19. Heller

19

HELLER

W hen I wake there’s a glass of water and two Tylenol on my nightstand. I stare at them for a long time. Is this what it’s like to be loved by someone? I have friends who do nice things for me. I’ve even had friends bring me water in the morning when I’ve stayed at their place after a particularly intense night of drinking. But that was always a one-off thing.

I don’t think Sergey taking care of me is a one-off thing.

He walks through the door of my bedroom naked, except for a towel hanging low on his hips. His gray hair is wet and slicked back. He stands silently in the doorway with a cup of coffee in his hands.

I grab the water and drink half of it in one go. This is the morning after conversation I always try to avoid. I take the pills next and drink the rest of the water in the glass.

“Good morning,” he says.

“Good morning.” I set down the glass and climb out of bed. Sergey’s gaze follows my naked body as I walk toward the closet.

“I have to run some errands,” I tell him. Which is true. I do have errands to run. I don’t have to do them right this second, but if I stay here, I’ll probably say something I regret like, “I need some space” or “how about we take a step back from this whole fated mate thing.”

Sergey doesn’t want to hear that from me this morning. He deserves to be appreciated by his omega. He’s a great guy.

It’s too bad he got stuck with someone like me.

“I have an appointment with Otis in an hour. He’s showing me some apartments,” Sergey says.

That’s my cue to assure him he doesn’t need to shop for an apartment. He can stay here. This apartment is empty half the time anyway. But I can’t bring myself to do it. This is the place I go when I need time and space away from Eli and Max. If Sergey was here, I wouldn’t be able to come here when I need to be alone.

I’m not ready for this kind of relationship.

“I should have some free time after that’s done,” Sergey continues. “I was thinking that maybe we could do lunch or something. I know you work tonight. Tomorrow I have to go back to Albuquerque, which I know isn’t ideal. We just found each other. But there are people depending on me.”

The idea of Sergey moving in terrifies me, but the idea of him leaving makes my heart hurt. I am so confused right now.

“How long do you need to stay in New Mexico?” I ask.

He bites his lip. “I’m not sure. At least five days, possibly longer. You could come see me if your schedule is free. I understand if you need to stay, though. I know you have performances at the club.”

He’ll probably have to go back and forth quite a bit until he can find someone to run the forge in Albuquerque. I don’t know if that’s even possible. Which means I’ll have plenty of time alone.

Maybe this will be okay.

I put on a satin robe and walk toward him, grabbing for his coffee cup. He surrenders it to me willingly.

“I see how things are,” he teases.

I take a sip of it. It’s black, the way I like my coffee. “Take as long as you need in Albuquerque. I’m okay here.”

He leans forward and kisses my forehead. My stomach fills with butterflies. There are a lot of things that have never appealed to me about a relationship, but forehead kisses are something I’ve always secretly wanted.

“You can call me whenever you want,” he says. “I’ll come back as soon as I can, but I’ll have to return in a few days. Just until I can get operations up and running here in Anchorage. Then my dads should be able to run most things.”

If he’s planning to use the Ivanov forge, that could take months, if not a full year. Cy doesn’t even technically own the place yet.

“I also have to travel for fittings. Most of the time the kids can come to me, but sometimes they’re international and can’t get a passport for one reason or another or aren’t medically cleared for travel. That happens at least once or twice a month.”

In other words, he’ll be gone a lot. Even when his business operates out of Anchorage, international travel twice a month is substantial. The flights are long and jet lag takes time to recover from.

“I’m sorry,” Sergey says. “Maybe there’s a way I can pass some of those trips on to one of the welders here.”

I highly doubt that. I know the welders Sergey’s trying to work with. They all have families.

“I’m okay, Sergey. I promise. You don’t need to adjust your work schedule for me.” I take another sip of his coffee and hand it back to him.

“Are you sure?” He asks. “I want to be a good mate to you.”

“I’m sure you will be.”

His behavior won’t be the problem. He’s the kind of guy who leaves a glass of water and Tylenol on his omega’s nightstand. He doesn’t understand that I’m the problem.

I stand on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. I haven’t brushed my teeth, so that will have to be enough. “We can do lunch. There’s a cute fox shifter place called The Snuggle Sandwich that everyone is into right now. Let’s meet there. How does one o’clock sound?”

He gives me this knowing look. Maybe he can tell that something is wrong.

“Okay. One o’clock,” he agrees.

I can do one last lunch with him before he goes. Then I’ll have a full week to deal with this before I see him again.

I can’t mess this up. Not only because I don’t want to hurt Sergey, but because of Lark. They feel a connection to Sergey too. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ruin everything because I have cold feet.

I need to get my act together and be the kind of father and mate they both deserve.