Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Julian remained in place, a respectful distance from Lilith, when all he wanted to do was go up to her and hug her. The spark that had lit her eyes when she’d questioned him died a sudden death when she looked at the contents of the folder he’d given her.

What had gone through her mind?

What had caused the light to stutter out?

What could he do to make it return? Would she even give him a chance?

“Lilith? Do you…” He didn’t know how to finish that sentence because everything he thought about saying felt wrong.

He’d had little practice talking to women. A few one-night stands since he’d left Freedom and Love, but the women had approached him. The first couple of times, he’d turned them down, and then one night, he’d been in a dark place, and he’d given in and let the woman take him to her home.

Julian closed his mind down on those thoughts. He didn’t want to be having them while in the same room as Lilith.

“Do I what, Julian? Do I wish my life was different? Yes. Do I wish that these two things didn’t represent all that I have in my life? Yes.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised by her anger. She deserved to feel angry that, for most of her life, choices had been made with no input from her. “I wish that for you too. I wish things were different, and you hadn’t ended up where you did.”

“Well, isn’t that nice of you?” Sarcasm dripped from every word.

Julian sighed. Why was he here? Had he hoped that in the brightness of a new day, Lilith’s attitude toward him would’ve changed? In some ways, he had, and in other ways, he knew it would never be easy to convince Lilith that he wasn’t the same person he’d been when she’d known him.

If she had this much fire inside, how the hell had she gotten caught up in Staunton Rello’s web of lies? What had she been seeking when she’d stumbled into The Hopeful Sunshine?

Again, the answers to those questions would not be answered quickly or easily. What he had to do was convince Lilith that he wasn’t the enemy. That he was here to help her. Which was going to be easier said than done. But he wouldn’t try. He’d prove to Lilith she could trust him.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Cass came into the kitchen. “Irish and I have to go into the office. There’s, um, ah, something we need to look into. I’m sorry, Lilith. I won’t be able to take you to the bank to get your account sorted. I’m sure Julian can help, though. I’ve left a key for you on the hall table, along with a purse you can use. Bye!”

Cass was out of the room with the front door shut firmly before Julian could blink three times.

“That wasn’t subtle at all, was it?” Instead of sarcasm, or annoyance, or even hate coloring Lilith’s voice, it held dry humor, something he hadn’t expected her to ever direct in his direction.

“It was a bit obvious,” he conceded, and he’d be having a word to Cass later about how unsubtle she’d been. But he also wanted to thank her, because she’d given him the in that he needed. “I know you probably don’t want my help, but I’m going to offer it to you, anyway. I can take you wherever you want to go today.”

“Why would you want to do that? Is it some sort of misguided attempt to appease your guilt for what you did to me all those years ago?”

Again, her response wasn’t unexpected, but he couldn’t deny that he was getting a little tired of her defaulting to this narrative. “No, this is me, in the present, helping you. I know that you have no reason to trust me or believe me when I say that I’ve changed. But I have. I was the person who was responsible for Freedom and Love being dismantled. I was the one who went to the FBI. It was because of me, you and your parents and everyone else got a chance to start over and take back control of their lives.”

Throughout his little speech, her face remained impassive, as if he were staring at a wax model, not a living person. The mention of her parents brought the only response from her. A tiny eye twitch he would’ve missed if he hadn’t been trained by the FBI. That little tell gave him an answer he hadn’t realized he’d been looking for—her parents weren’t in her life.

His vague memory of Leroy and Maribelle Kenny wasn’t flattering. They tried hard to get into Ralph’s inner sanctum, the place where his parents, and himself, had been allowed. Even though they’d been suckered in like everyone else, they had truly believed that everything Ralph said was gospel, and if they followed it to the letter of the law, their lives would be fulfilled and rich.

What had happened to them after everything had fallen apart? They hadn’t even filed a missing person’s report for her. He’d done a search the previous evening when sleep had been elusive.

“Why did you do that?” Lilith asked, grabbing his attention.

“Bring Freedom and Love down?”

Lilith nodded. Should he tell her it was because of her he started to question things? Right this second, no was the answer to that question.

“A culmination of things. I realized Ralph’s words and actions were wrong. Do you want to hit up the bank first?” he questioned, hoping she’d take the change of topic and run with it.

“What’s the point? I don’t think there’s much in there.” She turned and walked toward the sink, gazing out the window at the backyard. “I’m not sure what I want to do.”

She spoke so quietly, he wasn’t sure that he’d heard her clearly. He didn’t know what she was going through. The jumble of emotions that were likely swirling through her were a mystery to him. Once he’d decided that he was going to wreak havoc on Freedom and Love, and he’d dealt with the emotions of knowing that the life he’d known was going to end by his hand, he’d moved on and gotten the job done.

“We can simply go for a walk if you’d like. Or we can take a drive to the beach and walk along the sand.”

Lilith lifted her head, a spark of interest shining in her emerald-colored eyes. “The beach?”

If she’d said she wanted to drive to the desert, he’d take her. This was the first time she’d answered him with anything but disdain. “Yep. Do you want to change into something else?” He pointed to the jeans that she wore. Jeans that gloved her long, lean legs to perfection. The light blue top was a gorgeous foil to her black hair. “Or if you don’t have shorts, we can stop off and get you some. Or if you’d prefer, you can stay with what you’re wearing, and we’ll keep away from the water’s edge.”

Julian pressed his lips together to stop himself from saying more. For him, it didn’t matter what they did. All that mattered was Lilith getting out and breathing without the constriction of waiting for something to happen to her.

When had been the last time she’d truly breathed freely?

“I like the idea of the beach. I think, amongst the clothes Cass got me, there’s something better than jeans. I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time.”

Lilith gave him one last look before she disappeared out of the kitchen. Julian swiveled and gazed out the window at Cass and Irish’s backyard, taking in the lush green foliage of the magnolia tree and the surrounding plants. There was something tranquil about it all. There was a bench tucked underneath the tree, where Cass and Irish likely took some time to sit there together and separately.

“I’m ready.”

Julian wished he’d taken a few seconds to prepare himself for the sight of Lilith in slim fitting pants that reached mid-calf on her. His tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, and trying to say anything was impossible. The women at Freedom and Love, and The Hopeful Sunshine wore long dresses so their legs weren’t exposed. The sleeves on their dresses always came to the wrist.

This was the first time he’d seen how long and lean Lilith’s legs were. The image of them wrapped around his waist pummeled his mind all on its own. His cock stirred to life, and thankfully, a chair blocked Lilith from seeing his reaction to her presence.

She still wore the same blue top, and it matched the color of her pants.

“Is there something wrong?” Her voice trembled with uncertainty.

“No!” he practically shouted, and then cleared his throat. “No, you look great.”

Lilith hooked a piece of hair behind her ear, the movement a clear sign that his raised voice had made her nervous.

God, he was an ass. He didn’t want that for her. Julian wanted her to relax when she was around him. Then again, what had he done to reassure her she was safe with him?

Nothing.

He had done nothing to prove that he differed from the men she’d known. Granted, he hadn’t been given much opportunity to show her, considering her world had been turned upside down only the previous day.

Julian blew out a breath. What Lilith didn’t know was that he was as nervous as she was. The woman standing in front of him had no idea how often he’d thought of her after Freedom and Love had dissolved. Had wondered about her. In the dark of the night, when he should’ve been sleeping, he’d experienced a whirlwind of thoughts that always seemed to go back to Lilith. It would’ve been so easy for him to ask Cass to see if she could find where Lilith was. Cass would’ve wanted to ask him why he was looking for Lilith, but she wouldn’t have probed him for answers. She would’ve let him come to her when he was ready.

He'd done none of that because he’d been afraid that after she’d gained her freedom, she’d find someone to love her. Someone who would know what a treasure she was. Someone Lilith loved with her whole soul. So he’d pushed his thoughts of her to the far corner of his mind and went about his business.

“Do you want to stop off at the bank?” he asked, when the silence stretched to an unbearable length between them.

“I think it will be a good idea.”

“Right, we’ll do that, and then maybe we’ll pick up some food and take it to the beach so we can have a picnic.”

“A picnic on the beach? I like the sound of that. I never got an opp—well, I’ve never done it, so I’d like to.”

How much had Lilith not experienced? What had she done during the time of leaving one cult and then getting involved with another?

She’d gotten her driver’s license. That was one thing. But he suspected that if she’d been living in California, she’d been working jobs that barely covered the cost of living.

What had her parents done with the money they’d received from the Freedom and Love coffers? Had they not given Lilith anything?

None of that mattered at the moment. He would find that out over time because he planned to make sure that Lilith didn’t fall back into the trap of another cult. “Okay then, that’s what we’ll do. Bank, food, and beach. Sound good?”

“Yes.” A ghost of a smile appeared, and Julian took that as a victory. A small one, but one all the same. She hadn’t shot his ideas down, and she’d lost that look of fear that had hidden in the depths of her eyes.

His plan was to have many more victories with Lilith.