Chapter 17

Quin Playlist: SORRY – Macklemore and Livingston

Why did I take her hand in mine? Anyone could have seen it. Pierce could’ve seen. I just can’t help myself. There’s something about her that pulls me to her, and when I saw her run into the study room, upset, I had to make sure she was ok. It’s understandable that she’d rather not talk to me, but I really hope this whole upset isn’t caused by me. And I hope one day I can tell her exactly why I’ve done what I’ve done.

When I head back to my lecture room, Pierce is there. I ignore him, as I’ve been doing since he threatened me. Today he seems reserved though. He offers no further threats, thankfully and briefly speaks, asking me random questions.

“Seen Lista lately?” he says, looking like he’s trying to act normal.

“Why would I Pierce? I’m not one to try and jeopardise her career. So, no I haven’t. I merely passed by her not long ago but that’s about it. Is that acceptable?” I say, pissed off and wanting him to leave me the hell alone.

“She’s on campus? Right now?” he asks, almost in a mild panic. “She was recently but I’m not sure if she left. Why?”. I’m becoming more suspicious of him now. He avoids my questioning and continues to question me. “How about Drew? Have you spoken to him today? Or the guys?” he says, nervously, looking around.

Am I missing something? “No Pierce I haven’t. Now if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to go back to setting up my last few sessions in peace. If you’re so worried about Drew and Lista, go and speak to them yourself”. He takes the hint.

My day is mundane, and I just about manage to get through. Everywhere I look, I see the void that Lista usually fills with her presence. I somehow pull myself together and push through, despite feel empty and confused by how everyone around me is acting. After my second to last lesson, Drew comes in to ask for something. He clocks Pierce, who was present during my session, and his face and fists harden. He approaches me, and we discuss what he needs. It’s a pleasant surprise that he’s still speaking to me. I guess Lista hasn’t spoken to him about us yet. I do however notice and find it odd that the entire time he’s in my room, he ignores Pierce. Quite obviously too. I can feel the tension between them and so many questions are circling my already tired and confused mind.

“Thanks Quin. Have a good one mate” Drew says before leaving. I decide not to comment on the obvious confusion I’m feeling and leave Pierce to stew in whatever he is experiencing right now. Fuck this guy.

“Thanks Drew. And you” I say, before he leaves.

Throughout my entire session, I’m running through everything I’ve experienced today and feel like I’m missing something. Like everyone got the memo, but me.

When I head out to leave, I notice Lista walking through the car-park and decide to stand by the door and make sure she leaves safely before I walk to my car. She sees me and offers me a brief wave and sad smile as she drives away. I wave back, content that she’s safe. It’s the least I can do. As I’m approaching my car, Drew runs over to me, panting from running. “Hey Drew. Everything ok? Callista just left. You missed her by mere seconds. I watched, just to make sure she got to her car safely” I say, filling in the silence whilst he catches his breath.

“Thanks Man. I didn’t realise she was on campus until an hour ago. I tried to rush to get here to walk her to her car but I’m too late, clearly. Thanks for watching out for her”.

“Oh, I mean, no worries. I’ll always look out for her. If I see her going to her car, I make sure she gets to it safely before I go. I mean, I haven’t seen her since she took some time off, but then I noticed her rushing to the study room today and I checked in to make sure everything was ok. So yeah. Is everything ok Drew?” I ask genuinely concerned and confused about...well, everything.

“Quin. Has Lista not spoken to you since the weekend…?” he asks wide eyed.

“I haven’t spoken to her since last Monday. We…” I stop, considering my next words carefully. “We kissed Drew. Again. I couldn’t help myself. We had our research session at her house whilst she waited in for a delivery and one thing led to another. I was stoked, but then I came onto campus last week and… something happened so I was forced to distance myself from her. I think I’ve fucked up. She hates me. I don’t want her to think I regret what happened, but I had no choice. I have no choice. It’s all for her. I’m doing this for her”.

Drew looks ultimately confused by what I’ve just said, and I’m genuinely scared that I’m about to receive a punch to the nose. All in all, I probably deserve it.

“Wait, hold up. Why did you make sure she got to her car safely?” Drew asks.

After everything I’ve just told him, that’s all he wants to know.

“Because first of all, I care about her” I say, rubbing my hand over my face as if I’ll find some courage by doing so “and… I know this sounds ridiculous but a while ago, when we first become reacquainted after New Year’s, I was walking to my car, and I noticed Lista heading to hers too in front of me. Pierce followed her and startled her. Although I couldn’t hear, Lista seemed uncomfortable whilst he was talking to her. Similar things happened that night at yours. I wasn’t sure if Lista told you or not. I didn’t think it was my place to say, and I know Pierce is your mate, so –” He interrupts.

“Oh, he is no fucking mate of mine. Not after last weekend. And the fact that you have watched out for her without even knowing what’s happened”. He shakes his head and takes a huge breath in before exhaling slowly. Anger floods his features.

Ok now I’m even more confused. “Drew, what’s going on? Is Lista ok ?” I ask as my breathing changes, and I start to feel panic. I ask him outright, so I can get to the bottom of whatever the hell is going on, because I’m tense all of a sudden and my gut tells me something is very wrong. What happens next takes my body to a different phase of existence to my mind.

“Quin. I need you to stay calm mate” he says to me, resting his hand on my shoulder. “Pierce sexually assaulted Lista on Friday night. He turned up to her flat and entered uninvited before forcing himself on her. She managed to text me our emergency code when he arrived because she didn’t feel safe. I let myself in and saw him pinning her against the wall, restraining her and... touching her. I got there before he could do anything else, thankfully. He’s left marks and she’s really struggling because of it. Apparently, this isn’t the first time…” he says, looking down. His hand still on my shoulder.

I’m speechless. I frown, not knowing what to say or do. A feeling of anger fills my body. This is my fault. “It’s my fault” I mumble. “I was meant to see her on Friday, but she cancelled because of how I acted towards her. This never would have happened if –”.

I look up and see Pierce in the distance leaving the campus building, heading into the car park. The next chain of events I seem to watch from outside of my own body.

I shrug off Drews grip on my shoulder and walk past him without saying a word, picking up my pace the closer I get to Pierce, before grabbing him by the front of his coat and slamming him against the wall. “Is this how you like it, ay Pierce? Being pinned against the wall? How fucking dare you lay a finger on Callista. You piece of shit! You pushed me away from her with your manipulative threats and then went in for the kill, didn’t you? Do you like taking advantage of your students. Using them for your own pleasure. I’ve seen how you’ve objectified her, followed her around. Was it you that caused her to flee the faculty social? Is that why you threatened me to stay away from her. So you could pounce and harass her, keep her all for yourself?” I point into his chest with force, “ You best be the one to stay away from her from now on. I fucking swear Pierce. Don’t even look at her. Or any one for that matter. You’re a fucking predator. Has Lista not been through enough. You asshole!”. Tears fill my eyes and my voice trembles.

All I can think about is how hurt Lista is. All of this, she has been carrying, because of this prick. I go to swing for him, but Drew grabs my wrist and my other arm and pulls me away. I cry out a grunt and punch the brick wall to release this pent-up anger. Not hard enough to break anything, but enough to leave marks. And yes, it was the hand that’s still recovering from the last injury. Drew pulls me towards him, to walk me back to the car and brings me back to reality.

The black clouds around my vision come back and I notice Professor Peters and a few students around us, watching. Pierce shakes off the creases I’ve left from my fist wrapping around his shirt and walks off swiftly to his car. I turn to Drew, and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

“I didn’t realise how you felt about her Quin. I assume she doesn’t know that Pierce is the reason for you keeping your distance. If so, I think you need to tell her mate.”

After Drew sees me to my car and settles me down from my rather explosive moment, he heads over to de-escalate the situation with onlookers, before heading to his car. He leaves me with my own thoughts. The first thing that crosses my mind is Lista. I need to see her and make sure she’s ok. I need to explain myself. But most importantly, I just need to know she’s safe. I need her. I don’t care what Pierce threatened to do. I’m well and truly done with putting my life and happiness on hold because of other people’s fucking rules.