Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

H e had been summoned by his father.

It was early afternoon on another bright spring day. A summons from St. Denis wasn't anything unusual because his father had been summoning him every day, several times a day, for the past six weeks. Ever since his brother was killed at The Black Cock.

Six weeks of hell.

They still spent their days in shock at what had happened. After the discussion in his father's solar regarding the bounty hunter that had come sniffing around for Athdara de Ghent, St. Gerard had taken it upon himself to remove what he considered to be a threat to Blackchurch and its legacy. When trying to deduce St. Gerard's motivation for confronting the bounty hunter, that was all they seemed to be able to figure out.

As usual, St. Gerard had tried to wrest the situation away from his father.

He knew he was going to be the next Earl of Exmoor, and he'd always taken that destiny very seriously. As time went on, he became more and more engaged in the operation of Blackchurch regardless of what his father thought or did. St. Denis always welcomed that kind of participation, particularly from the man who would someday be the next Earl of Exmoor, but St. Gerard seem to want to overreach more than his father would allow.

St. Sebastian always thought that his brother assumed their father was incapable of decisions at times. Or perhaps it was that St. Gerard simply thought he knew best. In any case, that driving determination ended six weeks ago when a bounty hunter took a knife to him.

St. Denis was still struggling with it.

These days, it seemed as if a cloud was hanging over Blackchurch. Not over the trainers or the recruits, but the family of de Bottreaux. They were the ones who felt the cloud—the cloud of uncertainty and the cloud of grief. There were so many facets of their anguish, but for St. Sebastian, there was an added element he'd personally never experienced before.

He was now the heir apparent.

That was still a shock to him. His brother had always been the one with the legacy to uphold. St. Sebastian had simply been the younger brother to a great legacy, and there had been no real expectations upon him. Now, he was the legacy, and all of the expectations that have been heaped up on Gerard now shifted to him.

He wasn't sure he could stand the strain.

But his father was depending on him, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for the man. It wasn't as if he could shirk his duties. Great things were expected of him now that he was the next Earl of Exmoor, and that was intimidating to a man of his character. St. Sebastian had always been a rather quiet man by nature, mostly because of his speech impediment. He didn't like giving orders, but he had no problem carrying them out. He was a better soldier than a leader, always doing what he was told. He was happy with that. But it wasn't as if he was incapable of command, however, because he was. Very much so. He simply didn't have that aggressive drive that his brother had possessed.

The youngest de Bottreaux brother was more intelligent and more educated than anyone in his family, St. Gerard included. He had everything to outshine his older brother—except that killer ambition that great men had. St. Sebastian had fostered just like his brother, in the finest homes in England, but he was more of the cerebral type than the warfare type. He enjoyed strategy and planning, and he was very good at it. More than that, he had a wisdom about him, something that couldn't be learned. It was innate.

But it still didn't mean he was ready for the job as Lord of Exmoor.

However, like it or not, ready or not, the inheritance was his, and as he made his way to his father's solar, he braced himself. St. Denis had not been the same since St. Gerard's passing, and St. Sebastian prepared himself for yet another session of tears and anger. It was a difficult thing to watch.

And he was in for it yet again.

Strange how life, for all of them, could change so swiftly.

The days were getting longer as spring approached the threshold of summer. Overhead, the sky was a spectacular blue, and puffy clouds were scattered across the expanse. It promised to be a warm summer, because already there was a hint of heat in the air, something that blew up from the southern coast of Devon. He hoped for a pleasant summer but supposed it didn't really matter. For his family, it was going to be a miserable year no matter what the weather was like. Death had a way of darkening any year, regardless of the season.

The gatehouse of Exford Castle yawned open before him, and he passed beneath the raised portcullis, acknowledging the men on guard. These were Exmoor soldiers, and there were few of them, but they were highly trained and well paid. They, too, knew the misery that St. Denis was going through, but there were whispers that St. Gerard's death wasn't much of a tragedy because it paved the way for St. Sebastian, who would make a much better earl. He had heard the rumblings, too, thanks to a careless servant, and he wasn't comfortable with them. He could only hope his father hadn't heard the same.

As he took the steps to the keep, the entry swallowed him up.

"Sebo?" came a voice as soon as he entered the keep. "Sebo, is that you?"

St. Sebastian headed for the solar door. "A-aye, Father," he said, entering the warm, stale chamber. "I-I am here. I-I came as quickly as I could."

St. Denis was sitting behind his great table, which was more cluttered than ever before. "Where have you been?" he asked. "I've not seen you all day."

That wasn't true. St. Sebastian had seen his father just a few hours ago, albeit only briefly. But he didn't argue with the man. There wasn't any point.

"A-and here I am now," he said. "Wh-what do you require?"

St. Denis appeared disheveled. He wasn't sleeping well these days, and it showed, but his mind was still sharp. In response to St. Sebastian's question, he lifted an open, well-worn vellum envelope with a broken red seal.

"Something we have been waiting for," he said. "I have received news regarding Toxandria from my old friend, Sverre Kalken, Comte de Roubaix. He did not have the title when I knew him, but he has inherited it in the years since. I recall that his father was a very powerful warlord who provided Henry of England with many troops in his battles in the Vexin. Sverre's mother was an English noblewoman, so I suppose he felt some loyalty to Henry."

St. Sebastian was interested. "O-oh?" he said. "Th-that was a swift answer. O-only six weeks?"

St. Denis nodded. "Six weeks," he confirmed. "It took at least two or three weeks for my missive to reach Roubaix. He must have answered it immediately."

"Wh-what does he say?"

St. Denis set the vellum down and looked at his son. "Very interesting things," he said. "Roubaix is not far from Ghent, you know. Not far from Breda Castle, the heart of the Toxandrian empire. Evidently, Atilla de Ghent is facing an uprising from his own people."

St. Sebastian's eyes widened. "T-truly?" he said. "Wh-why?"

St. Denis shrugged. "Who knows?" he said. "My guess would be the fact that he killed his own brother to take the title and, mayhap, is not kind to his people. According to Sverre, the city of Breda, which is quite large, is still in shambles after the siege. The man does not seem to care about his people. His mercenary army has taken over the city, and the new duke gives out titles and lands to these filthy mercenaries, taking them away from the rightful nobles."

"Th-then he is willing to march on Breda?"

St. Denis nodded. "For peace, he is," he said. "Evidently, Atilla de Ghent has been threatening to move on Roubaix lands. It seems that he was not satisfied simply overtaking his brother. Now, he wants more."

St. Sebastian could see great hope in that. "Th-then he has a reason to help," he said. "N-not simply to help the duke's daughter avenge the man's death."

"Sverre has other allies who will also help."

"H-have you told Lady Athdara yet?"

St. Denis shook his head. "Nay," he said. "I wanted to tell you first. From what I have heard, we are going to have a problem."

"W-with what?"

"With Tay."

"Wh-why do you say that?"

St. Denis cocked his head. "Have you not heard the rumors, Sebo?" he said. "The man is in love with Lady Athdara. Everyone says so."

St. Sebastian had heard the rumors, but Tay was his friend. He wasn't going to involve himself in something that wasn't any of his business, and he certainly wasn't going to confirm anything to his father.

"M-mayhap," he said after a moment, "th-the surest way to find out is to summon Tay and Lady Athdara. Sh-she must be told—and if the rumors are true, so must he."

St. Denis sighed faintly. "I know," he said. "I hope I did not make a mistake in making the lady Tay's ward. It seemed the logical thing to do at the time. Tay has never fallen for a woman that I know of except for the lady a couple of years ago. The merchant's daughter?"

St. Sebastian nodded. "Sh-she was not truthful with him," he said. "Th-that romance was always doomed."

"You knew her?"

"I-I met her once," St. Sebastian said. "H-her father would bring her to The Black Cock. Sh-she was a silly creature, but pretty."

St. Denis thought on that a moment before waving a hand as if to push the subject aside. "Be that as it may, I never thought Tay would become emotional about Lady Athdara," he said. "She is a beautiful woman, to be sure, but she was also a recruit. And we know how he feels about female recruits."

St. Sebastian couldn't disagree. "Y-you could only make your best judgment, Father," he said. "Sh-shall I send for Lady Athdara?"

"I think you'd better," St. Denis said. "And you had better send for Tay and Ming Tang as well. If Tay is going to become emotional about the situation, Ming Tang will help keep him calm."

St. Sebastian nodded. "A-agreed," he said. "S-strange… I've seen Tay in battle, and he is not the emotional type. He is professional and calm. When he trains the recruits, he is the same way. The man is like a rock. But with women… he has not yet learned to control that part of himself."

St. Denis sank back into his chair. "Fortitude is easy when emotion is not involved," he said. "Unfortunately, some men cannot control themselves when it comes to a woman."

"W-were you like that with my mother?"

"Of course I was. And she was like that with me."

St. Sebastian smiled faintly, seeing warmth in his father's eyes when he spoke of his long-dead wife for the first time since St. Gerard was killed. He almost said something to that effect, how emotions were difficult to control when it came to any person one might love, but he held his tongue. His father didn't need to be reminded about the son he'd lost, and nor did St. Sebastian need to be reminded of it. At the moment, they had something a little more imperative ahead of them, and that was going to require their attention.

It seemed that Lady Athdara would soon be leaving them.

And Tay might be the biggest concern of all.

*

"He what ?" Athdara gasped. "He… he has agreed to help me?"

The fire in St. Denis' solar snapped softly, the only sound filling the chamber after Athdara's question. Tay, Ming Tang, and Fox were in the chamber, summoned by St. Sebastian. As far as he was concerned, the more men to keep Tay calm, the better. He was an added element in the situation that hadn't been anticipated, so it was best to be prepared.

St. Denis nodded to Athdara's question. "Aye," he said. "Sverre is the Comte de Roubaix. I am surprised you do not know the family, since they are located close to Toxandria."

Athdara was looking slightly dazed at the surprising information. She had just come from another training session with Fox, and he'd been running her into the ground, so she was dirty and exhausted. But her mind was still sharp—and sharper still with what she'd been told.

"I know of them," she said. "They even visited us on the celebration of my youngest brother's birth, but I did not speak to them. There were many people at that celebration, and I was dealing with the death of my mother at that point. Truthfully, I did not attend that celebration at all except to display the baby for a few moments."

St. Denis could see that the news of the offer of assistance had shocked her. He hadn't yet looked at Tay to see the man's reaction, keeping his attention focused on Athdara.

"As Sverre has explained in his missive, your Uncle Atilla has not been a good lord," he said. "His people suffer, and he eyes his neighbors as potential conquests. No one seems to like the man, so I am told there are allies who will strike against him. This is the perfect solution, my lady. You may return home now and regain your father's duchy."

Athdara blinked as if the news hit her harder a second time. "It is all so unbelievable," she said. "All of these months and years running, hoping, praying… and it has come to this. It is true."

"It is true."

Athdara had to sit down. There was a chair near her, and she sank onto the cushion, stunned as she processed everything. It was everything she'd hoped for, and she could hardly believe it.

But there was a concern.

She looked at Tay to see how he was reacting to all of this, and all she could see was a stony expression. No hint of what he was thinking. He was simply gazing back at her steadily. She recalled their conversation from the evening before.

No matter how long it takes.

That was what Tay had said to her. She drew strength from that, knowing she could do what she needed to do, and he would still be waiting for her. Knowing that she could go to the ends of the earth in her quest to reclaim her father's duchy, and Tay would still be here, still at Blackchurch, still loving her and still waiting for her.

That was all she needed to know.

"Then I must leave right away," she said. "I realize I've not finished my training here, but if Lord Roubaix is ready to take his army into Toxandria now, then I cannot wait. I must go to him, and we must plan the attack together. For my father's sake, and my brother's sake, I cannot wait."

St. Denis did glance at Tay then, but much like Athdara, he saw no emotion on the man's face.

"I think that is an excellent idea," he said. "I will send word to Sverre that you are coming and to inform his allies. It sounds as if Toxandria cannot wait. Your uncle's poison must be removed."

Athdara was on her feet again, feeling less shock and more excitement now that the news had sunk in. "Agreed," she said. "Truthfully, I am not surprised to hear any of this. My uncle was always a shallow man. He never showed regard for his people or his men. That is why he had to pay for a mercenary army, I believe. Because his own men abandoned him and the only loyal men he could find were those who fight battles for the right price. God only knows, I'm sure they've stripped the Toxandrian treasury enough."

"It is possible that is why your uncle is eyeing other lands," he said. "He must find more income."

Athdara nodded. "Anything is possible," she said. Then she shook her head. "My father always made excuses for Atilla. He was several years younger than my father, and he was never a just or moral man. My father made endless excuses for him right to the end. He never saw my uncle's flaws, and that is what cost him. I will not make the same mistake as my father did."

St. Denis gazed at her for a long moment. "You look very much like Anton when you said that," he said. "You have his determination, my lady. I think he would be very proud of you for what you are trying to accomplish."

Athdara smiled faintly. "And he would be very grateful to you for everything you have done," she said. "I found help and shelter and a family here, something I did not expect. I can never repay you except to say that you have my eternal gratitude. I know that I have caused you some trouble… horrible trouble that I can never make amends for… but your kindness will be rewarded by God, I am sure of it."

She had been referring to St. Gerard, and, for a moment, St. Denis' thinly held composure took a hit. But she had brought the subject up, and he wanted to make sure there were no misconceptions about it.

"What happened with my son was not your fault," he said quietly. "Let me be clear on that. He tried to take matters into his own hands and suffered for it. That is all I will say about it. As for you, I will again say that in helping you, I was repaying your father for saving my life. That is what friends and allies do for one another. Now, is there anything you need before you depart?"

Athdara could see he didn't want to speak of St. Gerard, so she didn't linger on it. She had already apologized to him profusely when it happened, in tears, no less, so everything was said that needed to be said.

She moved on.

"I came here on foot, so if I could possibly purchase a horse from you, I would be grateful," she said. "I do not have a great deal of money, but I will give you what I can. I will send you the rest when I have it."

St. Denis waved her off. "You may have the finest horse I can provide," he said. "You do not need to pay me. But I think it would be wise to send you with an escort. One of my solders can accompany you, simply for safety. A woman traveling alone is not a good situation."

"I will go."

The words didn't come from Athdara or even St. Sebastian. The words came from Tay as he stood over by the door. When the attention in the room turned to him, he stepped forward, still with that stony expression.

But inside, he was anything but stony.

"I said I will go," he repeated, looking at Athdara. "She will need help with what she is about to face. I will go with her."

St. Denis wasn't quite sure how to respond because Tay's statement was somewhat ambiguous.

"A generous offer, Tay," he said steadily. "But it is unnecessary. I can easily send a soldier with her, and he will deliver her straight to the Comte de Roubaix. Once she is there, she will be in good hands. I know the man, and he is trustworthy."

Tay had been looking at Athdara's shocked expression, but he tore his focus away and faced St. Denis.

"I'm sure he is," he said. "But I was not clear. When I said I will go with her, I mean permanently. I am fully aware that a Blackchurch member is not allowed to take sides in any conflict, so I will resign my position to avoid any controversy. She needs me more than Blackchurch does, my lord. I do not make this decision easily or lightly, but that is the truth. She needs me. And… and I need her."

One could have heard a pin drop when he was finished. Reactions around the chamber were varied: Fox sighed faintly and hung his head, while Ming Tang was watching Tay very closely. St. Sebastian was looking at his father with wide eyes, while St. Denis was simply fixed on Tay, deciding how to answer him.

But it was Athdara who spoke first.

"Tay," she said, going to him. "We agreed. You will stay here in a position you've worked hard to achieve, and I will return to you as soon as I can. As long as it takes. Remember?"

His jaw twitched faintly as he looked at her. "Is that what you really want?" he asked softly. "To be separated from me for what could be years? To end up loving a memory more than a man? That is not what I want, Athdara. I want to love the woman, not the dream. Not the hope of what the future will bring. You must do this. And if we are to be together, then I must help you."

Athdara was looking at him incredulously, but she could see that he was serious. Deadly serious. There was no doubt, nor any question, on his face. He'd made a decision and was completely committed to it.

He was going to give up Blackchurch.

"Oh… Tay," she whispered tightly, her eyes filling with tears. "You cannot mean this."

"I mean every word."

"But… but your position here," Athdara said, struggling. "You are the first trainer. You are the Leviathan. You are the face of Blackchurch to every recruit that comes through the gates, and you cannot forsake that."

"I told you that I—"

She cut him off. "Please do not put that burden on me," she said, more strongly. "You cannot leave something you love, something you have worked hard to achieve, for a cause that does not concern you. It is my cause."

"I understand what you are saying," he said. "But when I fell in love with you, your cause became my cause. If you go, I go."

"But yesterday, we agreed to wait."

"I have changed my mind."

Athdara was trying desperately not to weep, but she wasn't doing a very good job. She was wiping away tears that were falling faster than she could catch them.

Ming Tang finally stepped forward, putting himself between Tay and St. Denis. "Mayhap it is best that they discuss the situation between them," he said to St. Denis. "Clearly, this is not an easy thing for either of them. Give them time to settle this, my lord."

St. Denis wasn't unsympathetic, but he was shocked to see how resolute Tay was about his love for Athdara. It reminded him very much of his feelings for his wife, gone these many years. Reaching back into his memory, he could well understand Tay's position.

But that didn't change the situation where Blackchurch was concerned.

"Tay, I will say one thing and leave you to make your final decision," he said. "As you have said, Blackchurch has a longstanding rule of not involving ourselves in a conflict. That is how we have survived. While I understand your feelings and your stance in this matter, I must make one thing perfectly clear—if you resign your position as my Leviathan, you cannot return. You will never again train at Blackchurch, because you have chosen to place your personal loyalties above the needs of our guild and our reputation. That means you can be swayed, and I can never have a trainer who has proven that he can be swayed or coerced. That will ruin our integrity. Do you understand this?"

The first hint of emotion rippled across Tay's face. "I do," he said quietly. "This was not an easy decision, my lord, believe me. I did not make it lightly. But the lady and I love one another. If you have ever loved a woman, you know how I feel. I cannot let her go without me."

St. Denis held his gaze a moment longer before turning away. "Of course I know how you feel," he muttered, realizing that Tay was indeed choosing Athdara over him and his prestigious guild. "But you are the last person I expected this from. I made you the lady's ward because I trusted you. You have violated that trust."

"That was never my intention, my lord."

"And now you tell me you are leaving? I just lost my son. Now I must lose you, too?"

"My lord, let Tay and the lady speak further on this subject alone," Ming Tang interjected. He had to before things got out of control and words that could not be taken back were spoken. "Give him time to make a decision based on careful thought. I am sure you appreciate that news of the lady's departure has forced him into making a swift decision."

Tay started to protest, but Ming Tang waved him away, almost frantically. As he went after St. Denis to reason with the man, Athdara grasped Tay by the arm and pulled him toward the door. Fox was right behind them, as was St. Sebastian, ushering Tay and Athdara from the chamber. St. Sebastian stopped when they came to the keep entry, but Fox continued after them, following them all the way out of the small bailey and onto the road beyond.

"I do not need to be rushed out as if I am a naughty child," Tay finally said, digging in his heels and coming to a halt. "I appreciate your concern, but it is not necessary."

Athdara didn't let him go. "Do you not think your change of heart was something we should have discussed before you told Lord Exmoor about it?" she said, almost angrily. "Last night, we were in agreement."

"Last night, you were not leaving imminently."

Athdara sighed with great regret, her gaze moving to Fox, who was standing a few feet away. The man was looking at Tay with great concern, and Athdara was touched by it.

But this wasn't his problem.

"Fox," she said softly. "May I speak with Tay alone, please?"

He looked at her but didn't seem inclined to move quickly. His gaze returned to Tay, and, after a moment, he closed the gap between them and stood fairly close to his colleague. He put his hand on the back of Tay's neck and pulled his head downward, so their foreheads were almost touching.

"If you go, I go," he said quietly. "You and I have been friends for a very long time, Tay. You were there for me through difficult times, and I will not abandon you when you need me most. If you fight for Toxandria, then I will also. I never planned on staying at Blackchurch forever. Mayhap it is time to find new adventures."

With that, he headed off, leaving Athdara open-mouthed at what she had just heard. But her gaze lingered on Tay, who was watching Fox walk away.

When he finally turned to her, she lifted her shoulders. "Well?" she said. "Mayhap you would like to explain to me what changed your mind."

He took a long, pensive breath. "I cannot tell you anything more than what I said in there," he said. "I was fine with waiting for you until the very news you'd been hoping for came today. Now, your departure is imminent, and I am not ready to be without you, Athdara. What changed my mind? You did. Thinking of you fighting a battle alone, without me, changed it. If I truly love you as I say I do, then you will never fight any battle alone. Don't you understand that?"

Athdara could see how much he meant it. Gently, she put a hand on his cheek. "And I love you for it," she said. "But this has always been my fight."

"If I were facing a battle, would you sit by and let me fight it alone?"

She opened her mouth but stopped, then snorted. "I almost said that I would, but it is a lie," she said. "I would fight for you and kill for you, Tay. So I do understand your position, my darling, truly. But you said yourself that you do not want to leave Blackchurch. You love it so."

"I love you more."

She didn't have a reply for that. If he loved her as he said he did, then that was the only answer he could give. With a smile that was full of sorrow, because their situation was a heartbreaking one, she stood on her toes and kissed him on the cheek before dropping her hand.

"You have training to finish for the day, and so do I," she said. "Let me return to Fox and try to talk him out of coming with you, but you should return to your recruits. I will see you this evening, and we will speak more about it. Mayhap… mayhap we simply need a few hours away from one another to think about this. A fresh perspective, as it were."

"I will not change my mind."

"I am not asking you to. But I want you to be very, very sure it's what you want."

"It is."

She wasn't going to argue with him. She squeezed his hand one last time before turning in the direction Fox had gone.

"I will see you tonight, my darling," she said, blowing Tay a kiss.

He watched her head back in the direction of Exford Castle and Fox's training ground before heading toward the lake, where his recruits were heaving rocks today. He was resolute that he was making the right decision. True, it had been a swift one because of the nature of the missive from Roubaix, but he didn't regret it. Last night, as he lay awake in bed, he hadn't been entirely sure he would be able to wait for her anyway. Months or years away from the woman he loved were not in his nature, and he had decided that, come what may, they would be together. If that meant he was no longer a Blackchurch trainer, it would be with great regret that he would surrender his position.

But he didn't regret loving Athdara.

As he approached the group of recruits, he could see that they'd already carried one man off the field. It seemed that the older man from Flanders had failed his exercises miserably, but Tay didn't give him a second thought as he focused on the remaining recruits and what they were doing.

Unfortunately, that mistake was going to cost him.