Chapter 14

14

By early evening on my birthday, the whole house was covered in an explosion of baby blues and white decorations. Alex and Avery had come over early to help decorate the house with balloons, streamers, and banners that read ‘Happy 18th Birthday'.

We set up enough finger food to feed a village in the kitchen and had plastic cups sitting on the bench, ready for people to use for their drinks. I didn't expect many people to come since I didn't have many close friends but with Alex in charge of the invites, who knew what would happen? The amount of people to arrive could vary and I was nervous about what my dad would think. He wasn't home for the weekend, said he trusted me with the house and would stay with a friend. Feeling trusted was endearing, but I didn't want to mess it up with too many people wrecking the house. And Alex knew that, but I hoped he didn't accidentally slip up and mention a party to anyone other than the necessary people.

It was around four in the afternoon when we started drinking after finishing decorating, letting loose in the middle of the living room with the music blaring through the speakers. Our drinks consisted of one too many shots and premixes that we guzzled down way too fast. Alex kept pouring round after round, promising only one more, and soon, it was our fourth or fifth shot before we put a stop to his shenanigans so we could get ready before we were too hammered.

After showering and dressing, I put on a sheer glittery black top with chain shoulder straps and pale high-waisted ripped jeans. The top hung loosely over my chest and was so sheer I was surprised it covered my nipples. But I felt hot in it. Avery told me so, too, when she forced me to try it on and then bought it for me a couple of days before. I feared, though, that I would be covered in glitter for days to follow.

I roughly straightened my hair before twisting it up into a claw clip while Avery applied makeup to my face. She loved doing other people's makeup. She was always doing mine and trying out something new. I sat there and let her, the soft brush strokes against my skin almost lulled me to sleep.

She applied a mostly neutral palette to my face and added a dark red to my lips. She always loved applying red lipstick on me, said it made my pale blue eyes pop. It was also her strategic way of telling if I had gotten up to anything if I snuck away at parties. I may have been caught once or twice before by her tactic.

She smiled at her work and kissed her fingers in appreciation. "God, I'm good."

I smiled with her because she really was. There wasn't a single thing creatively that she couldn't do. Makeup, painting, drawing, sewing, dancing, acting. Whatever it was, she had dabbled in it, always having her foot in many doors.

By the time seven o'clock came around, people were lingering around the kitchen with drinks in hand, munching on the food that laid across the wide island bench.

We gushed and chatted like we hadn't seen each other for months when it had only been three weeks since we graduated. We talked about post-graduation life and how schoolies was, comparing our experience in Airlie to theirs in Gold Coast. Some of us danced and sang, some clung to the seats around the dining table as they drank their fair share of alcohol and played a round of cards.

I, however, kept myself busy in the kitchen, picking at the food and mixing drink after drink for myself while my friends chatted around me. I was doing anything to keep myself busy so I wasn't caught watching the door all night. Waiting. Anticipating. Willing the door to open, and the person I was waiting for to appear. My nerves prickled to the surface every time my eyes flicked to the closed door. I just wanted to be reassured that we were okay and it wasn't going to be weird between us.

But then again, I hoped he didn't come. I felt so stupid thinking he would kiss me. It's all that's been on my mind for the last five days. I felt like I had made it all up in my head, the way his hand held my face and his fingertips softly caressed my skin, the way he slowly leaned towards me. It was gone all too quickly for my brain to even catch up. He seemed so easily unaffected and walked away seemingly detached from it, making me feel embarrassed.

The way he could so easily affect me like this, muddling my mind and making me feel so much from just the graze of his lips scared me more than it should. Because we were friends, it should be easy to laugh off that tiny, minuscule moment and move on. I was in a vulnerable moment and he was soothing me with all the sweet words I needed. But the fluttering in my stomach sure didn't feel like it was the friendship territory, and I needed to shut it down quickly.

I wondered how someone could get under my skin so quickly like that. Why he made me forget all about my fears when he was near.

Two hours passed and there were at least twenty people gathered around the kitchen and lounge area, either chatting or playing ping pong where the dining table usually sat. A few people sat around the outdoor table where the main speaker played music Nate was controlling, after insisting he had better music taste. Although I disagreed, I let him take charge, wanting to enjoy myself and not worry about playing DJ.

Reece had begun to fade from my mind by the time I was dragged into a game of ping pong. The rules involved alcohol to make it more interesting — if you miss the ball or hit the net, you drink — but with my terrible aim and already blurred vision, it was bound to be a terrible game for me.

A few serves in, I already had to drink twice. When the next serve began, I managed to return the ball, but the second time, I completely missed. I swore and laughed at myself before turning to pick the ball up. That was when my eyes met Reece's, straightening from where he was crouched with the ping pong ball in hand.

His crooked smile stretched across his face as he handed the ball to me, and it was like the sight of his face made me sober a little. My hazy eyes cleared enough to only see him. Clad in a black T-shirt and cream shorts, his cologne wrapped around me like it always did in a breeze of sandalwood and vanilla. Although my mind was affected by alcohol, everything around me faded away and he was the clearest image I saw all night.

His voice was smooth and velvety, and I'm sure my mind exaggerated his voice with the way he muttered, "Happy birthday, Summers."

It was so easy to be wrapped in his presence and forget where I was with just a twist of his lips and the smoothness of his voice.

"You finally decided to come?" My words weren't meant to be phrased as a question, but they flowed out that way with how confused I felt, a slight sassed lilt to them.

His lips twisted as he shifted his gaze past me to the sliding doors outside where Nate sat. "I guess. Nate was blowing up my phone to see if I was coming. I wasn't sure I was welcome…"

He trailed off, and the implications of what had happened a couple of days prior lay in his untold words. I swallowed and pressed down the nerves that began to bubble up my throat before they sat there with an uncomfortable pressure.

"You were invited. Why wouldn't you be?" I acted clueless, like I didn't know what he was implying while trying to avoid the topic.

Reece saw right through it and shouldered on. "You know what I'm talking about, Dakota. Look, I'm sorry about?—"

I stopped him from continuing, his words already felt like lasers shooting straight into my heart. "Don't worry about it. I get it. It shouldn't have happened. We're friends, right? So we can pretend it never did."

My words were a quick fire of bullets as my body jittered with the need to run from the conversation, the current of it was ready to pull me under. I didn't have the guts to hear his response. So I excused myself and turned, making my way far away from him, which was hard with the minimal people to hide behind.

But surprisingly, Nate made it easy by cutting in front of him as I slipped between a group of people near the kitchen, hidden from his view. I didn't miss the look he shot me before I disappeared, though. Half pleading and half annoyed.

An hour and a half went by with the dance between us as I tried to avoid him. When he stepped closer, I retreated the opposite way. When I was in the middle of another game of ping pong, Alex or Avery would play my wing person, redirect him, or distract him in conversation long enough for me to dip away.

It was when I had absolutely no one to help me disappear that his gaze locked on mine with determination in his stance. I found myself retreating to the bathroom, locking it behind me and gulping in the fresh air through the open window as well as the drink I snatched on my way in.

I wanted so badly for that almost kiss to never have happened, but also for it to have never stopped where it did. Because now that I had felt the way he held me, looked at me, breathed me in, I was like an addict, feigning for more. But I knew if it would have continued, we would still have to pretend it never happened. I wasn't strong enough for that, I don't think. But in the moment, while his lips hovered over mine, I knew he wasn't thinking about Nate or Liam or our friendship, and neither was I. We threw our situation and all the consequences that would follow out the window. Now, it was me running away.

And god, for once, I just wished I could stop hiding.

I laughed at myself for that. I was always running away from reality. But I couldn't help it. I didn't want to dive deep and realise what I felt was one-sided. I've seen the destruction of one-sided love with my parents.

But in that moment, I was back to square one with this stupid little crush festering again. I don't know how to explain it but everything felt different between us since that week away. I didn't have the guts to do anything about it though, knowing it would never be reciprocated. Could never be reciprocated.

I splashed some water against the flushed skin of my neck, avoiding my face to not ruin the makeup Avery had done, and leaned my hands against the sink. I sucked in a deep breath to gather enough strength to put up a facade that I was fine. That I hadn't been so affected by him. I exhaled, stepping away from the sink before shaking out my arms, glitter already sticking to them, and nodding to myself in the mirror. A mental pep talk to myself that I could face this repeating in my head.

I opened the door, but stopped abruptly at the opening, not expecting Reece to be standing there, leaning against the wall on the opposite side with his hands in his pockets and not a trace of that smile I had grown accustomed to on his face. He stared at me with an unreadable expression as I squeaked out a surprised "hi". My bravado was dwindling with every second he stared at me.

Then he made his move, taking a step towards me as I took one back in return, almost unconsciously. His eyes held mine, hard and unyielding, as I tried to decipher what was going on in his head.

"We need to talk," he said in a stiff voice that had me stepping back again, further into the bathroom. He followed, and before I could say anything to get out of it, he shut the door behind him and leaned against it with his arms crossed.

I knew he wouldn't stop me if I really wanted to leave, but he was right. I needed to face my fears.

But was I really ready for this talk? To know what he was thinking, to hear his rejection? To lose the friendship we had only just gotten back?