11. Breaker

Chapter 11

Breaker

“You know who I am?” I ask and it looks like I shocked him.

He lets out a menacing growl that immediately gets the attention of the other diners. “What the fuck does that mean? Why in the hell are you here? Do you realize how upset Bull and Skye are?”

“Maybe we could all sit down and speak a little quieter. We seem to be drawing a lot of attention.”

The man grunts but does as asked. He stares a hole through me. I have to fight the urge to shift under his gaze. I force myself to look him directly in the eye, not backing down. He huffs and then turns his attention back to Cooper. “What’s the meaning of this? You said you wanted me to talk to a friend of yours that was having trouble with our mother chapter.”

“That’s exactly why we’re here. I take it you already know Breaker.”

“What kind of question is that? Didn’t he tell you?”

The man’s gaze turns back to me. I shake my head. “I uh … can’t.”

“What in the fuck does that mean?” he curses.

“I don’t exactly remember who I am,” I confess.

“Come again?”

“Breaker was shot and left to die?—”

“That much I know. Bull has been pulling every string we have to drag the damn lake and send out people searching for him. We’re taking shifts and staying with the Saint’s Outlaws. Different ones stay, so that we always have members close by in case we find your sorry ass feeding the vultures. You’ve nearly killed your mom and dad.”

I should feel guilty. Heck, I guess a small part of me does, but I can’t drum up feelings for these people. As of right now, I don’t really know them.

“Well,” I mumble, scrubbing my face with my hand.

“You don’t know who I’m talking about, do you?”

“I don’t have a damn clue. I take it the two of us know one another?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” he laughs. “Your father and I are pretty tight. You were always visiting, trained under me for a bit. You and LD are pretty close. He took your death—I guess that’s supposed death—pretty hard.”

“LD?”

“My son. Logan Jr.,” he laughs. “Torrent hates it when people call him LD. She threatens to cut off Fury’s balls every damn day for starting it, but in the end, she couldn’t fight it.”

“What does the D stand for if the L is Logan?” I ask, trying to ignore the way he mentions names so easily—names I should know, but don’t.

“Oh, it doesn’t stand for Logan. It’s Little Devil. That’s my road name—Devil. Fury thought LD was cute. It caught on much to my old lady’s irritation.”

I nod, not really having much more to add. “Are Bull and Skye my parents?” I ask, the names sounding foreign on my tongue. I thought maybe a name might spark something, but there’s nothing. Just emptiness.

“Yeah. Bull’s a mean son of a bitch, broad as a side of a house. He’s the enforcer of the crew in Kentucky. It’s a role they were thinking at one time to prep you for. You’re the Sergeant-At-Arms now. You’ll move up from that once the older members step down.”

It’s odd what you can remember and what you can’t with amnesia. I know what things are. I know anything simple. I even look at a menu and know what I like to eat or that black coffee sounded good. Yet, the names of my parents mean nothing to me. How the fuck is that possible?

“Am I close to my parents?” I ask, thinking maybe if I was distant with them that could explain it.

“Damn tight,” he says. “You’re pretty close with your sister Thea, too. She’s taken your loss pretty bad. She and Dom were planning their wedding, but I think they’ve pushed that back for now. Your little sister has had them ready to pull her hair out, but then Skylar has always been good for that. I think it’s the red hair. Those women have teeth. Glad my woman is blonde. She’s spicy enough. Damn woman would probably kill me if she had red hair,” he responds.

I have a family … and sisters . I let that settle. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Cooper and Devil begin talking quietly among themselves. Maybe they sense I need a moment to get my head back together. I lean back in my seat and look out the window. There’s too much shit swirling around in my mind. I can’t seem to catch my breath. I close my eyes and immediately a picture of Indy pops into my head. It calms me. I breathe deep and realize that she’s my rock. My eyes open at once as I remember the one question I wanted answered more than any other.

“Do I have a wife?”

“A what?” Devil asks, surprise on his face.

“A wife, an old lady? Do I have one? Or kids? Both? Do I have them?” My questions are fired one right after another. I’m rattled and full of fear and hope. My heart is running away with me and as Devil continues to just stare at me, I want to shake him. “Do I?” I demand again. If he doesn’t talk soon, I’m going to strangle the man.

“You don’t have a woman as far as I know. You’re known as an oddball when it comes to women.”

I frown. “An oddball?”

“You keep your private life pretty private. According to your dad, you rarely look at a woman. He said you took his past into account and promised to never do that to the woman you claimed as your own.”

“His past?”

He shakes his head. “Not my story to tell, son.”

I nod. I don’t really have anything to say to that. I’m too busy feeling relieved I can go back to Indy and assure her that there’s no one waiting for me. I can’t lie, I feel a little disappointed that nothing has sparked my memory. Still, I can move forward with Indy. I need to concentrate on that.

“You okay, Breaker?”

“Yeah, just trying to sort through everything. I was kind of hoping the names of my parents would spark some kind of memory.”

“What about pictures?” Devil suggests.

“Pictures?”

“Yeah, I have a couple of your father, maybe a couple others of your crew. Want to take a gander?” he asks.

“Sure,” I answer with a shrug. I’m not holding out a lot of hope at this point, but it is worth a try.

He pulls out his wallet and flips it open to some worn plastic covered photos. There’s a cute blonde holding a little boy. I stare at it a little bit with a smile. She doesn’t look like Indy, but the blonde hair, her slightly rounded stomach with her hand on it, all while holding another baby, grabs my attention. Could I have that with Indy?

“That’s my wife. She bitched for a month because I knocked her up before LD even turned one. The way we figure, she got pregnant almost right after the all clear from the doctor after LD’s birth. I got me some strong swimmers,” he laughs.

“How many kids do you have?” I ask.

“Five. After my two boys, Torrent said I had to give her a girl. It took two more tries, but we got our little Iris, and she’s adored with three big brothers to make sure no one gets close to her.”

I laugh, thinking little Iris—however old she is—probably spends most of her time these days wanting to kill her brothers and her dad. I thumb through some more pictures. Most are faces I don’t know. He tells me their names are Crusher and Diesel, something like that anyway. There are three more pictures. The first is me standing beside a younger version of Devil, who I’d assume is his son, LD. I can’t describe what it feels like to see pictures of yourself and not have any recollection of being in it. When I look at myself, I don’t even feel real sometimes. It’s as if I just woke up inside this body and I’m expected to live my life in it. It’s beyond weird.

“Your son?” I ask, needlessly.

“Yep. You came down the day he got patched in as Road Captain.”

I turn the page and see a couple. They don’t look familiar, but there’s still something about them that calls to me. One is a huge black man, staring at a redhead as if she owns his whole world. There’s so much love between the two of them it literally jumps off the picture and hits you with the emotion. I can almost feel a connection to them, but it’s all fuzzy. I strain to remember something … anything .

“That’s your parents. Bull and Skye.”

I nod. I stare at them again. “I obviously take after my mother, I guess.” I don’t really see any of me in my father. They’re happy—deliriously so. I try hard, but no memory or anything pops up.

Devil laughs. “I hope you’re not going by the color of your skin, because your little sister looks just like your mother, but she has Bull’s attitude and stubbornness. She’s more like him than any of you.” I make a humming noise, but don’t reply. “Anyway, Bull is actually your stepfather—not that he’d thank me or anyone else for saying that. Hell, he’d probably beat the shit out of anyone that referred to him as that. Truth is, you were his son from the first moment he began seeing your mother. He adopted you and made it official later on.” I don’t acknowledge that. I think I’m on overload at this point. I stare at the last picture. It’s a photo of three men. I look back at Devil. “That’s Dragon, the president of your club, Diesel, the president of mine, and the dark-haired one on the end is Crusher. He’s our vice president. He started with your chapter, but moved to Tennessee years ago and took over the same role with our club.”

“Did the pictures help at all?” Cooper asks, but I shake my head no.

“Not really.”

“You can’t still expect me not to let them know you’re alive. These people are grieving you, Breaker. I might be accused of being an asshole, but if you let them keep hurting, you’re worse than that.”

“I’m not ready yet. I need a few more weeks. I don’t think I could handle meeting them. They want their son back and right now, that’s not who I am.”

“So, what? You’re just going to stay away forever, letting them hurt? That’s pretty fucking selfish, if you ask me.”

“Not forever. I just need some time. A couple weeks maybe. I need to get back to Indy’s and talk with her. There are things the two of us need to work out. When I get ready to talk to them, I want her to be with me.”

“Indy?” he asks, and I find my first genuine smile of the day.

“She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s my woman,” I announce, making Cooper laugh.

Devil grins. “Is she going to agree?”

“It may take some talking, but eventually, I’ll get her to accept it,” I joke.

“I’ll sit on this information for a couple more weeks, then. If you haven’t told them by Thanksgiving, I will, though. That’s all I can give you. To be honest, I shouldn’t agree at all?—”

“Devil—” I start, but he holds up his hand, stopping me.

“I’ve been through shit in my life. I might have kept my memories, but I lost a lot of myself just the same. I pushed away the ones who loved me the most. I understand it. Take a little time to let Indy help you heal enough to take the next step. I’m telling you that once you let her in, your life will always be sweet, even with the shit life throws at you.”

“I can amen to that. Iva has saved my life more than once.”

I grunt, saying nothing as I hand Devil’s wallet back to him. “Can you tell me more about my family and friends?” I ask, knowing that the more information I have, the easier it will be to face them when the time comes.

“That I can do. I’ll also tell you why you were shot and what’s going on there. Your club took care of the threat, but it wouldn’t hurt for you to know everything that has happened.”

“I’d like that,” I admit. “I want to make sure that Indy and her daughter are protected above anything else.”

“They’re safe. I’ll tell you more, but first, let’s order up some grub. I’m hungry, and the special here today is meatloaf.”

“Sounds good,” I lie. What I really want to do is hop in Cooper’s truck and head back to Indy. Still, I know she’s going to have a lot of her own questions, so I need all the information I can gather to talk about with her.

Cooper motions the waitress over and I take a deep breath. Today was step one to regaining my life back. I have a long way to go, but I’m closer to having Indy standing beside me and that’s the one thing I want more than anything else.

For now, it has to be enough.