Chapter Nine | Liam

It was my second run of the day. I started at my apartment in James Bay, headed for Cook Street Village where the youth centre was located. It was a short run, but I worked up a sweat.

I jogged through the front doors and toward Jamal's office.

He bit his bottom lip and smiled, fire in his eyes as I walked through the door.

"Did you run here?"

"I needed to stretch my legs."

He made an appreciative survey of my bare legs. I'd nearly worn the sexiest shorts in my drawer. The ones with cuts right up to my waist, showing off the entirety of my muscular thighs.

Reason.

I liked how the colour of Jamal's cheeks darkened when he blushed. But I was working with the youth today, so I hadn't worn them. I had to look respectable.

"You're all sweaty," he said, his chest rising and falling as he dragged in ragged breaths. My presence was affecting him. I decided to have fun with him. I circled his desk, standing next to him, and rested my ass against the lip. "Is that a problem?"

Jamal swallowed. "God, no."

Driven by his obvious desire, I lifted my arms above my head, exposing the hair under my arms. I smirked as I stretched my muscles out.

Jamal gripped the edge of his desk. "Jeezus, Liam. "

I lowered my arms and smiled at him. "I'm all warmed up to work in the weight room."

"Give me a second to recover then I'll take you down there." He clutched his chest dramatically and closed his eyes to tease me. He wasn't the least bit shy around my antics.

It felt good.

He opened his eyes. "Okay. Follow me."

We made our way down the hallway past several classrooms with a few youths in each. What smelled like pasta and cheese sauce wafted out of one of them.

The weight room was at the end of the hall.

"Get set up and I'll go grab some of the kids who are interested," Jamal said and left me to look around. The equipment was rudimentary, but it would work fine for beginners. The main thing is there was a good assortment of free weights. We could do a lot with those.

Mumbling voices coming down the hall became clearer as some youths approached the door. They hesitated and then one of the kids took the initiative and wandered into the room.

Three in all. It was a good start.

"Hey, I'm Liam. I'm a friend of Noah's." I knew that would get me brownie points. Noah often shared stories of being at the centre. I knew the kids here loved him.

"Are you Noah's boyfriend?" A short teenager with a t-shirt displaying the word butch asked.

"No, we're just friends. Known him since high school." I sat on the workout bench. "My pronouns are he/him. Do you mind introducing yourselves?"

"Angel," the self-proclaimed butch replied. "I answer to she/her."

"Nice to meet you, Angel. What are your goals?"

She smirked. "Need some muscle definition to draw in the girls. "

"I like it. That's an achievable goal." I looked at the next teen.

"Avery. They/them." They looked down at their feet. "I think." They ground their toe into the flooring. "I want to be able to defend myself against bullies."

"As well as the weightlifting, I have other techniques I can share with you." I had far too much experience in the world of getting beat up in the playground or when walking home.

The third teen, the one first in the room, stepped forward. "Name is Lucas. I want to be able to pass as a guy. I want to look like you. Attract the women. He/him."

"As long as you're realistic. It took me years to look like this." I'd take Lucas aside and ask him if he was on hormones. It looked like he was. He was probably at least nineteen and was already filled out through his chest. He'd be pleased with the results he'd start to see within weeks.

"I'll start you one at a time. Avery, we'll work with free weights first. You have a small frame, so we'll start you out light. I'm assuming you're mainly looking for strength."

Avery nodded. I guided them through a series of exercises and set them to it. "Lucas, I need you on the treadmill first. I'm going to be working you a little harder. You need to be warmed up."

I started him at a casual pace with a slight incline. I'd come back and speed him up.

"Are you on hormones?" I asked quietly.

"I am now. Started puberty blockers when I was thirteen."

"Your body is going to respond well."

Lucas grinned at me. "Good."

I went back for Angel. "Let's start you with some leg curls. Give you some good muscle for chasing after those girls." She didn't look convinced but took my instruction and started in .

With all three of them working, I made my rounds, checking on each one. I added to their workout, showing them more exercises and how to use the equipment. Avery and Angel finished much sooner than Lucas. His body needed a bit more exertion to push him.

By the time we finished, I felt pretty good about the knowledge I'd passed on. Jamal wanted me to come in twice a week to initiate new students and check in on those I'd already seen.

I found Jamal in the gymnasium shooting hoops with a few kids.

He saw me, passed the ball to someone, and rolled my way.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"The kids listened well. I'll have them set up with a routine in no time." I set my hand on Jamal's shoulder and discreetly massaged it. "I enjoyed spending time with them."

"I knew you would." Jamal lifted his hand and placed it on mine, securing me from withdrawing. He brushed his thumb up and down my fingers. It was such a simple connection, but it held so much meaning. We were both setting our fear aside to embrace the unknown.

"I need to go home and shower before work," I said.

"That's a crying shame."

I laughed and squeezed his shoulder. "I'm sweaty a lot. You'll have your chance."

Jamal groaned and patted my hand. "Go … but can you come for dinner tomorrow?"

"Your family not sick of me?"

"My family loves you. Mamma and Meera are particularly smitten."

"Then I'll be there." It was exciting to be asked to join Jamal's family for dinner again. I'd enjoyed the warmth flowing around their dinner table. And they'd included me in that.

"Dinner is at six," Jamal said.

"Is it all right if I come a little earlier to help in the kitchen? Would I be in the way?"

"Mamma is not going to be able to stop talking about you if you do." He wheeled in an arc, so he was facing me. "Passing down her recipes is one of her favourite things."

"Then I'll be there at five?"

It felt amazing to know I'd be welcomed. Made me feel like I was a part of their family. I wanted that. They were an extension of Jamal, and that made them special. Explained so much about Jamal, the warmth. I wanted to burrow into his embrace and never emerge. He felt like the warm sweater I'd been searching for my entire life. All cozy and colourful—and familiar.

"I'll have Mamma save you an apron."

I wanted to lean down and kiss him, but we hadn't gone there yet. I didn't want our first kiss to be in a public place. I wanted to take my time with him.

"See you tomorrow." I winked at him. "Unfortunately, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to be all sweaty. We'll have to save that for another time."

Jamal grinned at me. "Gonna hold you to that."

I was still chuckling as I set out to run home. It didn't take me long. A quick shower and I was off to work. It was a busy night, but not busy enough to keep Jamal off my mind.

"What are you smirking about?" Noah nudged me.

"Going to Jamal's for dinner tomorrow night."

"And that has you smirking?"

"I'm going to ask if I can kiss him."

"Wow … you are going slow."

"I don't want to mess this up. "

Noah clapped his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you for taking a risk."

"I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try for more with Jamal." That was the absolute truth. Denying my longing to be with Jamal would be like avoiding a turn down an intriguing laneway and missing out on discovering what beauty lay along it. I wanted to drive slowly. See everything.

His brow dipped. "You're really taken with him, aren't you?"

"I'm desperate to find out how much."

"Have you given the paralysis any more thought?"

"It's something we'll have to talk about eventually, but right now, I'm more interested in what's going on inside him. That's where our connection is going to be made."

Noah smiled. "It's like you've grown up in front of my eyes."

"Fuck off. I was always in here. Just hadn't found someone who could draw me out."

"I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

We didn't speak about Jamal again until Noah and I were locking up.

"How are you getting along with his family?" he asked as he turned the key.

"I'm helping cook tomorrow night."

Noah's eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"You know I love cooking. I asked if I could help. I'd love to learn to cook some new things. Plus, it'll allow me to get to know his mamma and dadi better."

"You're fitting in."

I smiled. "Jamal says they love me."

Noah pounded my shoulder. "You're very loveable, Liam. I'm glad they see that. Have fun with them. And let me know how the kiss goes. I'll be looking for details. "

"Not sure I'm going to want to share. What we're doing seems almost sacred."

Noah shook his head. "Who knew you were such a romantic."

I exhaled. "He brings it out in me." Jamal brought out so many emotions in me. I wanted to experience them to the fullest. Even the scary ones. The ones that made me think outside myself.

The following night, I was at Jamal's at exactly five o'clock.

Zahir opened the door. "Hey, Liam, come on in." He stepped back and let me in. "Chachi says you're helping her cook." I must have looked puzzled. "My father's brother's wife."

Another new word to store. I followed Zahir up the stairs and into the kitchen. Jamal's mom, Laila, was immediately on me, holding my face in both hands.

"Such a beautiful man come to help us."

"I'm excited to learn something new." I accepted an apron from Jamal's dadi.

"I'm going to teach you how to make naan," Dadi said. "We would have started it earlier, but dinner can be a little late. It'll give the Tikka Masala longer to cook."

"Where do I begin?"

Laila handed me a worn and stained recipe card and pointed me toward a glass bowl alongside an assortment of ingredients. "Start with the dry stuff."

That I knew. I mixed the flour, yeast, sugar, anise seeds, and salt.

"Liquids next, Laila?"

"Oh, sweet boy … call me Mamma." She patted my face affectionately. My heart fluttered. I'd never called anyone Mamma … or Momma, Mommy, or even Mom .

"Yes, liquids," she said. "You can use warm water from the tap." I had to take a second to keep my eyes from misting over. I took a deep breath and read the recipe card.

Yogurt, olive oil, and warm water whisked together, then added to the dry. I retrieved a fork from a drawer. I remembered where they were kept from when I'd helped with dishes. Once I had the dough sticking together, I floured my hands and kneaded it into a sticky ball.

Dadi handed me a sheet of plastic wrap to cover it.

"Put it on the top of the fridge," Mamma said. "You can check it in an hour."

I placed the bowl on the warm surface, washed my hands, and set an alarm on my phone to go off in one hour. "Is Jamal here?" I asked both women.

"He's in his room," Mamma said. "He'll be happy to see you survived us."

I looked over my shoulder as I left the kitchen. "I'll be back in an hour." I was curious what cooking the naan would look like. The dough reminded me a bit of bannock.

I tapped on Jamal's door and waited for what sounded like come in . I walked in on Jamal lying on his bed changing his clothes. He had folded one set and was prepared to put on the other.

I smiled. He was wearing the cutest colourful briefs.

And nothing else but his socks.

His legs looked different than I thought they would. They were atrophied, but he still had some muscle tone in his thighs. His knees looked bulkier than they should, and his shins covered in thick black hair were prominently thin. His feet looked oversized in comparison.

"Liam!" He was staring at me.

Shit.

"Was I not supposed to come in? I thought I heard you say come in . "

Idiot.

"I said just a sec ." Lying on his back, Jamal maneuvered his feet into the pantlegs of his jeans and hauled them up to his hips. He turned back and forth as he pulled them the rest of the way up.

The colour of his face was darkened, flushed for all the wrong reasons.

"I'm sorry," I said and placed my hand on his arm to stop him from frantically trying to zip and button his pants. "I shouldn't have stayed once I saw you were changing."

Jamal covered his eyes with his hand. "I didn't want you to see me like that."

Oh, beautiful man.

He had no idea how I felt about him. I released his arm and cradled his face in my palm. He moved his hand from covering his eyes and looked up at me.

"Do you want to know what I see?" I brushed my thumb across his skin. "I see a man who is so brave and dedicated that I'm often left breathless, I am so in awe of you."

"Liam," Jamal croaked then blinked a few times, displacing a gathering of tears. "You have no idea how difficult this is going to be for me … for us."

"And you have no idea how much you are underestimating me."

"You're not frightened by what you saw?"

"I told you what I saw."

"Liam … how … why?"

I sat on the edge of the bed and tucked in tightly against his hip, one hand still on his face, the other beside his bare shoulder. The mattress compressed as I leaned forward, staring down at him.

"I'm going to kiss you, and you are not going to argue with me about it. "

His mouth popped open, delicate and wordless, his eyelashes flitting, pupils blown, inviting me to explore their sultry depths. His tongue darted out to wet his pink lips.

It was the acknowledgment I needed.

I caressed my lips onto his, so soft and warm, our hot breath heating the lessening space between us. It was the most delicate, tentative kiss I'd ever given anyone.

Jamal moaned and ran his hands into my hair. I moved my hand from his face to the back of his neck and let the heat in my core completely consume me. A similar spark lit up Jamal. Our kiss morphed from soft and careful to frantic and hungry, an ebb and flow of attack and retreat.

Jamal moved his hand onto my side and shoved me toward his centre. I interpreted the demand and shifted my body until I was on top of him. He broke from our runaway kiss.

"Just be careful of my legs," he whispered against my lips.

I moved my legs to be on either side of his. "Is that good?"

"Perfect." He stroked my cheek then encouraged me back to lose ourselves in a desperation I'd hoped and dreamed would be there. An urgency that meant this was real.

I undulated my hips, my hard cock thrusting against him.

I felt firmness growing beneath me.

I stopped kissing Jamal, my mind screeching to a halt, and looked down at him.

"Are you getting hard?" It was a stupid question. Of course, he was getting hard. I could feel his thickening cock … I just didn't understand it. Hadn't anticipated it.

He held my face in both hands.

His brow furrowed. "You didn't think I could?"

The truth was, "No. I thought you wouldn't be able to."

I could see tears begin to pool in his eyes. "And yet you kissed me anyway?" He sucked in a shuddering breath and held my face tightly, brushing his thumbs up and down over my cheekbones, his eyes wide. "You decided to date me, believing I wouldn't be able to participate fully in sex?"

"Jamal … you're so much more than your cock. Of course, I want to date you."

His eyes could no longer contain the tears. They streamed down his cheeks and into his ears. I'd stunned him. And he'd left me feeling as if he didn't quite understand me.

He must have read my face.

"I'm sorry," Jamal said. "I'm an asshole for thinking it would matter to you." He ducked his gaze away. "There are differences, though. The main one being it takes my cock a long time."

Not a problem.

"I'm going to appreciate being able to take my time with you." I brushed some hair off his forehead. "I want to meet you where you are … always. You've become so precious to me."

"Fuck, Liam." Jamal jammed his fingers into the hair at my nape and hauled me back onto his lips. Eventually, we had to slow things down. I still had naan to cook.

After dinner, my naan a hit, we went back to Jamal's room where we lay on the bed and intertwined our bodies, holding one another.

He fit perfectly in my arms.