22. Lazaro

22

LAZARO

I can’t stop the spinning in my head… A marriage alliance.

The evening's conversation replays in fragmented snippets, each one adding to the chaos in my mind. I've never met Ava Rinella, and yet my family is ready to tie our futures together for the sake of business and power. Thank fuck Elio didn’t solidify the deal. The marriage to Ava is still just a suggestion, a possibility hanging in the air. But that brings little comfort as I grapple with the expectations placed upon me and the life I'm only beginning to rebuild.

After Rinella left, I wanted to escape to Diana and hide in the comfort of her arms, but Elio had other ideas. He called me to his office, where he and Lana made their pitch for this union, while Matteo stood at the back of the room. I wondered if he was there to block any attempt of escape I might make.

Elio and Lana spoke delicately, knowing my volatile nature. But that too pissed me off. They act like I’m fragile. And maybe I am. Who the fuck knows? But I don’t like being treated like a child.

"Lazaro, we need to consider this match,” Elio said with the authority that goes with being the head of the family.

I’d sunk into a leather armchair, bracing myself. "What's to consider? You've already decided, haven't you?"

Lana looked at me with pity. "It's not that simple, and you know it."

"Do I?" I challenged. "Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you're ready to make me pay for your mistakes."

Elio’s flashed with what I hoped was guilt. "This alliance is crucial. Dad and Vincenzo had worked for a long time to make this happen."

"It sounds like you’re why it hasn’t happened.”

Lana leaned forward. "We're not trying to force you into anything. But you have to understand the position we're in."

"And what about my position? I'm still trying to figure out who the hell I am, and now you want me to play happy families with a stranger?"

The room had fallen silent. I could see the conflict in their eyes, the desire to protect our family's interests warring with their concern for me. But the fact that family interests could win out hurt. Deep in my soul, I can feel the connection to them. I want to belong, to do my part for the family. But at what cost?

"What if I refuse?" I asked.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Elio said carefully. "We're just exploring options right now."

But I could read between the lines. In their eyes, I'm not just Lazaro, their brother. I'm a solution to a problem, a pawn in a game.

“Ava is a lovely young woman,” Lana said as if that would make a difference. “She’ll make a good wife.”

I simply glared at her. She’d talked a big talk about how she and I were a single soul in twin bodies, but in moments like this, I felt like what I wanted or needed didn’t matter.

“That’s not the point. I’m already seeing someone.”

Lana tensed. “She's the help, Lazaro. It’s time to let her go."

A red haze filled my brain. "Let her go? I’ve given up the life I knew to return to a family I don’t know. I’ve acted like a thug even though I hate it. And now I have to give up my personal life?” I turn to Lana. “Is that why you found me? To be your lapdog?” I turned to Elio. “You got to choose your woman. You let Lana fuck a cop, but I don’t get?—”

“Careful, Lazaro.” Elio’s voice was dark, a warning.

“Fuck you,” I roared, shooting up from the chair and heading to the door. If I had to fight my way out of the room, I would. "I'm not your puppet. I won't let you use me to fix your mistakes."

I left the room, needing Diana. I’d made it to the base of the stairs when Matteo’s hand settled on my shoulder. “How about we get out of here, grab a drink, clear our heads?"

“Why? So you can talk me into marrying Ava?”

He shakes his head. “No. I don’t want you to marry Ava. Plus, you’re pretty heated right now. Maybe you should calm down before seeing Diana.”

"Fine," I muttered, shrugging off Matteo's hand.

We ended up at a titty bar, but my focus was on the booze, not the women or loud music. Matteo prattled on, about what, I didn’t know. All I wanted was to lose myself in the noise, the alcohol, anything to drown out the voices in my head telling me my family only wanted me as a pawn.

Hours later, I stumbled back to my room, the world tilting dangerously. As I entered the room, a sobering realization cut through the fog of alcohol. Diana's bag. Packed and waiting.

But now she’s in my arms. She’s kissing me and telling me she’ll stay. I’m like a dying man who’s being filled with the elixir of life. Everything else fades away. The family drama, the expectations, the fear of losing myself again—none of it matters as long as she's here.

I pull back, searching her eyes for any sign she might change her mind and leave.

“I’m here.” She presses her hand against my cheek. It’s a soothing balm to my battered soul.

Our lips meet again, and this time, I give in to the need to lose myself in her. I strip us both bare and collapse on the bed. Desperation fuels me. I’m vaguely aware that I'm moving too fast. But I can’t slow down this driving need to be whole again. I plunge inside her pussy, hoping like hell she’s ready. Her body wraps around me, holds me. And then… only then, I stop. I savor the feeling of being seeped inside her. Being wrapped up and held together. All the scattered pieces of my psyche slide back together.

I bury my face in her neck, inhaling her scent. Her hands caress my back as if she knows what I need. I want to stay here forever. Here where I feel safe. Accepted. Needed.

But nature has other plans. Desire grows. Her pussy pulses around me. The pressure builds in my cock. I give in to that, moving slow at first, and then as need demands, faster, more forcefully until she cries out and I’m lost in pleasure, emptying all I am into this amazing woman.

Afterward, I roll us until she’s resting her head on my chest. No words are spoken. I’m grateful for that. I just want to pretend my life is this. Just her and me. Soon, I drift off to sleep, her body pressed against mine as if this is how the world should be.

I wake with a start, my head pounding from last night's overindulgence. The events of the evening before come rushing back. The tense dinner where my family bargained with my life, the argument with my siblings, drowning my frustrations at the club. But then Diana… finding peace in her arms.

I reach my hand out to find empty space in the bed next to me. The fog lifts and panic sets in. Diana's not beside me.

My heart races as I scan the room. Her bag's still here, but she's gone. Did she change her mind? Did Lana get to her?

I throw on clothes haphazardly, not bothering to button my shirt properly. My feet carry me swiftly through the halls, down to the kitchen driven by fear. What if she left?

The kitchen door swings open… There she is, humming softly as she stands at the stove. She's still here. She stayed.

I want to rush to her, to wrap her in my arms and never let go. But before I can take a step, Matteo's voice cuts through my thoughts.

"There you are. We've got work to do."

"Can't it wait?" I growl, my eyes darting back to Diana.

Matteo shakes his head. "Afraid not. Elio needs us at the warehouse. Now." He scans my appearance. “Maybe a quick shower first. Don’t want you stinking up the car.”

I give him the finger as I make my way upstairs to clean up and dress. As I shower, I wonder why the fuck I’m doing this. Why am I going to act like a mad dog for my siblings when I don’t think they really give a shit about me?

Fifteen minutes later, I’m in the passenger seat as Matteo drives. Thank fuck he’s quiet because I feel on edge. I don’t want to beat the shit out of anyone, but my nerves are such that I could lose it.

"So," he finally says, breaking the silence. "About this marriage proposal…"

I clench my jaw. "What about it?"

Matteo sighs. "Look, I know it's not ideal, but?—"

"Not ideal?" I scoff. “I’m a fucking pawn. What I want doesn’t matter as long as the family benefits.”

Matteo falls silent for a moment. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. "Is that really what you think?"

I let out a bitter laugh. "What else am I supposed to think? Sometimes, I wonder why I even came back. It's not like I remember any of you, anyway."

"Hey," Matteo says sharply, giving me a heated glare. "Don't talk like that. We're your family. We love you."

“You love the old Lazaro. I can’t imagine he’d be up for this marriage either. Rinella would likely not let his daughter marry the ‘mad dog’.”

“Rinella doesn’t give a shit about Ava.” Matteo’s fingers grip the steering wheel like he wishes he could throttle Rinella.

I take the comment as a dig. Like they all still think I’m a maniac and Rinella doesn’t care about it. “Gee, thanks.”

Matteo rolls his eyes. "This marriage could solve a lot of problems for the family. It's not just about you."

"Right," I snort. "Because it's always about the greater good, isn't it? Tell me, Matteo, how many sacrifices have you made for the family lately? How about Elio?" My mind goes back to Elio and Piper. The way he looks at her with a deep love. The same way she looks at him. He chose her over family duty. But I have no choice? That’s fucked.

I shake my head. “If this deal between the families is so important, why don't you marry her?”

“I would, but I’m not a D’Amato. Rinella wants a D’Amato.”

I frown at him. “We’re cousins. Your mom was my dad’s sister, right? You work in the family?—”

“Rinella wants the D’Amato name, I guess.”

Resentment builds. Elio got to choose. Even Lana, she’s with a cop. They got to choose.

My thoughts drift to Diana. More often than not, I don’t feel I can breathe unless she’s around. Could I do like Elio and Lana and choose her instead of family duty?

Part of me wants to follow Elio's example, to throw caution to the wind and choose love. But another part, the part that's still trying to figure out who I am, hesitates. What if I'm not enough to make her stay? What if the excitement of our relationship fades, and she realizes she wants more than I can offer? What happens when the wanderlust hits her again and she sets out on her next adventure, leaving me behind?

The uncertainty gnaws at me. I've already lost so much—my memories, my sense of self. The thought of losing Diana too… it's almost too much to bear. But I don’t own her.

Do I fight for what I want, knowing it might all be temporary? Or do I resign myself to duty, to the life that's been laid out for me?