22. Kazrith

Ipack only the bare essentials for the trip ahead to New Solas. Hanna appears in the doorway to my bedroom, leaning against its frame as she smiles.

"Not bringing much with you?" she asks.

"No," I respond. "The lighter the load, the quicker we can move around. Besides, we… I mean… I don't plan on staying in the xaphan capital very long."

An awkward silence ensues as she nods and peers to the ground, perhaps realizing she won't be returning here with me.

"Are you ready to go?"

She looks back up at me with melancholic eyes, the glimmer of happiness in them seemingly overshadowed by our pending end.

I close the doors as Hanna walks out. She looks around in confusion.

"No carriage?" she asks.

"I thought we could walk to the docks. It's not too far from here, and some fresh air would do us good."

She smiles and offers her hand for me to hold.

"That's a good idea. I don't want to get there too quickly, anyway."

We walk at an ambling pace, laughing and chatting. I point out sights to her that she hasn't yet seen in her stay here.

Every so often, I remember this isn't a real relationship, that our union was for the sake of a cover for her living here.

It only adds weight to the pit in my stomach, because this feels too damn real to me.

I yell at carriages that ride too close to us and hold her hand extra tight when we traverse uneven ground. Actions that a protector like me would happily do for Hanna for the rest of my life.

If only we had that life to spend together. In another world, we may have gotten to be together in the end, but this is Aerasak. Fortune isn't a common part of everyone's lives.

And even with all of my luxuries and material goods, there's no treasure I've had quite like Hanna.

I'd give it all away if it meant a lifetime with you.

The sight of the docks coming into view is a stark reminder of our mission, a renewed focus taking its place in my mind of what lies ahead of us.

My head becomes a battleground of three thoughts – reuniting Hanna with her father, taking down Zathex, and losing the love of my life forever.

My shadow powers tense up inside me, but I'm able to knock it off with a quick, deep breath.

"That must be our ship," Hanna says, pointing to a passenger vessel anchored at the farthest dock.

"Looks like it. We still have some time to kill before it departs, so let's find a place to gather our thoughts and go over the plan."

At that moment, a bitter cold breeze blows in from the sea. Hanna recoils, grabbing her arms and rubbing her chest while shooting an angry look at the water. It's quite adorable.

"Here," I say, throwing my cloak around her shoulders.

"What about you?" she asks.

"I'm not the one shivering, am I?" I chuckle, pulling her close by the waist. "Come on, let's go."

The docks are alive with trade, boats of every size anchoring down or setting sail. We walk past fishermen hauling their fresh catches ashore, and passenger vessels disembarking. Dock workers load and unload cargo, either carrying boxes into the warehouse or using them as seats for a smoke break.

It's almost as busy as the city, but we manage to maneuver our way through the bustling docks and find a tavern close to our ship. There, we sit at a quiet table in the corner of the cozy inn. I purchase a meal for each of us.

"Dig in," I say.

"Thank you, Kazrith. So, you wanted to go over the plan?"

I drink from my pint of ale.

"Yes. We need to make sure it's perfect. My contact's intel has proven useful in determining Zathex's location. Take a look at this map."

I check around the inn for prying eyes, then flatten out a map on the table.

"This area here is where most xaphans take up residence, and it's often patrolled by other xaphans to keep out undesirables. These circles here indicate weak spots where patrols are more lax."

Hanna pulled the map closer, her studious eyes running over its information.

"Are you sure this intel's any good?"

"It'd better be, it didn't come cheap. What do you think, anyway?"

"It looks good, I just hope we can pull this off. Zathex deserves his end."

"Of course he does, but if you have any doubts about the plan, we have a few days to revise it."

"Will the journey take longer than last time?"

"I believe it's making a few stops before eventually docking at New Solas. At least we'll have more time together."

"Yeah, I'd like that," she says with a smile. "Are you nervous?"

"Me? Nervous? I could never be. What about you?"

She nods. "I just want my father and I to be able to live safely when this is all said and done."

"Of course," I say, my eyes fixed on hers with determination.

I wish it could be us living safely together in the end.

"I've been trained through the toughest trials and tribulations, yet I'm more terrified than ever for him," she remarks, looking distantly away. "The thought of him alone hasn"t stopped eating at me. In a way, I wish I could get back there sooner, no offense."

My heart palpitates at her words. Though I don't show it, it hurts to hear her say them. The battleground in my mind intensifies. I need to distract myself.

I do what I do best and reach a hand out to Hanna to comfort her.

"I'm sure he is fine. If he's anything like you, he's a strong man with good values, and if that's hard to believe, just look at how you turned out."

She lays her hand on top of mine, the feel of her skin warm, soft, and enticingly inviting.

"I appreciate your ability to stay focused on the mission. I have mine and my father's well-being riding on this, maybe that's why I'm letting my worries get the best of me."

Far from the truth. I wonder what she would say if she could read my mind right now.

"No, don't talk negatively about the way you feel," I say. "You have perfectly good reasons to be nervous. I too have your well-being at risk, but I promise you now, I'll do whatever it takes to get you back to your father."

"I don't doubt your abilities to see that through," she responds. She leans back in her chair and lets out an exhausted sigh. "At least I had some time to rest and recuperate before heading back into the shitstorm."

I watch as she resumes eating, knowing this is one of the last few times I'll have the privilege of sharing a meal with her.

All things must come to an end… I just wish this wasn't one of them.

It's as though the nearer the mission comes to the finishing line, the stronger my feelings for Hanna grow. I really thought I had it all before I met her, but I could not have been further from the truth.

The worst part is knowing what I feel now will be nothing to when she's gone from my life. The hardest is yet to come, staring me down from the distance and watching with a smile as I loom ever closer.

But if I can eliminate the threat of Zathex from her life, maybe… just maybe I can live, knowing she'll be safe from his tyranny.

We board the boat, walking across the deck to peer over the side. I watch the water as it splashes against the coastline, mists of water hitting resting dock workers as they yelp in surprise.

Hanna's laughter is sweet. I will never forget it.

But what if the mission fails? What if the world is never graced by Hanna again?

The mounting darkness inside of me is coming to a boil. My vision starts to blacken, fists clenching as my shadow powers surge. Their strength is becoming too much for the chains of my restraint to bear.

Need a distraction!

"Zathex," I groan. The xaphan's ugly face flashes in my mind, seemingly enough to quell my increasingly turbulent shadow powers. "I'm going to kill the bastard."

"Hey," Hanna interjects. "Are you alright? You seem tense."

"Yes," I say, a half-truth, a half-lie. "I'm just thinking back to how Zathex left me penniless."

"Maybe you should rest, Kazrith. You'll need your strength, so try relaxing while we're on the boat. Okay?."

She's right. I can't wear myself out while the journey has barely begun.

But her advice is only a reminder of why I need her. What if I'm losing myself, and she's not around to help? How can I put myself to rest otherwise?

If I can barely control myself now, what am I to do when she's gone?

I draw a deep breath and look at her as her eyes fix on the sea. The boat rocks as it sets sail, and soon, we're off.

Right now, my rage for Zathex is the only remedy I have for keeping the pain of losing Hanna at bay.

My love for you, my obsession to keep you close to me, and my fear of being left alone might just overcome me when you're gone.

The voices silence themselves when her beautiful eyes look at me.

"Shall we check out our quarters?" she suggests.

"Yes. After you, then."

Sighing, I follow behind her as we enter our room.

All the while, I'm hoping that Zathex's end will be enough to absorb all of this darkness inside of me. I need to let loose on him everything I've got.

I don't want to think about the demon I'll become if I cannot fathom the loss of Hanna.