21. Diana

21

DIANA

I try to leave to prepare for my date, but Anna indicates that Lazaro hasn’t talked to her. Did he forget? I can’t go against my boss, so I stay, hoping Lazaro won’t be mad that I’m not ready.

But then, Maria comes flying into the kitchen reporting that Mr. Rinella has stopped by and will be staying for dinner. She remarks that the tension between him and Elio is thick, so we know this dinner is important.

And now I understand why Lazaro hasn’t let Anna know about our date. I wish he’d told me what was happening, but I can imagine that Lazaro is feeling a little bit stressed. He’s sensitive to tension in the air.

In the last few weeks, he’s seemed more at ease. He laughs more easily with Matteo, discusses business with Elio without getting frustrated, and even seems to be mending things with Lana. It warms my heart to see Lazaro eager to reconnect with them and take part in the family business. Though he still struggles with his memory loss, it's like he's found his place again. The loyalty and protectiveness he feels for his siblings is evident, even if he can't remember specific moments from their shared past.

I hope his feeling more involved and a part of his family means he’ll be able to cope if there’s conflict during the meal.

As the dinner is plated, I try to make myself scarce, hoping to avoid the task of serving. The idea of being in front of Lazaro while he's with his family and this important guest makes me uncomfortable. Not to mention Lana's intense presence. I know she wouldn’t want me distracting Lazaro.

"Diana, we need you to help serve tonight," Anna says, catching me as I attempt to slip into the pantry.

“Wouldn't it be better if?—"

"This is important.” She shoves two plates at me.

“Just serve and return to the kitchen.”

As I approach the door to the dining room, I hear conversation inside.

Lana's voice carries clearly through the partially open door. "Ava could make an excellent match for Lazaro, don't you think?"

My heart stops. Did I hear that right? I freeze, straining to hear more.

“That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? For her to marry a D’Amato. Even better, Lazaro is closer to her age.”

The dishes in my hands suddenly feel like they weigh a ton. A painful knot forms in my chest as the implications of what I'm hearing sink in. Lazaro… married to someone else? To this Ava girl?

I know I shouldn't be surprised. After all, I'm just the help, a temporary fling at best. But the thought of Lazaro with another woman, of losing him, makes me feel physically ill.

"Diana! What are you doing?" Maria hisses from behind me. "Get moving, we need to serve!"

I take a deep breath and step into the dining room, my hands trembling slightly as I carry plates into the dining room. The moment I enter, Lazaro's eyes find mine. His eyes widen and the surprise is followed by a flicker of apology in his gaze. Is he sorry he missed our date or that he’s engaged to another woman?

“Lazaro may be a D’Amato, but I remember a wildly untamed young man. I’m not sure that’s good for Ava.”

Matteo scoffs. “Like you care who she marries. We all know that alliance is more important to you. And despite what you say, Caruso likes Elio more than you, so?—”

“Matteo,” Elio says in a warning tone.

I swallow as I set a plate in front of Piper.

“I won’t deny that a marriage between our families could solve a lot of problems,” Mr. Rinella says.

I risk a glance at Lazaro as I set a plate in front of Elysse. He looks uncomfortable. His jaw is tight, and there’s tension in his shoulders. But he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t tell them he’s with me.

I feel like I can't breathe, my chest constricting painfully. As I finish serving and prepare to leave the room, I catch Lazaro's eye once more. There's a storm of emotions in his gaze, confusion, frustration, and something else I can't quite place.

I hurry out of the dining room, my heart pounding and tears threatening to spill over. I'd known this moment would come eventually, but I wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt. The reality of my situation crashes down on me. I’m just the help. Even if Lazaro wanted me, his family wouldn’t allow it. Not when they need to form an alliance with Mr. Rinella.

As I push through the kitchen door, Anna immediately hands me more plates. "Here, take these out to the dining room.”

Maria sidles up next to me, her eyes sparkling. "Can you believe it? A marriage arrangement between Lazaro and Ava Rinella! Is it weird that a few months ago, she was engaged to Elio?"

Her casual comment feels like a knife twisting in my chest. I struggle to keep my composure, my hands shaking as I try to balance the plates.

Anna glances over, finally noticing my state. She frowns and takes the plates from me. "On second thought, I’ll take these out. Diana, you stay here and help with dessert prep. We can't have you serving Lazaro's future father-in-law. You're just… well, you know."

The unspoken words hang in the air between us. I'm just the lover. The temporary distraction. Not someone who belongs at that table or in Lazaro's future.

I don’t argue because I don’t want to serve them. I don’t want to hear about Lazaro’s upcoming nuptials.

As Anna leaves with the plates, I turn away, desperately trying to hold back my tears as I finish the dessert and then move on to washing dishes. I slip out of the kitchen as soon as the last dish is dried and put away. My feet carry me swiftly through the halls, up the stairs, and to Lazaro's room. Once inside, I lean against the closed door, my breath coming in ragged gasps as the emotions I've been holding back all evening finally break free.

Tears stream down my face as I look around the room that's become so familiar to me over the past weeks. Lazaro's scent lingers in the air, and memories of our time together flood my mind. The laughter, the passion, the love… it isn't real. Of course it isn’t. I knew it wasn’t and yet, I feel it down to my soul.

I move to my bag to pack up what few items I have. I pause, a shirt clutched in my hands. The thought of never seeing Lazaro again makes my chest ache. But how can I stay, knowing his family wants him to marry someone else? Someone who fits into his world in a way I never could?

Part of me wants to fight for him, to tell him how I feel and beg him to choose me. But Lana's words from weeks ago echo in my mind. I'm just temporary, a distraction. And now, with this potential alliance through marriage on the table, he’s moving on. Didn’t I promise her that when this time came, I’d leave without a word? But he hasn’t said he didn’t want me, hasn’t told me to leave.

I sink onto the bed, overwhelmed by indecision. If I stay and fight for Lazaro, I risk losing my job and any chance of staying close to him. Lana would surely fire me if she knew I was trying to interfere with their plans.

Would Lazaro even want me to fight for him? Or would he choose his family and their expectations over whatever it is we have? The uncertainty gnaws at me, making it hard to breathe.

I stand up, pacing the room as I try to sort through my tangled emotions. My eyes land on a photo of Lazaro with his siblings, their faces alight with laughter. They’re young. Lazaro is probably only eighteen or so. But it’s clear the three siblings are close. How can I compete with that kind of bond?

I decide to leave. I don’t have my apartment anymore, giving it up two weeks ago as a way to save money while I stayed with Lazaro. But I can get a hotel. And after that, perhaps I can make my way to my original destination of Minnesota. After all, Lola is fixed up well enough to make the trip.

But then I remember Lazaro's words from weeks ago, his playful threat to tie me to the bed if I ever disappeared on him again. Though he'd been teasing at the time, the memory gives me pause. Twice, he’d gotten upset that I’d left, and so I can't leave without a word.

With a heavy sigh, I sit to wait, to give him a chance to explain, even if it breaks my heart. I owe him that much.

Hours pass, and I alternate between pacing the room and sitting on the edge of the bed, my nerves frayed. Just as I'm starting to think he won't come at all, I hear unsteady footsteps in the hallway.

The door opens, and Lazaro stumbles in. His tie is loose, jacket rumpled, and there's a glassy look in his eyes that suggests he's had more than a few drinks. But it's the lost expression on his face that truly catches my attention. He looks as adrift as he did when he first came home, all the progress of the past weeks seemingly erased.

As Lazaro sways into the room, his eyes land on my half-packed bag. His brow furrows.

"What're you doing?" he slurs, gesturing toward the bag.

I swallow hard, fighting back tears. "I… I figured Lana wouldn't want me here if you're engaged."

Lazaro's face darkens, and he spits out, "Lana can fuck off."

His vehemence surprises me, and I blink up at him, unsure how to respond.

He takes an unsteady step toward me, his eyes searching my face. "Do you want to leave?" His voice is suddenly soft and vulnerable.

I shake my head. "No."

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight against his chest. "Stay.”

My heart races at his words, a mix of hope and uncertainty flooding through me. I want to ask him about Ava, about the marriage alliance his family seems to want. But fear holds my tongue. What if his answer isn't what I want to hear? What if he’s agreed to this marriage and this moment is just him seeking comfort from the demands of his family like he’s been doing for the last few weeks? Of course, in the past weeks, he came to me after fighting with Lana or a particularly tense situation when working with Matteo. Comforting him because he has to marry another woman seems wrong. And yet, I can’t force myself away.

Instead, I melt into his embrace, breathing in his familiar scent. My arms wrap around him, clinging to him as if he might disappear at any moment.

Lazaro's grip tightens. He pulls back just enough to look into my eyes, his gaze searching mine. Then his lips are on mine, urgent and desperate. I kiss him back with equal fervor, pouring all my conflicted emotions into it.

As Lazaro deepens the kiss, I give in completely to my feelings, pushing aside my doubts and fears. For now, I'll take what I can get, savoring every moment with him while I still can.