18. Sergey

18

SERGEY

I t takes thirty minutes for the cab to show up. Heller and I wait by the entrance to the club. He leans against me and lets me put my arms around him. The sense of rightness I feel while holding him is overwhelming. It makes me ache to show him the pebble I found on the Oregon coast when I was thirteen. I’ll never forget the wave of peace I experienced when I touched it for the first time.

It’s the same peace I feel now with Heller.

“We could have been there by now if we walked,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not. This is nice.”

He looks up at me. “You really don’t mind? You don’t get cold. It would be nothing for you to walk.”

“I assure you that I’m happy exactly where I am.”

He stiffens in my arms. I keep forgetting that he hasn’t come to terms with what we are to each other yet. I need to be more careful. The last thing I want is to make him uncomfortable.

“I’m freaking you out, aren’t I?” I ask.

“Maybe a little bit.”

“I promise I won’t ever push for more than what you want,” I assure him. I have to trust the process and give him time, just like my omega dad suggested.

“What do you want, though?” he asks.

“You.”

He turns around and buries his nose in my chest. I’m not sure if that means he’s still overwhelmed or if he liked what I said, but I don’t push him for answers. Maybe it’s a bit of both. The cab finally pulls up in front of the club.

“Our ride is here,” I say.

Heller steps away from me. My chest and arms feel cold in his absence, and not the good kind of cold. It didn’t occur to me just how hard it will be to give Heller the time he needs to process this. It will mean holding back when all I want to do is be with him. He heads out the door and I follow him into the dark, Alaskan night. The sidewalk is slippery, but Heller navigates it gracefully. We climb into the back of the yellow SUV. Just like Heller warned, the cab only drives for a block before it stops in front of a tall building with glass doors and a doorman waiting just inside them. When we get out of the car, the doorman in a suit holds the door open for us.

“Good evening, Heller,” he says.

“Thank you, Dax.”

We take the elevator to the eleventh floor. It opens into a hallway with only two doors—one on each side. Heller unlocks the door to the right. Inside is a sprawling penthouse with floor to ceiling windows and an array of velvet furniture. The kitchen is all marble, including the entire island, the floors, and the backsplash. It looks clean and simple, the way only truly expensive homes do.

He warned me that he had enough money to live on for the rest of his life. He wasn’t joking. I wonder if Lark is sleeping in one of the bedrooms, and if the babysitter can hear us.

“You think it’s too much,” Heller says.

“No. It’s lovely.”

He smiles and roll his eyes. “Yes, but it’s definitely too much. I rarely stay here anymore. I have this basement apartment in Lark’s other dads’ house. Sometimes I like to have my own place, so I’ve kept this, but it feels like a waste.”

So Lark isn’t here. At least we won’t be waking anyone up. I walk toward the window and plop down on the couch right in front of it. “This is incredible. You can see the lights of Merchant Avenue from here.”

Heller sits next to me. “Never mind Merchant Avenue. Look higher.” He points toward the sky. Off in the distance, a pale green ribbon of light ripples through the stars.

“Is that?”

“The Aurora Borealis or the Northern Lights.”

It’s surreal seeing it in person like this. I’ve seen it before in New Mexico, but only an illusion.

“Did you know that the Illusors worship the Northern Lights?” I ask.

Heller shakes his head.

“They say the Illusors of old were from the North. The crops died and the animal herds moved on, so they had to go South and leave their precious Northern Lights behind. But the Lights loved them so much, They stowed away in the Illusors’ fingertips. That’s what they use to create their illusions—magical light.”

Heller climbs into my lap, resting his head on my chest. “Do you think it’s true?”

“How else do you think they got their magic?”

“I don’t know. Genetics?”

I laugh. “That explanation is much less romantic.”

“It’s probably true, though. Otherwise, wouldn’t the Northern Lights end up in my fingertips or yours?” He unbuttons my shirt and slides his hand on top of the penguin on my chest. It dances for him, over and over again.

“You really are the first to touch them,” I say. “I wasn’t just saying that for the roleplay.”

He leans in and kisses me. It’s a slow, sweet kiss, but it makes my cock hard enough that it pushes against his hip. He lifts himself up and straddles me. We kiss again. This time the gentleness is gone. I grab the back of his neck and deepen the kiss. He still tastes of vodka and a hint of lime.

“God, that feels good,” Heller says against my lips. He rocks his hips. The delicious friction between our bodies makes me want so much more than this. I dive my hand down the back of his pants and squeeze his ass.

“Fuck,” he whispers. “I need you inside me now.”

He gets up off the couch and yanks down his slacks in front of the huge window overlooking the city. I don’t know if that’s tinted glass, or if the whole city can see us. Heller doesn’t seem to care, so I don’t either.

“Will you be annoyed if I admit that I brought a condom?” I ask.

He flashes me a mischievous smile. “I’ll be annoyed if you didn’t.”

I reach into my suit pocket and pull out three.

“Mmmm. Does that mean you’ll let me ride you three times?” He kneels down in front of me and unbuttons my pants.

“Are you going to ride me from down there?”

He unzips my fly and slides my underwear down, exposing my erection. I’m fully hard now. Last night he definitely saw my cock, but he wasn’t at eye-level with it. I feel strangely vulnerable. Heller is my mate. I hope he likes what he sees.

“What if I wanted to do something else before I ride you?” He bites his lip and looks up at me with this seductive expression that makes my body weak. I am so damn lucky.

“Will you let me taste you?” I ask.

He scrunches up his nose. “That’s not really my thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I like to give men pleasure. That’s what I get off on.”

I think back to last night. When I asked him what he wanted, he asked me to use him. He definitely liked that. He had multiple orgasms while I used him for my pleasure.

“Should I use your mouth the way I used your ass last night?” I ask.

He swallows hard, heat burning in his eyes. “Yes.” The word comes out in a whisper.

“Then take off all your clothes. I want to look at your body while I use your mouth.”

He’s quick to obey. Off comes his nice suit jacket and button-up shirt. He stands before me completely naked like he was on stage tonight. But here in his apartment it feels completely different. He’s vulnerable in a way he wasn’t while he was dancing with a group of people. This isn’t a performance, it’s an act of intimacy.

“What is it about this that you get off on? Do you want to feel like an object? Do you like to be degraded? Are there any specific words that turn you on?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Whatever you want.”

“No way. This is our third time together. I want it to be exactly what you’re into so I can make you feel good. Tell me how to rock your world, Heller.”

He kneels down in front of me once more and places his hands on my knees. “I really just like seeing you get off. It’s a thrill. But if you wanted to throw in something extra, there’s something I was into when I had a spotter at Ice Bear Pub that we could try.”

“A spotter?” I ask. “I’m not sure I follow. When you say spotter, I think of gymnastics.”

He bites his lip nervously. “Sometimes a client would pay for a second person to be in the room so they could do things that were a little riskier. Like tying us up or other forms of domination. I don’t ever do that stuff unless there’s someone else in the room. But I… want to with you. Nothing too crazy. Just a little bit of bondage.” He pinches his fingers together and looks through the space between them.

“Just a little bit of bondage?”

He nods. “I want to feel like I can’t get away.”

This is a big deal for him, I can tell. Heller has all these rules in place to keep himself safe, and I guess this rule feels easier to break than admitting he has feelings for me.

He does, though. That’s why he wants this.

“Okay. So you want me to tie you up and fuck your mouth?”

He nods almost meekly. I think he’s a little nervous.

“Do you want me to fuck you until I orgasm? Or should I fuck your mouth, and then turn you around and fuck your ass?”

He hugs his body. “Um, yes. To any and all of that. Just whatever you want. I’ll like it if I can tell you want it.”

I resist the urge to tell him I want sex with him any way he’ll have me.

“How should I treat you during all of this?” I ask. “Are you into silent brute strength? A foul mouth? Degredation?”

Heller takes a deep breath. “I want you to own me. Stake your claim. If you’re into that.”

Good God, am I ever.

“Yes. That would definitely turn me on.”

He gives me this small smile that makes my heart melt. It’s much different than his confident smile, which I also like, but this smile seems private—special. Like a form of vulnerability that’s just for me.

I loosen my tie and pull it over my head. “Give me your wrists, omega.”

Calling him that is probably a little silly but he outstretches his arms with his wrists pressed together. I undo the knot in the tie and loop it around his forearms, using a simple square knot to bind them together. I check the pressure. It seems secure enough to hold, but not tight enough to cut off his circulation.

“Is hair pulling hot or not something you’re into?” I ask.

He smiles. “Hot.”

“And what about gagging? If I’m fucking your mouth, that might happen.”

“I’ll tap your leg if I want you to stop. But I can handle a lot.” There’s that confidence again. Damn, he’s sexy.

“Okay. If you say so.” I grab the back of his head. “You want this cock, don’t you, omega?”

He nods, his smile fading. He looks up at me with the same vulnerability as before. He wants to be vulnerable with me. Maybe he needs it.

I know I need intimacy with him.

“Then go on and lick it.” I thread my fingers into his wavy hair and pull him forward until his lips are less than an inch from my cock. He sticks out his tongue and gives the head of my cock a gentle lick.

“Again. Get it all wet.”

Heller laps at my cock with his hot, wet tongue. I’m hard as a rock now. Something about him kneeling in front of me with his wrists tied like that is hotter than I expected it to be.

“Do you want that cock in your mouth?” I ask.

Heller nods.

“Open your mouth, omega.”

He does as he’s told. I grip his hair harder and thrust my cock into his willing mouth. Just the head at first, then I force his head down further until I feel the tight resistance of his throat. I yank his hair back, then force his head down again, deeper this time. He gags, but he doesn’t tap me or try to pull off.

“That mouth is mine, isn’t it?” I say.

He nods ever-so slightly. I can feel the movement against my fingers. The wet sounds of my cock in his mouth turn me on as much as the pressure of his lips and throat. He completely surrenders to me, letting me guide his head with my hand. Just as I feel my body about to crest, I pull him off me. Drool drips down both sides of his chin. He just stares up at me, completely blissed out.

“Who does your mouth belong to?” I ask.

“You,” he whispers.

God, this is such a mind fuck. I hope it isn’t too much for him.

“Get on the couch, ass up. I want to fuck your ass too.”

He scrambles onto the couch as quickly as he can with bound wrists.

“C’mon, I want to see that ass in the air,” I say.

He lowers his chest to the cushion, which is awkward with his wrists bound. But it makes his ass jut out in the most delicious way. I smack it because I can’t help myself. He moans.

“Whose ass is this?” I ask.

“Yours.”

I smack it again, harder this time. “Louder. I didn’t hear you.”

“It’s yours. It’s all yours, alpha.”

I smack his other asscheek. He whimpers, and I literally see slick sliding down his inner thighs. That’s so fucking sexy. “Look at how wet you are for me, omega. I bet you want this cock, don’t you?”

He nods.

“You’re dripping for it. Look at this.” I run my fingers up his inner thighs, swiping up the slick. He smells like pure man and sex. I put my finger in my mouth. God, he tastes good. I push my wet finger inside his tight heat. He lets out a low groan.

“You like that? Are you still sore from last night?”

He nods. “Yes, alpha.”

“That’s right. Because whose ass is this?” I repeat.

“Yours. It’s yours.”

I withdraw my finger and slide in two. He bucks against me, so I smack his ass again. “Stay still, omega.”

His ass contracts around my fingers and he gushes slick all over my hand. He’s not mildly into this, he’s very into it. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s really into bondage or into me. All I know is that my inner alpha is very present. He wants to claim Heller. He needs to.

I pull my fingers out. Heller trembles in anticipation. I’ve never seen an omega actually tremble because he wanted me so badly. I climb onto the couch and line myself up.

“Whose hole is this, Heller?”

I’m not sure if I should say his name right now. It might be breaking some kind of rule. But I can see his hole contract in response and more slick slides down his leg.

“Yours.”

“Say my name,” I command.

“It’s yours, Sergey. My ass is yours. Please take me. I don’t know what’s happening, I just know that I need you, and it’s scary.” He starts sobbing, which is not what I wanted. But if I stop things now, I think I’ll hurt him even more. The ache between our bodies is too overwhelming. I slide inside him gently. He lets out a soft whimper.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask.

“No. Please, no. Claim me, Sergey. I need you to. Oh, please don’t leave. Don’t leave.”

That’s when I realize the time for words is past. I have to speak to him with my body. I rock back and slam into him again. He lets out a satisfied grunt. I’m finally giving him what he needs. I fuck into him with the abandon I think we both want. As my knot begins to expand, I grab for his hair and pull him up. He screams just as his ass clamps down on me and his whole body goes taut.

I release his hair and bend over to untie his wrists before my knot gets past the point of no return. “I forgot the condom,” I realize with utter horror.

“I know,” he says. “I’m sorry. I should have said something.”

“No, baby. No. It’s not your fault.” I go to pull out, but he reaches back to stop me.

“Please don’t pull out. I have an IUD. I’ve been tested. I’m negative. Please. I’m on PreP.”

This isn’t like Heller. I worry that he’ll regret this tomorrow morning. But I also worry that he’ll be traumatized if I pull out, and the truth is, it’s too late. I thrust inside him one last time, and my cock swells, until he feels impossibly tight around me.

“Oh my God,” Heller whispers. “Your knot is so good. It’s so fucking good.”

I wrap my arms around his body and lift it, until we’re both tilted sideways, and we can lie on the couch together. I shudder against him as my orgasm overtakes me. It’s more intense this time. Maybe it’s because there’s no barrier between us.

Our bodies move together. The way he spasms around me and the slip and slide of our sweaty bodies is enough to make me forget everything. I don’t know how long we writhe together. At some point he grabs my hand and holds it tight, like our bodies being tied together isn’t enough.

“You’re mine,” I whisper in his ear. Because it seems like saying it out loud would comfort him.

Tears stream down his cheeks. “I know.”

“I’m so sorry, Heller. I wanted to give you time.”

He starts sobbing again. Maybe that should make me feel bad, but it doesn’t. He wasn’t expecting his mate to walk into his life.

“We can go at whatever pace you like,” I promise. “I can go back to Albuquerque for a while, if you want.”

He shakes his head. “No.” He holds my hand to his chest. “No. I don’t want you to go. I’m just not ready. I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend. I’m still learning how to be a good father. What if I fuck this up?”

“From what I saw, you’re an excellent father,” I say.

His sobs return in full force. “You don’t know me, Sergey. How are we supposed to do this when we don’t even know each other?”

“We’ll get to know each other. It will take time, but we can do this.”

He just cries for a while. I wonder if this was how it felt for my alpha father when he realized he’d have to give up everything for my omega dad. A deep sadness washes over me. Every time I dreamed of having a mate, I imagined that I’d be able to make him happy—that he’d want to be with me. But I don’t think Heller wants this.

“There are warlocks who can take our connection away,” I say. “I have enough money?—”

“No.” He brings my fist to his lips and kisses my knuckles over and over again. “No, Sergey. You are wonderful. I’m the luckiest omega in the world. I’m just not any good at this. I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I sleep around. I travel all the time.”

The peace I felt earlier returns. Heller and I are fated. That means we’re meant for each other, and I think there’s a reason for that.

“I like to travel,” I say. “And I wouldn’t mind if you had sex with other people as long as your heart was mine. Especially if you wouldn’t mind letting me watch, now and then.”

Heller turns his head to look at me. “Are you being serious?”

“Yeah. That’s the kind of bond I’ve always wanted.”

He eyes me skeptically. “But won’t you worry about me falling for one of them?”

“I could barely get you to date me, and I’m your fated mate. I’m not worried about you dating anyone else. You don’t know how.”

He laughs. I laugh with him because it’s funny he thought I’d be worried about that. He’s literally the last person in the world who would end up falling in love with his fuck buddies. Our laughter does wonderful things to the space where our bodies are joined. It feels so good to hold him like this and be able to tell him how I really feel about him.

He takes a few deep breaths, trying not to laugh. “In all seriousness… that’s what we are, isn’t it? Fated mates?”

“Um, yeah. I think so. What do you think?”

All the happiness drains from his face. “Then that means… Lark could sense it. Is that why…” he lets the sentence trail off.

“Yes. I feel a connection to Lark too. Like they’re my child. I don’t know if that’s normal, but the feeling is intense.”

Heller sighs. “Okay. I guess Lark is going to have a lot of dads. Which is fine, right? Better too many dads than not enough?”

He’s taking this so well. I thought there would be more crying and anxiety.

“How would Lark feel about another set of grandparents? Because I might have told my dads about you, and their main takeaway from that conversation was excitement about being grandpas, so…”

Tears well in Heller’s eyes again. I guess there will be more crying.

“Grandparents are something that Lark doesn’t have, actually. My parents don’t even know Lark exists and Eli’s parents live at the Slope. They never come down to visit because they’re embarrassed he does sex work. And Max’s dad has been distant ever since he bonded to another alpha.”

I’m not sure I follow just how many dads Lark has.

“Is Eli or Max Lark’s alpha dad?” I ask.

Heller kisses my cheek. “Neither. And both. I’m not ready to tell you that whole story tonight. Can we talk about it in the morning? I’m tired.”

“Okay.”

We lie there together until Heller is asleep. I stay awake, enjoying the warmth of his body next to mine and the view of Anchorage at night. When my knot subsides, I carry Heller down the hall to a large bedroom and tuck him into bed.

For a moment, I consider sleeping somewhere else. It might be too much for Heller to wake up with me in his bed. But he didn’t ask me to sleep somewhere else, so I decide I’m not going to. If Heller asks for space, I’ll give him space. If he asks for more time, I’ll give him time. But I’m not going to give him space or time he didn’t ask for.

I climb into bed next to him and drift off to sleep.