7. KVella

seven

K'Vella

" S he might be carrying my young, and I want to make sure she's cared for," Essa repeats in a voice meant to imitate Holoth's.

She and Sloane practically swooned when Holoth said that earlier, so I'm not surprised they're giving me a hard time about it now. Sure, they're teasing, but it's the kind of teasing that happens between friends—the kind I haven't been a part of in a long time.

My chest turned violet as soon as Holoth opened the door to the living area. If the warmth of my blood is any indication, it hasn't changed even a fraction of its shade since. It's not made any better by the way Essa's looking at me and swishing her tail back and forth like she wants me to say something about Holoth's proclamation.

I tuck my feet underneath me as I snuggle further into the chair. It smells like Holoth, and Essa confirmed it was his as soon as I sat in it. She took a seat on one of the couches. Sloane joined her, and Avery perched herself in the other recliner.

"But seriously," Avery says in a hushed voice. "I know I've been hiding away for the last couple of weeks, but have you been here long enough to get knocked up?"

I wrap the fur I stole from the nest before leaving this morning tighter around me. I wanted to ask for the one around Holoth's shoulders before he left, but I'm still trying to decide if I'm upset with him or not. It's hard to be when he treats me so well and looks at me like he truly believes he wants me.

"Yes, there's a chance. I won't know until I start testing. Rytharian reproductive systems are made for breeding. Now that I'm altered, I was told a pregnancy would be easily detected shortly after conception. So I'll probably start testing every night."

"Damn," Avery mumbles and then turns her head like she's thinking about something. Her hand moves to her own abdomen, and a look of sadness covers her face before she can mask it.

I want to ask her about it since it might stop Essa and Sloane from staring at me like they expect me to divulge my secrets just because we are all alone. They're nice enough, but my plans of getting pregnant and moving back to Varon to start my family haven't changed—at least, I'm telling myself they haven't.

Holoth could say all the sweet words he wanted when he was in his rut, but as soon as it was over, he was out of the nest and away from me. I don't need to be a burden on him, and I don't need to be clingy. When I know I'm pregnant, I'll secure transport off the ship and back to my planet.

I take a bite of my food and moan as I taste it. Sure, the genuit pastry isn't as good as when it's freshly made on Varon, but it's so close to the actual dish I'm surprised at how authentic it tastes.

I take a few more bites, enjoying the sweet taste of the pastry filled with cream and fruit. I try to savor every mouthful. It's only after a few long moments have passed that Essa gets bored with waiting for me to look back up at them to talk.

"Are you going to tell us whether or not you like him?" Essa asks. "I assume because of all the biting, it's a yes. Then again, I don't know you, and you might just enjoy the feel of a male's teeth on you. I don't think I would, but I'm not you."

"No, I agree. It's a no from me on the teeth, too," Avery says, rubbing her neck as she eyes one of my bites. "No offense."

"No offense taken," I say as I swallow. "I didn't go into this expecting to be covered in bites when it was all done with. Nothing to do about it now, though."

My answer doesn't seem to please any of them because they all give me various degrees of horrified expressions.

"Did he bite you without asking?" Sloane asks, her hand reaching instinctively for her own bite marks.

I'm more than a little jealous of her bites because males who wished to claim her for themselves gave them to her. Bites among my kind are a symbol of devotion between mates or bonded pairs. I'm not sure the extent of their meaning for Holoth's kind, but it isn't the same. I'm certain of that much. He wouldn't have been willing to bite me so quickly after meeting me if they were.

"He didn't ask, but I asked him to do it," I tell her, hoping to reassure her so she doesn't think the worst of her friend. "He was perfectly kind during his rut."

Avery snorts at my statement, and our attentions move to her. Her eyes widen in alarm before her cheeks turn bright pink. She's a tiny creature, and I wonder if being the smallest of the crew isn't intimidating.

"Sorry," she squeaks before reaching for her water canister and taking a long gulp.

"I very much am curious what you think you need to be sorry for," Essa says, eyes darting between Avery and me.

I'm more than a little curious, too. I don't think I've said anything funny, but maybe I did by accident.

"It's nothing," Avery says, taking another sip of water in an attempt to stave off any other questions.

In the short time I've known Essa, I already know Avery won't be able to sway her easily. When everyone stares at Avery, she finally relents.

"Fine, it's just, Phial's room is next door. Like right next door, and I don't think either of you was trying to be quiet."

It doesn't take me more than a second to understand what she's not saying. I shovel food into my mouth, averting my eyes from everyone else and hoping they won't say anything more about it.

Thankfully, Sloane seems to take mercy on me and asks a different question before Essa can pry more into the things Avery heard, which made her laugh when I said Holoth was kind to me.

He was extremely kind, but he was also all growly and demanding. There's no need to get into all of that with strangers. Even if these strangers have been kinder to me than anyone on Varon was after I got sick.

"How long will you stay on the crew once you find out you're pregnant?" Sloane asks, leaning back on the couch and against Essa. "Not that there's any rush. I'm just curious what your game plan is."

I take a bite, realizing I only have a few more before I've finished eating. "I planned on returning to Varon when I found out. There's housing for mothers there, and I'll be able to raise the babe with love and joy."

I rub my hand over my abdomen, imagining there might be a young growing there already. I hope there is because I've never wanted anything more than to start my own family.

"You planned on that, so does that mean you might be thinking of something else?" Sloane asks, picking up on the slip of my tongue without me even noticing.

I chew on my lip, not wanting to admit to these women that I might've gotten it in my head during the rut that Holoth might want me for longer than just to sate his lust. It was silly and inappropriate, especially considering the stipulations I put on it before we were even together.

Instead of answering Sloane, I redirect the conversation in a different way that will hopefully take the focus off my relationship with their friend.

"On Varon, conception is difficult. Not only is there a slim chance of it happening, but we can only attempt it once a week or so. It's most unfortunate since so many of our kind yearn for large families and yet are lucky even to have one child. My mother had two girls, and it was a blessing. Two daughters who might bring more children into the world." My words trail off as I shake my head.

"Well, you're doing that now," Sloane says, giving me a soft smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "She'd be proud of you, I'm sure."

I let out an unflattering laugh and then cover my mouth with my hand. "Sorry." I cough to cover the straining laughter and then try to compose myself to explain. "No, my mother and sister are not happy with me. I was sick, and well, I'll never have Varon children. I'll love my Rytharian, but many will see the babe as a mistake. My mother and sister don't even know I'm here if I'm to tell you the truth. I wouldn't want them to either. If I had it my way, I'd never see them again."

"Shitty family." Essa shakes her head and then gives me a knowing look. "My parents have promised my hand to an awful male. I haven't seen him since I was a child, but he was a terror then. I can only imagine it has gotten worse. Still, I'm not allowed back on my planet, or they'll force me to marry him, or worse, they'll force me to reject the proposal so he may take my younger sister." Essa snarls as the last words leave her mouth.

"You and your sister get along, though?" I ask, hoping that the strain of her parents hasn't ruined that relationship for her. I don't know if my sister and I would be friends if not for our mother, but I don't think so. My sister is mean and has always been mean. I don't know why or how, but it's just in her.

"We do, or we did," Essa's smile is sad. "Niivi is a wonderful female. She's much better at politics and composing herself in a manner befitting the Bylath family. I sometimes wish she was the one who was born first so that she could take over instead of me. But then again, maybe she's just as happy knowing I continue to disappoint our parents, and there's nothing they can do to relinquish my control over our home when they pass from this life."

"I wish Kiena and I were an equal force against our mother." I sigh at the thought.

What if we supported one another instead of my sister always feeling like she needed to tear me down? Even when I found out I was sick and was told the treatment I would have to undergo, she still found ways to make me feel less than as though I wasn't already feeling horrible.

"Kiena?" Essa asks.

Her eyes burn with something that seems almost like hatred. She sits up straight now, and even Sloane's staring at her like something's wrong. Essa's tail is twitching between her legs rapidly, and the little tuft of black hair is at the end brushing against the floor in furious movements.

"Where on Varon did you say you were from?"

"The ninth district," I say slowly, unsure if I should tell her.

When her dark eyes only grow more furious, I feel like I've messed up. Her pupils contract so much so that the black is a sliver of a line in her yellow eyes.

"I'm sorry. Is there something I did wrong?"

"No, not you." Essa's lips pull back until her sharp canines flash against her golden lips.

She stands from the couch in one swift movement, and for a second, I think she'll come after me. She takes long, angry stomps in my direction, but when she stops in front of my chair, she tilts her head to the side and just stares.

"I won't hurt you," she says, her voice a soft melody that doesn't match the way she's looking at me.

I wrap my lower arms around my abdomen to protect the unborn young that might be there, but my upper arms stay loose and ready to block an attack if I need to. I think about calling out for Holoth, but Sloane's already pulling out her comm and urging Avery to leave in case something happens.

"I'm not going to hurt her!" Essa snarls louder, her teeth biting into her lower lip as she closes her mouth.

Her canines are definitely longer, indenting against her lower lips. They make the bites on my body throb in recognition of the damage she could do with them. Her eyes pierce me, and a chill coats my spine at the fear screaming at me to run.

Essa's still towering over my recliner when a growl vibrates through the room. My heart beats even faster, recognizing the sound without needing to see the male who just came in.

"Step away from her, Essa," Holoth growls, his voice sounding too far.

"You'll never guess who she is," Essa says as her eyes narrow on me once more. Her tail thrashes wildly behind her. She seems way too amped up in her anger to be thinking rationally right now.

"Get away from the mother of my children," Holoth growls.

His statement catches me off guard. I'm not the mother of even one of his young yet, so I don't know why he's making statements like that.

It surprises Essa, too, who finally takes a step back from me and shakes her head, her tail finally slowing in its movements. She's barely two steps away when Holoth is beside me, helping me to my feet. His eyes are planted firmly on Essa, ensuring she doesn't get too close or try to attack me.

"Sorry." Essa shakes her head again, her canines still piercing her lower lips and making her look scarier than she usually does. She turns to look at Holoth. "I wouldn't ever hurt her."

Holoth's jaw clenches as he pushes me behind him and starts herding me out of the room, away from Essa. "I know, Essa. I need you to calm down so we can figure out what happened, okay?"

"No, yeah." Essa shakes her head again, her fingers moving up to her temples so she can rub her head. When she looks at us again, her pupils have dilated back to their normal size. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Holoth says, taking more and more steps back until we're in the doorway. "We'll talk later when you've calmed down, okay?"

Essa nods again, her fingers still rubbing at her temple like she has a headache. Sloane is by her side, rubbing a hand down the other woman's back in soothing circles. They're good friends, and I thought we were getting closer, too, until Essa looked like she wanted to murder me.

"What were you all talking about?" Holoth asks when the living room door closes.

He turns to face me, his hands moving to my shoulders, then down one set of arms and the next, acting like he's searching my body for any sign of wounds that he didn't cause. He doesn't look back into my eyes until he's scoured every inch of my uncovered skin.

"My sister and where I'm from," I answer. "I don't know why she acted that way. She said my sister's name like a question and then asked which district I was from. When I answered, she was so mad. I thought we were bonding, but Holoth, she was so mad."

Holoth wraps his arms around me, and I realize I'm crying. I keep my lower arms around my abdomen, but I embrace him with my top arms. Holoth's purr cuts through the fright and worry still coursing through me.

"It's okay," he murmurs against the side of my head, his lips pressing softly against my temple as he continues purring and allowing me to cry against him. "Essa can be scary. She's a powerful female. I'm sure your instincts were to protect yourself. That's normal."

"She seems like such a nice female," I cry lousily into his shoulder. "Why was she mad at me?"

"I don't know," Holoth murmurs. "I don't know, but she's not a threat to you. I promise. Even when she looks all scary, and your mind tells you to run from her, she'll never hurt you."

"I don't even know how my sister could've made her mad. Kiena has done so much stuff to so many males on Varon, but I don't know how she could've made Essa mad."

Holoth's body tenses when I say her name, and then he's stroking my hair a bit more. "Kiena, from the ninth district on Varon?"

I sniffle and blink away a few more tears before pulling away from Holoth and looking at him. "Yes, why?"

Holoth's face screws up for a second when I confirm who my sister is, and then he rubs at his face like he's trying to force the scowl he was wearing off of his features. He presses his lips to my temple again and ushers me down the hallway back toward his room.

"If it's the same female I think it is, she did some mean things to Jovi and Alik when they still lived on Varon," Holoth says, not looking at me as he says it. He knows I won't take that information very well because he doesn't even seem surprised when my footsteps falter, and I turn to stare at him.

"I should tell them," I say, my eyes blinking rapidly as I take in just how bad this could be for me. For all I know, they'll want me off the ship immediately.

A small subset of females on Varon use their power of being needed to hurt others. Most males put up with it because the females are whole and willing to see if bonds form. I never understood why they would be cruel when we were all looking for bonds to start families with. I may not understand why, but I know there are always some who choose to be wicked because they can.

My sister is one of those. Her cruelty started out by putting me down as we grew up with one another. Then, she could be housed with males, and she inflicted her cruelty on males eager to find bond mates. When she got away with her treatment of the males housing her, she only grew bolder in how she inflicted her viciousness.

I don't know what she did to Jovi and Alik. She was fond of making males fight for her affections. She'd refuse to sleep with the males who housed her. It seems like such a small thing, but if Varon males don't fornicate often enough, they get aggressive and violent. It's normally violence that's directed at the other male in their pairing. My sister enjoyed seeing if she could break apart pairs that cared for one another just by denying them for long enough. I imagine that's what she did to Jovi and Alik.

"I need to tell them before Essa does." I cover my mouth with one hand, my eyes widening in horror as I look back toward the living room. "Oh gods, what about Sloane? She's going to hate me."

"She would've known as soon as Essa did," Holoth tells me, his hand on my lower back urging me deeper into the ship. I keep myself planted where I am, looking down the other end of the hallway where the kitchen is.

"I need to tell them," I say, standing my ground.

I don't know who's stronger in our pairing. Normally, Varon males are stronger than females, but Holoth isn't a Varon. No, he's smaller than Jovi and Alik and not as muscled as a Varon male. His eyes narrow at the same time mine do, both of us wondering who would win in a battle of brute strength.

Holoth's lips pull back in a snarl. It's not a scary one like Essa gave me. None of Holoth's snarls have been like that. They've all been a male who's too upset at his need for his female.

No, not his female, any female. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me specifically.

"I want to play this game with you, but not in the hallway. Come back to our nest, and let's see which of us is stronger."

"Not until I tell them," I say, crossing both sets of arms and giving him my sternest look.

Holoth's growl rumbles in the air, and I can feel its command licking my skin. It sends tingles down my spine, making me wonder how well it works on females of his species. "Go to the nest, K'Vella."

"No."

I flip my hair over my shoulder and turn away from him. Holoth won't force me. Even if he were stronger than me, he would never use it to force me somewhere. I barely know him, and I can't say for certain whether my thoughts on it are right, but deep down in me, I know Holoth is good and kind and would never hurt me.

He's still a Rytharian, though, so I'm not surprised when he growls again, sending another shiver down my spine. "K'Vella!"

I keep walking, not stopping until I'm in the kitchen with two Varon males, both eating the same thing Holoth made me. They wear matching, confused looks on their faces as I step into the kitchen with my abdomen cradled and a determined look on my face. And yes, Holoth is stomping in behind me, teeth bared and growl reverberating through the small space.

"My sister is Kiena Akana of the ninth district on Varon. I understand she mistreated you during your housing of her. If you wish me to leave, please give me some time to arrange a pickup." I get the words out in one breath and wait for their answer.

"They're not kicking you out," Holoth says with a snap of his teeth. Then he steps in front of me, his back tense like the first day I woke up to him standing between me and Alik. "You're not sending her away."

Alik and Jovi stare at the two of us with wide, unblinking eyes for long moments before Alik drops his fork and swallows his bite. "No one's being forced to leave. I'm sorry about your sister. You're fine to stay as long as you need. I wouldn't fault you for never returning to Varon. Gods know we're never going back."

I stand with my head held high and give a quick nod. "Good." I turn on my heels and leave the kitchen.

Holoth is a step behind me, and right as the kitchen door slides shut, Jovi laughs, repeating the part that made me want to laugh as well. "Sorry about your sister."

I smile at it and wonder if I can't find a way to stay on this ship forever.