Chapter Ten | Jamal

It had been so long since I'd been embraced like Liam was holding me. Richard had been the last and that had been almost two years ago. I tucked my face against Liam's cheek, thrilled by the feel of his bristles on my skin. His muscular shoulder made for a hard pillow—but I didn't care.

I traced my fingers up and down his shirt.

"My birth mother was fifteen when she had me," Liam said. I stopped trailing my fingers and then started again. "My birth father wanted nothing to do with us. Erik was about to graduate high school and had plans to leave town and attend university. A girlfriend and kid didn't play into it."

I decided to stay silent and let him talk.

" Freya tried the single mother thing for a while, but I was cramping her style. She kept me until she was nineteen, then gave me up. Put me in foster care."

I hugged Liam's chest tighter to me. If I could move my legs, I would've tossed one over his thighs to pull him to me. He was sharing some painful things with me.

I felt honoured.

"I wasn't old enough to forget her. No matter how much I wanted to. Her face haunted me." Liam sighed. "I never stayed long in any one home. They weren't happy households. Divorce, verbal abuse, and general lack of attention. I was unlucky in where I was placed."

I tipped my head up and kissed Liam's cheek.

He hummed and wrapped me snugger in his arms .

"I didn't look for my birth parents until I was in my late 20s. Just wasn't ready. It floored me a little when I discovered they both had families with children not much younger than me."

"And you connected with them?"

"I showed up at Freya's house in Calgary one afternoon. Hadn't meant to without calling her first. Just hopped on a damned plane on impulse. She assumed I was her daughter's new boyfriend. When I told her who I was, she became overly excited."

"Overly excited?"

"She couldn't get over how gorgeous her son was. She made me feel like an object. It wasn't the warm and fuzzy reunion I had imagined. Never changed. Months later, when I told her I was gay, I thought for sure she was going to work herself up into a rapture, she was so thrilled."

My gut clenched. His mother hadn't taken the time to get to know him. She was clueless about what she was passing up. Liam was so much more than his outward beauty.

"Do you see her often?"

"Every couple of months she's in town for a conference. She's an administrative manager in a major grocery store chain. She makes sure we meet somewhere she can show me off."

Fuck, that's repulsive.

"And your birth father?"

"I rarely see him. Maybe twice a year. I'm a bit of a failure in his eyes. Being gay doesn't help. He doesn't agree with my lifestyle ."

"He's an idiot. I'm endlessly thrilled you're gay."

I pushed up on my elbow, gazed down into Liam's eyes, and kissed him. We became lost, uncovering threads of increasing trust as our lips met. I'd never felt this connected with anyone .

I closed my eyes as I lay my head on his chest.

"You are so special," Liam whispered against my hair. "I'm a lucky guy."

Sleep was about to haul me under … I felt so safe in his arms.

"You too," I managed. "I'm lucky too." I yawned and clutched his arm.

Liam stroked my hair. "Sleep, beautiful man."

I smiled.

And that's the last thing I remember.

When I opened my eyes, it was bright in my room. I panicked for a second when Liam mumbled something beside me. I don't think either of us intended for him to stay overnight.

I wanted to cuddle against him, infuse myself in his scent and warmth, but I felt stiff. I needed to start my day. I'd fallen asleep in my clothes. That was going to make things difficult.

I started with the water bottle I kept filled and on my bedside table. I needed to drink the whole thing. Dehydration was my enemy. It was tough to get down, but I finished all the water along with taking my supplements, blood thinner, and pain medication.

I looked over at Liam. He was sound asleep. I squirmed out of my jeans and started my morning exercises. I needed to keep my legs from tightening. I needed to stay limber.

I lay flat after I finished.

The next step in my daily routine wasn't going to happen with Liam in my bed. I'd have to forego the suppository until some time later in the day. I sat up, transferred into my chair, and headed for the bathroom, collected my catheter supplies, and dealt with my bladder.

Liam had used the bathroom last night before we retreated to the bed. He would've seen all my equipment. Been forced to urinate past my attached, padded toilet seat. He'd still taken me to bed and held me. And shared his childhood with me. That wasn't a man who was running away.

When I rolled into the bedroom, Liam lifted his head off his pillow and looked at me. His hair was a wild mess. Blond strands creating a riotous halo around his head.

A piece of my heart succeeded in breaking free and going to him.

"I didn't mean to have a sleepover," Liam said.

"I'm not averse to having a sweet and gorgeous man wake up in my bed."

"Sweet huh."

"You're like saltwater taffy."

"Fun and addictive to suck on?"

I snorted out a laugh. "Something like that."

Liam peered over the bed at my legs. "You lost your pants."

"Couldn't do my exercises with them on."

"Does that mean you're coming back to bed? I'm not ready to get up yet."

"I'd love to, but I'd end up squirming around. What do you want for breakfast?"

Liam sat up. "Shit … I didn't think about that. Your family is going to know I stayed."

I laughed. "They're not stupid. I'm sure they've already figured out something is going on between us. We haven't exactly been subtle. The looks alone are huge clues."

"We have looks?"

"Yeah, you just about stop my heart every time our eyes meet."

"Yum … to quote Ethan." He lay back down. "I feel that too."

"So, we're not hiding? "

Liam crawled to the edge of the bed and motioned for me to lean forward. He stretched up and kissed me. "No. We are not hiding. In fact, I'd like to do couple-stuff today."

I held his hand. "What do you have in mind?"

Liam pursed his lips and furrowed his brow in thought.

"Petting zoo," he announced.

I grinned. "I haven't been there in years." It wasn't far from my home. Richard and I used to go to Beacon Hill Park to see the animals and walk through the gardens.

Liam sat on the side of the mattress. "We can play with the cute goats."

"Did you know goats were being herded by humans 9000 years ago?"

"Poor goats." Liam held my chin and pulled my bottom lip down with his thumb. "Anything else you want to tell me about goats, or can I kiss you again?"

I brushed my hand up along his thigh. "Suddenly, my random fact generator is broken."

"Good."

His mouth closed over mine, his tongue tickling my lips. I wouldn't dream of not letting him in. It was a seductive dance that unfolded. I wished for the ability to stand and push him back on the bed. To climb onto him and straddle his hips. Ravish and dismantle him.

We laughed against each other's lips when someone knocked on my door.

"Jamal?" It was Meera.

"Busy!" I shouted.

"Liam's car is still outside."

Liam snickered, making us both giggle. "That's why I'm busy."

"Jamal, do you have a boy in your room?" Meera's voice sounded closer as though she'd stuck her mouth right at the jamb. "Make sure you use protection. Wouldn't want Liam to get pregnant."

I felt my whole face flush.

"Oh, my god, Meera! Go away!"

Her light laughter drifted away from the door.

"Sometimes, living with family has its downsides," I said.

"So … with that in mind … stop by Ethan's coffee shop and grab something for breakfast?"

"You read my mind. My family can interrogate us some other time."

I transferred back onto the bed and pulled on my jeans while Liam went into the bathroom. He had the water running. "There are spare toothbrushes in the cabinet beside the toilet."

"Thanks." The sound of cellophane then the small door banged shut. "Found them."

I pulled on my slip-on shoes, transferred back into my chair, and collected my bag I carried with me with a few supplies for when I was out. I was ready when Liam emerged.

Be still my heart.

The smile he bestowed on me would win a competition to outshine the sun itself.

"Are we going to walk and roll there?" Liam asked, his smile ticking up into a cheeky grin.

Oh. My. God.

I erupted in laughter. "You are so fucking cheesy." I rolled toward the door, turned the handle, and used a fabric pull to open it. "Yes, we'll walk. There's no point driving that distance."

Once we were out on the sidewalk, Liam kept pace with me. To his credit, he didn't ask to push me. I decided it might be fun. "How fast do you think this chair can go?"

He caught on quickly. "Depends on who's powering it." He winked at me, leapt behind my wheelchair, and held the handles .

He leaned forward. "You ready?" he whispered next to my ear.

"Just don't dump me on my head."

"No promises. Hang on!"

And we were off, flying down the sidewalk at top speed, as fast as Liam's legs could propel us. Thank God it was a smooth sidewalk. The tiniest bump would land us in a heap.

Throwing caution to the wind, I pressed my back against the chair and flung my arms out to both sides, the wind whistling past my fingertips. Liam started howling first but I soon joined him. Like a couple of crazed lunatics—we flew down the street, howling, and screeching with laughter.

Liam only slowed when we reached a street to cross.

It had been forever since I'd felt this uninhibited.

As we waited for the walk signal, Liam swooped around beside me and set a fun, smacking kiss on my lips. He was panting against my cheek when he kissed it too.

I reached back and gripped his hand on the handle of my wheelchair. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head as we crossed the street and headed into the park without speeding.

I loved that he seemed to love kissing me.

When we went through the gates of the Beacon Hill Children's Farm, the first thing we saw were a couple of majestic male peacocks, their colourful plumes sweeping the ground as they sat atop a high fence. The sheep, donkeys, pigs, and alpacas were next. Then the birds in the aviary.

But the highlight were the miniature goats. They were adorable. Liam wheeled me into the enclosure. They crowded around us, curious about my chair and nibbling on our fingers. In the spring, baby goats would be leaping all around the space. We'd have to come again for that.

I reached back for Liam to come closer. He squatted behind me and put his chin on my shoulder. I was thinking months ahead. I never did that anymore, other than for the centre.

Never with my personal life.

Liam took a picture of us—him kissing my cheek. He kept his phone in my sight as he posted it on his most popular social media account. My stomach filled with a crazy fluttering eruption. He'd just announced to his entire following that he was seeing someone. And that someone was me. He hadn't even cared that the handles of my wheelchair had been visible in the picture.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

More than all right.

"Yeah. This is nice. Being here in this park with you."

He squeezed my shoulder. "And here it comes—"

I snorted. "Did you know Beacon Hill Park is 200 acres?"

"I'm not pushing you all over a park that size. I mean I have incredible stamina, but I usually reserve it for more salacious activities." He kissed my shoulder.

"You're a tease."

"Guilty." Liam rose to his feet. "Breakfast? My stomach is complaining."

"Sure, let's go."

Once we were out of the petting zoo, Liam backed off and let me propel my wheelchair. We took our time, making our way to Ethan's coffee shop. Liam stayed at my side.

"I'll never walk again." It had to have been on Liam's mind at some point. "I have a lumbar spinal cord injury to the L1 and L2 spinal cord segments. I have some feeling in my legs, and they have some movement, but not enough to ever be able to use them to get around."

Liam set his hand on my back.

"I can't imagine not being able to go for a run."

"I miss running. It's been an overwhelming adjustment. I was so active before the accident. "

"There's still a lot we can do together."

I stopped rolling and looked up at him. "I don't want to hold you back."

"Why would you think that would happen?"

"Because there are going to be things I can't do. Places you want to go that aren't accessible to me. It's why I've been reluctant to get into a relationship. Resentments might end up growing."

"I can't imagine feeling that way with you. We'll find our groove. Just give it time."

"Are you always this confident?"

"Only when it comes to you. We're building something I feel sure about." He stroked my arm. "Otherwise, I'm overcome by persistent anxiety and certainties of inadequacy."

He had kept the last part of that statement light and tried to be cheeky about it, but I knew he struggled hour by hour every single day with those things.

"Liam." I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "It doesn't work both ways. Believe the first one, the confidence, because that's what I see when I look at you. A man confident in his kindness, sticky sweetness, humour, and love for his friends. That's the man I see."

Liam grinned at me. "And breathtaking?"

I laughed. "Yes, you're pretty to look at too."

We started moving again. We had another three blocks to go until we could treat ourselves to a couple of coffees and some of Ethan's baked goods.

"Your sister always been like that?" Liam asked.

"A pain in my ass? Yes."

"Younger?"

"By three years. She just turned thirty."

"You're younger than me. I'll be turning the big three-seven next."

"Mm … I've found myself a sugar daddy. "

Liam laughed. "Hardly. I barely scrape by with my bartender wages."

"You told my dad you might consider going back to school."

"I don't know. I wouldn't be able to attend for more than two years. Working and going to school would be brutal for longer than that. Even with a suitable degree, it might be better hours … but it would be the same pay as I make now. Doesn't seem worth it."

"You might enjoy it more. You could work with kids."

"That's the only thing that could sway me. I love hanging with my noodles."

"Noodles?"

"Rowan and Quinn."

That's adorable.

"You like being their guncle." That was a statement, not a question.

"Makes me wonder about life."

"Kids?"

Liam looked over at me. "Do you ever think about it?"

There were a couple of truths that pertained to that question. "Richard and I were going to have children. Two. Genetically from each of us. But then the accident happened."

"You had to shelve the dream."

I nodded. "Our focus was on my rehabilitation."

"And now?"

The second truth. "I'm scared to raise kids from the confines of a wheelchair."

"You don't think you're capable? I think you'd make an amazing dad … pappa."

"I'd need the right partner." I punched the wheelchair button to open the door of the coffee shop and rolled inside. As we waited in line, Liam stood behind me and kept his gentle hands on my shoulders as if I might disappear if he broke contact with me. He caressed them as we ordered.

He was a constant presence.

I could imagine him being there for the next fifty years.

If my past didn't ruin everything.

I'd need to tell him eventually.