17. Seventeen

Seventeen

Cassie and I made up the next morning, as we always did. I begrudgingly agreed that sleeping with Elijah wouldn’t have helped the situation, although it would have been a welcome distraction – of that, I was sure. She didn’t mention Luke again, to my relief; my head couldn’t take any more pressure.

The following Monday, I was tucked up in Cassie’s kitchen with a cup of tea when my phone rang. I pounced on it. Part of me still hoped it would be Zack but I knew that day by day, that outcome grew less and less likely.

“Hello,” I answered in a mopey voice, seeing the unknown number and expecting a scam or a sales pitch. Yet still glad to have someone to speak to in a pathetic way; nobody called me anymore .

“Is this Lily Forshaw?” A plummy voice spoke to me.

“It is,” I confirmed.

“This is Dr Wilkinson from the Fertility Clinic Associates. Is this a good time to discuss your application to be an egg donor?”

“It’s a perfect time to discuss it.” I motioned to Cassie, and she came to sit next to me with a nervous smile.

“I understand your application was to provide eggs for a close friend, you wouldn’t be leaving eggs with us for other clients?”

“That’s correct,” I confirmed, hoping this wasn’t going to go against us.

“I’m happy to say that all of your physical checks were clear and your counsellor was happy that you have the capacity to understand and proceed with the process.”

“That’s amazing!” I couldn’t help but grin down the phone, not that Dr Wilkinson had a clue what my face was doing.

“Was the process explained to you?” she asked. “The first step is to begin you on daily injections to suppress your natural hormone production. You’ll need to come in for instruction on this, and at the same time, we’ll arrange to see the recipient to synchronise the processes to optimum timing for you both.”

She continued to talk, but it went over my head. Cassie and I grinned widely at each other like little kids. Thankfully, she ended the call saying all the information, dates, and times would be sent to me by mail, to Cassie’s address.

Finally, I felt useful.

Cassie and I were like giddy schoolgirls as we sat in the clinic room a couple of weeks later and waited for the nurse to come and see us.

“What is this?” Cassie asked with a grimace as she picked up an expensive looking, framed piece of art that sat on the table next to us. I squinted at the images as she held it at different angles, but neither of us was sure.

“I think it’s meant to be symbolic. Or are they eyeballs?” I shrugged as I spoke then jumped as the door opened and a nurse walked in.

Her face broke into a smile as Cassie hastily put the picture back on the table. “It’s called Embryonic Development, and a previous client painted it.” She held out her hand. “I’m Natalie, lovely to meet you both.” Her manner put me at ease; she seemed approachable, her smile genuine. Average height, average weight, brown hair in a ponytail, she looked like a potential next-door neighbour, not a mean matron or a judgemental model type.

We shook hands. I couldn’t look at Cassie as I knew she’d give me the giggles again, and we needed to take this seriously. Part of me was still scared the clinic would change their mind and decide I wasn’t suitable after all.

“I have your injections ready here for you to take home. All the instructions are in there, but it’s one injection each a day, for twelve days. We’ll do the first one together now.” Natalie spoke with a kind voice, well versed in the nerves and hormones which must be abundant in this room.

My throat was parched. I’d never been bothered about needles before, but the thought of injecting myself wasn’t pleasant. Fortunately, all images of giant, spiky needles more familiar to a horror film in an old, abandoned hospital- were quashed when Natalie showed us the slim plastic cartridge which looked more like a pen. She handed us one each from our own boxes to familiarise ourselves with the feel.

“You can inject into your stomach, or the top of your thigh. Do you mind if I touch your stomach, Lily?” Natalie asked.

“Go ahead,” I lifted my t-shirt up, paranoid that my skin was clammy with nerves and anxiety.

“You need to try and pinch a little bit of skin, easier for some of us than others,” she laughed and pointed at her own stomach, which was by no means big, but she seemingly thought otherwise. She then pinched at the skin of my stomach and held the needle to it. “Both grab a pinch of skin like that and press the needle against it.”

We did as instructed. “Great, now simply click the end of the cartridge, and the needle will inject you.”

Cassie clicked it within a split second, her eyes screwed closed, then she looked at me with a giddy smile. “Easy peasy.”

I held my breath and clicked the button; my whole body tensed up. A sharp sensation shot into my stomach, but then it was done. No going back now.

“Perfect,” Natalie smiled. “You will likely get bruising, try and vary the site a little each day. There’s a phone number for the nurses here, in with your instructions, just call us if any problems.”

Cassie held my hand as we left; I knew it was excitement, it was something she’d always done. I could see Natalie watching through the window, she totally thought we were a couple.

As the number of injections in our packs began to dwindle, more vials of blood were checked and ultrasounds were taken – transvaginally, not a term I was fond of! But… it was for Cassie; it was worth it. It had been an interesting time at the mini mansion as the two of us were hormonal as hell. The consumption of chocolate an d chick flicks was through the roof. Guy had been going out a lot, I suspected with Luke but I didn’t ask.

Weirdly, Cassie and I had different symptoms. She felt all bloaty and fat from the drugs, whereas I thought I was losing weight because I was so nauseous; I couldn’t eat half the time. Cassie’s boobs had also grown huge overnight. I was envious that mine hadn’t followed suit, although she did say they were so sore she couldn’t lie on her stomach anymore.

I found myself on a procedure bed being injected with sedatives, which spread a warm and cosy sensation meandering around my body. I almost forgot that my legs were strapped into stirrups. I looked at the beautiful photographs on the wall of pregnant bellies and before I knew it, tears slid down my face once more, following of the tracks of the deluge that had fallen from me in the past weeks. I’d never get to have Zack’s baby, never feel his hand holding mine at a scan, never shout abuse at him while I was in labour. I missed him so much every cell of my body ached with it.

“Lily, are you OK? It’s Natalie here,” I was in a different room, and she was wrapping a warm blanket around me. “Don’t worry if you feel confused, it’s the sedation wearing off. The procedure is all done, everything is fine. I’m just going to check your vitals, and then you can go back to sleep.”

I nodded and smiled drowsily at her. I felt, sort of, tipsy and disorientated. Sleep sounded amazing. “You got all the eggs?”

“Yes, it all went to plan. I’ll ring your partner now and tell her.”

I giggled at the incorrect assumption, which just struck me as hilarious. How shocked she’d be to know I’d spent so much time between two amazing, gorgeous men. Dreamy men… I wanted to dream about them right now.

A few short hours later, I was curled up on Cassie’s couch with a hot water bottle and a massive bar of chocolate. Cassie and Guy were due at the clinic later in the week for the next stage of the process. She stroked my hair as she began to speak. Natalie really would think we were in love if she saw this! I did love Cassie though, she’d been there for me always, and nothing made me happier than doing this for her. It was, in fact, the only thing that made me happy at the moment.

“You need me to get you anything?”

“I’m fine, honest. It’s just stomach cramps. A bath and an early night will sort me out,” I replied, trying to reassure her.

“It’s not that far off twenty years we’ve been besties now, you know? I never would’ve guessed we’d go through this,” said Cassie .

“Me neither. You know, though, I think the timing is just right. I needed a distraction and what a distraction this is. But I’ve been thinking… I can’t stay here.”

“There’s no rush to leave. Wait until you’ve got a job and then find a flat nearby. I don’t care if that’s in two weeks or two years.”

“I mean this town, this area. I don’t want to be near to either of them. The thought of bumping into either of them makes me feel sick, in all honesty.” I sighed deeply, knowing she wouldn’t be a fan of this decision. “I need a fresh start, somewhere far away. I can’t think straight here.”

“But you can’t go somewhere you don’t know, all on your own,” Cassie spluttered. “You won’t have any friends, I’d miss you too much. Plus, we’re having a baby!”

I laughed and immediately winced as a stab of pain shot through my pelvis. “Don’t make me laugh! We’re not having a baby. You and Guy might be having a baby. Plus, I am capable of making friends, thank you.” I stuck my tongue out at her before helping myself to more chocolate.

“But I don’t want you to have other friends,” Cassie pulled a face as though she were about to burst into tears.

“You are such a drama queen. You’ll always be my bestie. It won’t be that different to when I was in Cheshire. We’ll still talk and message all the time. It’s just a vague plan at the moment anyway.” I rested my head back on the cushioned couch.

Cassie scooted closer and slid her arms around my belly. “I’m going to lock you in the house so you can’t ever leave. But before that, I’ll run you a bubble bath, beautiful donator of the eggs.”