Chapter 34

34

On our drive, the sky was slowly falling into darkness. Blends of orange, pink, and purple melted above, and shadows started to creep over the city as the sun set behind the buildings.

I watched out the window the whole drive, the lights blurring past me and people walking the street with their friends, laughing together, couples holding hands and talking intimately with each other, and the lone travellers out for their evening run. It was better to people-watch than to be consumed in the silence that echoed throughout the car. It was so strong, the distance that was building between us, and I was trying to cling to the edge of the mountain as it tried to split us apart. But he was there on the other side, not even trying to save me.

I wanted to stay clueless and grasp however much time he was willing to give me until he called it. I wanted to consume myself in his presence before it was over.

And it was ripping me apart, knowing that the minutes were ticking down. But I was willing to withstand it to just have him for as long as he would have me.

I held onto the glimmer of hope that this was all in my head, and we would be more than just kisses in the darkness and longing looks. This guilt that held onto us would disappear once we confessed to Liam and my brother and it would all be okay. He would look at me and finally tell me what he felt.

We pulled up at the baseball field and I finally brought my gaze to Reece who was already looking my way, his eyes jumping over every single feature of my face and my heart clenched.

I thought I would make a joke then to try and lighten the air around us. "Taking a walk down memory lane, are we?"

From the river to the baseball field, it was the two most prevalent places in our lives.

He didn't smile like I thought he would. His brows wrinkled just the slightest bit, and I swallowed. "Something like that."

I wanted him to prove me wrong. Just once. I screamed it inside my head, hoping he would hear me, but he just got out of the car and grabbed the picnic blanket and pillows we had used at the river. I let out a long breath and tilted my head back against the headrest for a moment before getting out and following him towards the middle of the field.

He laid the blanket down over the pitching mound and then held his hand out for me. "Want to watch the sunset with me and stargaze?"

That smile I loved so much appeared again, whisking all of my fears and thoughts away as I grabbed his hand and leaned back against the mound. Just for the moment, I would pretend all was okay. He was here with me, holding my hand and looking at me with this delicate softness in his eyes. The green in his eyes looked brighter at that moment, like fresh grass after it had rained.

"I used to come here all the time," Reece began, his gaze shifting to the sky, and he tucked his free arm underneath his head. "It was originally the place I would come to when I wanted to clear my head or just wanted some peace. Or obviously, when I'm left here." His mouth ticked as he said the last sentence, and I squeezed his hand.

"What made you go to the river then?" I asked.

He turned his head to mine before answering. "There was practice on after a fight I had with my Dad, so I knew I couldn't go there. I ended up just driving around until I stopped at the river. It somehow just put my head at peace as I sat in the carpark." He squeezed my hand before continuing. "That's when I met you."

A smile crept onto my face. "It feels like such a long time ago now."

"Yeah," he agreed, his lips curving. "I was wearing all black, so it was understandable that you didn't see me. But I watched you as you walked down the pier with your gaze solely focused on the sky. I was kind of mesmerised watching you watch the sky in fascination and wonder. I'd thought ‘I wish I was like that. So easily fixed in the present and could admire the beauty of the world'." He smiled sadly as he turned to look back at the sky.

"Reece," I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"It's okay. I can't escape the past. I'm coming to accept that. I'll always be a reminder of what was lost."

Bit by bit, my heart splintered for him.

"I can help you, Reece. You just have to let me be there for you. Please," I begged, wanting to be there for him like he had been for me. He just had to let me in. To open up to me and allow himself to lean on me.

He didn't look at me, though. Not once. I didn't know whether it was to avoid seeing my pleading eyes or that he just didn't care.

He shook his head, and his jaw tightened. "You can't help me, Kody. I don't think anyone can. This is a me problem. I can't expect anyone else to fix what's already broken."

"I'm not asking to fix you. I just want to be the person who holds you when you feel like everything is falling apart. I want you to be able to come to me and just unload all of what is trapped in that head of yours. You can't be expected to hold this all on your own."

He turned his head towards me then, eyes full of sadness, vulnerability, and such deep-seated guilt and grief. He let go of my hand and beckoned me to come closer. "Come here."

I tucked myself into his side, my head resting on his shoulder as his arm came to curl around me. I felt the light press of his lips against my temple, and I relaxed into the comfort of his embrace. I was engulfed in that mixed earthy and woody scent that seemed to be entirely his.

I let myself sink into the feeling of us together and how well we fit. His heart thundered under my head in a fast, rhythmic beat, but when I started to trail my fingers in patterns over his chest, I smiled when I felt his heart pound faster, and I let myself believe it was because of me and my touch.

The sky melted into darkness, and only a few specks of stars appeared for us, if any.

"So much for star gazing," Reece said, amused.

I chuckled. "That's fine. This is nice, though."

I tucked closer to him and his arm tightened around me while his other hand reached over to rest on my hip. The night buzzed around us, but there we were, just two souls intertwined as minuscule beings in the universe.

A content sigh left him. "Yeah. This is nice."