Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Vault

AFTER THE OTHER day I know I need to apologize to Annabell for yelling at her. She did absolutely nothing wrong and I chewed her a new ass. She's only been trying to help me get through my grief; something she's already had to do. The major difference is she has no one she trusts the way I do for her now and I have an entire club to back me up. A club that I refuse to turn to because I don't want them to tell me I should be getting over the loss of my dad. That I should be able to start moving on and letting the pain go. Or that no matter what's going on, this isn't how my dad would want me to act. He would be so disappointed in me because of my actions and how I've treated Annabell.

Annabell lost her entire family in a matter of seconds. She has the club, Shy, Slim, and me here for her. But, when she first came here, she didn't really talk to anyone. Annabell would walk around the clubhouse, when she chose to be there if the women were there, in silence and not let anyone get close to her. A large part of that was because of what those fuckers were going to do with her and our club is full of large men who are intimidating as fuck on a good day. Put them in front of a young girl who just lost her family and then had those same men attempt to sexually assault her and I don't know anyone who wouldn't be scared to death. For the longest time, I was the only one she trusted enough to let in and open up to about anything. How do I repay her? I yell at her in front of everyone she's finally starting to let in and get close to her. I've painted her as some pathetic, weak, villain because I can't get over myself.

Walking to Slim and Shy's house, I try to rehearse what I'm going to say to her. None of the words I'm thinking sound good enough or right for what I did. I am sorry for taking my anger and pain out on Annabell. Nothing I've done has ever truly hurt me the way that single interaction with her did. Now, I curse the fact that I'm not good with words and I don't know what to say to make things right between us. I don't know if Annabell honestly wants to make things right between the two of us because of how truly horrible I was to her.

I walk on the porch and knock on the door. Hoping my President isn't the one to answer the door. I'm not ready to face Slim or anyone else from the club yet. I haven't been back to the clubhouse since the night I yelled at my sweet Annabell. I've been ignoring everyone including my brother.

When I'm not out scouring the surrounding towns for any remaining men who killed my dad, I'm at Allure. I don't fuck with any of the strippers or talk to anyone while I'm there. As soon as I enter the club, I grab a bottle of Jack and sit alone. If any of the guys come in, and I'm sober enough, I make my way to one of the private rooms to continue drinking until I pass out. None of the dancers ever come in the private rooms with me and they all know to leave me the fuck alone. I've gone off on more than one of them since I started showing up there every single night. Every morning as the sun rises in the sky, I'm back out on my bike and going up and down every road on a warpath. No one will take away this need to avenge my dad's death from me.

Annabell finally opens the door and my breath catches. She looks stunning standing in front of me in a pair of shorts and a tank top as normal when she's home and not about to go anywhere. Her feet are bare showing her painted toe nails off. She looks at me as if she's trying to figure out why I'm here while I stare at her like a man needing a tall drink of water to hold off the dehydration consuming him. I feel fucking horrible for looking at Annabell the way I do because she's still young. However, I don't strictly look at her the way I do because of her looks. Annabell is an old soul and she is so much smarter than anyone I've ever met. She's sweet, loving, genuine, and loyal to a fault. Like Valor, I know without a doubt I can share my secrets with Annabell and no one else will know what I tell her.

"What do you want?" she asks, her voice detached and void of any emotion.

"I want to talk to you for a minute. Will you please come sit with me and talk?" I ask her, not bothering to keep the pleading tone from my voice as I stand back and wait for her to make a decision about what she wants to do.

After looking behind her, Annabell moves out to the porch and shuts the door softly behind her. She walks over to the swing on the side of the porch and sits. I don't sit next to her even though it's what I really want to do. Instead, I remain standing in front of her and try to find the words I want to say to her. The silence is thick with the tension surrounding us and I'm the one who put it there. I'm the reason we no longer have a connection because Annabell isn't looking at me the way she typically does and our long stretches of silence are no longer comfortable.

"Bell, I'm sorry I yelled at you the other day. I don't know why I'm pushin' everyone away and I can't seem to stop. Honestly, I just want to be alone most of the time and not see or talk to anyone. You didn't deserve my anger when you did absolutely nothin' wrong. Can you forgive me?" I ask her, finally looking at the young woman in front of me as my heart stalls in my chest and I know those simple words will more than likely mean nothing to her.

"I don't know, Vault. You've been there for me since I came here and I was just trying to help you the same way. If anyone knows how you're feeling it's me. Instead of accepting the help, you're keeping everything inside and letting it eat you alive. I don't deserve to be treated like that," she answers, pain filling her voice and making her words waver in and out in a way I haven't heard from her in a very long time.

I can't fault her response to me; I did treat her like shit for nothing.

"I know, Bell. Can you at least think about it?" I ask her, letting my voice take on the pleading tone I've only ever allowed her to hear because she gets all of me when no one else ever will.

Bell is what I call her. I'm the only one who calls her Bell because no one knows it's my nickname for her. Slim and Shy don't even know. This is something just for us. I started calling her that when she would get upset and missing her family. Bell seemed to bring a smile to her face and I told her I'd call her Annabell in front of everyone for now and then Bell when we were alone. It's just one more secret the two of us share.

"Vault, I already forgave you. Grief makes people lash out and not know what they're doing. The next time, I won't forgive you so easily. Maybe not at all," Bell says, pain lacing her voice and I know she means those words.

"Why am I Vault to you now? No one else is here," I question her because I've never been Vault to her unless others are around us. Annabell is one of the very few who have ever been given permission to use my given name because she understands what it means to call a man by his given name instead of a road name.

"Because that's who you're acting like. You're not acting like Alex, the man who's spent countless hours taking care of me and helping me through my own grief. You're acting like an asshole and not someone I want to be seen with or know," she tells me in her own brutally honest way that's all Annabell.

Bell's honesty hurts me in a way I didn't think it would. I know I've been being an asshole, but to say she doesn't want to be seen with me or know me, cuts deep. It cuts through the pain of losing my dad and makes me realize I'm going to end up pushing her too far if I don't watch my step. Bell is honestly the only one who can hurt me besides Valor. The two of them own me and will always be the only ones I ever let close enough to hurt me the way her words have today. I won't give that kind of power to just anyone because no one else deserves it.

"Have you eaten?" Bell suddenly asks, her stomach rumbling in hunger.

"No, I haven't. Have you?" I ask her, taking the olive branch she's offering even though I just heard her stomach growling.

"Not yet. I was doing homework when you knocked," she answers, a soft smile on her face to match the faraway look on her face. "I think Slim and Shy are eating at the clubhouse tonight. So, I was just going to make a sandwich or something simple."

"Let me take you to the diner. We'll grab dinner and you can come back and finish your homework. I want to know how school's been goin' too," I tell her, some of the pain I live with daily fading into nothing at the thought of spending time with my Bell.

Bell thinks about it for a minute and stands up. She nods her head and goes inside to grab her wallet. The only time she needs that is when she wants to buy something. She's not going to let me pay for her meal. Bell is keeping me at arm's length. I'll have to work my way back into her trust and life if I want to keep her close. When Bell chooses to cut you out, you are lucky to get a second chance. I've seen her cut out one person before and it's something I never want to experience. She has a way of looking straight through a person and eviscerating their soul until they wish they were dead. And that's after she cuts you out of her life.

I walk to my bike and grab her helmet out of my saddlebags. It's never taken off the bike and no one will ever wear it besides her. Annabell's been the only female to ride with me. Ever. And I don't want that to ever change. So, I always keep her helmet with my bike in case we randomly decide to go for a ride. While I will always agree with not putting random women on my bike, I feel there are always circumstances where something happens and you have no choice in the matter. For me, I don't go out of my way to put someone else on my bike and I won't. That seat belongs to Annabell.

"You're gonna wear shorts for the ride?" I ask her, knowing she never wears anything but jeans on the bike.

"Yep. If I have the time to change, I can make my own dinner so there's no point in going with you," she states, her voice taking on a coldness that I've never heard from her before.

Handing over the helmet, I watch her close the straps and wait for me to get on so she can climb on behind me. When she wraps her arms around my waist, there's still a distance between us. I don't like it, but I'm not going to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. Annabell will need time to decide whether or not she wants to let me back in the way I used to be. If she chooses not to, I have no one to blame but myself and I'll have to figure out a way to be okay with that. She's had people try to take away her decisions in the past and I refuse to have my name added to that list of people.

The ride to the diner isn't long enough for my liking. I want to keep Annabell wrapped around me and have her want to be wrapped around me. Instead, she wants to keep the distance between us and I completely understand where she's coming from. I fucked up and I have to fix it somehow. Still, she was close enough to feel her body heat against my back and feel her arms wrapped around me. She has a way of grounding me and making me feel lighter than ever before that I know I won't ever find in anyone else.

As soon as we pull into the parking lot of the diner, I stop the bike and Annabell hops off so I can back it into a spot. She takes her helmet off while I make sure my bike won't get hit. When I shut the engine off, she hands me her helmet and waits for me to get off and hang our helmets on the handlebars. Neither one of us says a word to the other as we let the weight of our thoughts settle in around us.

Walking into the diner, I let her choose where we sit. She heads toward the back and sits with her back to the door. Annabell knows I always have to sit with my back against the wall so I can watch my surroundings. I slide in the booth across from her and we sit in awkward silence until the waitress comes over to take our order. I can't stand the strain in our relationship and I have no one to blame but myself. This is the first time since I saw Annabell that there's ever been an awkwardness to us.

"So, um, how's school goin'?" I finally ask once the waitress is gone.

"It's great," she answers, finally becoming animated and like the Annabell I'm used to spending my time with. "I'm graduating early so my schoolwork is crazy, but I love it. And I'm on the cheerleading squad so I have practice and games too. I've been busy, but I wouldn't change it."

"That's good news. Why are you graduatin' early?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me because this isn't something we ever talked about during all of our lengthy conversations.

"I have an early acceptance into college. If I graduate high school in January, I'll have a little bit of time before I have to leave for the summer semester. Plus, I did extra work online before I started school. Shy and Slim are the only ones who know I'm doing this," she answers, averting her gaze from mine as a blush stains her cheeks.

"Wow! That's amazin' Bell. I'm so proud of you," I tell her honestly, pride filling me because Annabell doesn't ever let anything stand in her way of getting what she wants.

She could be completely destroyed on the inside and losing her shit and would still manage to find a way to accomplish every single goal and dream. It's one of the many things I admire about her.

"Thank you," she replies, the blush deepening even more as the waitress brings our orders over and leaves without saying a word to us.

We eat our dinner in silence. I have no clue what to say to her anymore. And she has no clue what to say to me since I yelled at her. The only time I've seen her animated is when she talked about school and cheerleading. Honestly, I won't mind watching her jump around and do all the moves those cheerleaders do during a game. I'm not sure if I'd be allowed at a game though. Annabell used to do that shit on some kind of competitive team and I know that's where you have to pay money to be on the team if you make it. There's no school involved or anything like that. Her old squad won every competition they ever entered and that tells me all I need to know about her skills and how much she truly loves to cheer. Annabell doesn't ever waste time doing shit she doesn't like.

"So, you mind if I come to a game some time?" I ask her, trying to keep the pleading note out of my voice because it will reveal more than what I want it to now.

"No. You can do what you want, Vault," she answers, pushing her plate to the center of the table. "You've always been able to do what you want. I just wish you would've told me sooner that I'm nothing more than an annoying girl you feel doesn't deserve to be around the clubhouse. Yeah, I overheard you tell your brother that the night you yelled at me."

Pain and shock fill me with her words. I was angry at something Valor said about me going off on Annabell and that's what came out of my mouth. Instead of taking it out on the man in front of me, I still managed to make it about her because I know she only wants to help me the way I helped her. To know she overheard me breaks my heart even more. Annabell pulls her wallet out of her pocket and pulls out enough money to cover her portion of the check and a tip. I'm not even going to bother telling her I'll pay for dinner because I know she'll put up a fight about it. It's how she is.

I pull out my own money and add it to hers sitting on the table before we make our way back out to my bike. Getting on, I watch as Annabell puts her helmet on and climbs on behind me. She's still barely holding onto me as we make our way back to her house. Her fingers are holding my cut instead of being wrapped loosely around me. It shows me just how truly hurt she is. The wounds I've caused her are deep in her soul and it's going to take me forever to earn back even an ounce of what we used to have together. When I drop her off at the house, she barely says a word as she hands me her helmet and makes her way inside quick as hell.

Fuck!

Before I can leave Slim's house, my phone rings and I pull it out to see Savannah's name on my screen. I'm not sure why she'd be calling me, so I answer the phone.

"'Lo?" I answer, my eyes still on the door where Annabell just disappeared and took a piece of my heart with her.

"Vault, I need your help. Valor's at the house and he wants to go through your dad's things. I'm trying to keep him out of his room and he's about to tear the door off the hinges to get in. Help me," she says, fear in her voice like I've never heard from another woman we rescued that has something going on with my twin brother.

"On my way."

Hanging up the phone, I race from the compound to make it to Dad's house. It's not too far from the compound and I make it there in less than five minutes. When I run in the house, I can hear Valor yelling at Savannah like she's no better than shit he's stepped in outside. He's never once talked to her that way. Right now, he's treating her the same way I was with Annabell. I don't know what the fuck happened between the two of them, but this isn't good. My brother never loses his shit and if he did, it wouldn't be against a woman. Especially not one he cares about the way he does Savannah.

"Zach, what the fuck?" I yell out, turning his attention toward me.

"Look who it is; the brother no one ever sees or hears from anymore," my brother says, his voice laced with rage and pain that I've caused him.

"Yeah. I'm here to tell you to fuckin' leave Dad's things alone. It's not your place to fuckin' get rid of it when I'm not involved," I tell him, getting in his face and letting the anger I feel at myself for how Annabell now is with me take over.

"And you're never here! You couldn't even go to the lawyer's office for the will readin'. So, you can fuck off if you think I give a shit about what you want to happen here. The house was left to us along with some money he had put away. I don't give a fuck what you do, but I'm goin' through his stuff and decidin' what goes and what stays," he answers, getting back in my face and letting his own hurt and rage consume him.

"Zach, just give me some time. I'm tryin' to work through my shit," I plead with him, trying to make my voice softer so he knows I'm not lying.

"No, you're not. You're out all day lookin' for somethin' you're not gonna find. Then you go to Allure and drink yourself into oblivion so you can sleep for a little while. You've pushed everyone includin' Annabell away. And fuck you for yellin' at her when she's just tryin' to help you out. No one wants to see you right now," my brother says, unleashing on me with his words and ripping open the wound that Annabell started at the diner and how she's acting toward me.

I lose my shit. My fist slams into Valor's face before I can think about it. Savannah's yelling at the top of her lungs while Valor and I beat the shit out of one another in our dad's home. His stuff on shelves and pictures hanging on the walls come crashing down all around us. Neither one of us pays attention to anything as we finally fully unleash everything we've been feeling since losing him. Valor has turned toward the club as he deals with his grief while I hold mine deep inside. Now, we're finally letting it out on one another even though it will never be enough to stop the pain from racing through me on a daily basis.

I feel someone trying to pry me off my brother, but I'm not stopping. Zach and I continue to pound the shit out of one another for countless minutes. It's not until Savannah yells at the top of her lungs that we pause. She's holding her cheek and I can see the redness already spreading from under her hand.

"I'm sorry," she mutters, heading toward the kitchen as if she's done something wrong here.

"What the fuck?" Valor yells out. "See what you fuckin' did now? Why don't you just fuckin' leave? I'm goin' through Dad's things. If I see anythin' I think you'll want, I'll put it all in a box."

Valor leaves me sitting on the floor, surrounded by the debris of our fight. I can hear him talking softly to Savannah and none of the anger I'm feeling is present when he's with her. Or anyone else from the club. No, all his anger is reserved for me these days. And I completely deserve it. Leaving my dad's house, I make my way to Allure. Finding the bottom of a bottle is the only thing on my mind after the altercation with Valor and seeing firsthand how cold Annabell is with me now. All I want is a few hours of sleep to try to forget everything.