Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Annabell

YESTERDAY SHOULD'VE BEEN one of the happiest days of my life. Slim and Shy are now officially my parents. They adopted me after I finally made the decision that it's what I wanted to happen moving forward. Slim and Shy took me into their home when they didn't have to. They've fed me, clothed me, and been there for every single thing I've ever needed. When I want to do something, they encourage and support me. There isn't a single thing they haven't done for me since saving me the night I lost my family. So, I decided that if I got to choose my parents this time, then I wanted them as mine. Plus, I get Playboy, Maddie, and their families as my own now too. Everyone that's been there for me since that awful night.

Instead of being happy and excited for everything, I was lost in my own head most of the day and couldn't celebrate with everyone else. There was a party at the clubhouse and I chose to come home and stay there on my own. Slim and Shy thought it was because of me thinking about my own family. In a way, that's the truth. However, it's not the entire truth. My head was filled with thoughts of Vault and the fact that he wasn't there with me when I wanted him at my side. I haven't talked to him since the day we buried Hound and he went off on me in front of everyone for trying to help him. That was the day our entire relationship changed and it wasn't for the good.

Vault has been at my side since the night I was rescued and brought here. Now, he's nothing more than a memory. He went from being my best friend and someone I was falling in love with to a man that is nothing to me at all. It breaks my heart to know that our relationship is so completely fractured and there's literally nothing I can do to help fix it. Vault doesn't want me around him and that's okay. I'm nothing more than an annoying little girl. Yeah, I heard him say that to Valor the very same day he shattered me into a million pieces. So, I will leave him alone and hope he can mourn the loss of his dad and find what, or who, makes him happy for the rest of his life. For me, I'll try to move on and forget all about the man who makes me feel alive and safe.

Valor ended up coming to spend some time with me while everyone else was celebrating my adoption. We sat on the porch swing together and he talked to me like his twin used to. I will always remember the conversation between the two of us.

"Pretty Girl, what are you doin' here all alone? You should be at the clubhouse celebratin' with everyone. Today was a big day for you," Valor says, sitting down next to me and putting an arm over my shoulders like he's done it a million times before.

"Didn't feel like celebrating with everyone. I'm not wanted or needed around the clubhouse unless I'm helping the ol' ladies and everything is already done," I answer him, looking at my nails that I just got done with Shy for the first day of school.

"That's not true and you know it, Annabell," he states, pulling away to look at me with pain filled eyes.

"It is true. Not only did I hear what Vault said to me when he went off because I handed him a plate of food and was going to sit next to him, but I heard what he told you. I'm nothing more than an annoying girl who hangs out at the clubhouse when I shouldn't be there unless it's a family day," I tell him, tears filling my eyes as I tip my head lower so Valor doesn't see my tears and pain.

"Vault doesn't know what the fuck he's sayin', Pretty Girl. He's hurtin' and so lost in his fuckin' head right now. For the first time in my life, I don't know how to help him. Vault has always looked up to our dad and believed he'd never leave us. I'm not sayin' I didn't look up to my dad because I did. Vault needs to figure his shit out, Annabell. What I do know is that when he does finally pull his head out of his ass, he's gonna feel like shit for the way he's treatin' you. Don't give up on him, Annabell. You've been his light in the dark and his savin' grace when he thought he was gonna lose it all. Vault needs you like you need him. There's somethin' special connectin' the two of you. So, I'm askin' you to wait for him and not give up on him when he's at his lowest," Valor pleads with me, using a finger to tip my head up so he can look me in the eyes and take in all the pain I feel from his words.

"I would never give up on Vault. But, I can't be around him anymore. I used to think we had a special connection too, Valor. We don't. What we have is a trauma bond because I latched onto him when my world was completely ripped to shreds. It's time for me to grow up and move on from whatever delusions I've made up in my head about the two of us. I will always love your brother, but we're both on different paths in life and that's okay. It was the wake-up call I needed and this is my sign that it's time to move on with my life no matter how bleak and hard it seems to be right now," I tell him, knowing deep in my heart that I could truly never give up on Vault for any reason.

"Thank you, Annabell. You do what you feel is best for you and know that you'll always have me. I'm not goin' anywhere and it's time for me to step up and make sure you're okay because my brother would want me to. You need me, I'm nothin' more than a phone call away, Pretty Girl," Valor says, pressing a kiss on the top of my head before leaving me to sit and think over our conversation on the porch alone.

The rest of the night, I stayed inside the house so no one else would wander by and think I wanted to talk to them. Instead of helping me heal or giving me any kind of insight into what I can do for Vault, Valor only made me hurt even more. He made me realize that Vault and I will never have a relationship of any kind despite every single talk we've ever had since I've been here. I have to tell myself that's okay because there's really no choice in the matter. That was the first night of many that I cried myself to sleep and dreamt of a man who will never be a part of my life again.

Today's my first day of school in Benton Falls. Shy is taking me instead of letting Slim after I begged him to stay at the clubhouse and not go with us. I can just imagine what would happen if I showed up to school with him. He'd scare everyone away from me before I even stepped foot inside. Plus, it wouldn't only be Slim that took me to school. My dad would involve the entire club and they'd all ride in on their bikes looking like the badasses they are. Playboy and Slim would be the worst of the group as my dad and big brother. And it wouldn't surprise me if they called Tank to join them either. Seeing him alone would be enough to ensure that no one ever gets near me. Especially any boys. Tank is a big man and when I first met him, I thought he was gonna kill me. Now, I know what a truly great man is, but that's not who he'll show all the kids my age here at school.

I love Slim, but he's intimidating as hell and I know everyone in town knows who he is along with the rest of the Phantom Bastards. I'm not stupid enough to believe no one is going to find out who I belong to now. But, I'll deal with it as the situations arise. People are going to either want to be my friend to get close to the club. Or they'll hate me because I'm around the club on a daily basis. When it comes to the guys I go to school with, they'll probably think I'm some kind of slut because I'm around the club. I've heard about it happening in the past and it's not something I ever want to experience for myself. I'm already going to be at a disadvantage because I'm starting a new school my senior year and have no friends here in town. This will honestly be the longest I've left the clubhouse on my own since I was brought there.

The members of the Phantom Bastards have become my family since losing my own. It was just my parents and me. Neither one had any siblings and my grandparents on both sides have long since passed away. I love everyone in the club and wish I was more like them, but I'm not. Instead of living free, I let fear and nightmares rule my life. I never used to live my life that way. Before everything happened to me, I was free, na?ve, and not afraid of anything. Other than if a boy was going to ask me out or not. I had a ton of friends and I was always doing something. It didn't matter if I was out with friends, at sports or a game, partying with a small group I hung out with on the weekends to celebrate our latest victory, or anything else. My parents always supported me and kept me sheltered from the pure evil of the world. Now, I know there's so much evil around me that it's hard for me to get through the day without thinking someone is out to get me.

Vault used to chase my nightmares away. He'd talk to me on the phone for hours when I would wake up in the middle of the night. We'd talk about everything and nothing at the same time. He would tell me about growing up with Hound as a dad and in the club while I'd share stories of the adventures I'd go on with my parents. Eventually our talks would turn to us and what we wanted out of our future.

He would always talk to me about claiming me when I was done with high school. How we'd eventually get married and I'd give him sons and daughters. I wanted all of that with him. Vault used to tell me about the house we'd live in and what he'd teach our children. Hell, we even had names picked out. Well, he did. I'm not sure I agree with them, but that's okay. We're not there yet and now we never will be. Vault can name his children whatever he wishes with the woman he settles down with. Hopefully she'll be someone who fully supports him and can give him the world like he deserves.

Shy has kept me busy since the day of the funeral. She's taken me shopping to make sure I have more than enough clothes for the school year, gotten all my supplies, and I've been helping her take care of Kinsliegh and Rayven. I've barely had time to think about the upcoming school year, let alone Vault. I know that's exactly what she's hoping to accomplish, but at night when I'm alone in my room, my mind always returns to Vault and everything that has ever happened between the two of us from the very beginning. No one will ever take the pain from me and that's okay. I'll eventually let it dull down to nothing but a small ache in my chest until I can shove it in a box in my mind where it can no longer hurt me again.

The days I'm not out with Shy or helping with the girls, the guys have been training me even more than before. Like the ol' ladies here at the clubhouse, I've taken the time to learn self-defense from the men of the club. However, that's not where I let it end. I talked to Slim, Playboy, and Killer to train me even more than the rest of the women around me. Not only can I shoot a gun, but Killer has been teaching me how to work with knives. He's one of the best teachers I've ever had for this stuff and is so patient despite you thinking he'd be the last one to have any kind of patience when he's working with someone in something so serious. But, every day, I work with the knives and Killer told me I'm one of the best with them and if I keep practicing, I'll be as good as him one day. It was a compliment I didn't know I needed to hear and gave me a boost of confidence.

When we've been alone, Shy has tried to convince me to try out for cheerleading. It's one of the many things I did when my parents were still alive. Not only was I on the school's cheerleading team, but I did competitive cheerleading with a team of girls that were amazing. I know the school team has already started practicing because their first game will be soon. Before, the main thing holding me back was Vault. I wanted to be there for him and cheerleading would take time away from me doing that. Now, I need to learn to live without him in my life because this is only the beginning I fear. Vault is intent on destroying anything that reminds him of his dad. There's nothing anyone can do to help him until he's hit his rock bottom.

As I walk down the stairs with my bag over my shoulder, I find Slim and Shy sitting at the kitchen table. They're talking in hushed tones and I have a feeling it's about the man I fall in love with more on a daily basis. When they see me, they break apart and I know my instincts were right. Vault is always a topic of conversation these days. I just wish they'd all stop tiptoeing around me.

"Morning," I say, setting my bag down to grab breakfast before we leave.

"Mornin' sweetheart. Are you excited for your first day of school?" Slim asks, a smile on his face that doesn't reach his eyes as I take in all the pain and anger buried in their depths.

"I am," I answer, taking a bite of my eggs as the lie makes them taste like sawdust in my mouth.

"Are you tryin' out for the cheer squad?" he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, I think so," I say, plastering a fake smile on my face. "Shy, I'll call you from school and let you know what happens."

"Okay honey," she answers, picking up Rayven and handing her to Slim. "I'm gonna get dressed while you eat."

I quickly eat my breakfast while she's changing so we can head out. My nerves are starting to get the better of me and I'm ready to get to school and get the day started. Shy has to come in with me while they finalize the paperwork and get my schedule to me. Then I'll be shown around before going to my classes. Plus, I need to find time to talk to someone about trying out for the cheerleading team. If it's even possible or if I'll have to wait for basketball season. At this point, I might even find out if there's a local competitive cheerleading team that I can join or check out to see if I'd be a good fit.

Today has been amazing. It didn't take me long to lose most of the nerves that filled me with the thought of starting a new school. I'm being allowed to double up on my classes so I can graduate early. Instead of going to the end of the year, I'll be out of high school in January when everyone else is having midterms. I think it's because I did extra work online before starting school here. This has been a part of my plan since getting my early acceptance to college. I've been applying to various colleges since my junior year knowing I wanted to graduate early and I was ready to do so when my parents were still alive and I was at my old school. No one could understand why I wanted to get out of there so bad, but it's none of their business. Now, my reasons have changed about leaving. Only a select few people know what they are and there's no reason I'm going to broadcast them to the rest of the club because it's my business and those who I choose to let in.

Before going to my first class of the day, I talked to Sabrina, the cheerleading coach. She agreed to let me try out since I wasn't in school here last year. I let Shy know that I would be staying late and that I'd let her know when I was ready to be picked up. The clubhouse isn't far from the school so it's not like I'd be waiting forever for a ride. After performing a routine I did with my competitive cheer squad and going through the roster of jumps and other things, the entire squad and Sabrina immediately said I could be a member. Our first game is in three days and as long as I know the cheers, I can stand on the sidelines. The only thing I won't be able to do is the halftime routine because there's no way I'll learn it in time. I'm okay with that because it will be the only halftime routine I miss.

Heading home with Shy, I listen as she talks a mile a minute about how proud she is of me. Apparently we're all going out to dinner tonight to celebrate such a good first day of school for me. Well, not everyone. Just Shy, Slim, the girls, and me. The rest of the club doesn't know anything about what I'm doing and I want to keep it that way. Playboy will be the only other one I tell because he's my big brother. He'd be proud of me too. My brother has always encouraged me and I know he'll support this decision like our parents. I might even call Maddie and talk to her about it. Maybe they can come down for one of my games. That would be pretty cool if you ask me. I'd love to have my entire family there for one of them. Even the kids.

My heart breaks a little more with the knowledge Vault won't be tagging along to my celebration dinner. Before, he would be here with me now. Shy wouldn't have to take me and pick me up from school; he wouldn't let her. I haven't learned how to drive yet—something else Vault was supposed to help me with. I'll have to find out if any of the other guys will be willing to help me. Slim's got more than enough going on right now. Playboy still isn't home from jail. That's one of the main reasons he's not here celebrating with us tonight. I miss him every single day and know that it's just a matter of time before he gets released. For now, I'll write him a letter and let him know about cheerleading. I write to him at least once a week and have been since he got arrested. I'd ask Shy to help me, but she's also got more than enough going on in her life. I'm not going to bother her with something so small that it wouldn't rate on her list of things to do for the week. So, I'll find someone else who can help me besides Vault.

I wish Playboy were here too. He's still in jail while we wait to get him out. Sam was attacked by a man and Playboy saved her. Instead of it being ruled as self-defense, Playboy's sitting in jail on a murder charge. Slim and a few of the guys are the only ones he's seeing while he's inside. When Shy and I tried to go see him we were turned away. Both of us cried all the way home before Slim explained that Playboy doesn't want us to see him like a caged animal. I can respect his decision so I'll continue to write to him and wait for his letters back.

After picking the girls and Slim up, we head to a small diner in town and my past comes back to get me. The only thing I can see is my parents being brutally murdered in front of me. My breathing speeds up and my chest hurts. It feels like I'm having a heart attack as I get back in the car and lean my head back against the seat. Slim leans in as I put my hand on my chest. My eyes are wide as I look up at him and see the pain filling him because he doesn't know what's going on so he can take the pain away from me.

"What's wrong?" he asks, worry fills me at his gentle voice because my chest is getting tight and it's even harder to breathe.

"I can't breathe. My chest hurts too," I pant out, sweat covering my body as I look up to my dad to make everything okay and take this all away from me.

"Take a deep breath and focus on me. Don't let your gaze leave my face," he tells me, slowly starting to count my breaths.

After a few minutes, my breathing begins to even out and the pain in my chest fades away to a dull ache. Slim never once leaves me as Shy takes the girls inside to get them out of the weather. It's turned colder outside and there's a slight sprinkle that's quickly covering everything it touches. Including Slim as he sits outside of the car and helps me through whatever is going on.

"You okay?" he asks me, worry filling his features.

"Yeah. I'm not sure what happened," I tell him honestly, shame filling me because I've never reacted to something so quickly like that before.

"You had a panic attack," he states, his voice strong and steady as I listen to him. "What was happenin' just before it started?"

"I was thinkin' about my parents and the night they were killed," I answer, tears filling my eyes as exhaustion hits and takes hold.

"Small diner. I'm sorry, Annabell, I wasn't thinkin' when we came here," he says, guilt filling him in place of the worry I just saw.

"It's okay. I'm gonna have to get used to it," I answer, getting out of the car and heading toward the diner with my head held high as if I didn't just lose my shit.

I walk in the door and find Shy sitting in a booth with the girls toward the back of the diner. Kinsliegh is in a highchair while Rayven sits in her car seat next to Shy on the seat. Seeing the only seats left over, I slide to the inside of the booth and Slim slides in next to me. I'm surrounded by my family and it slowly takes the remaining ache in my chest. Slim puts his arm over the back of the booth as he normally does and has a silent conversation with Shy. Their relationship is something I will always want for myself. I know it's not easy and every day they fight for their love, but it's the point that they choose to fight for one another. They struggle through the bad days as one and celebrate every single milestone as if it's their first one. My parents didn't even have a relationship like Slim and Shy.

Our waitress comes over and takes our order within minutes. I order a bacon cheeseburger, fries, gravy on the side, and a chocolate milkshake. I'm not sure what Slim and Shy have, my mind is consumed with thoughts of Vault and how much he's changed since the loss of his dad. It's not in a good way either. Whenever I'm left alone with my thoughts, they always turn to him. I honestly can't wait for the day that shit stops. Vault is the last person I want to think about or see right now. The sooner it happens, the better off I'll be.

Vault has always been sweet to me. He's patient, kind, caring, and loving. Whenever we've talked, there's been no pity, condemnation, or anything to make me feel like a child in his voice or eyes. He's treated me like an adult every time we're together. Vault's also been my first kiss. No one knows about it though. Again, it's a day I won't soon forget because it was him and that was before everything fell apart.

We were sitting outside on the porch of the house one day. Slim and Shy had the girls at the clubhouse but I didn't want to go with them. There are just some days when I want to be on my own away from all the chaos of the clubhouse. It's not anything against the club members, but they're all so loud and larger than life that it can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. So, Vault came to the house to keep me company like he normally does when I don't show up down there with Slim and Shy. As we were swinging gently back and forth on the porch swing, I started talking to him about my upcoming school year and about my concern of the boys trying to kiss me.

I've never been kissed before because I would never let a boy at my old school get close to doing anything with me. They were all only about sex and fucking all the cheerleaders. I was the only one who didn't give into their pressure so it quickly turned into a game about who could get me to do what. That's a game I have no interest in playing because it would mean giving up on what I want in my life and letting a guy think he has any kind of control over me that I would give into his demands whether I wanted to or not.

Before I could stop him, Vault placed a hand on each side of my face and leaned forward. His lips brushed softly against mine in a brief touch. I instinctually closed my eyes as he pulled away, a tremor moving through my body. When our lips touched again, I gasped in shock and Vault took advantage. His tongue entered my mouth and tangled with mine. He coaxed mine to move along with his and I kissed him back. Vault gave me my first kiss so I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I'll never forget the way my heart raced and butterflies erupted in my belly. What truly made the moment special for me is seeing the look in Vault's eyes. I've never had a guy look at me the way he did right then. He made me feel as if I were the only girl in the world and that it was our first kiss of many.

That was the day I started to fall in love with the man. For him to give me something so special and make me the way I still do about it is a true gift. Now, I don't know what to do about the feelings coursing through me. Vault's so cold, unfeeling, and harsh with everyone around him. And I'm not someone he's going to keep from that treatment anymore. Even though I don't know what's changed in him toward me. I've somehow turned into Vault's villain and that's the role he needs me to play. Well, I'm not going to play that game either. I'm going to leave him alone and move on with my life the way I want to. Even if my heart continues to break every single day while I do it. Eventually that has to stop.

Slim and Shy try to bring me into the conversation, but I can't keep my head in it. My thoughts always drift to Vault and how he's spiraling out of control. It's like he doesn't want to live anymore. If Hound's not here, he doesn't want to be alive either. My heart breaks for him. Not in pity or anything like that; in deep rooted sadness because I know how he feels. I let him in enough to talk me out of it, but he won't let anyone get close enough to talk to him. Vault is the only one who truly knows how dark things got for me when I was rescued by the club. In fact, he's the one who found me the night I was planning on ending it all and stopped me from making that decision.

After eating dinner, we head home. I'm quiet the entire trip home. Shy and Slim talk amongst themselves during the short ride, leaving me to my thoughts. As soon as we enter the house, I make my way to my room and lock myself inside. Throwing myself on the bed, I let my tears fall. Tears for my parents and for the loss I'm feeling of Vault and the man he's turning into. It's not someone I want to be around. He's not someone I want to love anymore.