Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LUNA

B y the time I got back to Drake's apartment, I was feeling a hell of a lot more confident than I had when I left Maureen.

I didn't bother knocking, instead shoving the door open and bursting through, nearly slamming it behind me in my angst to get to Drake.

I found him, sitting in the breakfast nook with dead eyes, his hands curled around a half-empty cup of coffee.

He looked up when I slid into the booth across from him but did not acknowledge my presence.

“Drake…” This felt all wrong. The space, the distance between us, the deadness in his gaze. It felt like I was sitting down to a business meeting not to have a heart-to-heart with the man I loved. Frowning, I stood and slid into the booth beside him, nearly sagging with relief when he opened his arms and tucked my head beneath his chin, the same way he always did.

“Where were you?” he asked gently. His tone wasn't angry or accusatory the way I'd expected it to be. Instead he sounded… needy?

“I'm sorry, Daddy,” I whispered. “I just… you know what? It doesn't matter.”

“You needed a break.” He nodded sagely. “It's understandable. And I should have seen it. I should have known.”

“Well…” I pushed out a breath. “It’s not like you haven’t had other things going on.”

“Yeah.” He looked down with sad eyes and sighed deeply. “I don’t want to think about those things right now. I want…” He blew out a breath. “I want to think about anything but that, honestly.”

He tucked his fingers under my chin, lifting my face until my gaze met his, then covered my lips with his and kissed me softly. Or rather, it was soft at first, and then everything changed. The kiss deepened, his tongue fighting for space in my mouth. His hands roamed up my sides, under my shirt, cupping my breasts roughly. When he pulled away, I gasped for air.

“Drake… are you…?” What was I saying? It felt so good. I didn’t want it to stop either. But this hadn’t been what I expected to come back to. “Are we sweeping things under the rug, Drake?”

He met my inquiring gaze, with a sternness I hadn’t seen all week. “Sometimes it’s all you can do,” he finally answered. “But no, we’re just… reclaiming our roles. You’ve held me up this last week or so, Luna. I don’t know what I would have done without you, and I appreciate you so much. You saw my needs and you met them. And now, I see your needs. I’m ready to be your Dom, your Daddy.”

“Daddy,” I whispered reverently. It was like he knew exactly how I felt, and yet didn’t understand me at all. I took a deep breath, my pussy pulsing with need. I wanted him. I wanted this escape from reality, and I wanted him to have it as well, but it wasn’t right. I swallowed hard as Drake leaned in to kiss me again. “I can’t,” I panted. “We need to talk. I need to tell you where I was, and why I left.”

“It can wait.” He looked at me hard, his brows furrowing together. “It can wait, can’t it?”

“Maybe? I don’t know.” It felt important, like if I didn’t tell him now, I wouldn’t tell him at all, and I knew that wouldn’t be good. My sore ass protested my silence. What if it was marked and I didn’t tell him and he saw it while we were fooling around? “No, Daddy, I don’t think it can. I’m sorry.”

I felt like an asshole, but deep down I knew I was doing the right thing. If he wanted to be my Dom, my Daddy, then he needed to know things. I had to communicate with him like his life hadn’t just fallen down around his ears.

He must have seen the urgency in my face because he nodded, sighed and stood, pulling me to my feet. “Come on, babygirl. Let’s have this discussion somewhere more comfortable.”

We made it to the bedroom and he locked the door behind us. I wondered briefly if his mom was napping, and if she’d wake up and interrupt us. Or maybe she’d gone somewhere? I couldn’t remember if I’d seen her when I came in the apartment or not. “Where’s your mom?” I asked as I instinctively sat on the edge of Drake’s bed.

He shook his head. “That’s not important. You said we needed to talk. So that’s what we’re going to do.” He cocked his head to the side. “What’s up, babygirl? You went home last night?” He shrugged. “A text or a note would have been nice, but I get it. It’s okay. After the week we’ve all had, I think you deserve a pass.”

I shook my head. “Drake, I?—”

“Daddy,” he corrected sharply.

“Daddy, I…” I hung my head. “I’m sorry. And you’re right, I did need some space, but I still should have said something instead of leaving in the middle of the night.”

“Probably. But like I said, not really that big a deal.”

“Drake! Daddy.” I quickly corrected myself. “I’m trying to tell you something. Can you please stop cutting me off to tell me it’s fine?”

“Sorry.” Drake sat on the bed beside me and took my hand in his, placing them in his lap. “I’m sorry. I’m listening.”

“I got scared, Daddy.” I hung my head. Admitting it out loud was harder than I’d thought it would be. “I saw how much pain your mom was in, and all I could see was the potential for that kind of pain growing exponentially the longer we were together.”

“Ah. And my little commitment-phobe didn’t like the picture she painted.” He sighed, raised our hands to his lips and pressed a kiss on my knuckles. “Thoughts like that are normal after things like this happen, babe. I’ve probably had some of the same ones if I’m being honest.”

The admission surprised me, but I let it go. This wasn’t about the crazy thoughts I’d had but what I’d done about them. “I tried to work through things. I tried to tell myself the fears would pass. I tried to go about my day and act like everything was normal. But I just… I couldn’t.”

He was finally listening. His brows furrowed, as if he knew he probably wouldn’t like what he heard next. “Where did you go? Did you just go back to your suite for a while?”

“I tried to, but I couldn’t. I was… I don’t know what was wrong with me. It was like I had all these jumbled thoughts rattling around in my brain and I couldn’t-wouldn’t let them out. I felt so… selfish, and… worthless. I felt so damn guilty. But I was so scared, Drake. I was so afraid of losing you someday in the future, I was ready?—”

“Ready to run,” he cut me off, his expression grim. “But you didn’t. You’re here.”

“I had some help working through shit,” I admitted. Before he could say anything else, I blurted, “I played with someone else, Daddy.”

Drake dropped my hand like it was a hot potato and heat rushed up my body, settling in my face. “Who?” he demanded.

I could tell he was expecting the worst. I’d bungled this confession already. Big surprise.

“I texted Maureen. We weren’t… I didn’t text her to scene, or anything like that. We were just supposed to meet for coffee and talk. But I couldn’t. It was like the thoughts were stuck in my brain. I couldn’t even get them out to work through them.”

Drake’s lips twisted to the side as he contemplated my words. Finally, he nodded. “Go on.”

“Maureen asked if a release would help. I told her I couldn’t, but…”

“You let her spank you.” It wasn’t a question and his face didn’t give away how he was feeling about it. Without waiting for my confirmation, he asked, “Did it help?”

“I’m here, aren’t I? Trying to talk?”

Drake didn’t say anything and heaved a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I hung my head. “I know I broke our agreement, and I promise it truly will not happen again. But it was just Maureen, and at the time… I wasn’t sure if our agreements mattered.”

“You mean you weren’t sure you were gonna come back,” he surmised. “The spanking… it helped?”

“It did. I was able to get my fears out, and Maureen was able to help me through them. And she helped me see that love was a risk, always, but one worth taking. She helped me see that losing you would hurt no matter when or how or how many memories we made between then and now. Because I already love you. She helped me not be so afraid of the future that I give up great things in the present.”

Confliction was written all over Drake’s face when he finally spoke. “I know big emotions are hard for you. I’m really glad you had Maureen to help you and that you were able to work things through. And I’m really glad you’re back. But, babygirl…”

“I should have come to you. I know.”

“I understand why you didn’t. I even understand why you felt like you couldn’t. And in the future, I’d be willing to have Maureen as a no-permission-needed play partner. But?—”

“But we didn’t have that in place,” I finished for him.

“We really never even had time to consider stuff like that.”

“I know. This…” I didn’t finish my sentence.

“The timing sucked,” he finished for me, laughing at how ridiculous it was to lament the timing of his dad’s death in relation to our budding relationship. “It’s not ideal. I understand that you were in an impossible situation.”

“Right.”

Drake’s understanding was completely reasonable. So why did I feel disappointed? Was I hoping that he’d get mad at me? That he’d be the one to call it off? To break up with me? I didn’t think that was it.

“Baby.”

Drake picked my hand back up, and I melted inside. I lifted my gaze to meet his and my breath hitched at what I saw there.

“It would be tempting to just say that it was okay, and I was thankful, and your actions were understandable. It’s tempting to just move on and get busy showing you just how thankful I am for everything you’ve done this week, and to move on. But I don’t think that’s what you need, is it?”

Fuck. How did he do that? How did this man know me better than I knew myself? How was it that he could put my thoughts and feelings into words long before I could? “No, Daddy.”

He nodded, his mouth set in a firm line, his eyes full of love. “My babygirl needs her Daddy. You broke a rule, and though exceptions should probably be made for future extenuating circumstances, there weren’t any in place when you did it, were there?”

“No, Daddy.” I shook my head. My lungs were tight with anticipation, my bottom already clenching with the promise of a punishment.

Drake stood, turned to face me, and holding my hands, pulled me into his arms where he looked at me with so much love and understanding I couldn’t breathe. “You need your Daddy. And I’m not going to apologize for not being in Daddy mode, because I know you don’t need me to, and I know I didn’t do anything wrong, but I promise you that I’m not going to let it continue. I’m going to be the man you need right now, just like you’ve been the woman I needed from the moment I met you.”

He’d literally taken my breath away. I couldn’t do anything but offer a breathless nod.

“You, my sweet, loving, submissive babygirl, need discipline in your life on a regular basis. You need rules, and clearly defined boundaries. And you need a Daddy who doesn’t let you stray from those.”

I nodded again. It was all I could manage.

“If I’ve learned anything from my parents’ relationship all these years, it’s that communication is key, compromise and understanding are crucial and relationships like these are ever-changing.”

I nodded again, not sure where he was going. It almost sounded like he was about to talk himself out of not letting me off the hook.

He cupped my chin, taking the tip of it between two fingers. “You run from emotions. Yours, and other people’s. Communication isn’t always your strong suit. Daddy isn’t going to stand for that. New rule: You must always tell me all the things. If you’re spiraling out, especially about us, you need to communicate with me, even when it’s hard. Do you understand, babygirl?”

I nearly sagged with relief. Answering was easy. “Yes, Daddy.”

“That’s why you’re going to get a nice, long, hard, bare-bottom spanking. Not just because you scened with Maureen without my permission, not because you failed to communicate when you should have, but because we need this to set us straight. We need to reaffirm our roles, and then we need to cling to them.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

I hadn’t even finished speaking before Drake’s hands were on my body, undoing the buttons of my blouse and sliding it off my arms. Neither of us looked down as it fell to the floor by our feet.

He slid his hands down my sides next, until he reached the waistband of my skirt. That also came off, and next he knelt to help me step out of it, staying down to help me with my boots.

My heart pounded with a mixture of desire and anticipation as I watched him slowly unlace them and slip them off my feet, along with my socks until I was standing there in my black lace bra and panties. The thong I wore didn’t offer me much protection, so I wasn’t surprised when Drake sat down and lowered me facedown over his lap without bothering to take them down.

“I can see you’ve already had a nice, hard, paddling today.” His large hands massaged the still sore flesh of my ass. “Does it still hurt?”

“Yes, Daddy. A little.”

“Well, that’s too bad. Getting spanked by Maureen without my permission was very naughty, so I’m gonna have to make it hurt more.”

A shiver ran down my spine. Drake had spanked me countless times over the years, for various reasons, play, funishment, to help relieve me of guilt over this, that and the other, but this was the first true punishment between us.

“I’m going to start with my hand, not for a warmup, but to reconnect us, then after you’re nice and primed, you’re getting Daddy’s belt.”

He didn’t seem to require a response as his large hands kneaded the flesh of my already tender bottom, so I didn’t offer one.

I couldn’t have spoken at that moment even if I wanted to. I was overwhelmed with emotion, overflowing with gratitude. My Daddy truly knew me, and understood me, and was going to make sure we got what we both needed. I should have trusted him from the get-go.

Suddenly, the urge to tell him that, to let him know how I felt was too strong, stronger than my choked-up chest, or the tears I knew would spill if I started to speak.

“Thank you, Daddy,” I whispered, my throat thick with tears I wasn’t ready to cry just yet. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to you first. I should have. You get me better than anyone.” Maureen was a close second, but I didn’t say that.

Drake didn’t respond. Well, not with words. His hand did all the talking as it crashed hard across the most tender parts of my already spanked ass.

Somehow it hurt even more than Maureen’s paddle had. It was probably the guilt, coupled with the gratitude and relief, but each swat of his hand felt like a giant paddle coming at me with maximum force. After three swats, I was ready to buck off his lap, but somehow I stayed put, only letting a whimper escape.

The whimper must have told Drake all he needed to know because in the next moment my hands were pinned behind my back, and his leg was folded over mine, pinning me in place, only seconds before the next swat fell hard and fast across the center of my left ass cheek. The right side got the exact same treatment, and then the force of the swats lessened while the pace increased and my entire backside was being peppered with a flurry of swats, falling hard and fast with no rhyme or reason to where the next one would land, until my entire backside was heated and probably red.

Tears rushed down my face, blurring my vision. My stomach knotted with guilt.

Drake spoke, hammering home everything I needed to hear. “This week has been hell, babygirl, and there may have been times I wouldn’t have been able to handle your emotions on top of my own, and I wouldn't have had it in me to act like a Daddy should, but, babygirl, that doesn’t matter. You always have to communicate with me. You have to give me a chance to respond, and you have to trust that I will tell you if I am not able to respond the way you need me to. You could have saved yourself a lot of heartache if you’d tried that first.” He grunted and I could almost see the smirk on his face when he added, “A lot of ass-ache too.”

“Yes, Daddy!” It came out on a wail, and I couldn’t believe how hard I was crying over a hand spanking. I was a masochist. I craved discipline and played regularly. You wouldn’t know it today though.

Drake didn’t seem bothered by my tears as he moved his aim lower to my sit spots and the tops of my thighs. I instantly tensed, sucking in a breath as I braced myself.

“I’m crazy about you, Luna. I have wanted you for so long, and now that I have you, you best believe I’m going to work really hard not to mess it up. And you best believe I’m not going to let you mess it up either, babygirl. We have to communicate, we have to work hard to make a relationship work. Love is only the first part. It doesn’t stand alone without the hard work.”

He smacked the tops of my thighs ten times in quick succession, five swats on each side. “Tell me you understand, babygirl.”

“I do, Daddy,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry!”

“Good.” He gave a couple more swats, then stopped, his hands rubbing my heated flesh. “Shhh, baby, it’s okay. Shhh. You took that like a good girl. We’re okay. You did the right thing coming home and talking to me, I know how hard that was.”

I nodded, unable to speak and longed to be cradled in his arms, letting him hold me while he stroked my hair and wiped my tears and told me everything was going to be okay. Instead, though, he patted my ass, and said, “C’mon, up you go. I promised you Daddy’s belt and that’s what you’re going to get.”

I grumbled as he helped me stand and guided me into position, but I knew myself well enough to know that if he didn’t follow through, I would eventually spin out and spiral. I needed a consistent Dom. Even on his worst days, Drake understood that about me.

Waiting was still the worst part. Drake left me there, bent over the bed, and opened the closet door behind us. I could hear him moving hangers and I knew exactly what he was doing: looking for the perfect belt. The one he was wearing to hold up his pants wasn’t going to cut it. Drake was one of the few Doms I knew who had “wearing” belts and “special spanking” belts.

After a few moments, the closet door closed, and Drake was behind me once more. I knew without looking exactly which belt he’d come back with, though he’d never used it on me. Secretly, I’d always wanted him to, but he’d always said it was special, that it was a belt he wanted to use on one submissive and one submissive only.

And he was using it now, a fact that simultaneously thrilled and terrified me.

“Do you know what belt I have in my hands?” Drake asked as if he could read my thoughts. He smacked the looped over leather against his hand, and my whole body clenched.

I nodded furiously.

“Use your words. What belt do I have?”

“Y-your special belt, Sir.”

“That’s right, and do you know why it's so special?”

I blinked, confused. I hadn’t been expecting to stop and play twenty questions. Thankfully, Drake answered his own question.

“It’s special because it’s Daddy’s belt. And I’ve only ever been Daddy to you. And god willing, I’ll only ever be Daddy to you. This belt is for you and me and you and me alone, babygirl. When you break a rule that could hurt us, like not communicating, or playing without permission, this is the belt I will use to punish you and to make my displeasure known. Do you understand?”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Call me ten million kinds of fucked up but that little speech made me wetter than anything else ever had. My heart swelled with love. I felt cherished. All because somebody had saved an implement and designated it just for me to cement the significance of our relationship and that was the kind of exclusivity my little masochistic heart needed.

Or I thought it was, for about two seconds. Until the belt actually landed. The lash of leather across the center of my ass with expert precision was like someone held a lighter up to my butt and set my skin on fire. I felt the stripe rise up, I swore I did. I longed to reach back and feel it, but I knew doing so would be dangerous and potentially get me in trouble. I’d look in the mirror later.

“Owwww!” I cried when the second one landed. The shock and wonder had well worn off and all that I felt was pain.

And Drake, my wonderfully soft and understanding Daddy was deliciously stern, not swayed at all by my cries of pain, or the way I danced in place as if doing so could somehow lessen the pain. “This is what you’ll get when you break those kinds of rules. We’ll talk later about automatic emergency clearance for people like Maureen, but you will not play without my express permission again, babygirl. This ass belongs to Daddy, and to remind you of that, I’m going to light it up.”

And whoosh. My pussy actually gushed at his words. They were the most claiming, most committed, most forever thing I’d ever heard, and that had always been everything I thought I never wanted. But in this context, they were the hottest thing I’d ever heard, and they made the pain worth it.

Which was a good thing because after his speech, Drake shut up and let Daddy’s belt do the rest of his talking. The leather lashed across my inflamed backside again and again, each lash like a swarm of bees attacking. I was crying, dancing in place, throwing my hands back, begging him to stop and crying my apologies out between each one.

Normally, if I showed this much distress, Drake would stop. The fact that he didn’t only served to heighten my respect and arousal, even as he set my ass on fire.

My bottom throbbed with each lash of the leather against my skin, and just when I thought I couldn’t take any more, Drake finally paused. His hand rested on my lower back, and the other one rubbed my striped bottom.

“Oh, your ass is cherry-red, babygirl.” He let out a low whistle. “Are you getting the message?”

“Yes, Daddy! I promise I am!” My voice was breathy, nearly unrecognizable. The truth was, I’d probably taken plenty of spankings that were worse than this, but none of them had ever been so real. Somehow that made it hurt so, so good.

His hand moved from my lower back, and threaded through my hair, yanking my head back in that way he knew I loved. “Whose ass is this, babygirl? Who do you belong to?”

“It’s yours, Daddy!” I gasped. “I belong to you!”

“That’s right, babygirl. This ass is Daddy’s.” His voice lowered and hardened. “Daddy’s,” he growled. “Inside and out. Isn’t that right, babygirl?”

Memories of our last encounter, the night he’d become my Daddy, filled my head, heating me from the inside out. He’d taken my anal virginity that night, taking me in a way that no one ever had. I’d felt so wonderful that night, so amazing, so owned, and so loved. And then everything had fallen apart.

Was I about to get a do-over? “Yes, please!” I croaked.

Daddy’s wicked grin lit up his face. “Damn right, babygirl. Daddy’s going to claim this ass so thoroughly, you’ll never think about letting someone touch it without my permission ever again.”

And that was exactly what he did.