6. Holoth

six

Holoth

I 'm K'Vella's mate.

The thought has been in the forefront of my mind since I saw her rubbing at her wrists after our first time together. Varons' bodies change when they find their bonded mates. Dark black markings appear like cuffs around their wrists, elbows, knees, ankles, and neck.

K'Vella's bonding marks want to come through, and I've been trying everything in my power to get them to stain her pelt. I've thought of nothing but getting those dark bands to show up the entire time I've been in rut.

Alik and Jovi's markings showed up after they bit Sloane, so I've bitten into K'Vella so much she'd rival the adornments of a claimed Rytharian female. Still, her markings haven't shown up. It would make me more upset if I weren't so preoccupied with caring for her since I've used her so thoroughly these last few days.

My rut ended this morning, and I left K'Vella in bed while I went to make us some food. During my rut, Phial left plenty of food outside my door, so I didn't have to leave the nest for longer than a few seconds at a time.

Phial might be annoying, but he's my best friend. He has been since he first told the rest of the crew to let me join them since he hated having Jovi as his copilot. I had no experience with piloting, but Phial assured me I'd be better at it than Jovi.

I'll have to think of a way to repay him for his kindness so he doesn't start lauding it over me.

Now that the rut has dissipated and I'm thinking more clearly, I can leave the nest. I'd much rather stay in it and snuggle with K'Vella, but we both need to eat. I want to make us something warm for the first time in four days. If I'm fast enough, maybe I can sneak back into the nest with her and feed her by hand.

When I enter the kitchen, Essa and Sloane are sitting at the kitchen table chatting with one another. They pause their conversation long enough to let me know I don't look the greatest after physically exerting myself for the last few days.

"You look like shit," Essa laughs.

"Thanks," I mumble as I move toward the food synthesizer and start making a dish that I know Alik and Jovi both like a lot from their planet. It's some flaky pastry filled with custard and fruit. Hopefully, K'Vella likes it, too.

"Avery got her collar off, and she can understand us now," Sloane says. "She hasn't come to hang out with anyone, but Phial says she's happier now."

"That's good," I say, keeping my attention on the food synthesizer.

I thought I was ready to leave K'Vella on her own. I didn't think I'd have issues with being away from her. Now that I'm in here, and the food synthesizer seems to be even slower than normal, I realize I'm not as okay being away from her as I thought.

The kitchen door slides open, but I don't turn around, not caring to talk to Jovi, Alik, or Phial any more than I want to speak with Essa or Sloane. It's nothing against them. I'm just ready to be back in my room, back with the female who wants to be my mate without even realizing it. Plus, I still need to make sure she's carrying my young, and that could take many more ruttings if I'm lucky.

Hands wrap around my waist, and a hard body presses against my back. My purr starts up before I register K'Vella is in here with me, pressing herself against me, wanting to be close to me like I want to be to her. And in front of the other crew. Maybe she does know she's meant to be mine. That would make all of this much easier.

"Why aren't you in the nest?" she asks, her voice husky with sleep and what I hope is her desire for me to bed her again.

"My rut is over," I say without thinking that it might not be the correct thing to say.

She pulls her arms away from me like I have hurt her in some way. I spin around, eyes narrowing on her and hardening when I see the shuttered way she's closing off her emotions.

"Got it."

She crosses her arms over her chest and abdomen like she's trying to close herself off from me. Like that's even possible when I've made sure she never forgets me with how covered in bite marks she is. I don't know how she could think I'm giving her up when I've all but claimed her as mine.

K'Vella is skittish, though, and for some reason, thinks she's undeserving of having someone care for her. I'd tell her right this instant that I'm meant to be her mate, that her body responds to me how a bonded Varon does, but I don't think she'd believe me. Worse, she'd push me even further away to protect herself.

I told her many times during my rut that I wanted her to stay on the ship. I begged her to give me a chance to court her and show her she could enjoy this life. When we were locked together, I'd promise to take her anywhere she wanted in the universe, and we could start a family.

K'Vella would listen to my proclamations, close her eyes, and hum softly in the back of her throat before shaking her head. Every time she told me I didn't mean it, and every time, I'd gnash my teeth at her, hating that there was nothing I could do to make her believe me if her bonded marks didn't show up.

"I'll stay out of your way. I'll know if I'm pregnant soon. If I am, we can part ways easy enough."

I frown at her words and am about to tell her we most definitely won't part ways when the kitchen doors open again. How many people are coming in for food right now? Why can't K'Vella and I have this conversation in peace instead of having an audience?

I barely have time to growl at Jovi and Alik as they walk to the middle of the kitchen before their eyes fall on the Varon female I want to be mine. It's easy to see when they decide they're going to kill me. K'Vella's done a good job of hiding most of the bites with her clothing and hair, but I made sure there's no way she could ever hide them all.

"Sloane, please take K'Vella and Essa somewhere else for a little bit," Jovi says, his upper arms crossing over his chest, his lower hands resting on two of his daggers.

Sloane follows her mate's order without question. She can probably feel the tension growing in the small kitchen as Jovi, Alik, and I all stare each other down. There's a good chance a fight breaks out, and if it does, I lose.

"I need to speak with K'Vella," I snap at the two males.

My self-preservation isn't working too well right now. No, it's shot because of the thought of K'Vella leaving before I tell her she's not leaving me—not now, not ever. I'll get Varon citizenship if I have to, but I will be hers.

I should care about Alik and Jovi's anger, but the most important thing right now is making sure K'Vella knows I'm not discarding her. She already thinks I'll get bored with her or annoyed with her or whatever. I don't need those thoughts to have time to fester. Not when it's clear to me I'll be with her until we're old.

"It's fine," K'Vella says, waving away my concern and turning to leave the kitchen. I try to follow her, but Alik wraps a hand around my bicep as a warning.

"We'll make sure she's okay," Sloane says as she hurries after K'Vella. Essa narrows her eyes at me and frowns like I've messed up. I mean, I have, but only because I chose a terrible string of words, not because I actually did anything.

As soon as the kitchen door closes, I'm thrown against the wall, and a snarling Alik is in my face. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I—"

Jovi cuts me off. "You just made sure no one will ever want her. You realize that, right?"

I give him a smug smile, which, I admit, is the wrong thing to do. I get a fist to my abdomen, but Alik doesn't swing nearly as hard as I know he can.

I narrow my eyes at Alik but don't fight back. As much as he might want to beat the shit out of me for some perceived wrongdoing, I won't give him more of a reason.

"This isn't a fucking game," Alik snaps at me.

"I'm not playing a game!"

My response catches Alik off guard, and he relaxes a bit. It's not enough to keep me from being pressed against the wall, but he's not holding me as tightly. I'm pretty sure he won't punch me again. At least, I hope not.

"You know the significance of bite marks for our kind?" Alik asks, as though I'm not acutely aware of the pair of bites in Sloane's neck from where Jovi and Alik claimed her as their mate.

They're acting like bites don't mean anything important to my kind. We might be more eager to offer bites, and they don't technically signify claiming. They'd be hard-pressed to find a male that's covered a female as much as I have and not claimed her as his, though.

It's an honor and a gift that a female gives to a male she wishes to share her nest with to let everyone know she trusts him enough to wear his marks.

"I do." I try to push out of Alik's hold, but he keeps me pinned. He narrows his eyes at me and looks at Jovi, who shrugs.

"Why did you bite her, then?" Alik asks. "She just wants a baby out of this, and then she's leaving. You've guaranteed no one on Varon will give her a chance."

"Maybe I bit her because I don't want anyone on Varon to give her a chance. Did you think about that?"

Jovi and Alik give each other another look and then frown at me. Jovi sounds sad when he asks, "Why would you wish that for her?"

I don't understand how neither of them gets it. I'm pretty sure Alik was going to stalk Sloane on Earth if she didn't agree to be part of the crew, and Jovi would've been right there beside him. How is it so hard for them to understand that I might also be willing to do that for a female?

"Has it escaped both of you that I might want her?"

I don't give them a second to answer before continuing. I didn't think these two would be the ones I'd need to explain myself to. They felt called to a human, for godssakes.

"Or maybe, when we were together, she complained of the skin burning on her wrists, knees, and neck. Maybe I've been biting her all over, so her marks finally show up. Maybe that might have something to do with it."

Jovi's the first one to figure out what I'm saying, and a smile splits his lips so wide that I can't help but smile, too. Alik isn't far behind, but he gives me a bewildered look instead of smiling.

"Does she know? We never knew of the pain. Does she know what it means?" Alik asks. He still has me pinned to the wall, but now it's more so because he's confused and isn't thinking about not wanting to hit me anymore.

"Not that I'm aware of. She didn't know what the feeling was, and I wasn't trying to scare her away. She's already so certain I don't want her."

"Didn't want to scare her away, but you bit the shit out of her," Jovi laughs and leans against the counter.

"I was trying to get the bonding marks to show up," I say defensively. I don't need to tell them that K'Vella also came hard every time I chewed on her. "As you can see, it didn't happen."

"So what's the plan now, then?" Alik asks, his demeanor shifting now that they both realize I'm in this for the long haul and not just using her for a rut or two. He takes a few steps back before crossing his arms over his chest.

Even before I realized K'Vella might get bond marks out of this, I was ready for the long haul. When I left my planet, I forced myself to be okay with never having a family. I knew the chances of finding a female who could carry my young were slim if I never returned to Rythar.

I became okay with it being me and probably Phial for the rest of my life. Of course, Phial kind of has Avery now, so even that plan was shot to shit.

"She didn't look too happy with you when she left," Jovi says.

"Yeah, because you both came in when she misunderstood what I said and then got all assholey, so now she thinks I don't want her anymore since my rut is over," I say, pointing at the two of them like they're the ones who fucked this us, because they're definitely more responsible than me. They roll all six eyes almost in unison, and it has me growling at them.

"What is your actual plan?" Alik asks. "Gestation for your kind is what, seven months?"

"Six."

I rub at my temples, realizing how little time I might have with K'Vella if I can't convince her to be with me. It shouldn't be that hard. She was feeling the burning that signifies the mating marks trying to burn into her skin and pelt.

Jovi and Alik complained of the same type of burning before they finally bit into Sloane and claimed her for themselves. They were also very clear in wanting her for more than just a mission, though.

So far, K'Vella hasn't mentioned anything about wanting more with me. She's done the opposite. She made it clear before she helped me through my rut that she didn't want to have a relationship. And every time I've offered more, she's shot me down.

"Six months to court her," Alik nods. "That's plenty of time. I'm sure she'll come around by then. That's how long males house females on Varon, and plenty find lifelong partners in that amount of time."

"She might leave as soon as she knows she's pregnant," I say, pressing my lips together into a tight line. I don't want her to leave even after she has the baby, but I won't force a female to stay on the ship if she doesn't want to. "Is it wrong if I hope she isn't pregnant yet?"

"What are the chances of that?" Jovi asks with a laugh. "Aren't your kind like super fuckers or something?"

"Or something," I grumble and rub the back of my neck again.

The food synthesizer dings, telling me the food I made for K'Vella is finished. I move over to it and check to make sure it looks right.

"That for us?" Jovi asks, his eyes looking hopeful. Like I said, this is his and Alik's favorite food, which makes me hopeful that K'Vella will also like it.

"No," I say simply before grabbing some water and making my way out of the kitchen with the food.

I need to find K'Vella and make sure she knows I'm not discarding her after my rut. Who knows what she's talking about with Essa and Sloane? I doubt they'd say anything bad about me. Not when they're both my friends. But they're dealing with a female who feels as though I've used her and thrown her away. If they're anything like most Rytharian females, they'll protect one of their own against a male.

"Do you know where your mate would've gone?" I ask before leaving. Jovi and Alik are leaning over the food synthesizer, waiting for what I'm assuming is the same food I made for K'Vella.

"Entertainment room," they both say without looking over at me. I trust them to know their mate, so I head that way without a second thought.

It's not until the entertainment door opens that I realize it's not just Sloane, Essa, and K'Vella in there. No, Avery, for the first time since being on the ship, is outside Phial's nest and talking with people.

I stand, horrified, in the doorway, waiting for her to cry again or start to panic because I look too similar to the male who hurt her. My purr rattles for a second, but I force it down, unsure if the male who hurt her used his purr on her. My eyes are wide, palms starting to sweat, and Avery stares at me with eyes just as wide.

"Avery?" Sloane leans over the couch to grab the other woman's hand and softly squeezes it. " Are you okay?"

Avery frowns for a moment, her lip getting sucked in between her teeth before she finally says. "You shaved."

I clear my throat, unsure if my voice is welcome here. It's one thing for me to interrupt their time together when it was just to get K'Vella's attention, but it's another to interfere with Avery beginning to heal from what she's been through.

"I shave and braid my hair now." I dart my gaze over to Sloane, who gives me a reassuring smile. "Does it help?"

"Yeah." Avery nods slowly as if she's not quite sure if it helps or if she's hoping it helps. The fact that she isn't crying or panicking right now makes me feel better.

"I used to have to braid his hair for him, but he learned pretty fast," Sloane says, giving me a wink when my face flushes at her reminder of how bad I was when I first started. "He has a female to braid his hair for him now, though, and she looks to be better at it than you or I were."

I try to touch the braid K'Vella put into my hair last night when we finished rutting and were locked together. The water canister hits my head with a soft thunk, and I feel my face grow even more scarlet.

K'Vella bites back her own smile, but I wish to know if her chest is violet at Sloane calling her my female or telling everyone she was the one to braid my hair.

"It looks good," Avery says, sounding more certain. She takes a deep breath and lets it out through softly parted lips. She perks up suddenly, and a smile crosses her lips. "I can understand you now. I'm sure you figured that out, but it's pretty cool, right?"

She rubs at her neck, and the bandage around it shifts. I force my gaze from falling down to it, knowing it's not something she probably wants me to acknowledge.

"I'm glad you can understand me now." I walk further into the room, not missing how Avery tenses and watches me warily. "I came to drop this off for K'Vella. She might be carrying my young, and I want to make sure she's cared for."

I'm almost certain K'Vella's flushing when I speak, and that's one benefit of my words. The other is that it helps Avery to soften toward me. Hopefully, she doesn't see me as a threatening male for long if she sees me doting on my female. Essa and Sloane also melt at the statement. Sloane lets out a soft "aww," and Essa smiles as her tail wraps around K'Vella's ankle. Yes, I want these females to all grow close. Maybe it will make K'Vella wish to stay longer.

"Has she been here long enough for that?" Avery asks, and then it's her turn for her face to flare. "Sorry, that's none of my business."

I beam at the question and the chance to tell everyone that there is a greater than zero percent chance K'Vella's pregnant with my young right now. But it's not the time or place. I let Avery's question go unanswered so I don't embarrass her further.

"I hope you all have a wonderful day," I say, leaving the food with K'Vella and walking back to the door.

I don't miss how she stares at the food for long moments, blinking hard like she's stopping herself from becoming emotional. Either I gave her the best food, or I gave her the worst food ever. I'm leaning toward the former.

"K'Vella, can I talk to you when you're free?"

She stares up at me when I ask her directly and gives me a short, simple nod. I can see the emotions rimming her eyes and the way she fights back a smile.

I haven't done nearly enough for that kind of reaction, but someone made her think she wasn't worthy of affection. I'll make sure she knows differently for as long as she's near.

I'll have other opportunities to convince her I want her. For today, I hope she becomes best friends with the other females. They'll be better at convincing her to stay than I will.