FORTY-FIVE ROWAN

FORTY-FIVE

Rowan

I AM AN ASSHOLE.

I’m chasing after Arabella through the swarms of people filling my dorm suite but I’m stopped by slender, cold fingers touching my arm. I look down to find it’s her drunk friend Hadley who stopped me.

“You shouldn’t lead her on,” is what she yells at me.

I frown. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You’ve made her upset.” She inclines her head in the direction Arabella just ran past. She’s probably all the way to the door by now. “And you’re only digging a deeper hole for yourself. For her. Lavishing all of your attention on her. Throwing this big party for her. She didn’t even know it was a going away party. Why didn’t you tell her?”

Because I know how Bells reacts to a lot of attention when it comes from other people—not well. She’s a contradiction. Dressing outrageously so everyone notices her, yet when she finds out someone wants to do something for her out of the kindness of their heart, like throw a get together in her honor, she freaks out. Almost like she believes she doesn’t deserve it, which I think is the root of the problem.

“I really don’t need your advice on how I should treat Arabella,” I tell Hadley, my tone snide because I’m pissed. I jerk my arm away from her hand. “Besides, you’re drunk.”

“What, like it’s a fatal flaw? The problem is when I drink, I get realllll truthful.” Hadley’s eyes narrow and she sways on her feet. “She’s leaving soon. Like in a matter of days.”

No shit is what I want to say. “I know.”

“Why are you making it harder for her to go? This is the job of a lifetime for her. When we first met, it was all she would talk about. All she would do.”

“What do you mean?”

“Make jewelry! She had all of these kits and tools. Beads and stones, and gold and silver chains. A fat sketchbook that she filled with drawings. She was obsessed. Until she met you.” Hadley actually sneers. “Once we started going here and she saw you, her obsession shifted. To you. She forgot all about making jewelry.”

“You act like it’s my fault her interests changed.” And she has to be exaggerating. No way did Bells just stop making jewelry and switch her entire focus on me. I don’t even remember much about her from our freshman year. It was our sophomore year when I first started noticing her.

“Because it is, Row. Like, what the fuck? Your ego is so huge that you can’t even take responsibility for ruining her? That’s exactly what you did, you know. She wasn’t interested in any other guy, though so many of them were into her. All she could focus on was you. Perfect Rowan Lancaster and his perfect hair and perfect face and perfect smile, playing perfect football and getting perfect grades. Your only flaw was your rude ass, but she never seemed to mind. I was glad you got your ankle broken because it proved to me that you were actually human.” Hadley shakes her head, her lip curled in disgust.

Damn, that’s harsh. She’s glad I broke my ankle? Who says that to a person? “What the hell did I do to you to make you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you. I hate what you did to my friend. Wrapped her around your little finger and you weren’t even aware of it! Now you’re acting like you’re into her and she’s over the moon. She is madly in love with you and if you told her to, she’d probably say no to that apprenticeship and stay here with you. You need to cut her loose. Let her get away from you once and for all.” She’s swaying again, making me nervous, and I swear her face turns pale.

“Are you okay?” I may be pissed at Hadley for saying all of this shit, but maybe she really is just being a good friend. Could she be right? Am I holding Arabella back? Would she stay here if I asked her to?

I can’t even entertain the thought.

“I’m fucking great,” Hadley announces.

Right before she pukes on my shoes.

It’s chaos after that. Girls are squealing and guys are shouting, getting out of the way of Hadley the barf machine. The smell rises, making other people nearby nearly throw up themselves, and someone pushes open the sliding glass door, letting a blast of freezing cold air inside, which helps alleviate the smell somewhat.

Thank God.

I head for the slider, walking carefully, my feet squishing, which is fucking disgusting. The moment I’m outside, I’m kicking off my shoes and shedding my socks. Tearing off my jeans, which are covered in vomit splatter, until I’m standing just outside in only my sweater and a pair of boxer briefs, shivering.

“What happened to you?” Callahan asks. He’s been monitoring the keg all night and he’s bundled up like he’s ready for a snowstorm.

“Hadley threw up on my feet.” Cal looks ready to bust up laughing but I point at him. “It’s not fucking funny. Can you go check on her? And then get everyone else out of here? This party is over.”

Callahan’s expression turns serious. “Sure man. I’ll take care of everything. You need some fresh clothes?”

“I need to jump in the shower.”

“Follow after me and you can hide out in your bedroom.” Cal frowns. “Where’s Arabella?”

“She left already.” My tone is clipped, my head still spinning from everything Hadley threw at me.

“Got it.” Callahan nods. He’s smart enough not to ask me any more questions. “Let me get rid of everybody. You go take a shower.”

I clap him on the shoulder, giving it a firm shake before he goes inside, me right behind him. I veer off toward my bedroom while Callahan goes in search of Hadley. Once I’ve locked my bedroom door, I’m in the bathroom, getting rid of the rest of my clothes and checking my phone real quick to see if Arabella has texted or called me.

She has not.

Dumping my phone on the counter, I turn on the shower and wait for the water to heat up, stripping off my boxers before I step under the extra hot spray. Closing my eyes, I soak my head, wishing I could get rid of the nasty thoughts running through my brain.

I should be pissed at Hadley for calling me out so thoroughly, but I’m not. She said some harsh truths. Things I didn’t even know. She made me feel like I’m only using Arabella, and fuck.

Is that true?

Exhausted, I press my hands against the tile wall, standing directly under the water and letting it pour over me. I close my eyes and think of Bells. How she lashed out at me when I played dumb over her “being weird” comment. I have been acting weird—because I don’t know what to do or how to feel. It’s wrecking me, knowing that she’s leaving. Slowly tearing me apart inside, but I have to be the strong one. I don’t want her to know how I really feel. I’m not about to put a damper on her going away to Paris and working a dream job, especially after everything Hadley told me.

Still can’t believe she threw up all over my feet. God, that was disgusting.

Once I’ve taken a quick shower, I’m toweling off, checking my phone yet again. No word from Arabella but I do receive a text from Callahan accompanied by a photo.

Cal: They’re all gone. Got rid of everyone. Simone walked Hadley back to her room. She’s okay. Just embarrassed.

The photo is of my empty dorm suite. It’s a wreck and I see remnants of vomit in the middle of the room but it’s on a rug I can get professionally cleaned, and if I have to, I’ll roll it up and store it outside until I call someone out to clean it up. No way am I letting that rug stay in my room, especially if it still stinks.

I consider texting Arabella to see if she’s all right, but she’s probably still mad at me. Might be best to wait until the morning.

I throw on some clothes and head out into the living area, grimacing when I see the mess left behind. I tackle the rug first, shoving furniture out of the way so I can roll it up. The stench is awful, and I hold my breath, hauling the rug outside and leaning it against the wall and under the overhang in case it rains or snows.

Damn that sucked. This entire night did if I’m being real with myself. I pissed off the girl I love, and I got my ass handed to me by her drunk best friend. Feels like I’m messing everything up, and I sort of am. Only because I can’t be real with myself.

More like because I can’t be real with her. Arabella.

I’m too energized to call it for the night. Instead, I decide to clean up around the place, throwing everything away that was left behind. I’m almost done when I spot something gleaming just under the small table that sits right by my door. Bending down, I scoop it up, discovering that it’s a necklace. The one that Arabella wears all the time. It must’ve fallen off. Does she realize it?

Cracking open the locket, I stare at the tiny empty picture frames inside, remembering how she told me she hasn’t found the right person to put inside it yet. Fuck, that makes me sad.

I grip the necklace in my hand and drop it into the top drawer of my dresser. That’s the safest place for it and no way do I want to lose it. That locket means too much to her.

By the time I’m collapsing into bed, it’s well past midnight. I grab my phone to check notifications but still nothing from Bells. I decide to send her a text.

Me: Hey, Hadley cornered me and wouldn’t stop talking, and she threw up everywhere. I had to take care of her and the mess. I’m sorry if I pissed you off. We should talk in the morning.

After I send it, I wait for a reply.

But I never get one.