Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Julian stood in the doorway of Lilith’s room. The new clothes on the bed made him smile inwardly. Of course Cass would’ve made sure that Lilith had something to wear other than the excuse for a dress she was currently wearing. No doubt Cass had contacted the other women, and they would’ve all purchased what Lilith needed.

Emotions flitted across Lilith’s face in quick succession after Cass left them alone. Fear, worry, and finally, determination. He liked seeing that last one. Liked seeing that spark of fight brighten her eyes.

“Why are you still here, Julian? I asked you to leave.” The tiredness in her voice was evident. He hated hearing it. Her tone should match the fire in her eyes.

Was he asking too much? Of course he was. Her world changed a few hours ago. Why was he expecting so much of her?

He should go. Should leave her alone, yet the same pull that he’d felt toward her all those years ago was still there. That need to be close to her, to talk to her like they had that one time, before he’d been a jerk toward her. He deserved her contempt and hatred. He’d done nothing to prove that he wasn’t like the person she once knew him to be. If he wanted to get close to her, he had a lot of work to do to make that happen.

“I'm here because I care.”

“Seriously? You expect me to believe that you care for me? You don't give a damn about what happened to me! Why don't you just return to your old life before you found me? Forget I even exist. Forget you found me at The Hopeful Sunshine. I want you to leave, Julian. Please.”

It was the begging in her voice that cut deep. The tirade he welcomed because it was that fire he wanted from her.

Julian didn't want to go, but he also didn't want to force himself onto her. Not only did he not have the right—he’d forfeited that a long time ago—he didn’t know what she’d been through while at The Hopeful Sunshine.

Had no idea what they’d made her do. Or how they treated her—which he imagined hadn’t been like a queen. Or like the way men should treat women—with love and respect. No, considering her unkemptness, it was likely she hadn’t been given the most basic of privileges.

It didn't matter that it appeared as though she lived by herself and not with one of the men in the cult. If she had been married off—and he used that term loosely as none of the marriages in an organization like The Hopeful Sunshine would’ve been legal—she would’ve been living in much better accommodations.

“You can trust Irish and Cass. They'll help you with whatever you need. Or want. All you have to do is ask.” It wasn’t what he wanted to say. He had so many questions he wanted to ask, but now wasn’t the time. Julian wasn’t sure if there would ever be a right time. Or if Lilith would even allow him to ask her what he wanted to know.

“Yeah, right. They’re only doing this because of you, and I don't want to be indebted to anybody, especially friends of yours.”

Even though he’d been hoping it wouldn’t happen, the mistrust Lilith had toward anyone trying to help her wasn’t a shock. While he may have been in a different position all together when he’d been in Freedom and Love, in a certain way, he’d had his trust abused by the people who were supposed to care for him. Only he hadn’t known that. It was after he’d woken up to what was going on around him that he could see the lies he’d been fed for what they were.

But he needed to convince Lilith that she was safe here. Before he’d come to Lilith’s room, Irish had pulled him aside and told him she could stay there for as long as she wanted. Or needed. He and Cass had the room and wanted to help.

Julian appreciated the kindness Irish and Cass were showing a complete stranger. It wasn’t unexpected though. Over his time working with Alliez, he’d seen how Ox and his teams always went the extra mile for those who needed it.

“I know you will believe nothing I tell you, but when I say you can trust Cass and Irish, I’m not just speaking empty words. I’ve worked with both of them for a while now. They’re good people. They'll help you with anything you need. And they said you’re welcome to stay for as long as you want.”

Lilith’s eyes widened at his words, but a second later, she blinked, and her annoyed expression returned. “Right.”

Julian sighed. He needed to stop pushing. It was her first night out of her hovel. Her entire world had been turned upside down, and he expected her to believe him—a man who’d done nothing but turn his back on her when he’d given her the impression that he wanted to know her as a person, not as an object. “I'm sorry you went through what you did. I hope this time things will be different for you.”

With one last look, he turned and walked down the hallway, back toward the kitchen, where Irish and Cass were waiting.

He should leave, though. He should go home and forget that he'd ever seen Lilith again. But now that he'd seen her, he couldn't do it. He couldn’t walk away. Not this time. Not even when the sound of her door closing sounded so final.

The low hum of conversation between Irish and Cass stopped when he walked into the kitchen. Cass looked up and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Is she okay?”

Julian pulled out a chair and slumped down in it. “I don't know. She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

Irish sat next to him. “How do you know her?”

This was a question he’d been expecting, and tendrils of shame swirled through him at what he would have to say to the two people he considered good friends. “She was in Freedom and Love. With the way things were, we didn’t cross paths much, except on one occasion. But I was aware of her.”

No way was Julian going to elaborate on what happened after their conversation. That was between him and Lilith. The last thing she probably wanted was for everyone to know her past life. If she wanted to tell Irish and Cass, then it was up to her.

“I’m guessing once Freedom and Love was dissolved, she was free to go wherever she wanted?” Cass asked the question, and with her computer skills, she could get the answers she wanted with a few keystrokes. But unless she was asked to, Cass didn’t investigate those she didn’t know.

“I assume so. I just . . .” He closed his eyes and blew out a breath, taking the few seconds to get his thoughts into some sort of order. “I have no idea what she's been through the last couple of years. I’ve got no idea how she ended up back in another cult. Once the dust had settled after the raid on the commune, all the money that Ralph had taken from his victims was distributed back to all the former members. As evil as Ralph was, he was a whiz with money. All the proceeds from the bank accounts were distributed among all the members. From what I saw, the amounts that were handed out should’ve been enough for Lilith to get started in her new life. How did this happen to her again?” He whispered the final words, wishing the answer would pop into his head.

“LA isn’t the cheapest place to live. Even with a good nest egg, you can blow through money pretty quickly. It's not your fault, man,” Irish said.

“Isn't it though?” Julian asked. “I was part of why she believed she was worthless. I found out she was two years old when her family joined F&L. That was all she knew. And being a girl, she wasn’t privy to getting a good education. All the girls were taught the very basics of reading, writing, and math.” Julian thought back to his earlier conversation with his mentor. “Mac said that some people prefer to go back to the safety of what they know after being out in the world. Prisoners prefer prison. Maybe that's what she did. Maybe she found The Hopeful Sunshine because that's what she felt comfortable with. Perhaps she liked living there and doing whatever menial tasks they handed out to her.”

God, he didn’t want that for Lilith. He wanted her to be able to shine. To spread her wings and experience life. She was worth so much more than to be subservient to an asshole.

Why hadn’t her parents helped her? They had been in the cult for a long time, but they’d grown up outside the teachings of Ralph. Surely they would’ve given her some insights on how to deal with things.

“Maybe,” Cass responded, coming up to squeeze his shoulder. “I don’t know her at all, and only have my first impression to go on, but I don't think she willingly chose to rejoin another cult. To me, she looks like somebody who wants to change her life, but doesn't know how to do it. She looks lost.”

Cass had worked for the CIA before she worked for Alliez. She would’ve been trained to read people, even though she’d been more of a computer analyst than a profiler.

But was Cass right? Had Lilith been so lost that somehow, someway, she’d gotten caught up with The Hopeful Sunshine through no fault of her own? Their file had contained little information about how they’d dragged and lured everyone into the clutches. If it was like all the other cults he’d researched, the leader, Staunton Rello, would’ve promised things to trap them on site and would’ve then gone back on his word, leaving people like Lilith with no option but to stay there. After a while, they would’ve been brainwashed to believe everything Staunton said, as edicts to live by.

Men like Staunton and Ralph liked playing God. They loved the power trips being in charge gave them. They got a thrill when their tricks worked and they had another victim to join them.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?” Irish asked.

Julian shook his head. “Thanks, but I think it's probably best that I get as far away from Lilith as possible tonight but let me know if she needs anything.”

“Will do. We’ll look after her and make sure she’s got everything she needs. Cass told you she was welcome here for as long as she needs. That hasn’t changed.”

But would Lilith believe it? She was probably programmed to think that any friendly gesture came with a payment. No way Cass and Irish would turn her out. They wouldn’t walk into Lilith’s room and say, “Now that you've got clean clothes, had a shower and some food, you need to leave. We don't want you around.” But Lilith wouldn’t know that. Hopefully, Irish and Cass could convince her their offer was genuine.

After so many years of having people who he thought were his friends, but finding out they only liked him when they needed him, he appreciated the two people in this room more than they would ever know. “Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I'll see myself out.”

Julian walked into his silent, empty house and tossed his keys on the side table. The place was a sanctuary for him now.

After everything had gone down with his parents kidnapping his sister Rose, the fallout from that, along with Freedom and Love’s demise, he’d spent some time roaming the country, trying to discover himself, picking up jobs here and there and living frugally.

Eventually, the urge to stop the suffering of the oppressed had led him to accept the offer from the FBI to work for them. He settled in the LA office, away from Nevada and the reminders of where’d he’d spent a good portion of his life.

Even with all he’d achieved in his new role, the people he’d help rescue, guilt was still his constant companion. The insistent feeling he wasn't worthy of everything that he had. That he should be living on the street, begging for food because that was what he deserved after what he'd done.

Julian sat on his couch, rubbing his hands down his face. In the silence of his home, he raised the volume on the thoughts and doubts that lived in his mind.

Was he doing the right thing by working for the FBI?

The answer to that was easy—yes, he was. He was fortunate that they’d taken him on, considering that he hadn’t gone through all the hoops most people did to join the organization. By doing what he was tasked with, he gave people back their lives. He was involved in the shutting down of not only vile cults but also sex trafficking of children, women, men, young and old.

It was very altruistic of him, arrogant almost, that he believed he was the one changing their lives. Those thoughts made him almost as bad as the men that he brought down.

On the other hand, he enjoyed knowing he was screwing over the people who were taking advantage of those innocents who needed help and encouragement, not enslavement.

Julian stood abruptly and strode over to the small wet bar in the corner of his living room and poured himself a whiskey, downing the contents in one go, welcoming the burn of liquor at the back of his throat.

Right after he’d gotten out of hospital after being shot in the leg by his father, he’d almost turned to alcohol to lose himself and quieten the thoughts in his mind. All it had taken was one night and a hell of a hangover for him to learn that wasn’t the answer.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see Mac’s name flashing on the screen. What was his mentor doing, calling him this late? “Mac? Everything okay? Did something happen at the facility?”

“Everything’s fine. As far as I know, all the IDs have been handed out, and people are bedded down for the night. I’m calling to check in on you. Are you all right? I'm worried about you. You looked defeated when I left you.”

A small smile lifted the corners of Julian's mouth. It had been a long time since anybody had cared about what he was going through. Although that wasn’t quite true. Rose always asked when they spoke, and when he said he was fine, she called him out. They weren’t back to how close they’d been before their parents got sucked into Ralph Williamson’s teachings, but they were getting there. “I'm fine, just tired.”

“You say that, but I’m not sure I believe you. I still want you to take some time off. You need a break.”

Did he, though? If he wasn’t busy, he had time to think and dwell on what he’d done and what he hadn’t done. But a break did sound appealing. He hadn’t had one since he’d joined the FBI a couple of years ago. But also, the thought of taking that time away from the office had him breaking out in a cold sweat.

What if, while he wasn’t there, a lead came in for a new organization, and they missed something important? Something that he recognized as a sign that this group of people weren’t just a club who shared the same interest, but were actually something more sinister?

Not that he believed he was better than the profilers in the FBI. He wasn’t, but he did have the insight they didn’t. “I don’t know, Mac. What if you need me?”

Great, he sounded like a whiney child. Maybe he should take a break.

“As your boss, I’m telling you, I don’t want to see you in the office until next Monday. Everything will still be there when you get back.”

Arguing was pointless. Heck, every other person in the world would be jumping for joy at being told to have a seven-day vacation. “I hear you, but if you need anything, call me.”

“You know I will. Enjoy your break.” Mac disconnected the call without saying goodbye, his usual modis operandi .

Julian tossed his phone on the couch beside him. He had a few days to himself now. What was he going to do?

Perhaps he could use his time off to help Lilith acclimate back into society. Julian scoffed out loud at that. No way would she want him near her. She’d made that abundantly clear. But he wouldn’t abandon her. He’d done it once before. He wouldn’t do it again.