Chapter Fourteen | Jamal

I was four hours into my day when a stranger walked into my office without knocking. I immediately knew who he must be. The resemblance was uncanny despite the work Liam had done. Unlike Liam's blond, the man had salt-and-pepper hair, but the same blue eyes as his son.

Why is he here?

Liam had come back from surfing yesterday and stopped by the centre before he'd even visited his apartment. Ethan had been happy to check in on his coffee shop down the street and leave Liam to visit with me. The door locked; Liam had given me the most incredible blowjob.

Then he'd told me about meeting with his birth father.

"Are you Jamal?" the man asked.

"I am … and I'm going to assume you're Erik."

Erik scowled at me, his gaze raking over my wheelchair. "Liam is dating you ?"

"Does that surprise you?" Liam had filled me in on the conversation he'd had with Erik over breakfast. How my gender and race appeared to be a problem for Liam's birth father.

Now there was my disability—obviously a huge negative in Erik's eyes.

"Liam doesn't know what's good for him," he said.

"He's an adult. Pretty sure he knows more than you." I wasn't going to pull punches.

Okay, that was a serious glower on him. "You need to back off and leave him alone. "

"And, if I say no ?"

"Then he'll find out about your criminal record. I'm assuming you haven't told him. I'm a criminal defence lawyer with friends in the police. I had them do a background check on you."

I'm sure the colour drained right out of my face.

It had been in the plan to tell Liam what happened between Richard and me—as my friend. It had been such a dark period in my life. Before I had a chance to tell Liam, we'd leapt ahead into a romantic relationship. Now, I felt trapped. I didn't want to lose him by telling him the story.

"You weren't there," I said as if that explained anything. I'd been out of control, drowning in grief. My soul had been twisted in knots. I'd lashed out—hurt people.

"So, I'm right. Liam doesn't know you're a domestic assailant."

I'd love to say it was an isolated incident, but I'd put Richard through hell for months. It had shaken me to my core when I sent him to the hospital. I had never dreamed I would ever hurt him.

I loved him.

Charges had been laid against me.

Richard had moved out.

"Do we have an understanding?" Erik asked.

"Yes," I whispered. Liam could never find out. I couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment in his eyes if he found out what I'd done. The person I'd been in my anguish.

"I do talk to Liam," Erik said. "I'll know."

I nodded—silent.

Erik left me to break down in my office.

My eyes were still red when I arrived at my friend Warren's home hours later. I rolled into his living room among the clutter and found a spot where there was nothing beneath my wheels .

"What's happened?" Warren sat across from me.

"Our relationship is getting serious."

"And that has you crying?"

"My sordid past has me in tears. Liam and I talk about everything … but I can't. I just can't tell him about what happened with Richard. Today, his birth father showed up in my office. He knew about my domestic assault conviction. He had a background check run on me. He threatened to tell Liam if I didn't promise to walk away from our relationship."

Warren gathered his hands in his lap. "Are you willing to do that?"

"I can't have Liam look at me the way Richard looked at me that night. It was an expression of pure betrayal. Liam would feel like I deceived him by not telling him before—"

"You were intimate." Warren sighed. "Because he's your boyfriend now."

I nodded.

"Fuck, Jamal. What a mess." He struggled to his feet. "Do you want tea?"

"Decaffeinated. I'm going to have enough trouble sleeping."

I was fully absorbed in playing through how I was going to walk away from Liam when Warren returned with two mugs of tea. He'd already dressed mine with milk and sugar.

I didn't finish it.

I needed to think. It would be light enough for a while longer for me to go to my favourite park overlooking the sea. I pulled my car into Macaulay Point Park and unloaded my wheelchair. Normally, I would have brought my all-terrain chair, but I could manage without it.

I rolled along the paved walkway and up the ramp to the gravel trail. A short distance along, I turned to face the steep grassy cliffs and incoming tide and parked. There had been a chance I could get away without telling Liam about the assault, but that would've eaten at me.

I'd never lied to him. I couldn't imagine ever lying to him. That wasn't the foundation we'd been building together. What the hell was I going to tell him?

I imagined Liam's expression if he found out I held back on crucial information before agreeing to be his boyfriend. I couldn't bear it. I'd be devastated.

He'd be devastated.

Maybe betrayal would be too strong a word—but there might be disgust.

I lifted my phone and called him.

"Hey, beautiful." His voice was sultry and smooth.

My throat closed over, sticky and thick. Even my breathing suffered, heavy in my chest.

"What's the matter?" he asked, sounding so damned worried. And I was just about to crush him. I was going to tell this sweet man it was over between us.

"I've been thinking," I started.

"About what?"

"Us."

Liam was silent for far too long. He was expecting me to clarify.

"I need time to think," I said, copping out. Deep down, I wanted to keep a door open. Couldn't imagine not keeping a passageway clear to return through.

"Think about what?"

"Us." I changed the phone to my other ear. That wasn't an answer. "We moved so fast."

"I think we moved at exactly the right speed."

I sighed because he was right. "There are things you don't know about me." Might as well give him a partial truth and not leave him without an explanation. "Things you'd never understand. "

"What kind of things?"

"See, that's the thing. I don't want to say."

"We talk about everything, Jamal. That's one of our things. Please, talk to me."

"I can't, Liam."

"We've shared so much about ourselves with one another. Why is this different?"

"It just is."

Liam grunted. "So, that's it … you need to think . That's what you're going with?"

Okay, now he sounded angry. He had every right to be mad at me. And hurt. Beneath the anger, I could hear it—I'd injured him. The very thing I'd been trying to avoid.

The call went silent.

He'd hung up on me.

I arrived home long after dinner was over and went straight to my room. I pulled open my bar fridge and as expected, there was a sandwich in there for me. I loved my family.

I closed my eyes to stop more tears from falling.

Liam had fit in so well with them. I had imagined many years of him sitting at that table with me. Images of when my grandparents were long gone, and my parents had taken their place.

I'd even imagined a child seated with us.

Tears spilled regardless of my guarding against them. They had snuck in on me, my feelings. I wiped my cheeks. The truth was I was falling in love with Liam.

I might even love him already.

My chest ached, so I placed my hand over my heart. I'd pulled apart something beautiful out of fear. A dread that was founded. An overwhelming need to protect Liam from my past where there was no protection afforded to me by my mind. I would forever be punishing myself .

I'd told him I needed to think.

And that was what I needed to do.

Because I was.

I was in love with him.