Chapter Thirteen | Liam

We prepared ourselves. It was Sunday night, the meeting of the Salish Sea Society , and Owen had said he had a bad date story to top others he'd told us before. He was going to speak first.

"Okay," Owen said and looked back and forth between us. "Last week I connected with this guy using my new dating profile. We decided to meet for a date last night … and it was going well. Lots of interesting things in common, including both looking for commitment. But then he tells me he's couch surfing at the moment. Doesn't have a home. Of course, I asked him why."

Owen shook his head as if he couldn't believe he was telling us this.

He took a sip of his ale. "He hooked up with a guy six months ago. The following day, hours after the guy left, the police showed up at his door." Owen closed his eyes. "You know what he said to me? Without a shred of remorse he says, the guy didn't look fifteen ."

Ethan coughed out an exhalation. "What the fuck?"

Owen looked at Ethan. "Right? Of course, I'm thinking how on earth could a fifteen-year-old look thirty, because dude was forty-four. I was out on a date with a predator … a goddamned pedophile. He was charged and put on probation. He lost his job when they found out."

"Damn right," Noah said.

I was too stunned to speak .

"And then." Owen placed his hands on the table. "Get this. He says the worst part about the whole thing is that his wife of twenty years kicked him out of the house."

"He thought that was the worst part?" I found my voice. "Not the kid he had sex with."

"Never ran from someone so fast," Owen replied. "I felt like vomiting."

"I'd love to know why you attract these crazy people," Noah said. "It's uncanny."

"I'm doomed. At least with the profile Liam wrote for me, I was busy with meaningless sex."

"I can write you a new one," I replied, wanting to help Owen get out of this pit of misfortune. Noah was right. Owen had the worst luck when it came to dating and finding a husband.

"I might take you up on that." Owen drained his beer and refilled his glass.

The fact the others were drinking in front of me didn't bother me anymore. Watching them drink alcohol had caused me some discomfort at first even though I was a bartender. It was different when I was preparing drinks for customers. There was no situation in which I would be able to drink them. They were just part of my job. Now, I didn't even think about drinking.

"Jamal told his mom about us," I changed the topic.

"How did that go?" Noah asked. I'd been meaning to phone him and fill him in on what was happening with my life. But with a new husband and foster kids, he was so busy that I didn't want to bother him. It wasn't like when we were both single with time on our hands.

I played with the loose hairs dusting my nape.

"I think his mom and sister don't believe I'm good for Jamal. "

Ethan set his glass on the table too hard. "What? Why do they think that?"

"If I had to piece it together, they think I'm going to get bored with a guy in a wheelchair."

Owen grunted.

I tipped my head to one side, my cheeks heating as I stared at him. "What?"

"Nothing … it's just not like you to get into a relationship. They're right to have concerns."

"What the fuck, Owen?" I rose to my feet. "Is that how little you think of me?"

Noah grabbed my arm. "Sit down. Let's talk this through."

My bottom jaw jutted out as I clenched my teeth. I dropped back into my seat, prepared to defend myself. "Jamal is not a toy I'm trying out. We have a deep connection."

Ethan touched my hand. "And the physical side of things?"

"Not that it matters, but everything works fine down there."

"I don't think that's what Ethan meant," Noah said. "You're an active guy."

"So is Jamal. He lifts weights every day. He cycles, goes running with his brother-in-law, and wants to try kayaking. He's even into skiing. He doesn't let anything stop him, including his wheelchair. He's the bravest man I've ever known. None of you understand him like I do."

Ethan withdrew his hand. "I don't think Owen meant to judge your ability to maintain a healthy relationship." He looked at Owen. "Did you, Owen."

"I'm just not sure how you're going to balance a relationship with him and your social media obsession," Owen replied. "He's going to end up competing with what others think of you. "

"Fuck off, Owen. I've barely posted anything since we started hanging out."

"I noticed that," Ethan said.

I pointed at Owen. "So, you're wrong. His opinion is the only one I'm interested in." It was a new truth. The opinions of random strangers were diminishing in importance to me. The way Jamal looked at me was all the validation I needed. He was the only one who mattered.

"Let's leave it at that," Noah said. "Sounds like Liam has grown with Jamal."

Typical Noah, playing the referee. He had an innate need to protect all of us. Even if it was from each other. The table fell silent. I was happy to not discuss my love life any further. Jamal and I were going to navigate what we were doing together as a couple.

The guys didn't have a say.

Ethan cleared his throat. "The photoshoot was a success." He flipped over his phone and tapped away on it. He scrolled a few passes and then handed it to me.

I couldn't stop my eyebrows from rising.

Wow.

Ethan looked so hot. I swiped from one picture to another. And another. I identified my favourite and swiped back to it. Ethan wore a pair of black lace hi-cut manties, his hipbones showing, his hard cock barely contained. Around his waist and flared over his hips, a black corset with red lace. It was cinched tight and created a funnel up to his chest. Atop the corset, Ethan's pink nipples decorated his pecs that had been forced upward, giving him cleavage.

Embarrassed to say my dick stirred.

I needed a pair of manties like that.

"Priceless, Ethan."

"Thanks. "

I handed the phone to Noah. The tips of his ears turned visibly crimson. He scanned through the pictures, cleared his throat, and passed the phone to Owen.

"They're very good," Noah said.

"I can't wait to see them bound in a book for sale," Ethan replied.

"Jeezus, Ethan." Owen scrutinized the photos. "Your cock is hard in some of these."

"Most of them. Carlos says that's what his customers are looking for." He took his phone from Owen. "Daniel loves them. We're going to get some of them on canvas."

"Not sure I'm ever coming to your house again," Owen said.

"They're only in our bedroom and the study. We lock both when people come over."

"Speaking of home, Rowan and Quinn are doing well in school," Noah said, redirecting the conversation. "The first few months were rocky with Rowan, but he's settled in now."

"He's better at Chemistry than I am," I said. "And I took it straight through to Grade 12."

"Quinn has been asking about puberty blockers," Noah revealed.

"Ze is fourteen, right?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, ze should have started them a year ago at least," Noah answered. "Ze doesn't want to develop as female any further. We're all for it. I don't want Quinn to go through chest surgery when ze is an adult if we wait. Ze is seeing a psychologist. We want to be sure."

"Quinn could change hir mind after being on them though, right?" I asked. With so many of the youth finding their way into the Rainbow Centre's weight room being transgender, I'd been reading up. There was still so much I didn't know, though .

"Ze could," Noah answered. "And ze would develop as hir body originally intended."

"Big decision," Owen said.

"We'll support whatever ze decides," I replied. Quinn had pitched the term noodles to refer to hir and Rowan. Quinn and I had a close relationship. Ze had been bullied in school and later while living on the street. We'd spent many an hour sharing our stories of survival.

Ethan started talking about giving Daniel a blowjob in a dark parking garage and I zoned out. My relationship with Jamal was so different. What we had was between us. The others might talk about their sex lives, but I was done with all that. Every moment with Jamal was precious.

And only ours.

It was a four-and-a-half-hour drive to Tofino but the scenery along the way made time pass faster than expected. Within two hours, we had survived the Malahat's unpredictable weather, driven through the entire length of Nanaimo, and arrived in Parksville, a quaint seaside city of seniors and families. Ethan and I stopped at a chain restaurant for burgers and coffee.

This was a yearly trip for us to do some surfing. September to November was the best time of year to have some Westcoast fun. The water wasn't freezing cold yet, but the waves had started to pick up in size and consistency. We'd been coming to Tofino together since we were teenagers.

After leaving Parksville and passing through Qualicum, we drove west, headed for the most westerly coast of Canada. My favourite part was driving through Cathedral Grove, a massive stand of ancient Douglas fir. Some more than 800 years old and nine metres in circumference.

We would stop to walk through them on the way back. We wanted to get on the water for a couple of hours before the sun started setting. Two hours later, we pulled into Tofino and arrived at the Bsad face emoji Plan to stay every night you're not working.

Me: smile emoji I can do that. I'm meeting my birth father for breakfast.

Jamal: How did that happen?

Me: Ran into him last night. He's here with his real son.

Jamal: Don't do that. You're just as much his son as the one he's there with.

Me: You obviously don't know Erik .

Jamal: I don't need to. I know you. And you are worth knowing. His loss.

Me: You're biased. You're my boyfriend.

Jamal: I love it when you call me that.

Me: I'll add it to the list of words I whisper in your ear when we're fucking around.

Jamal: tongue panting emoji

Me: I'll come to see you at the centre on Thursday as soon as I'm back.

Jamal: I'll be prepared to lock my office door when you do.

Me: kiss emoji

Jamal: kiss emojikiss emoji

I ran my fingers across my lips. I loved when we kissed. The give and take between us felt destined. As if I would never be satisfied with kissing anyone else ever again.

I looked at my phone. It was time to go.

On the bed, Ethan was breathing softly. Fast asleep. I'd be back before he even woke up. We weren't crack of dawn surfers. Eight would be early enough to get moving.

I jogged down the street to Rosie's, the best breakfast place in town. It had been there as long as we'd been coming to Tofino. Erik was waiting in a booth for me.

He checked the time on his phone as I slid into my seat.

I was early by a few minutes.

"Do you know what you want?" he asked. "We need to order quickly."

It felt like my lungs deflated a little. I only saw my birth father a couple of times a year. And here we were with an opportunity to spend time together, and he wanted to rush it .

I looked out the window. It was still partially dark out.

"I'm good with coffee, a fruit salad, and some dry toast."

Erik called the server over and placed our order. With a steaming cup of coffee in front of me, I opened the conversation. "I'm seeing someone."

"A man?"

I wrinkled my brow. "Of course, a man."

Erik grunted. He didn't approve. He'd never come out and been homophobic toward me, but I could tell he was disappointed in me for being gay.

"His name is Jamal," I pressed on. "And he's the coordinator for the Rainbow Youth Centre."

"That gay place you told me Noah volunteers at?"

"LGBTQ+."

"Is he foreign?"

"He was born in Canada." Pretty sure. He'd talked about elementary school in Victoria. I knew how this was going to sit with Erik. Me dating the child of immigrants. Which was insane. Both he and my birth mother were first-generation Canadians. The difference, they were white. My heritage was from Norway. Both sets of my birth grandparents still lived there.

Erik grunted again.

I rolled my eyes and sipped my molten hot, black coffee. There was no point engaging in a political conversation with him. We'd hashed out our differences many times.

"Does this Jamal have a university degree?" Erik asked.

"He has a Masters of Social Work." Noah had told me when Jamal first took over running the centre. He was beyond excited about Jamal's educational qualifications.

Erik chuffed out a sharp laugh. "Not surprising. You seem to surround yourself with soft liberals or the undereducated. Or has Noah gone back to law school? "

There were so many things I wanted to say, but instead, I packed my thoughts and feelings down. I kept my answer simple. "Noah is happier running the pub."

"Such a waste." Erik pointed at me. "Not unlike you. If you focused, you could become a psychiatrist. Instead of that useless Arts degree, you could take a science direction.

My cheeks warmed. "I don't want to be a psychiatrist. If I did go back to school, I'd become a counsellor and support youth who want to transition." It was the first time I'd slid those specific puzzle pieces together. It had taken me to be infuriated to put them in place.

Jamal would be so excited by this discovery.

My mind started spinning with possibilities.

Erik sighed and shook his head. "No wonder you don't fit in with my family. Both Jason and Julie are top surgeons." I didn't need to be reminded. He threw it in my face every time I saw him. Liam the disappointment who would never be good enough for Erik's perfect family.

The server placed my food in front of me. I'd lost my appetite.

I was constantly hit from both sides. My birth mother, Freya's family were overachievers as well. And here I was afraid to reach. More concerned with my body and my sexual conquests.

I hung my head. Why the hell was Jamal with me?