Chapter 13

13

A few days later, I found myself sitting along the pier, my feet brushing the cool water beneath, causing a ripple effect while absentmindedly throwing pebbles of frozen peas to the surrounding ducks to feed off. We used to keep it as an ice pack at home, but I needed to get out of the house for a change of scenery, and there was nothing else to use.

I'd already been there for half an hour, and my skin was turning pink from the sun. I was too far into my thoughts to pay attention, though, so the raw skin didn't bother me that much as I tucked my leg to my chest and rested my chin on my knee.

The setting sun behind the cityscape made for a picture-perfect moment, the blends of pinks and oranges behind the shadows of tall buildings and the bridge. I breathed in the moment, already having snapped photos of the cotton candy sky with the camera that now sat beside me.

I felt so lost. I didn't have a direction in life I wanted to go in. Felt like I had no guidance. Nothing to fulfil me. Nothing to achieve. I didn't know what I enjoyed enough to continue for the rest of my life. But I knew for sure I didn't want to go back to school. I barely passed high school. I hated every second of it. Of being bent over a book or a piece of paper, jotting down notes. Of filling my head with the most nonsensical things that I knew I wouldn't use in my life.

Every time I was stuffed into a classroom and had to analyse a century-old book or had to learn advanced maths, I felt my skin itch. I didn't see the point in them. For me, anyway. But I wish I'd spent more time finding what I was passionate about, rather than putting in the bare minimum effort to pass.

The more pressure my mother put on me, the more panicked I felt about my future. It made me feel like I had to rush to get ahead of time otherwise, I was going to end up doing nothing with my life and regretting everything that could have been.

I don't know what set off this sense of melancholy in me. Maybe it was that conversation with Nate that brewed these thoughts when my brain wouldn't shut off at one in the morning. Maybe it was the notification from the group chat from Avery confirming the date she was moving away to Sydney for University. It made me feel like I was going to watch everyone around me move away and lead successful lives, while I was stuck where we all started. In the same town, doing the same thing on repeat. And that scared me more than anything.

I was mere seconds away from bursting into hysterics like a mad woman alone by the river, when a low, familiar voice wrapped around me.

"You look like you could use some company."

Covering my eyes from the sun, I turned and watched Reece make his way down the short jetty to where I sat. I smiled and hoped my cheeks didn't seem as blotchy as they felt from my near breakdown.

He had come at just the right time, taking me out of my runaway thoughts.

"That would be nice," I said as he stepped closer and took a seat right next to me. His eyes flickered over my face for a moment before holding my gaze.

"You okay?"

Those words and his low voice washed over me like a tidal wave. I couldn't stop the slight tremble in my chin before I bit down on my lower lip to conceal it. It was like a trigger when someone asked if you were okay, no matter how much you tried to bury your emotions.

"I'm fine, I'm just—" I paused. I wasn't sure how much to tell him because it kind of felt ridiculous to say out loud. I felt dramatic like I was overthinking things that didn't need to be weighing me down.

"You can tell me anything, you know," he said, and I looked over to him. His eyes were like the calmest waters, inviting and clear. He smiled softly, and I let out a deep breath. "This is our space, remember. No matter how crazy and ridiculous our worries and secrets sound, nothing we say leaves here."

My heart felt like it tripped over itself as I tore my eyes from him and focused my gaze out over the glistening water. My lip wobbled again, and I sucked in a deep breath, a lone tear escaping.

"This probably sounds so overdramatic, but I just feel like I'm being left behind. I'm so lost, and I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I feel all this pressure to know, but I have no idea what interests me enough to make a career out of it." I swallowed before continuing, knowing this bit was embarrassing to admit. "Nate is in Townsville, Alex is going to university, so he won't have time, and now Avery is moving to Sydney. It's like everyone is leaving, and I'm just stuck here and I'm scared. I'm scared we'll all lose contact and everyone will forget about me."

I didn't have the guts to look at him. Every word that fell from my lips sounded crazy, even to me.

More tears escaped down my cheek, and I tried to hide them behind my hair. I wished the water beneath me would swallow me whole so I didn't have to bear facing what he thought of all I said. I waited for him to laugh or leave me here alone.

But none of that happened.

I felt him move beside me, but instead of leaving me to wallow in my dramatics, his fingers curled around my chin, guiding my face to look at him. He had moved his body to face me entirely, and I wondered if he could hear my heart beating with how fast and hard it thudded against my chest. My eyes flickered between his, watching as his gaze followed the trail of tear marks on my cheek before his thumb softly wiped them away.

Everything faded around me and it was like a blanket had been thrown over us. All I saw was him. All I felt was him. I was sucked into this world, and it was a welcomed reprieve I didn't want to leave.

Reece's hand fell from my face to thread through my fingers in my lap. He played with my fingers for a moment, his eyes watching as he drew patterns and twisted my fingers before looking back at me with a small smile.

" I don't think you're overdramatic at all. I get it, actually." He squeezed my hand. "Change is scary, especially when it's something unfamiliar and unexpected. But Kody, you can do anything you put your mind to. And, I can tell you this; the people meant to be in your life won't disappear just because they move. If they're your friends, they won't forget you and will make time for you, no matter what. From the times we have hung out, I know they love you too much to forget you. It would be impossible to forget the peace you bring to others. To me. Even when my future is unknown, I know I'll still have you." His lips lifted before he looked down at our intertwined hands, the stark difference between them standing out. His hand engulfed mine, the rough callouses running along my soft skin. And then, he ended in a whisper, smile dropping in the passing minutes, "Even when I'm not the one that gets to decide it."

It was like realising we were both floating in the same tattered boat that was slowly sinking, coasting through the murky waters and wondering if we would ever make it to the other side. All I could do was cling to him, knowing I wouldn't be alone.

I wanted to believe him, that I wouldn't be left behind, but wasn't that the natural course of friendship after school? Everyone splits up and finds new friends, and everything from high school becomes a forgotten memory. It's what I believed.

I hadn't realised I had dropped my gaze to our joint hands, lazily tracing patterns as he was before until he tilted my face back up to his with a crook of his finger under my chin. His gaze burned with sincerity and something else as they stared into mine.

"I could never forget about you, Kody. You are too ingrained in my life to forget."

I felt all the air trapped inside my lungs, and I don't think I breathed for a few moments, processing and sinking deeper into his hold and just him. All my thoughts went out the window as his thumb slid up my jaw, caressing my cheek in a way that had me leaning into his touch in a trance. Every worry and anxiety I felt before fled to the back of my mind, and all I could focus on was the smell of mint on his breath, the way his green eyes seemed darker at that moment, and how they scanned down to my lips, and the small proximity they were to his.

I waited for him to move closer, to feel the soft push of his lips against mine, waited to see if maybe he would reject me.

"We probably shouldn't do this," he whispered, but he didn't move an inch.

I flicked my eyes up to his, not realising I was staring at his lips. "You're probably right."

His eyes came up to meet mine as well, and he swallowed. "It would mess everything up."

I couldn't help but agree. "Everything."

"But," He paused, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth. "I've wanted to do this for a very long time." Then his forehead touched mine, and my eyes fluttered close.

"So have I," I breathed.

"Kody," he puffed out, and I almost melted right there.

I felt him move closer, his nose brushing mine, his soft lips ghosting mine. A tingling sensation erupted underneath my skin, and butterflies swarmed my stomach. He was so close. His breath was my breath. I was so close to pushing forward and pressing my lips to his. The anticipation was too much.

But the shrill of a phone alarm had us flying apart, and the sharp whip of cool air slapped against my face like it was bringing me back to the present, filling my lungs with air and dissipating the haze around me.

Fuck. Fucking, fuck.

I hastily patted around for my phone, thinking it was mine breaking the bubble we had created, but my shaky fingers and scattered brain stumble around everywhere it was not. I stopped when I saw Reece produce his phone, the screen lit up with an incoming call from his dad.

He cleared his throat, a frown forming on his face. "Uh, sorry. I've gotta take this."

He didn't even look me in the eyes when he got up from his seat and walked a fair distance away to answer the call.

I sagged with my head in my hands and let out a low groan. "What the fuck?" I smack my forehead a couple of times. "Are you a goddamn idiot?" I questioned myself.

I must've been, because how idiotic do you have to be to almost kiss your brother's and ex's best friend? That in itself is a whole mess. I promised myself I wouldn't involve myself with any more drama. But, there I was.

But if I wanted no drama so badly, why did I wish we never got interrupted? Why did I wish I followed my gut and leaned in? Why was my heart beating so out of control, feeling the ghost of his lip brushing mine?

I was definitely a goddamn idiot.

I peeked over my shoulder to where he stood a few metres away, his voice low and barely heard from where I sat. He looked frustrated and stressed, with his hand running through his hair and his arms flailing around him. I wanted to know what was going on. I wanted to grab hold of whatever was stressing him and toss it into the river where all our other secrets and outrage lay. Something to at least ease the crease in his brow. I knew, though, that whatever the phone call was about was private.

When he hung up the phone, both hands dove into his hair and tugged before dropping his hands to his side with a slight slump in his shoulders. He turned, met my eyes, and stilled. I tried to plaster a soft smile, and he returned it with a quick, tight smile. The molten eyes that stared into mine moments before had been replaced with a pained and guarded look.

God, I wondered what troubled him so much for him to feel that type of weight at only seventeen.

He made his way to me slowly as he chewed on his bottom lip, only to stop a few metres away.

"I've got to head off." He threw a thumb over his shoulder, and his gaze avoided mine. I willed it to meet mine, to let me in, but I could feel the distance he was putting between us. "I'm sorry to do this to you, you know after—" He waved his hand around like he was trying to gather his words while also throwing daggers to my chest as he struggled to say what it was. "But I have to head out."

His phone buzzed in his hand again, and he looked down at it and sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll see you around, Dakota," he said in a detached voice as he turned and walked away.

His words felt like a slap to the face, and an invisible wall pulled between us. He never called me by my full name unless he was trying to put distance between us. Like when I wanted to talk to Liam after their game and he refused to let me near him, his words were like daggers then, too.

The ‘I'll see you around' felt like a further insult to injury. Like we hadn't been hanging out every day the past week and the only possibility to see him would be if we bumped into each other at the shop one day.

What's worse was that I still felt the ghost of his lips brushing mine.

Four words felt like a sucker punch to my chest.

I had never felt so confused and so easily tossed aside. Like I was disposable.

And it was the final piece to tip me over the edge of the downward spiral of my future.

Who cared about me?