Chapter Twenty-Nine

L ord Flynn, Earl of Larsson

I looked up from my desk at Larsson House to see Olivia entering the study. She was dressed for an outing, a fashionable bonnet covering her dark hair.

"Good morning," I said. I came from behind my desk and reached for her. Since our engagement, I had stolen many kisses from her tempting lips. "I hope you slept well. I received the special license today, so we are on task to get married."

"No, I'm afraid I didn't sleep well." Olivia stepped away from me, her cautious regard disconcerting. Alarm shot through me. She fiddled with the gloves in her hand, clearly upset. "I have an important question to ask you."

Leaning my hips against the desk, I crossed my arms and nodded. I wasn't sure what she was about to ask. By the seriousness of her face, she had reservations. My pulse began to pick up, fear riding my shoulders. "Go ahead."

"Are you in love with Eleanor?"

Of all the questions she could ask, I was not expecting to hear that. I tightened my hands into fists and searched my mind for the correct way to answer. I wouldn't disrespect Eleanor by admitting my deep and abiding love for her. After all, she was a married woman, and I didn't want my feelings to reflect badly on her. "Of course I love her, she's a very dear friend."

"That's not the question I asked you. Yesterday, when we were at her home, I saw how you looked at her and realized you were in love with her."

"I've known Eleanor for ages, and yes, I was in love with her many years ago. That love has not changed, but life has changed all of us. She's a married woman, and I have every intention to move on. I asked you to marry me because I want to marry you."

"I understand you want to marry me for various reasons. You and I have also known each other for a long time. Although you are an annoying prat, I count you as a friend. And while I will admit your kisses make my toes curl, I can't marry a man in love with another woman." Olivia pressed her lips together.

"I can't help the way I feel. I do want to marry you, otherwise I wouldn't have asked."

"Let's be honest, the moment I told you about Australia, you decided to propose to me because you didn't want me to leave. I have wanted you to marry me for years, and while I know it's not proper for a woman to propose to a man, in this world, sometimes a woman has to take the reins. Yet every time I hinted that I wanted to marry you, you ran away."

I valued her too much to lie to her. "I won't deny anything you have said. In my own defense, I was newly widowed and had been married for over twenty years, therefore I had things I wanted to do before committing to another person."

A sad smile curving her mouth, she nodded. Shoulders back, she seemed to make up her mind. "I know for many women that would be good enough but it is not good enough for me. Therefore, I've decided not to marry you. I love you, Flynn, and maybe in the future, if you could overcome your love for Eleanor, you and I might have an opportunity to find happiness together. Your brother loved me and nobody else. Can you understand why I want that again?"

My heart hurt for reasons other than disappointment. "I understand completely. I am sorry, Olivia. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I have decided to leave for Australia and don't want the girls to know. Would you please tell them after I've gone? Nigel knows I will be visiting a friend." She dabbed at the corner of her eyes with her glove, seemingly unaware her handkerchief was in her other hand. "I plan to leave on the morning's tide, and it will be too difficult to say goodbye."

I reached for her and drew her into my arms, holding her close to my chest. "Goodbye is never easy, and saying goodbye to you will not be easy for any of us. I am sorry things turned out this way. You know my house is always open to you should you choose to come back."

She stepped back and offered a wavering smile. "Yes, our future and our past are forever entwined. Best of luck to you, Flynn." She turned on her heel and disappeared from the room.

I called for the butler and asked for my hat and coat, my hands shaking with nerves and my heart breaking with disappointment. Although I wasn't in love with Olivia, I was looking forward to a new life with her, hoping to forget my unrequited love for Eleanor and Rex.

Smythington House was across the green from mine. Even our homes were close together, as if we were forever bonded in this life. I wouldn't have it any other way and if the fates were with us, perhaps we could make it work between the three of us. Right now, I wanted to see Eleanor, the person I turned to whenever I was in turmoil.

Birds chirped a merry tune, each in direct contrast to my pain and suffering as I strode quickly down the path and cut across the green to save time. It was early thus several nursemaids were pushing their charges in prams. My own daughters were well past that stage. However, I had a sense Olivia's leaving would devastate them. She had her own road to travel down, and I had mine.

The familiar painted steps at Smythington House were like a welcoming friend. I knocked on the door, desperate to see Eleanor. While rowing earlier, Rex told me that he had a full day scheduled at Parliament. By the monotone answers he'd given to every question I asked, he was avoiding Eleanor. I swallowed my frustration and released a heavy sigh. I could only push him so far.

The butler greeted me and stepped aside, taking my hat and coat. Per usual, music drifted down the hallway, haunting in its melody. It told me Eleanor was still not in a good place. From her chilly manner when I'd retrieved Olivia yesterday, she was still upset over the conservatory.

I strode the familiar hallway to the blue drawing room. Eleanor sat in her favorite nook, her back to the door, her violin resting under her chin. She stared into the garden, intent on her music. I watched her for long moments, drinking in the sight of her.

She paused, lowering the violin and making a note on the paper on the stand before her. I chose that moment to clear my throat, needing to inform her of my presence.

Eleanor craned her neck, surprise widening her eyes before a grim smile replaced it. "I am afraid Rex is out."

"I am not here to see him. I am here to see you." I stood awkwardly in place, unsure what to say next. Her clipped manner confirmed my suspicions. She still hadn't forgiven me. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Unless it is an apology, I don't wish to hear it." She stared straight ahead, her profile turned away from me.

I gritted my teeth at her abrasive response. Either I could leave or stand my ground. I wasn't Rex, who was easily dissuaded when she was in a mood. "That is unfortunate. I have some rather disturbing news to impart. Olivia has called off our wedding."

She twisted in her seat, her combative stance softening. True sadness shadowed her eyes. "I am sorry."

Exhaling a long, drawn-out breath, I cupped the back of my neck, massaging the tense muscles. "She guessed my feelings for you and doesn't want to be second seat to anyone."

Eleanor's lips twitched at my analogy, and she nodded, though she didn't look surprised. "Olivia had mentioned her uneasiness over the match to me. She thought you were in love with somebody else. I didn't know she guessed it was me." Her eyes widened, and she placed a hand to her mouth. "You don't suppose she knows about Rex and you, do you?"

I shook my head and came farther into the room, taking the seat beside her. I rubbed a hand through my hair, my temples throbbing. "I don't think she knows about that part of my love triangle."

"A love triangle. Is that another musical pun?" she asked, referring to the instrument.

"No, that was a happy coincidence," I said, laughing for the first time since Olivia broke off our engagement.

"I'm sorry you went through that." She gripped my wrist with her slender fingers.

The door was closed, and I turned my head to verify we were alone. I leaned across my chair and brought her mouth to mine, our lips connecting in a soft, comforting kiss. "I am sorry you are upset over the conservatory business. It was meant as a gesture of love."

She leaned back in her seat, the frown returning. " You are sorry that I am upset and not because of your machinations on my behalf?"

I flashed a sheepish smile and nodded. "It sounds much better than actually admitting I did something wrong. There's a reason Olivia calls me an arrogant prat."

Except she'd no longer be around to put me in my place.

"I see why she does. Yes. I am upset, and if you were truly my friend, you would admit you acted against my wishes."

"Technically, Rex acted against your wishes. I was simply the Trojan horse." Being this close to her made my pulse hum and my body come to life. I needed to forget my troubles in her arms, but I had made several promises I couldn't break. I had promised Rex we would always be together and that I would never be intimate with Eleanor without his presence. I had promised her the same about Rex.

She laughed and shook her head. "I am angry with you, and you don't get to charm your way out of this."

With a reluctant nod, I said, "I am sorry I didn't listen to you. In my own defense—"

She put a fingertip to my lips to silence me. "What you did was indefensible to me."

Old hurt rushed to the surface. Adverse emotions tightened my throat. "What you did to me was indefensible. You allowed your father to decide who you would wed without considering my feelings. I might have pretended it didn't matter, but it did."

"I know it was hurtful to all involved." Tears shimmered in her eyes. She ran her thumb along my bottom lip and drew me into her embrace, her mouth seeking mine.

I dipped my tongue into her parted lips and drew her as close as I could with the restrictions of the chairs. Every time I touched her, my chest seemed to fill with what was missing.

The scroll of the violin cut into my ribs, and I withdrew from our kiss.

"Rex and I aren't the only ones who need to talk." She closed her eyes, pain etching lines around her lovely mouth. "What happened wasn't easy for any of us. You deserve to know the entire sordid affair that transpired."

Through past, present, and future, the three of us were intertwined. Our unconventional arrangement could not happen without transparency. The coward in me said to let the past stay in the past yet the brash fool in me wanted to know all.