Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

I need to stop staring.

Julian ignored his inner thought because the sight before him was captivating. Lilith looked beautiful. The dress she wore flattered her figure, and he appreciated her toned arms and legs. But he also could see that he was making her uncomfortable, and that was the last thing he wanted.

The previous two days had been torture, not being able to contact her, but he’d been called back to work to deal with a case that needed all hands on deck. No one cared that Mac had given him a couple of days off. The lives of ten young girls relied on everyone doing their jobs. Which was why he was at Alliez’s office. But he hadn’t been expecting to find Lilith there too, and he was glad to see her.

“What brings you here today?” he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets to control the urge to pull her into his arms. To notch his head between her neck and shoulder and see if she smelled as sweet as she had the last time he’d seen her.

“Cass brought me in. Said I needed a change of scenery.”

“I did, but I also think she could help around here. Good to see you, Julian.” Cass poked her head out and smiled at him.

“What? What could I possibly do to help? There’s no garden here. That’s the last place I did anything. Digging up dead plants and making sure the ones living didn’t die. Putting new plants in, nurturing them until they provided some of the food the commune used,” Lilith interjected.

While what she’d said wasn’t anything special, Julian caught the way her expression lightened when she talked about working in the garden. The way her shoulders relaxed. The hint of happiness that he hadn’t heard before. “You liked doing that, didn’t you?”

“It kept me busy.” Lilith fobbed off his question with a generic answer, and even though Julian wanted to push, he didn’t. It wasn’t the time, but he would ask her again and he would do what he could to help her find a job that involved plants. Or gardens.

“I’m sure whatever Cass has got in mind for you to do, you’ll do well.” Julian second guessed himself the moment he finished. Had he sounded condescending? He hadn’t meant to be, but as he replayed the words, he inwardly cringed. He had sounded as bad as he’d thought.

“What are you doing here, Julian? I thought you worked for the FBI?” Lilith asked.

“I do, and I’m here because I’ve got a meeting with the team.” Julian maintained his focus on Lilith, wanting her to know that he wasn’t lying. She’d been lied to for most of her life. He would not be another person who did that to her.

“Do you need me?” Cass asked from where she still stood in her office, watching the interaction between him and Lilith.

“Not at the moment, but if things progress, we’ll need you.”

“Right. Well, I’ll leave you both to it.” Cass nodded, and then disappeared back into her office, closing the door.

Now that they were alone—standing in a busy office hallway wasn’t exactly alone, but it felt that way to Julian—he asked her what had been on his mind from the moment he spotted her. “How are you really doing, Lilith?”

After everything she’d gone through, she had to be overwhelmed. He didn’t know what she’d been doing the past couple of days while he’d been called into work. She may have gotten a job. Or an apartment—although that was unlikely given her financial situation. Had she gotten in touch with her parents? Again, not a likely scenario. She hadn’t exactly come out and said it, but he suspected she wasn’t close to her parents at all.

“I’m fine.” Her voice was strained, indicating she was anything but that.

“Really?”

Her shoulders slumped a little, and he wanted to pull her close, hug her. Soothe her. Let her know she wasn’t alone anymore, that she had him to rely on. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“Here as in this office, or here as in away from the compound?”

“All of it.”

Lilith was answering him so honestly. She trusted him enough to be this open? But he wouldn’t throw it back in her face. He’d take her gift and treasure it, share a piece of himself he hadn’t shared with anyone—not even his sister. “I may have helped bring down Freedom and Love, but afterward, when I’d recovered from my hospital stay, I was lost. I didn’t know what to do or how to act, or if I even deserved to be alive after everything I’d seen and allowed.”

How unbelievable to have this conversation in the middle of a hallway at Alliez, but now that he’d started, he wouldn’t stop. “I drifted from place to place. Picked up odd jobs here and there. Spent many a night in some seedy bar drinking, hoping when I woke, things would be different. They never were. All I got was a chronic headache and a hangover. When I woke up one morning in a bed in a disgusting motel with a woman I didn’t even remember, I knew things needed to change. That I needed to change. That was when I called Mac, the guy I worked with at the FBI. I swallowed my pride, and I asked for help. Mac told me whatever I needed, he’d get it for me. I’m offering you the same. Whatever you need. Tell me, and I’ll get it for you.”

There was so much more he could tell her. How he’d been to counseling and how that had helped, but that could wait. First, she needed to acknowledge that she needed help. That it wouldn’t be seen as a weakness. Until she made the decision, she wouldn’t heal.

“That’s the thing. I don’t know what I need.”

“You don’t have to decide now. There’s no rush.”

“Of course there is. I need a job, Julian. I need to be able to look after myself. Earn money so I can do the things I want.”

“You’re right, but you have time. That’s all I’m saying.” Julian glanced at his watch and cursed. He was late to the meeting he’d called, and as much as he wanted to stay and talk to Lilith, he needed to go. “Look, I’ve got to get to my meeting, but after, I’d love to take you to lunch.”

Asking her was a risk he was prepared to take.

“Umm, okay.” Her eyes widened as if she’d surprised herself with her answer as much as it surprised him.

“Great. I’ll come grab you when I’ve finished.” Julian leaned forward as if to kiss her on the cheek but pulled back at the last second. If that didn’t get her to change her mind to have lunch with him, he didn’t know what would.

Julian gave her a smile, and then headed toward the conference room, not sure what Lilith was going to do, but hopefully changing her mind about lunch wasn’t part of it.

“Sorry I’m late. Got sidetracked,” he said, as he walked into the conference room and found it full of all the Alliez guys except the one in charge. “Where’s Ox?”

“He’ll be dialing in. He’s at home with Oscar,” Growler said.

“Ahh, okay.” Good. The files he’d placed earlier had been handed around and were open in front of the men. He would bet that one of the guys would’ve already scanned the contents and emailed it to Ox—that was how efficient the team were. “Okay, let’s get started, shall we?”

He sat next to Fox and glanced at the video screen on the wall. Ox’s face appeared, his arms full of his smiling son. “Morning. I’ve read over the file you brought in, Julian. What do you need from us?”

This was why he enjoyed working with Alliez and Ox. The man didn’t beat around the bush, always straight to the point.

“We need to go in as soon as possible. These kids don’t have much time before they’ll be shipped out. We still don’t know who the main player is, but if we can put a stop to this trade, it might make him show his face.” It was highly unlikely, but stranger things had happened.

“Right. Is this a joint venture, or are we going in alone?” Fox questioned.

“Joint, but there is something in the works that will require a covert operation that we’ll need you for.” There were aspects of his job Julian hated, and putting these guys’ lives at risk was one of them. He preferred when there were a team of agents involved in helping Alliez because if something happened, they’d be covered and families compensated. When it was covert, a job the FBI didn’t want to dirty their hands with, then he didn’t like putting these guys' lives on the line. Then again, every person in this room knew that some jobs were riskier than others, and that should shit hit the fan, they would be on their own.

“Whatever you need, you know we’re all in,” Deal responded, and Julian nodded.

They spent the next thirty minutes going over the operation, and when it was going to go down. Once they had a plan in place, the meeting was concluded, and everyone filed out, except Irish, and Julian knew why the other man was hanging back.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Julian was used to this from Irish. He’d experienced it a few times after he first started working with Alliez. The man had been a lot surlier then, but ever since he and Cass had gotten together, he’d mellowed. Although he still carried that hard edge of a former Delta soldier. An edge Julian believed he’d never lose.

“What’s your plan?” Irish eventually asked.

The plan Irish referred to clearly had nothing to do with what they’d discussed. But related to the woman in Cass’s office. The problem was, Julian didn’t have a concrete plan when it came to Lilith. All he knew was that he wanted to help her.

No, it was more than that. No denying he wanted to help her, but he wanted more. He wanted to find out what she liked. What she disliked. He wanted to make to her laugh. To see her eyes widened in happiness when she came across something she’d never seen or experienced before. Like the spark of joy he’d seen in her eye when they’d been at the beach. “My plan is to show her the world. To show her what life can really be like.”

Irish nodded. “And personally?”

“Whatever she wants to give me. She’s in control. Not me.”

“I’m not going to apologize for what I’m about to say, but I saw the way she looked at you when we found her. It wasn’t fear. It was disgust, disappointment, but also something else. I want to say yearning, but I can’t be sure. What the hell happened between you two?”

Irish was the master of observation, seeing things in pictures that other people missed. Picking up on cues in video surveillance that helped in more ways than one. It was no surprise he’d noticed those reactions from Lilith. Explaining the interaction between him and Lilith, not to mention the way he’d treated her afterward, would not be received well by Irish. Of that Julian was sure, but he would keep nothing from the person who’d opened his house to a complete stranger.

“I was an ass, but at the time, I did what I had to, even though it didn’t sit right with me.”

How pathetic do I sound right now?

It didn’t matter if it was the truth. Hearing it out loud didn’t justify what he did or how he acted.

“I wish I could make things different. Do it differently,” Julian continued. “Hindsight, huh? Always so much more helpful.”

“Living with a ‘what if’ mentality is never a good thing in our line of work. But, yeah. I get it. There’s plenty I wish I had done differently. The thing is, whether it was what went down with Lilith or something else, you changed and ended the sick shit that was happening.”

“Doesn’t make it any better.”

“No, but you’ve been given a second chance. Up to you what you do with it.” Irish clapped him on the shoulder and walked out, leaving Julian to wonder—did he really deserve this second chance with Lilith?