8. KVella

eight

K'Vella

" D o not ever sacrifice your happiness for someone else ever again."

Holoth glares at me as I plop down in the nest. I made sure it was perfect this morning before I left, but I'm already back to running my hands over it to make sure there are no wrinkles.

"Telling them you're willing to leave? You don't even know if you're pregnant yet."

"I won't force myself somewhere I'm not wanted," I shoot back at him, narrowing my eyes as he bunches his furry brows closer together.

"We all want you here," Holoth says through gritted teeth.

He drops to his knees, the fur on his back sliding over one of his shoulders as he leans forward. He's on his hands and knees like he was on the first day of his rut, pacing outside the nest, waiting to be invited in.

"I want you here. I need you here. Your sister could've chopped off their dicks, and I would want you in this nest until the end of time. Do you understand?"

I stare at him with wide, unblinking eyes, waiting for him to tell me he can't be serious. He's unhappy with my answer, but I should've known that. His muscles tense and flex and his growl vibrates down my spine, licking at me with his power and authority.

"Answer me, K'Vella." His voice is dark with command, and I know I don't have to follow it, but this time, I know it'll feel so good if I do.

"I understand," I whisper.

"Do you?" He tilts his head to the side, the lust in his gaze burning me as it did during his rut. He wants me again, and not because his body needs someone to ease his need. No, he wants me because he likes me as a female. "Do you understand what I'm saying to you?"

"Holoth." His name is a whimper as he stares me down.

"I want to learn who you are, K'Vella. I want to know you better than you know yourself, and I want to use that knowledge to be the best male for you. I want to pace around this nest every night until you ask me to join you, and then I want to spend most of those nights inside of you, trying to keep you pregnant. I want to be the only male you search out, the only one who can satisfy you, and the only one you ever think of fathering your young." Holoth takes a long, shaky breath. "Do you understand that?"

My hands shake, and I clench them together to hide my reaction. "Yes, I understand."

Holoth's eyes narrow, and I realize it's not enough. He needs more than just a simple acceptance of what he wants. He needs me to tell him how I feel as well. Somehow, that seems even harder than everything else I've done up until this point because, at least so far, I haven't been rejected.

"On my planet, we're not meant to get too attached to anyone because the chances of finding a bond are slim. Not to mention how uncommon it is to fall pregnant during housing."

I avert my eyes just above Holoth's head so I don't have to look into his eyes as I say the rest. I don't want to see if he's disappointed or feels differently once I've spoken.

"I want a family, though. And the longer I've been on this ship, the more I've realized I want more of a family than just me and this babe." I stroke my abdomen again, even though there's no guarantee and there's no way for us to be sure just yet. "I want you, Holoth. I don't know why, and I don't know how, but I feel called to you, and I want to make this work. So if you want to try, I want to try, too."

I finish speaking and wait for Holoth to respond. I keep my eyes trained right behind him, into the small bathroom over his shoulder, where I can see a towel hanging on a hook. I stare and stare and stare and am about to start mentally berating myself because it's obvious Holoth doesn't feel the same now that I've said those words to him, or else he'd be saying something or holding me or—

"Invite me into the nest," Holoth's growl is gone. The words aren't spoken through clenched teeth. But he sounds desperate, so desperate for me. "Please, invite me into the nest, K'Vella. Please."

My eyes fall on him, and my breath catches. He's sitting back on his heels, a look of joy so bright on his face that it's almost blinding. His posture is relaxed, unlike the last time he was pacing the nest. He mouths the word 'please' with a smile.

"Get in this nest with me, and tell me I'm not some stupid, foolish female—"

I don't get to finish what I'm saying. I don't get to tell him to tell me I'm not foolish for falling for someone I barely know. He's too quick, and the words die in my mouth as he wraps his arms around me and presses his lips into mine with a searing kiss that has me melting into him.

"You are not foolish," Holoth says before kissing me again, his tongue pushing into my mouth, claiming all of me. "You are not stupid." He moves to my neck, pressing nips and kisses down the length of it until he gets to the neckline of my dress. "You are mine, K'Vella," he says with the same authority he uses with his commands. This time, the sound of my dress being torn down the middle accompanies the shiver down my spine. "You will always be mine."

"That's some big talk for someone—"

He cuts me off by placing his mouth over my nipple and sucking on it, flicking his tongue over it until it's stiff and tender. He smiles up at me, pinching the stiff bud between his teeth as a gasp leaves my throat. I arch my back into him, begging him to continue.

"Someone who what, K'Vella?" he asks, purring gently as I squirm underneath him.

My breasts are small, not even a handful, but Holoth treats them like they're his favorite things with how much he lavishes his attention on them. He starts to work the other side as he watches me, waiting for me to answer him.

"Someone who's only known me for five days," I moan as he sucks my nipple hard. "That's a short time to know someone to proclaim you're never letting them go."

He hums against my chest, tongue swirling around the peak of my nipple. He doesn't release me until he's sure it's received the same treatment as the first. He cups my breasts. His large hands engulf them, but he massages them gently in the way he learned I liked during his rut.

"I've known I was never letting you go as soon as I saw what a beautiful nest you make," Holoth purrs against my neck as he continues to fondle me. I scoff at his statement, which has him stilling all his movements and giving me a hard look. "You build a nest like a female looking for a mate to fill her with young. Who am I to deny such a sweet gift?"

He smiles at me before ripping my dress further down the middle and starting another trail of kisses down my neck, chest, and abdomen.

"I didn't even know what I was doing," I moan as he takes his time covering every inch of my pelt near my abdomen with his lips. "Does it count if I didn't even know what nesting was?"

Holoth looks up at me with amusement, shimmering in his pale blue gaze. "It counts even more. A female not accustomed to nesting, building this for me?" Holoth darts his eyes to each corner like he can view the nest we're in. "You spoil me, K'Vella. You'll spoil every babe I put in you, won't you?"

My body arches into his touch, and it's enough of an answer for him. He chuckles against my abdomen, adorning it with all of his care like this is the best thing that he's ever had his hands on. I want his hands on other places, but he's busy being sweet to me right now, and I don't want to spoil his fun. I know he'll treat me right when he's had his fill.

He lays his head against my abdomen and rests. The only sound in the room is our breathing and the soft purr rumbling through his body.

"Do you think we can see who's stronger tomorrow?" he asks, lifting his head just enough so he can look at me. I stare at him, trying to figure out what he's talking about. "I promised we could see who's stronger in here, but I want to be sweet to you right now."

I let out a soft huff of laughter as my head falls back against the furs. "I think you're scared because I'll be stronger than you."

"I hope you are," Holoth says without a hint of sarcasm. "Imagine how safe our babe will be."

He purrs his appreciation for that against my abdomen but finally pushes away from me. He's quick about discarding his pants and ripping my dress the remainder of the way down so it isn't in his way. He gives me a soft growl of approval when he sees I'm without underwear. Most of my kind don't wear it, but I'll continue to let him think it's for his benefit.

Holoth crawls between my legs, and my top hands go to his braid, untying it and tugging the strands free so his hair is loose and perfect for me to tug on while he fucks me. My lower hands go to his backside, already grabbing handfuls of the tight muscular ass that I've already decided I'm going to bite if he ever gives me the chance. I doubt he will since I don't know what sex position we'd be in for it, but I'd be willing to try just to sink my teeth into him.

"Eager, female." Holoth laughs as he presses his lips to mine. "Calm, I need to warm you first."

His hand moves between my legs, where I'm already perfectly warm and needy for him. He purrs louder as he spreads me open and trails his fingers over me.

"What has you so warm already?" he asks, giving me a cocky smirk that tells me he knows exactly what he's been doing for me.

"You," I moan, arching into him. "Please, Holoth, I need you. I feel so empty."

"I think I can help with that," he murmurs against my lips, opening them with his tongue and searing me with his tenderness.

He adjusts himself at my entrance and thrusts into me softly, so unlike the many times we fucked during his rut where it was all primal. He's slow and deliberate with me this time, setting a steady rhythm as he rolls his hips into me over and over again. His hand works the outside of me, keeping me soft and relaxed for him like a good Varon male would for his female.

"Holoth," I gasp his name as the first threads of pleasure erupt in my body.

"I love it when you cry out my name."

Holoth steals my next moan with his mouth. Devouring my whimpers as my pleasure coils tight in my body. He only releases my lips right before I'm at my peak. He watches me with lust-hooded eyes as I come apart.

"Say it again." Holoth nudges my chin with his nose, his lips pressing a trace of a touch against my bottom lip. "Say my name, mate."

My skin burns against my wrists and neck, but it's a pain I've come to know when I'm with Holoth. It isn't a severe pain anymore, at least not with his purr easing the stressors of my body. It's the pain that distracts me from the last word he said.

I'm almost positive I misheard him. I heard what I wanted to hear. I must've. I'm in the peak of my climax, my wrists and neck are hot with pain, and Holoth is staring at me like I'm all he's ever wanted and it's too much for me to handle.

"Holoth!" I cry out his name, and tears begin to fall from my eyes.

He slides the last of his knot into me, sealing us together as he finds his release. He kisses my cheeks, alternating between sides to kiss away my tears. He kisses my nose, where my third eye leaves tracks down each side.

"Holoth," I whimper his name again as I come down. When he pulls away to look at me, I feel myself convulse with a sob.

Holoth wraps his arms around me and rolls us so he's on his back. He grabs a handful of blankets and furs and wraps me up tightly in them as I continue to cry in the crook of his neck.

My arms are wrapped so tightly around him that I'm surprised he can still breathe. His hand runs soothing strokes down my back, not rushing me, not silencing me, just holding me and letting me feel all my feelings.

"How are you holding up?" Holoth asks as his knot softens, and he begins to slide out of me. I hadn't realized so much time had passed, but Holoth doesn't seem to be in any rush.

"I'm good." I sniffle and lift my head from the crook of his neck. Holoth cradles my face between his palms, wiping at my tears. "Promise, I'm good."

"Your tears don't bother me," he mumbles, brushing the last of them away. "I just want to make sure you're not sad or upset."

"No, not sad or upset." I smile at him and lean my face down to press a kiss to his lips. "I was overwhelmed with a lot of feelings. It was a lot to take in at once."

Holoth nods, tangles one of his hands in my hair, and guides my face back down into the crook of his neck. He presses his nose against my hair and sniffs loudly. He lets out a frustrated sound before relaxing in the nest.

"I wish you could smell me," I murmur.

I know it's not fair of me to say. He wears the pheromone blocker because of how his body will react to Avery. It's not her fault she was experimented on to resemble a Rytharian female. It's also not fair of me to ask Holoth to put himself in the awkward position of not liking how I smell.

It would be awful if he took out the blocker and hated my scent. Even worse than that would be if he ever smelled a female who he liked the smell of more than me.

I researched it, and Rytharians scent match to form mate bonds. It's one reason I know I definitely misheard Holoth when I came. I can't be his mate because he's never smelled me.

"It's for the best." He runs his free hand down my spine and back up.

I let his words sink in, and I wonder if he thinks it's for the best because it won't put pressure on Avery or if he has the same fears as me. That if he takes off that blocker, he'll find out he likes how a different female smells more than me. I swallow hard at the thought and hope he never wants to remove the blocker.