Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

The drive back to Irish’s house was thankfully made in silence. Julian needed the time to digest everything that Lilith had told him.

Luring people in with the promise of a new job and opportunity wasn’t unusual, just wasn’t one that was normally presented when enticing people to join a cult. Normally, it was the promise of wealth. Or believing that the person had the ear of the Lord and could provide salvation and the eternal future promised in the Bible. Other times, it was simply words that the person needed to hear to boost their confidence. In the end, it didn’t matter what they were saying or selling. Their words were effective, and their power grew.

For people down on their luck, or like Lilith had been, looking for a better job on the limited skills they had, whatever Staunton had been advertising had been enough to draw them into his web.

Well, that web had been ripped to shreds, but the aftermath was going to be felt for a long time. He would contact Mac and let him know how Staunton had built up his following. They were always adding things learned from each case to a database of things to look for.

“Thank you for today. I think I needed it,” Lilith said quietly as they pulled into Irish’s house. The lights were on, indicating the owners were home. Although Julian already knew that because he’d received a text from Cass as they’d been walking back to the car at the beach, asking where they were and if everything was okay. He’d fired off a quick response to let her know they were heading in that direction.

“I’m glad.” How he wanted to reach over and pull her into a hug. To have her arms close around him. When she’d touched him at the beach, his whole body had lit up, as if he were a fireplace, ignited to life. The touch had been spontaneous and free, and he’d cherished it, although he hadn’t really deserved it. “Come on, let’s go.”

Should he tell Lilith to wait for him to open the door? He swallowed the words down. No way would she see it as him wanting to make sure she was safe. She would see it as him taking away a bit of the control she was getting back. Instead, he waited until she’d exited the car before he did the same and was surprised to see that she had waited for him and hadn’t headed into the house herself.

They reached the front door, and Lilith paused, turning to look at him. “I don’t have a key to get in. I didn’t see one on the table on our way out.”

The door opened before he could say anything, and Cass stood on the other side. “I’m so sorry, Lilith. I said I’d leave a key for you but got to work and realized I hadn’t. I wasn’t thinking when I left.”

Julian chuckled. He almost blurted out that not only was Cass skilled with the keyboard, but it seemed she had mind-reading skills as well. Saying that, though, was likely to freak Lilith out. “Good to see you, Cass.”

She rolled her eyes, but stepped back, allowing them to enter. He’d seen Lilith home. He should leave and let Lilith have some time to herself without him hovering. Yet he followed her through the house toward the kitchen. “Dinner’s almost ready. I assume you’re staying, Julian?”

Was Cass throwing him a lifeline here? Could she tell he didn’t want to leave Lilith just yet? He wanted to stay, but he couldn’t do that without asking if Lilith was okay with it. “Are you okay with that?” He directed his question to the woman he’d spent the day with.

Lilith shrugged. “It’s not my house.”

“I know, but this is your space too. I don’t want to intrude. If you want me to leave, I will.”

Cass had drifted farther toward the kitchen, leaving them alone in the small hallway. The sun had kissed Lilith’s cheeks, leaving a rosy glow on them. He wanted to reach out and brush his thumb across the color. Wanted to pull her close and hug her. Inhale the fresh apple scent that had been teasing him most of the day. Find out if it came from her hair, or if it was from a lotion she’d slathered all over herself.

Instead, he took a step back and put some space between them. The distance didn’t lessen the temptation of following through with his desire.

A flash of hurt flared in Lilith’s eyes before she stood a little taller. “It’s fine, Julian. I’m okay with you staying. These people are more your friends than mine.”

She turned on her heel, leaving him standing there, cursing himself for his actions. He’d meant to do the right thing, but Lilith had seen it as a rejection. As if Julian didn’t want to be near her, which was so untrue, it was laughable. But maybe her reaction meant the spark from years ago was still there.

Or he could be projecting, and what he thought was hurt was disgust at his behavior.

Giving his head a shake, Julian followed her to the kitchen, where the scents of tomato and garlic permeated the air. His stomach grumbled. Lunch had been a long time ago. Irish gave him a chin lift as he deftly transferred noodles from a steaming colander to a bowl.

“Nothing flashy tonight, just spaghetti and meat sauce,” Cass supplied, as she noticed his arrival. “Take a seat.”

Lilith was already sitting, and Julian took a seat opposite her. It meant that Irish and Cass couldn’t sit next to each other at the four-person table tucked into the corner of the kitchen, but he figured they’d survive for the night.

As bowls were filled and bread was cut, Lilith fidgeted with the napkin and utensils. He wanted to reach across the table and take her hand, give it a squeeze to reassure her that everything was okay. That no one was going to punish her if she took a second piece of garlic bread. Or snatched her bowl away before she’d finished eating. All things he’d seen happen while they’d been part of Freedom and Love. He didn’t know if the same thing occurred at The Hopeful Sunshine, but by the way she acted, it seemed maybe it had.

“What did you guys do today?” Cass asked, after the silence had stretched between the occupants. Cass and Irish kept sharing these glances that held whole conversations without saying a word.

Would he ever get that?

Julian looked up and found Lilith watching him. Her eyes were wide, and he could see the silent plea— Please answer. I can’t do this now.

Maybe he did have that, unless he was, once again, projecting what he wanted an outcome to be, which differed from what it actually was. No, the pleading was there, and the fact she was asking for help gave that tiny seed of hope from earlier a little water to encourage growth.

“I took Lilith to the bank. We got new cards sorted, and then we went to the beach.”

“I’m really sorry, but I don’t have enough money to get my own place. But I can go to a shelter. I don’t want to impose.” The words erupted out of Lilith.

Julian had no idea that she’d been thinking any of those things. He wished that she’d told him, and he could’ve reiterated that Cass and Irish had opened their home to her for as long as she needed it. But would she believe him, or would she think he’d been telling her a lie? Earlier in the day, she probably would’ve thought that, but now Julian liked to think that she trusted him a bit.

“Take that thought out of your head right now. You’re welcome here for as long as you need.” Irish directed his intense blue gaze to Lilith, and she shrunk a little under it. Her head lowered into a submissive position. Irish may not have meant to have been demanding and over-the-top, but his gruff tone more than likely transported Lilith back to her time in Staunton’s office. Or one of the many other times she’d been reprimanded for speaking out of place.

Getting up, he rounded the table until he was at her side and squatted down so his head was lower than hers, giving her the power position. “He’s not mad at you, Lil,” Julian said softly. “He’s always gruff.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I need to go.”

Chairs scraped across the floor, and soft footsteps fell as both Cass and Irish left the room. He would’ve liked them to have stayed so they could reassure her that Irish spoke the truth, but he also appreciated them giving him the privacy to help Lilith.

“No, you don’t need to go, but if you need to leave, I can take you wherever you want.” Julian preferred she stayed here. No, that was a lie. He wanted her to stay with him, but there was no way he could offer, not with their past.

Lilith lifted her head, and like he’d been doing all day, he fought the natural urge to wipe away the tear trailing down her cheek. After everything she’d been through, this was the first time he’d seen her being completely vulnerable with him. “I don’t know where to go.”

“Then stay.”

“I don’t want to be a burden. A worry. I’m thirty years old. I should be able to stand on my own two feet. I should have a career I’m excelling at. I should even have a mortgage. What I am is this pathetic sack of a person who has to rely on people for clothes. Food. Housing.”

Julian welcomed the fire in her words. He’d glimpsed it a couple of times, and he wanted to see it more. Wanted to see her grab her life by the horns and direct it the way it was supposed to go. “You will. I believe it. In a month’s time, you’ll look back on this night and wonder why you ever thought you were pathetic—which you’re not. You are something completely different.”

“What am I?” she asked, the sorrow and shame gone from her eyes. In its place was the spark of determination that Julian was going to fan until it glowed.

“You’re a survivor. Lilith, you survived, and you’re here. While you may not think it, you’re standing on your own two feet. Just a little wobbly at the moment,” he finished with a smile.

“I don’t see that, but I want to believe it.”

“Believe it. Think back on what you’ve done from the moment Freedom and Love collapsed. What you’ve endured, and you’ve come out stronger for it.”

Lilith scoffed. “Do you know what I’ve done? I’ve worked jobs that barely allowed me to have a roof over my head and food on the table. Then I got suckered into another cult. Oh, yeah. I’m really strong.”

No matter how long it took, Julian would fight to help her understand the way he saw her. “You didn’t crumble because you did what you had to do to survive. You haven’t lost the essence of you. I see it. I see you, Lilith Kenny, and I like who I see.”