23. Diana

23

DIANA

I make breakfast in the kitchen, unable to stop the replay of last night in my head. Overhearing the conversation about Lazaro's potential marriage to Ava Rinella. I should have packed and left, but I stayed and gave in to my feeling for Lazaro, even knowing there was no future with him.

For a moment, I close my eyes, savoring the memory of his arms around me. They way he touched me like I was the center of the world for him. For a minute, I thought maybe he loved me. It was wishful thinking, I'm sure.

This morning, reality sets in. I’m on borrowed time. Any moment, Lana is going to sweep in and fire me. There’s no way Lazaro’s lover can be around when he’s engaged to someone else. Or maybe I can. Aren’t these Mafia families run by macho men who do what they want, including cheat on their spouses?

But I don’t see that in Lazaro. He’s got issues, but he’s clearly loyal. Elio too. I can’t imagine him ever looking at another woman sexually. He’s so very much in love with Piper and devoted to his family. Even Lana, who seems so cool and distant, is soft and warm around Henry.

But even if given the option to remain Lazaro’s lover, I don’t want that. It’s not just unfair to Ava, but I want a man who wants me fully, wholly. I don’t want to share.

A small smile comes to my face as I remember Lazaro once saying that to me. It was the first time we had sex after he hunted me down at my apartment, angry that I’d driven off without a goodbye.

So far, I haven’t been fired, and I’m not one to skip work. I've always prided myself on my strong work ethic, whether that was as a short order cook, assistant to a caterer, bartending, or a barista. I don’t let my personal drama interfere with my job responsibilities. Besides, I need this job. Sure, I’ve saved a little bit by letting my apartment go, but my nest egg is still tiny.

I think I hear the kitchen door open, but I don’t look. I keep at the stove, preparing omelets for breakfast. Cooking normally calms me, but I’m tense, partly waiting for Lana to fire me and partly expecting Lazaro to come to the kitchen and not knowing how to respond.

Anna bustles past, giving me a curious look. I force a smile.

I hear voices. Matteo? Lazaro?

I tense, waiting for Lazaro to enter. Time ticks by, but he doesn’t come. I should be relieved, but I’m not. I wonder what’s going on? Was last night a last moment together before he fulfills his duty? Or does he still want me? Would he fight for me? Could he fight for me?

I shake my head of the tormenting thoughts, throwing myself into my work, wishing for a distraction. But every time the inner door creaks, I jump, half-expecting to see Lana storming in to confront me.

"Diana, are you okay?" Anna asks gently. "You seem on edge today."

I manage a weak smile. "Just a bit tired, that's all."

As I continue prepping ingredients, I’m acutely aware that everything's about to change. I don’t like that I’ve surrendered my future to this family. In the past, I’d tell my boss thank you for the opportunity, tender my resignation, and I’d head off on my next adventure. But I don’t want to leave. For the first time in my life, I feel like this could be my home. Crazy, right?

Once Janey serves breakfast, I bustle about the kitchen cleaning up breakfast to get ready for lunch and dinner.

“Diana, can you take this back to the buffet?” Anna hands me a large silver bowl used with dinner last night. The buffet is in the dining room, a place I’d rather avoid while the family… more specifically, Lana, is there.

“The family is finished,” she says as if she knows my concern.

I take the bowl and tentatively make my way to the dining room. As I open the buffet to store the bowl, my ears perk up as I recognize Lana and Elio talking in hushed tones. My first instinct is to run back to the kitchen. But then I hear Lana.

"I'm worried about pushing this marriage on Lazaro. He's still not emotionally ready."

I’ve grown to resent Lana, but my heart softens at hearing her defend Lazaro. That she recognizes he’s still vulnerable.

"It's possible he won't get them back. In fact, we should assume he won't. But he's family and in the business. Besides, Ava is a beautiful woman, a virgin. I can't imagine that won't appeal to Lazaro."

“Does your wife know you’re such a misogynistic pig?” Lana quips.

I’m starting to like her more.

“You remember how he used to be. I can’t imagine there’s a woman of age in this town he hasn’t fucked.”

I swallow, remembering how Lana told me about his former womanizing ways.

“Still being a pig,” Lana retorts. “Besides, he’s not the same. As far as I can tell, Diana is the only woman he’s fucking. Matteo says he doesn’t even look at the women in the club.”

I shouldn’t be happy to hear that since there’s no future for me and Lazaro, but I do feel a thrill at knowing I’m the only one in Lazaro’s life right now.

He’s young. He’ll get over it,” Elio responds.

“Like you got over Piper?”

“I would have married Ava if Piper hadn’t returned. Jesus, Lana, how much did you bust my balls about family duty and this alliance with Vincenzo? Why does Lazaro get a pass?”

“Because it was your duty, Elio. Don’t you feel a little guilty about making him pay for your failure? Especially when he’s still not settled?”

You go, girl , I silently cheer Lana.

“He never said he wouldn’t do it. And we’ve got time. Once he meets Ava, he’ll come around.”

My heart stops. Lazaro never said he wouldn’t marry her? What had he said?

Realizing I’m at risk of being found eavesdropping, I hurry back to the kitchen, now more convinced that my time here is short. Even with Lana trying to put on the brakes with this arrangement, Lazaro must be considering it. And Elio is certain that Lazaro will choose her over me.

I'm just a nobody, a drifter who stumbled into this world of power and privilege. How could I ever think I belonged? Lazaro deserves someone from his own world, someone who can understand and support him in ways I never could.

I turn inward as I continue my duties. Prepping. Cleaning. I’m relieved when Anna tells me she has to go to the store to pick up some last-minute items. I need to be alone. I lose myself in the quiet of the kitchen, only the sound of the dishwasher humming in the background as I knead dough for tonight’s dinner rolls.

I'm startled from my melancholy by Janey's frantic voice. "Diana. Hurry, we need a tray of tea and cookies.”

“Oh?” Immediately, I put on water for tea. “What’s going on?” Has Mr. Rinella stopped by again?

“Ava Rinella is here with Lazaro. They need to be served in the living room.”

I press my lips together as if that will stop the tears from forming in my eyes. “I’ll have it ready for you in a few minutes.”

“Can you take it? Mrs. D’Amato needs me in Elysse’s room.”

“It will be a minute. You can take it on your way.” There’s no way I can see Lazaro with Ava.

“I can’t. I’m supposed to be bringing up towels right now. Ms. D’Amato caught me on the way to get them to let me know Lazaro needed refreshments.”

So much for Lana protecting Lazaro from having to make this decision.

I prepare the tea and cookies, setting them on a tray. It takes me a few minutes to steel myself at what I’m about to do. Then I pick up the tray and make my way to the living room. As I approach the partly open sliding door to the room, I pause as voices drift out.

“Are you afraid of me?” Lazaro asks gently. I peek through the crack in the door to see him standing away from where Ava sits demurely on the couch.

“I don’t know you,” Ava answers diplomatically. I realize she’s as much of a playing piece to a game as Lazaro is. She has no choice either. Her father wants to pawn her off as a business deal. I feel bad for her even as I’m jealous.

“You know my reputation, though,” Lazaro says.

Ava nods.

Lazaro cocks his head as he studies her. “Is this what you want?”

Ava shrugs. “I want to make my father happy.”

“But what do you want?” Lazaro asks. My heart beat picks up. Maybe if she doesn’t want this, they can find a way out of it.

“I don’t want to go to New York. Your brother was kind to me. I can see you have a close family. I’d be safe in the D’Amato family.”

I can't help but feel a wave of empathy for her. She wants to please her father, to find safety in a powerful family.

As I listen to Lazaro gently probing Ava about her desires, I'm struck by his compassion. He genuinely seems to care about what she wants, not just what this marriage could do for his family or hers. It's one of the things I love about him, his hidden kindness beneath that gruff exterior.

A pang of longing hits me as I imagine them together. Lazaro, with his strength and intensity, and Ava, with her innocence and vulnerability. They could be good for each other. He could protect her, give her the safety she craves. And she could give him a fresh start, a chance to build something untainted by his past. It would please his family, something I’m certain he wants to do.

The thought of them finding happiness together both warms my heart and breaks it. I want Lazaro to be happy, to find peace after everything he's been through. But the idea of watching their relationship blossom, of being on the outside looking in… it's unbearable.

I take a deep breath, steeling myself to enter the room. Whatever happens, I need to remember my place. I'm here to do a job, nothing more. Even if every fiber of my being longs to be the one sitting across from Lazaro, sharing hopes and dreams for the future.

“I’ll take it.”

I nearly jump out of my skin when Lana appears beside me. My heart races as I brace for the inevitable confrontation. But to my utter shock, Lana simply takes the tray from my hands without a word and enters the room.

I stand there, frozen in disbelief. No harsh words? No threats? No accusations about my relationship with Lazaro? No terminating my employment. It doesn't make any sense.

I stumble back to the kitchen, my mind reeling as I mechanically return to my tasks. Does Lana’s lack of reaction mean she's already written me off as a non-threat? That Lazaro's marriage to Ava is a foregone conclusion? That he’s accepted it and is prepared to let me go?

It’s time for me to face the truth. Lazaro will marry Ava, solidifying his place in the family and the business.

I've always known my time here was temporary. It's been the nature of my life, moving along when my time has come to an end. But for the first time, the thought of moving on fills me with a deep, aching sadness.

I do my work for the day, hiding in the kitchen and avoiding the family. When the day is done, I head upstairs, grabbing my bag and packing. It doesn’t take long because I don’t own much. I consider leaving without a word to Lazaro, but it had upset him when I’d done so before, so I sit on the bed and wait.

Hours later, I’m sitting. It’s like déjà vu from last night. But if I’m to find a place to stay before it gets too late, I need to go.

I head down to Anna’s room. She’s surprised to see me at her door.

“Do you know where Lazaro is?”

“I believe he had to go out with Mr. Moretti,” she says, referring to Matteo. Her gaze goes to my backpack, and her eyes soften.

"I want to thank you for all you’ve done to help me in this job. I’ve really enjoyed working with you, but I… I think it's time for me to move on. I'd like to resign."

There's understanding in Anna’s eyes. She pulls me into a tight hug, surprising me with her warmth. “You’re a good cook and reliable worker. If you need a reference, give them my name.”

Tears prick at my eyes as I return her embrace. "Thank you for everything, Anna. You've been so kind to me."

As I walk out of the D'Amato mansion for the last time, a bittersweet ache settles in my chest. This place, these people… they've become more important to me than I ever expected. More than I truly realized. But it's time to close this chapter of my life.

I climb into Lola and take one last look at the grand house. So many memories, both good and bad, are wrapped up in those walls. Part of me wants to wait to see Lazaro one last time. But perhaps this is better. He might be upset, but at the same time, my leaving makes his life easier too. I’m keeping him in limbo. He needs to move on too.

As I start the engine, I smile wanly at the smooth purr. Lazaro's handiwork, his final gift to me.

With a heavy heart, I pull away from the garage and down the drive, leaving behind the place that, for a brief moment, felt like home.