realize the tension that’s constantly in my chest isn’t there. How does he do that?

I walk over to the closet and open the doors to see what I should wear today. He said we’re doing a taste test, so I’m assuming it doesn’t matter how dressed up I am. But I could be wrong. I don’t want to look out of place. My stomach churns and my chest begins to tighten again. I’m sure what I normally wear will be fine. Glancing back at my phone, I rub my thumb and forefinger together and decide to text him again to ask. What if he wants to ride his motorcycle?

Olivia: Is there a dress code?

I normally wear business casual. I bite my lip, wondering what I must sound like to him. Why do I find it so difficult to pick out what to wear? Could I hire someone to do it for me? Is that even a thing?

Victor: Do you have a dress the color of your eyes? It doesn’t matter what you wear, it’ll be you, me, and Lee. But I think you would look beautiful in a blue dress.

I stare at the text as my mouth pops open. Donovan hated my eyes. He said they were unnatural. My eyes are an ocean blue; like the Maldives ocean blue. The majority of people have eyes that have a light color around the pupil, then gradually get darker, but mine are ocean blue from the pupil to the white of my eye.

I sit on the edge of the bed and pull my pajama shorts up. Last week was bad. I had night terrors every night. So, when I woke up from one, I gave in to the need to release the pressure. I peel the band-aid back and scrunch my nose. It looks better, but the scab will come off if I don’t wear a bandaid.

Olivia: I don’t like to wear dresses.

I walk to the bathroom and grab another bandaid to put on. The only time I wear shorts is at home when I’m by myself. Will he ask me why? I don’t want to have to explain it to him. I brush my teeth before walking back into my bedroom to see if Victor has replied.

Victor: Okay. You can wear whatever you’d like.

I open and close my mouth several times. He didn’t ask any questions. How does he put my mind at ease so easily? Walking to the closet, I pull out the blue blouses I have. They’re not dresses, but they’re still blue. Will he still think I’m beautiful? One’s a dark blue, another is denim, and the one Victor will probably like the most is about the same color as my eyes. I lay them on my bed and stare at them for a few minutes, wondering if he’d think it’s weird if I send him pictures of each one.

I’m sure I know which one he’d pick, but something in me wants — no needs — his approval. Staring at the blouses a few seconds longer, I snap pictures and send them before I can regret it. I’m a grown woman; I don’t need his approval.

Olivia: Which one do you like?

I start to rub my thumbnail along the inside of my thigh and wince at the sting of pain. He doesn’t answer right away, so I suck in a shaky breath.

“I’m such an idiot. It’s a shirt. I can choose one myself.”

Rolling my eyes at myself, I grab my phone and walk to the bathroom. I put on my makeup while looking at my phone every couple of seconds. When the wait has finally gotten too much for me, I grab it and decide to text him again that I made a decision, but it vibrates in my hand.

Victor: I like all of them, but the third one is my favorite. It matches your eyes the closest. Thank you for asking my opinion.

My breathing comes out in pants as I read his response over and over. He did pick the one I thought he would, and he didn’t think it was weird. He appreciated me asking his opinion. I swallow at the weird feeling in my chest.

Olivia: That one is my favorite too. See you later.

I finish getting ready, making sure to cover the dark circles under my eyes. Getting dressed quickly, I decide to pair the blouse with gray slacks and black heels. Heading to the kitchen, I make some toast and pour myself some orange juice, looking in the backyard as I sip on it. The flowers I planted will begin filling out soon and I can’t wait. They’re going to be so beautiful.

I sweep my eyes along the fence, assuring myself there isn’t anything to be worried about. Wiping the crumbs off my fingers, I drink the rest of my juice and take a deep breath before leaving the house to start my day.