31. Loren

31

LOREN

After a few hours, the tension in my body finally leaves. It happens less and less with Oakley. but it's stupidly frustrating when I wake up and feel like I'm about to come undone because I'm being touched. I've even taken to looking up ways to desensitize myself to this. It's never bothered me before. Everyone needs their personal space, so I've always been able to maintain that distance.

But I don't want to keep any distance between me and Oakley. I want to touch him all the time. That's a little difficult when I cringe away because my skin feels too tight.

Heading downstairs toward the front door to retrieve my boyfriend from his friends' house, I pause when I think I hear his laughter. Since he left my room hours ago, I assumed he actually left. This was the very first morning that I didn't walk him across the street because he assured me he didn't need that much close watching.

I feel like I should have been praised for the effort it took not to watch him cross the street through my bedroom window.

When I think I hear his laughter again, I turn for the hall and follow the sound. The distinct noise of a video game reaches me first as I approach.

I'm really not good about sharing my things. It's a very weird thing for me when my family is concerned because I'd give them anything, and yet, I'm strangely possessive of everything that's mine. Even something stupid like a pen. Or my favorite butcher knife I use to carve people with.

Yet, when I stop in the doorway of the living room to find Oakley with the triplets, laughing and holding a game controller in hand, the strange flurry of warmth and butterflies inside me isn't that same feeling of needing to take back what's mine so they can't have it. Instead, I stand there and stare, perplexed by the feeling I'm unaccustomed to.

Oakley's hair has mostly fallen out, the curls framing his face. His eyes shine with mirth as he stares grinning at the screen. His legs are tucked under him and he has a pillow in his lap as he leans forward.

His entire body shifts when he manipulates the controls, as if the angle of his body will help his character on the screen.

"Noo," he calls out, laughing and drawing out the word as Imry says, "That's shit," and Avory adds, "Asshole." Of course, this only makes Ellory laugh maniacally.

My brothers are very important to me. I'm also quite possessive and protective of them, especially Avory and Ellory because of our childhood. It's not that I just don't like to share Noah or Oakley, I don't like to share my family either. I didn't think I'd like having the different spheres of my life blend together.

But watching them play games and laugh together? I'm overcome in a way I was not expecting at all. Dinner with them was one thing. I was there. I could still keep possession of all the people in my life separately.

This is different. They'd been playing games without me. And I really kind of maybe love it. So weird to find that perhaps I want them to find friendship together.

Oakley drops his hands to the pillow and glances at the door and gives me a wide smile. He brushes his hair back and that big smile turns shy.

Licking my lips, I step into the room. My brothers watch me in silence as I round the big cushy chair where Oakley is so I can reach him. As I've seen him do too many times to count, I tuck the wayward strands of his hair behind his ear.

"Feeling better?" he asks.

With the absence of the tight, itchy feeling on my skin when I brush my fingers along his jaw, I nod.

"Want to play?"

I shake my head.

"Want to sit with me?"

For a minute, I just look at him. Study his face. His shining eyes. Beautiful smile. Such kindness and softness in this man. I'm surprised when I realize I don't want to interrupt them with my presence.

However, I've been away from Oakley for a few hours now, and I'm definitely over that. So I nod and kneel on the couch to sit beside him. He moves the pillow from his lap and shifts while reaching for me to pull me into him.

I lean back against him, my back to his chest, and wrap his legs around my stomach. He laughs and we wiggle and arrange pillows for a few more minutes until we're comfortable. When we've settled and his arms come around my chest with the controller in his hand, I can feel my brothers watching.

They're sitting on the couch beside the big chair we're in. Ellory and Avory are sitting much like Oakley and I are—Ellory in Avory's lap. That's how to tell them apart. When they sit like this, it's always Ellory in Avory's lap. I think I once witnessed it the other way, and they immediately switched, saying it was too weird.

Imry is on the cushion beside them, leaving the cushion closest to us empty.

"I thought you were going home," I say to Oakley.

"I was, but then they asked if I wanted to play a racing game, so I stayed." He presses a kiss to my head, and I try my damnedest not to smile. "Is that okay?"

"Yes."

"You're not going to get mad that we borrowed your boyfriend without asking?" Ellory asks.

"Not this time, but I make no promises for next time," I answer.

I don't have to look at them to know that I'm receiving huge triplet smiles. Maybe they can feel how differently I feel about this one thing. I don't hate it at all.

"Ready for the next cup?" Imry asks, changing the subject.

"Yep," Avory and Ellory respond together while Oakley nods.

I spend the next hour or so right there. In Oakley's lap with my hands brushing the soft skin of his legs. He's always clean-shaven and his torso and even his arms are so smooth, I'm kind of fascinated with the hair on his legs.

Absently, I run my fingers through it, up and down his calves, while I let their laughter and teasing jabs dull to background noise. Comfort. Oakley presses a kiss to my head every so often. His arms tighten around me sometimes. He hugs me, rocking us from side to side between races.

The confusion and surprise that I'm not upset at sharing Oakley remains floating around inside me for a bit, dulling a little more as each minute passes and I simply enjoy this moment. I want more of these moments where I can be a spectator and Oakley can do his thing with my brothers, but I'm still here to feel him.

I'm surprisingly relieved that they get along when I'm not present. There's comfort in that, even if I can't quite wrap my head around it.

"There you are."

We all turn to the doorway to find Voss standing there. He's looking as perplexed as I felt when I first stood in the door.

"You don't even like video games," he says to me.

I shrug. "But I'm not playing. I'm watching."

Voss shakes his head. "Can I talk to you for a minute? I'm sure they'll recap what you missed."

"We will," Oakley says, kissing the side of my head and then unwrapping his limbs from around me.

Already, I hate the loss of his touch, but I swing my legs over the side of the chair and move toward my brother. We continue down the hall to our makeshift conference room, where he shuts the door. Dad's there, but then, I think he uses the room as an office, too.

"I need a favor," he says.

"I'm not loaning you Oakley."

Dad looks up from whatever he's been working on while Voss just blinks at me.

"I'm not even going to ask why that was your first assumption. I don't want to borrow your boyfriend, Loren."

I shrug. "Just putting it out there."

Dad chuckles and returns his attention to his work.

Voss shakes his head. "Okay, thanks for that clarification. I'll keep it in mind. However, I'd actually like to talk about my friend, Enoch Zayn. Are you familiar with him?"

"He's a rockstar's kid," I say, shrugging.

"He's an old friend from college. We roomed together for three years. You even visited a few times," he tells me.

"I won't ask to borrow your friend. I have my own."

The way he looks at me makes me want to laugh. I was entirely serious about Oakley, though I suppose I knew that's not what he wanted to ask. This time, I'm just pulling his leg, though. It's fun to give your brothers a hard time. Why have brothers otherwise?

He pinches the bridge of his nose and decides to ignore my comment. "He's being stalked. This guy has gone so far as to break into his house while Enoch's home, attack him with a butcher knife, and hit him with his car, which resulted in a broken arm. Enoch has a security detail now, but he's afraid. This guy is still hanging around."

"Where are the authorities?" I ask.

"Not doing their job," Voss says, frowning. "It's Vegas. Apparently, there are more important things to do than protect someone from a man who has literally caused injury."

"Hmm."

"He was really scared when he called me, so I told him I'd take care of it."

I nod. "Sounds good."

"You like to play dumb sometimes," he deadpans.

Grinning, I shrug. "I'm retired."

"You're not retired. You're on sabbatical, and I really need this favor."

"Ask Myro."

"Loren, we're not going to let anything happen to Oakley," he promises. "They're on winter break right now, so he's staying here with us anyway, right? He's completely safe. And I promise you, no one will borrow him while you're away."

"I'm not?—"

"Please," Voss says. "This guy is showing up everywhere. He had a hunting knife last time Enoch ran into him in public. I'm afraid for him. I know how important keeping Oakley safe is to you. It's important to me to keep Enoch safe. You can trust us to keep Oakley safe while you're helping me."

I stare at him and try to determine why it matters so much. After college, I've never even heard him mention Enoch. Besides, why does it have to be me? Why not Myro?

"You'd do the same for Noah," Dad says. "Enoch is Voss' Noah."

Well… I suppose that changes things. Studying my brother, I think that maybe I'm getting a little better at reading people. I can identify that he is worried. His concern looks a lot like Oakley's.

"I'll see if Oakley is okay staying here with you," I say.

"We can spend time next door if he wants to stay with his friends too," Voss offers.

"They have a rule about not bringing strangers into their space," I tell him. "Besides, they're not all back home yet."

"We're not strangers and I think we're all friends at this point. They're here all the time."

"I'll ask him if he minds."

"Do you plan to tell him you're going to kill someone?" Dad asks. "What have you told him about your contracts?"

"We've had this discussion. You know what I've told him."

"He thinks you've only killed for him," Voss says.

I nod, shrugging. "He knows I'll do it again too."

Voss sighs. I'm not sure why that bothers him, but based on the way he presses his lips together, I'm sure it does.

"He likes to hear that I will," I add, in case he thinks I'm just announcing it and making Oakley uncomfortable. "He asks to hear it when we're having se?—"

"Don't!" Voss blurts out suddenly, holding up his hand to stop me. "I really, really don't want to talk about your sex life or know anything about it."

Dad chuckles, subtly shaking his head.

"I've heard yours," I say, frowning. "Remember those times you invited me to your college dorm?" I know he does. He just reminded me I'd been there.

Now Dad laughs.

Voss covers his face. "Honestly, Loren," he mutters. "Please, just do this for me. I'm begging you. This guy is unhinged. I'm sure he's going to kill Enoch if it carries on much longer. Please."

I sigh. "Fine. I'll ask Oakley if he's okay to be on his own for a few days."

He nods. "Thank you. I'll send you the information."

For a minute, I study my brother. "Do you love Enoch?" I ask.

Dad looks up again.

Voss drops his hand from his face and frowns. "In the same way you love Noah."

"I don't love anyone, remember?"

He gives me an amused smile. "I think we all know that's shit. Stop hiding behind it. But in the way you're asking, no. He's a good friend of mine. I'm not into guys, which I think you know, since you seem to recall my sex life just fine."

Shrugging, I turn to the door. "Neither was I. Besides, I didn't say guys. As in plural." I open the door and step into the hall. "I asked specifically about Enoch."

I don't receive an answer as I walk back to the living room. My phone pings as I step in, no doubt from Voss with the information I need. They pause the game so I can retake my seat.

"What happened?" Oakley asks.

"Another contract," I share, feeling the triplets look at me. "Voss begged. It was worth seeing."

Oakley grins.

"It means I have to leave for a few days," I admit, and his smile falls. "Will you stay here with my brothers? Sleep in my room? They'll keep you safe."

Oakley looks at the triplets. The three of them nod. My boyfriend turns a confused expression on me. "Why do you have to leave to deal with a contract?" he asks.

"Sometimes they require field research," Imry says before I can answer. "Is Myro going with you?"

I shrug, shaking my head. "Silly for us both to go, isn't it? If he's going, then I don't need to. Voss still never said why he wanted me instead of Myro, though I asked."

"We'll go with you," Avory says.

My eyes meet Imry's. Usually, it's him who's with me. Not his two-thirds. But… yeah, I kind of want him to stay with Oakley. I nod. "Sure. But we're not sharing a room."

"Could totally give you lessons," Ellory mutters, unpausing the game.

"I promise, I don't need lessons. Oakley and I have a very healthy and satisfying s—" His hand suddenly claps over my mouth, making the triplets cackle. I look up and he's bright red.

"Why do you do that?" he asks, trying to bury his face in my hair.

Glancing at my brothers, I find them grinning. I smile behind Oakley's hand and don't miss the fact that Avory and Ellory are comfortable enough with Oakley that they don't mind hinting about their relationship in his presence.

For a reason I don't quite understand, this makes me really, really happy.