Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

DRAKE

I felt like shit the second I sent the text messages. Staring down at my phone screen, watching Luna not answer me back when I knew she had her phone on her made me feel like the shittiest Dom on the planet. Some Daddy I was.

Even as I had the thought I heard the little voice in the back of my head reminding me to give myself a break.

It wasn’t like I wasn’t entitled to a little selfishness right now. And it wasn’t like Luna wasn’t either. She’d been amazing ever since it first happened, taking care of both my mom and me, helping handle arrangements and holding us both up emotionally. The truth was she’d been a rock and never even once let on that she was out of her element, even though I knew she was.

And when she took a little time and space for herself, I’d lashed out, acting totally unlike myself.

Grace , the voice reminded.

But I couldn’t give any. Not until I tried to fix things with Luna.

With a deep sigh, I picked up my phone and let my fingers hover over the keyboard before I started typing. The words came quickly and easily.

I’m sorry babygirl. I shouldn’t have lashed out. I’m just… struggling. I need you, but I know you need space sometimes. And you deserve it. I’m sorry.

I waited for only a minute before sending, debating on whether or not to add in something about how she should have let me know she was leaving, and when she planned on coming back. She didn’t need to hear that. The Daddying could wait.

“Drake?” My mom’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I realized she’d woken up from her nap. She took a lot of naps these days, though I wasn’t sure how well she was actually sleeping. She tiptoed into the room and sat across from me in the breakfast nook. I automatically stood and fixed her a fresh cup of tea before sitting again. She wrapped her hands around it but didn’t take a sip. Instead she just stared at me and sighed.

“What’s up, Mom?” I asked. “Are you all right?” It was a stupid question.

“I think… I think I need to go back home, Drakey.”

I bit back amusement at the nickname she hadn’t used since I was a small child. “You don’t have to…” I sighed. “You’re welcome to stay here, Mom.”

“I know. I know I am. I know you’d let me stay here forever. But you and Luna are finally together and I don’t want to put a damper on what should be a very exciting time for the two of you.” She smiled, and it looked genuine. “Your first Christmas together. Exciting stuff.”

“Christmas,” I whispered, my stomach sinking. I’d totally forgotten about the upcoming holiday. “It doesn’t even… I can’t… I forgot all about Christmas.”

“I know.” My mom nodded. “It’s hard to think about going on normally when nothing feels like it will ever be normal ever again.”

I shook my head. The thought of Christmas cheer quite literally turned my stomach. “We can just celebrate our first Christmas next year. We don’t need to worry about it this year.”

My mom grabbed my hand across the table. “No, you can’t and yes, you do.” Her expression turned insistent, her eyes pleading. “I know it seems hard right now, and it probably will be, but that doesn't make it any less important.”

“I don’t know…”

“This is what your dad would want. He was so proud of you, so excited to see you and Luna together. He was certain the two of you are end game, destined for greatness together. He wouldn't want you to stop living just because he did. He’d want you to live harder, love with more intention. He’d want you to take joy in every little first the two of you are going to have together, to make your own traditions.” Her voice trailed off and her gaze focused off in the distance and I knew she was remembering the early days of their relationship of them doing the same thing she wanted me to do. Her eyes watered and her smile wavered. “Anyway,” she said a little too brightly, patting my hand again. “I'm gonna go home, back to Porter’s Corner. I’ll spend some time with the relatives before they leave and it will be okay. Tell Luna I said thank you for everything.”

“Mom, no you can't.”

She stood, despite my protests and I held tighter to her hand.

“You don't have to go.” My stomach turned at the thought of what she was going back to.

“Drake…” She sighed deeply, patted my hand one more time, then dropped it. “It's my home. I have to eventually.”

She was gone before I could come up with another argument.