Chapter One

Chapter One

Vault

One week after Hound's death

SEVEN FUCKING DAYS. That's how long it's been since my entire world exploded and crumbled to nothing but shards. One week where I haven't slept, eaten, drank, or done much of anything except lay in bed and try to make sense of what happened. One second my dad was alive and the next he was taking his last breath. The last seven days have been spent playing out every single memory involving my dad. He was our only parent and was there for every second of our lives. There wasn't a day that went by where he wasn't asking us what was going on, attending some event, bailing us out of jail, teaching us something, or just being there for us. I haven't let my brother, Valor, in my room because I know he's going to wanna talk about everything and I don't have the strength to talk to my twin about my feelings. I can sum it up with a few words—angry, hateful, unfair, and lost. Other than that, there's nothing anyone needs to know.

Pounding on my door pulls me from the thoughts and memories swirling my mind on a loop. My eyes shift to the door but I don't bother moving to get up and find out who's pounding so hard my door is rattling in the frame. Pulling my blankets up higher and tighter around me, I roll over and put my back to the door. The pounding finally stops after several long minutes. Releasing the breath I was holding, I close my eyes once again and pray for sleep to finally claim me. It hasn't happened since the night we lost our dad, but eventually exhaustion will have to kick in and I'll sleep. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet though. Before I can even attempt to fall asleep, my door bursts open so hard that it slams into my bedroom wall and sounds as if it's been pulled right off the hinges.

"What the fuck?" I bark out, flipping over so fast I almost fall out of bed.

"Exactly," Killer says, walking in my room with Valor and Slim behind him. "You've been locked in this room for a week, Vault. Seven fuckin' days and no one has seen or heard from you. You're not answerin' calls or messages, the door, or lettin' anyone know you're still fuckin' alive in here. Today is your dad's funeral so I suggest you get your ass out of bed, shower the fuckin' nasty off, and get ready to head out. You have exactly a half hour before I walk back in this room and make you fuckin' get ready."

Killer is a big fuckin' guy and everyone I've ever met is scared to death of him. It's not hard to understand why when you take a good look at him. He stands over six feet tall, has muscles from working out on a daily basis, and has a permanent scowl on his face. The only time he ever shows a softer side is when women and kids are around. Even then, he doesn't change and gives everyone hell for even getting close to the ol' ladies of the club and any child we have near us. He's a fucking badass and I've always been a little intimidated by him. Today, he can fuck right off though.

"Never said I was goin' to his funeral and the party you guys will throw afterwards in his supposed honor. It's just one more excuse for you guys to get drunk and party. I'm good here in bed where I've been. You can close the door on your way out," I say, rolling over and pulling the blankets back up again.

"Vault, I've given you a week to pull yourself together. You know your dad better than almost everyone in this club. I'm the exception to that. Your dad was my best fuckin' friend and I know every damn secret and detail about him. Yeah, we're gonna bury him and then come back here and have a fuckin' party. It's what Hound would want. He loved when everyone around him was happy and havin' a good time. Your dad wouldn't want the club to sit back without drinking, in a silent clubhouse, thinkin' about the man he was before he was taken from us. And he sure as fuck wouldn't want your ass in bed for another fuckin' day," Slim says, someone ripping the blankets from me and straight off my bed right before my mattress is flipped up and I land unceremoniously on the floor in a crumpled heap. "Get in the shower and get fuckin' dressed. If I have to stand in your room and babysit you like a fuckin' toddler, I will, Alex."

Getting off the floor, I don't say a word or look at anyone as I make my way to the bathroom and turn the water on for a shower, making it as hot as I can stand it. Taking care of business, I strip out of my clothes and leave them on the floor where they fall. I get in the shower and let the hot water rain down over me. My hair is longer than normal and hangs in my face. I don't bother moving it because there's no point. After several minutes of just hanging my head in the water as tears fall down my face, I stand up straight and go through the process of washing. Once my hair and body are washed, I rinse off and don't linger in the water even though I want to. Instead, I shut it off and grab a towel from the bar and start drying off.

Walking back in my room, I see no one's left and the door has been shut. My mattress is back on the bedframe and I breathe a sigh of relief that I don't have to talk to anyone. It's the last thing I want to do right now. Getting dressed in a pair of newer jeans and a black tee-shirt, I sit down on my bed to put my socks and boots on. I grab everything I need to take with me without even looking at my phone as I leave it on the stand by my bed before grabbing my cut and sliding it on over my shoulders. The weight of the leather is a comfort I once used to relish. From the time I was a young boy, I knew I'd follow in my dad's footsteps and join the Phantom Bastards MC. Now, I want to turn my cut in and try to figure out where I go from here. Nothing will ever be the same without my dad here.

Everyone will move on with their lives, try to remember him the best they can, and act like the entire club hasn't been changed completely. None of it's fucking real. My dad was here for everyone in the club no matter what they needed. He'd give you the shirt off his fucking back if you didn't have one. Need a safe place to talk about shit, he'd sit with you for hours and listen as you got everything off your chest. He was the best teacher I've ever met and never let Valor or me get away with anything. If you needed something to eat or drink, he'd make sure you got it. Even if it would leave him completely broke and unable to get something for himself. In the blink of an eye a piece of shit took him from the world and yet they still get to live their lives as if they didn't ruin the lives of so many. Rage seeps into every inch of my body with the knowledge that these fuckers still have yet to pay for what they've done.

Leaving my room, I make sure my door is locked before heading for the common room. It's filled with every member from several chapters of the Phantom Bastards, the wild Kings, and even Satan's Anarchy are here for my dad. He was the kind of man who would make you love him without even trying. I want to be happy so many are here to celebrate him, but I really can't. There's no part of me that will ever be happy again.

"Let's ride," Slim calls out the second he sees me enter the room as everyone starts to head outside.

Following behind the crowd, I'm the last one out of the clubhouse as I head straight for my bike without looking at anyone or saying a word. Valor sticks close to my side as he straddles his bike the same time I do. Once we've started our bikes, the club members pull out and we're all in front of the limo carrying the ol' ladies to the funeral home where my dad and Grizzly's bodies are waiting for us to head to the cemetery. Yesterday everyone met there and said goodbye. I didn't go because I wasn't going to be the focal point of everyone because I'm about to lose my shit any second. And, I don't need to be in a funeral home when that will only make this situation real to me. It's already real enough and I'm ready to get this fucking day over with.

Pulling up at the funeral home, none of us get off of our bikes. I wouldn't have even if everyone else did. To me, funeral homes are filled with ghosts and I want nothing to do with it. Everyone is already on their bikes when we get there and when they all start the engines, the rumbling from the engines is more than enough to send vibrations through the ground at my feet. Slim and Playboy pull up in front of the hearse carrying my dad and Grizzly. The limo pulls in behind the hearse and then the rest of us all get in line behind them. We're followed by the men and women from the Wild Kings MC, other chapters of the Phantom Bastards MC, and Satan's Anarchy MC. Valor is at my side as Slim sticks his hand in the air and motions for us to roll out. Every bike here revs and the sound is deafening even with my helmet on.

The hearse pulls out and we follow them through town as we make our way to the cemetery. I don't pay attention to the people of Benton Falls as they line the streets and wave to everyone. Some of them are holding flags in the air while the men remove their hats and hold them against their chest. Women are openly crying and the kids standing with their family members have no clue what's going on. I've witnessed it all before. And even though I'm not directly paying attention or looking at anyone on either side of me, I do manage to catch a glimpse or two of what's going on around me.

By the time we get to the cemetery, I'm ready to head back to the clubhouse and hide away in my bedroom once again. It won't happen, but I wish I could. Instead, I park my bike behind the hearse with more than enough room for us to remove the caskets and carry him and Grizzly to their final resting places among other club members who have lost their lives doing what they love to do. Valor gets off his bike and stands next to me as the man from the funeral home walks to the back of the hearse and opens the door. For the first time, I see my dad's casket and know I'm about to lose my mind. Valor puts his hand on my shoulder while Slim, Playboy, and Killer surround me. Slim places his hand on my other shoulder and just stands with us. Stryker steps up with us and I know we're the men who will carry my dad. We're the ones who knew him best.

Valor and I step up and begin to pull my dad's casket from the back of the hearse. Each man behind us steps up to help carry the weight as we all work together until the casket is no longer in the back of the vehicle. Turning as if we've done this a million times in the past, we slowly walk to the hole that's already been dug in the ground. The men carrying Grizzly step up and remove his casket from the hearse before heading our way. Everyone else takes their places around us with the ol' ladies sitting under a canopy that's been set up in case it rains. The six of us lower my dad to the supports holding the casket up for now. Stepping back, I'm surrounded by the men with Slim and my twin putting their hands on my shoulders once again. They're literally the only thing grounding me in this moment as I stare at the casket.

"We're not going to draw this out because it's not what Hound or Grizzly would want to happen as you all celebrate their lives today. So, the only one who will be speaking is Slim and possibly Hound's sons," the priest says as he steps back and Slim squeezes my shoulder once before leaving my side for Killer to take his place.

I finally look up, searching the crowd for Annabell. She's not in the seats with the rest of the ol' ladies. I become frantic looking for her among the sea of black dresses and leather cuts. For the first time in my life, I'm looking for the woman who has always been the calm and peace when I need it and she's not here. Valor steps right next to me and whispers in my ear.

"She's at home with the girls. Annabell's not here right now and it was her decision to make," my brother tells me so no one else can hear as he looks around the crowd with me.

"Hound and Grizzly were two of the best men I knew. They loved with all their hearts and would give the shirts off their backs to anyone who was in need. Grizzly didn't have a family outside of the club and that's how he liked it. He knew we would have his back no matter what and we knew he'd have ours too. Hound, on the other hand, had a family. His sons, Vault and Valor . . .," Slim pauses to take a deep breath and get his emotions under control. Before going on, Shy steps up to his side. She finishes Slim's speech for him as I watch our President crumble.

"Vault and Valor were the most important people in his life beside his club brothers. He loved you both with every breath he took and every second his heart beat. His proudest moment was watching you get patched in as full members of the club. Even though he was a man of few words, I'm sure he wanted you to know you were both his greatest achievements. The club will miss Grizzly and Hound every single day. No one will ever take their spots in the family, but we all know they'd want us to go on and live our lives as if they were still here enjoying the ride with us," Shy says as Slim cries next to her and most everyone in the crowd sheds a tear or two.

As Slim and Shy step away from the head of the caskets, Whino steps up and takes their spot. He's always been a man who's quiet and doesn't say all that much when he doesn't have to. Knowing he's willing to step up and speak here today is amazing if I'm being honest with myself.

"Hound was one of the best men I've ever met in my life. The day we met, I walked into the Phantom Bastards clubhouse with the largest chip on my shoulder thinkin' I was better than everyone else around me. Not because I had some great upbringin' or any of that shit. It was because I was scared to fuckin' death and didn't know if I was gonna make it through each day without someone killin' me for one reason or another. See, I was livin' on the streets and had no one to look out for me. The second I walked through the doors to start Prospectin' for the Phantom Bastards is the day my life changed in ways I couldn't even begin to imagine. And it's all because of Hound. He saw through the bullshit and made me realize that it wasn't the way to live my life. Hound took me under his wing even though we were the same age and made sure I lived my best life. Grizzly was right there with him, along with Slim. The three of them were a force to be reckoned with and they made people cower in fear from a simple look.

"He taught me how to be the best version of myself, laugh again, love, and help those around me instead of judgin' them for the same things I'd done in my young past. If it weren't for him, I never would've gotten through the Prospectin' period and gotten my full patch. Together we became brothers wearin' the full patch of the club we fell in love for our own reasons. Hound and I did everythin' together. At least until he started his family.

"The day Vault and Valor were born, I saw a grown ass man break down and cry. Hound was so fuckin' scared he was gonna mess them up and that they'd grow to hate him because he didn't know how to be a dad. In the middle of the hospital, he stood with a boy in each of his arms with tears sliding down his face and didn't give a fuck who watched him cry. From the second he knew he was gonna be a dad, he loved his kids. The day he found out he'd have two kids instead of one because he always was an overachiever, he came back to the clubhouse and got drunk as fuck because he had no clue what he was gonna do. I'm pretty sure he already knew their mom wasn't gonna be able to be there for very long and watch them grow into the men they are still becomin'. That's just who he was. Hound always knew what was gonna happen before it actually did. It's one of the many reasons his sons didn't ever get away with anythin'.

"Anyway, Hound and Grizzly were the best men I've ever met in my life and I'll feel their loss for the rest of my days. They was more than just my best friends. Grizzly and Hound were my brothers, teachers, mentors, my guides in the darkest of days, and everythin' else I've ever needed in my life. The biggest thing they were, was my confidant. Both men instinctively knew when I needed them and let me unburden my soul to them and then we'd talk through the problem. While I know I'll feel this loss forever, no one will miss Hound more than Vault and Valor. He was the center of their world and they lost their only parent in a matter of seconds.

"Today, we're gonna celebrate the life of the best men we've all ever known. Every fuckin' day movin' forward, we'll honor Grizzly and Hound and make sure we're the best versions of ourselves as they'd want. Each time we get on our bikes, walk through the clubhouse, or make a decision that will impact our lives, we'll do it with both men in mind. Vault and Valor, would you like to say anythin'?" Whino says, looking between Valor and me as he steps away and slinks into the shadows again.

I subtly shake my head as tears slide down my face and land on the ground in front of me. Valor hesitates but finally shakes his head no. He's too choked up as I turn to face him and see the tears sliding down his face. Feeling me watch him, my twin pulls me into a hug as everyone begins to walk by the two men's caskets and have one last moment with them. All the men tap the wood after they say a few words to my dad and Grizzly while the women all lay a white rose on top for them. Yeah, my dad loved flowers and it didn't matter what kind it was. Especially if one of the ol' ladies or kids gave him one. He'd eat that shit up and parade around as if he was the toughest asshole out there because someone gave him a flower.

"Grizzly and Hound, ride free my brothers. Until we meet again," Slim says after picking their cuts up off the caskets and holding them over his arm.

Valor and I walk up to his casket last as everyone else begins to make their way back to their bikes to head to the clubhouse with the ol' ladies of the clubs. I sink to the dirt at the edge of his casket and just sit there, staring down into the hole he's been lowered into. The men are waiting to cover him with dirt, but I don't give a fuck. I'm not ready to leave my dad behind where he'll be all alone. My brother sits down next to me as I pull a flask from my cut and take the top off. Taking a deep drink of whiskey, our dad's favorite alcohol, I pass it to Valor as Killer, Playboy, and Stryker step up behind us. No one says a word as Valor takes a long drink before passing the flask back to me. I pour the rest out on top of our dad's casket before standing from my seat.

Grabbing the closest shovel, I start to put the dirt down the hole. If anyone is going to bury our dad, it will be me. These men didn't know him and will never understand what this fucking moment means. They won't know or care how this is destroying me. Valor doesn't take long to stand and join me in burying our dad in his final resting place. Soon, Killer, Playboy, and Stryker also grab shovels and the five of us work until the job is done. I don't pay attention to the men throwing dirt down the hole over Grizzly's casket as I focus on my dad's. When we're done, we finally get on our bikes and head to the clubhouse.

After parking our bikes and heading inside, I'm met by Annabell. She's got a plate of food in her hands and she holds it out for me to take from her. Following behind me, I head for the nearest table and take a seat as Annabell pulls out the chair next to me. Shoving the plate away from me harder than necessary so it slides across the table and crashes to the floor, I slam my hand on the table and glare at the girl who means the world to me.

"Annabell, I'm not fuckin' hungry and I don't need you to follow me around like a lost fuckin' puppy. It's gettin' fuckin' old and I'm tired of it. Go find somethin' else to do or someone else to fuckin' fix," I shout at her, watching her gorgeous eyes fill with tears as her head drops to her chest. The same way she used to walk around when we first rescued her.

The clubhouse has gone eerily silent and turned their attention toward us. I've never raised my voice at this girl for any reason and everyone around me knows it. If anything, I've gone out of my way to be soft and gentle for her. Annabell and I have been glued together at the hip and she's the only one I'd give a smile to. Today, that ends.

"What did I do wrong?" she asks, her voice wavering as tears drip from her face to the floor at our feet.

"You're constantly up my ass and I'm sick of it. I want you to leave me the fuck alone. Annabell, I'm not your savior and you need to fuckin' leave me alone to live my fuckin' life. Get a life of your own while your fuckin' at it," I yell, turning my back to her as I search the room for a club girl to take my mind off of everything.

Slim is standing at the entrance of the hallway leading to his office. His eyes are sparking with the anger he feels right now. Annabell is his girl and everyone knows you don't fuck with her or you'll feel his wrath. I roll my eyes at him and storm from the clubhouse. Everyone can kiss my fucking ass! Annabell is a girl and nothing special. Everyone treats her like a fucking pampered princess and coddles her from the evil of the world we live in. Fuck that! I'm done acting like an ass for her.

Annabell is the one person in my life who has always been there for me no matter what was going on. I've never once raised my voice to her, spoken to her in anger, or anything else. For the first time, I'm taking my emotions and rage out on the one person I know would never turn their back on me for any reason. Tonight, I fucked that all up because I can't pull my head out of my ass and accept the help and comfort she's trying to offer me. Who the fuck does that kind of shit?