10. Ten

Ten

I sighed at the message that appeared on my phone as I sat in the boardroom, surrounded by piles of documents.

I love you, I missed you last night. Do you want to go see a house together after work? I’ll send you the link, looks perfect, let’s not wait until weekend x

The link flashed up for the house; it did look perfect. He hadn’t said sorry though, I noted.

The house bordered south Manchester and Cheshire – easy to get to the office, close enough to the airport but also all that luscious Cheshire countryside on the doorstep. It had four bedrooms and a beautiful, established garden. Definitely at the top end of our budget, but it had only come on the market today and did look like a place that would get snapped up.

I missed you too. Yes to the house, can you book it? x

Already done x Pick you up outside work later x

I couldn’t stay mad at him even if I wanted to.

By lunchtime, I was flicking through a copy of Lancashire Life that had been lying around the waiting room when something caught my eye. It was a charity ball that took place annually to raise money for a children’s hospice. I smiled as I thought it would be exactly the type of event that Luke would support and then… There he was.

Nausea bubbled up in my stomach. I didn’t want to see his face, but I couldn’t look away. I’d resisted the urge to look at any pictures of Luke this entire time; my only glances of his face had been from my memories. The photographer had taken a shot of him with his stunning smile and his arm around a beautiful, exotic woman.

I shoved the magazine in my handbag and rushed into the loos, locking myself in a cubicle. As my fingers trembled, I opened up the page again, ignoring her for now and looking only at Luke. Still so pretty.

I wiped tears from my cheeks as I appraised the woman. Petite and cute with a little pixie cut hairstyle, totally who I would’ve imagined him with. It was good he had someone, he deserved to be happy. It hurt, though, a physical ache that dragged me down.

I needed to stop falling out with Zack and move on, starting with this house and finalising our wedding plans.

I took one last look at Luke’s beautiful face and put the magazine into the bin - out of reach, out of temptation. Just one more goodbye between the two of us. We had had too many already.

Zack reached over and kissed me as I got into his car after work. “I’m sorry.” He stroked a hand down my cheek as he spoke.

“I’m sorry too,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to mislead you.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have asked you to give up like that. I know what these cases are like, it doesn’t matter who the other side is. Just… please promise me you’ll speak to me if anything is wrong?” Zack asked, his eyes soft.

“I promise. Same for you.” I wanted him to feel the trust between us. “This house looks amazing. I’m excited!”

He grinned. “I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Let’s go.”

Half an hour later we stood in the amazing open plan kitchen, looking up at the skylights which slid open when the wall switch was pressed. The estate agent had slunk away to let us talk and explore.

I wrapped my arms around Zack’s waist. “It’s scarily perfect.”

“I agree.” He kissed the top of my head.

“This could be our forever home.”

“Are you ready for forever?”

I placed a kiss on Zack’s lips. “Trust me to work on this case. I know my job isn’t as big as yours, but it means a lot to me. Trust me on this, and I’ll tell Cassie the egg donation is a no. Then as soon as we’re married, those eggs are all yours, I promise. If that doesn’t sound gross?” I giggled with nerves.

Zack smiled at me; his face relaxing. “Well, if we bought this house, we don’t need to view all those others at the weekend, which, means we could concentrate on wedding plans.”

I closed my eyes as I rested my head against him. “Definitely. Let’s do it.”

Zack lifted me up and kissed my neck, making me laugh. “I’ll go find the agent.”

I wandered around the house while they talked, taking it all in. It was perfect, Edwardian, and beautifully maintained. The four bedrooms were all bright and airy, and it would be a perfect place for entertaining family and friends. I smiled to myself as I pictured a large Christmas tree in the wide hall, real of course, spreading the smell of pine throughout the downstairs. The kitchen was huge and had a double oven. I imagined myself baking bigger and better cakes, double batches of brownies, rocky road…

We could definitely do forever here.

After negotiation back and forth, our offer was accepted; totally at the top end of our budget, but we knew this was a place we could stay forever. Well, for three kids at least!

Zack was desperate to go to the football with his dad on Saturday, which made this a good time to go and talk to Cassie. I was, however, dreading hurting her with the finality of this decision. Although she already knew it was more than likely a no, this was the final no.

She kissed me on the lips when she opened her front door, taking me by complete surprise as I burst into laughter. “Your house is gorgeous,” she screeched. “I can’t wait to come round.”

“It’ll take a couple of months, but yeah, it’s incredible.” I handed her the wine I’d brought with me. “I need to drive back, it’s all yours.”

“Have one with me then I’ll make you all the coffee you desire.” I followed her through to the garden, and we sat in the sunshine.

“Where are Guy and the kids?” I asked .

“They’ll be back soon, gone to visit his mum. I was far more interested in seeing you.” She moved forwards in her seat, and I knew what she wanted to discuss.

“Why didn’t you tell me Luke had a girlfriend?” I blurted it out without warning. That wasn’t even what I’d intended to say next.

“How do you… Doesn’t matter. I just didn’t think you’d want to know. Not the kind of news I’m going to ring and tell you while you’re eating lunch with Zack, is it? I don’t know how serious they are.”

I shrugged. “I want him to be happy, so it’s good news, I guess…”

Cassie took hold of my hand. “Sweetheart, you’ve got the fanciest engagement ring I ever saw, you’re buying an amazing house, and Zack literally worships you. Just enjoy it. Don’t waste all this happiness.”

“I’m not. Some times are just harder than others. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Cassie swallowed back her emotions. “I’m expecting it, don’t worry.”

“He just… He doesn’t get it, and I need to respect what he wants. If I was the only option in the world, it might be different, but there’s lots of places to try. And I’ll help you every step of the way.”

Cassie burst into tears, and I pulled her into a tight hug. I felt like the worst friend in the world. “I’m sorry, Cassie,” I said, as I kissed the top of her head. Her fine, blonde hair tickled at my face .

“It’s fine. It was a big ask. We’ll figure it out. Give me a minute, I’ll be right back.”

Cassie took herself inside as she wiped her cheeks. I gulped a mouthful of wine down quicker than I should have and strolled around the garden. As soon as I saw the granny flat, waves of happy memories flooded into my mind. I walked over and peeked through the window, that last night Luke and I were together so vivid in my mind. That completely unforgettable night, before my heart was torn out.

I sank down onto the grass, leaning back against the building as I closed my eyes and simply remembered.

“What are you doing over there?” Cassie yelled as she came back outside.

“Just thinking…” I tried to smile, but I knew my sad eyes would betray me.

“It’s not too late, you know that, right?”

“It is too late. Luke made the decision a long time ago now. We were both too late. Are you OK?” I asked, noting the redness around her pale, blue eyes.

She nodded. “We’ll both be fine. Come on, let’s raid the kids’ chocolate drawer.”