Chapter Twenty-Eight

L ady Eleanor, Duchess of Smythington

It had been two days since Harry's disappearance, and I was still so furious at Rex I could hardly see straight. For Harry's sake, I kept up the pretense of a happy marriage by still sleeping in the same bed as Rex. However, the invisible wall was back between us, more impenetrable than before. The only thing soothing my heartache was my music, but the guilt over Harry kept me firmly at home.

A maid knocked on the door and announced Olivia's arrival. During a brief conversation with Rex, I learned she and Flynn would marry. Where before my husband and I could discuss anything, all topics seemed to be difficult for us now.

The moment I looked at Olivia, tears started to fall. I turned my head away for a long moment before meeting her regard. She rushed forward to draw me to her plump frame.

"How are you faring, my dear? By your tears, I would say you are still upset over Harry's disappearance and the stupid thing Flynn and Rex did."

"He told you about the proposal?" I worried my handkerchief. My father's actions on that night had seemed sound. I had been wavering between physical desire for Flynn or Rex's quieter appeal. The fact Flynn told Olivia was yet another boundary he had crossed.

She frowned and cocked her head. "Do you mean the audition?"

I nodded, glad she clarified things before I revealed more. She was my best friend, and I could confide in her about the conservatory. The conflict regarding my proposal was between Rex and me, a deep cut to our marriage I wasn't sure would ever heal. Had I simply watched what I said, we might be back on even ground. Except he'd betrayed my trust. "I told Rex not to try to fix my problems, and he went ahead and did so anyway."

"I warned them not to." Olivia guided me to the settee near the window. I often sat in the chair beside it and looked out onto the garden while playing.

"I am so humiliated." I wiped the moisture off my chin, still infuriated by the entire affair. I buried my face in my hands and shook my head, shocked by everything that had transpired. "I was too old to qualify, and everyone knew it except me."

"Men." She patted my shoulder with a soothing hand. "I told them to stay out of your business and stop trying to fix everything. Apparently, they don't know how to listen. However, I beg you not to quit the conservatory. No matter how you were accepted, you deserve to be there. Don't let pride get in the way of achieving your dream."

"I didn't get in on my own merit." The words were torn from my throat, each one another humiliation. The worst part was that everyone knew but me.

"You might have had an unfair advantage, but use that to advantage others. Through your music, you will inspire other girls. If not for you, do it for Anne. She looks up to you. Show her what she can achieve." Olivia gripped my wrist with affection. "Give back the gift of music to others less fortunate. You have the power at your fingertips. Use it."

"It makes sense when you put it that way." I laughed through my tears and nodded. She pressed a handkerchief into my hand, and I used it to dry my moist cheeks. "Thank you."

"You are welcome."

Taking a deep breath, the tension left me for the first time in days. I was fortunate in life, and by spreading my good fortune, I could change someone's life for the better. "I am sorry for monopolizing the conversation with my selfish woes."

"Wanting something for yourself isn't selfish."

"You are right. Old habits are hard to break." I turned to look at her, twining my fingers with hers. I was tired of wallowing in misery. "I understand congratulations are in order. Rex told me about your upcoming marriage to Flynn."

"When I told him I was leaving, it jarred him." Her smile faltered, and it was my turn to comfort her. I rarely saw Olivia as anything but confident. "I don't think he truly wishes to marry me, more that he's afraid of being alone. I think his heart still belongs to Mary."

"They were married for a long time. He may have simply needed to be pushed in the right direction." The practical part of me thought he would eventually cave to the pressure of marrying again. It saddened me to think his desire to have an affair with Rex and me was a passing fancy. While I cherished the intimacies we shared, it wasn't sustainable. Or was it? When we were together, everything felt right in the world. Flynn was a man looking for answers, and it pained me to admit that Rex and I might not be the answer.

"Regardless, I won't come in second to anyone. Thus, I am unsure if marrying Flynn is the right move for me."

I sat back and stared at her for a long moment. Her reasons were sound, and I agreed she needed to do what was best for her. "For as long as I've known you, you've been talking about marrying Flynn. Perhaps you are overthinking it."

"I suppose you might be right. I went the marriage route, and although I loved my husband—and wouldn't trade my son for the world—I am afraid I might lose a part of myself if I married Flynn. I am not traditional like you."

If she only knew the truth about how untraditional my marriage had been of late. I wasn't at liberty to share any of it for multiple reasons, most importantly for my husband's sake. No matter how angry I was at both men, I would keep their confidence. "I admire your boldness and think that whatever decision you come to, it will be the right one for both of you."

"I have kissed him, of course. However, we haven't been intimate yet. Despite his reputation, there is always the concern that he will be a stick-in-the-mud in the boudoir."

If it weren't for the secret nature of our ménage, I could tell her with emphatic confidence Flynn was a very giving lover. "There is always that chance."

"Perhaps I should sample the goods first." She began to laugh, color rising to her cheeks. "There isn't a reason for me not to enjoy a discreet tête-à-tête before the wedding."

"If that is your wish, I am certain Flynn wouldn't try to dissuade you." I joined in, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a while and a tad jealous. Flynn had bedded me, pleasured me in an unconventional manner while my husband buggered him. To hear Olivia speak, she wanted the same liberty to follow her passions. Whether she chose to marry Flynn or not was her decision, and nobody else's.

Footsteps sounded, and I glanced up to see Flynn enter the room. Our eyes locked, and I offered a curt nod, still a bit put out with him over the entire conservatory debacle.

"I have come to fetch Olivia for our walk in the park with the girls." He turned to look at Olivia, holding out his arm to her. "The girls are most anxious to promenade."

I watched Olivia to see if she noticed the tension between us. Of course, she knew about his part and my unhappiness with him. Other than a small frown line appearing between her eyes, our awkward encounter didn't seem to affect her.

"Duty calls." Olivia leaned in on the pretext of pressing a sisterly kiss to my cheek and whispered, "Never fear, he will apologize to you by tomorrow."

I hid a grin at her pronouncement. While I appreciated her efforts, I wanted him to offer a heartfelt apology or none at all. Given Olivia's rather pushy nature, I refrained from arguing. Flynn watched us with suspicion. With a wink to me, Olivia moved to his side and laid her hand on his arm. They made a handsome couple, and I wished them well.

"Have a lovely outing." I lowered my lashes, trying to hide my conflicting emotions from view, but not before I spied the familiar gleam of lust in his eyes. He had a way of breaking down my barriers and revealing the weak-willed woman within.

"Good afternoon, Eleanor," Flynn said in his smooth bass, silky with a touch of a rasp.

Stop it . I shouldn't be thinking of such things in Olivia's presence. I had betrayed Mary, I refused to do it to Olivia.

"Good afternoon." I continued to stare at the pattern in the oriental carpet that covered the wooden floors long after their footsteps faded. My conversation with Olivia stayed upmost in my mind, a reminder that people often hold grudges due to pride when they might otherwise forgive each other. Both Rex and I were guilty of the same crime. Flynn had shown no remorse for his role in the affair, and until both men apologized, I wasn't sure if I could ever forgive them for their betrayal.