FORTY-THREE ARABELLA

FORTY-THREE

Arabella

THE WORDS RUN through my mind on repeat.

I love you.

I can’t believe Rowan said it—that he said it first. I never thought it would happen like this. I don’t think he did either, from the shocked expression on his face after he said those three little words.

I love you.

There’s a hint of desperation in the way he’s touching me. Kissing me. My energy matches his, my moves just as frantic. I tug on the hem of his gray Lancaster Prep hoodie, shoving my hands under the fabric to encounter smooth, warm skin. If I could reach, I’d slip my hand down the front of his joggers, but the way I’m positioned has me limited and I groan in frustration.

He breaks the kiss, staring down at me with those heated eyes, his breaths coming fast. I stare back at him, unable to speak, not sure what I could even say. Sorry I’m leaving soon? I regret that we don’t have much time left together? I love you so much it’s going to physically hurt me to not see you again?

Rowan licks his lips and parts them, like he’s going to say something, but I don’t want to hear it. Instead, I hook my hand around the back of his neck and pull him down until his mouth is back on mine. All is right in the world when he’s kissing me.

I wish he would never stop.

His hands slip beneath my sweater and I can feel his frustration when he encounters my uniform shirt. I went with layers today because it’s cold outside. A winter storm is coming tonight, and we should wake up tomorrow to a fresh layer of snow. Those are always my favorite days at school for some reason. That first snow is magical. Until it turns dirty brown and is slushy or worse—when it freezes into a solid wall of ice.

When he pulls away from my lips and presses his mouth to my neck, I murmur, “I want you inside me.”

I have no problem asking for what I want, especially with Rowan. He likes it. I know he does. I can tell from the agonizing groan that leaves him, how his hands grip my butt, fingers sliding beneath my panties to touch my flesh. I am wet and aching for him, and it’s risky, doing this in the library. But we’re locked away in a tiny room that no one ever uses, and the library will be open for hours, still. No one will find us.

I hope.

Within seconds, he’s got my sweater shoved up under my chin, his fingers undoing the buttons of my shirt hurriedly before he tears it open and his hands settle over my breasts. Cupping them. Kneading them, his thumbs brushing against my nipples. I press my lips together to keep from crying out, not wanting to attract any attention but he knows just how to touch me to make me melt.

“Please tell me you have a condom,” I murmur.

“In my wallet.” He shifts closer. “Grab it for me.”

I do as he asks, pulling the wallet out of his back pocket. It’s made of black leather and is slim, and I crack it open, yanking out the single condom that’s tucked inside. I slide his wallet back into his pocket and hold the condom up between two fingers to show him.

“Help me put it on.” When I frown, he goes on. “I don’t want to let go of you.”

Aw. I adore him so much.

Probably too much.

We fumble around. I shove his joggers and boxers down halfway to his thighs, helping him roll on the condom. He shoves my panties aside, exposing me, and when he slides deep inside, I bang my head against the door, overcome with sensation. The perfect glide of his cock as he pulls almost all the way out before pushing back in. His hungry mouth back on mine, his tongue matching the same rhythm as he fucks me.

All finesse is lost in seconds when he lets his emotions take over. He fucks me hard against the door, my butt banging against it with his every thrust. All I can do is revel in it, just take it, the pleasure growing inside me, spreading everywhere, settling in between my thighs. My clit pulses and I squeeze my eyes shut, holding on to him for dear life as he slams into me over and over. Until I’m crying out. Falling apart. Orgasmic tremors take over my body, and I come so hard, it’s like I can’t breathe. Can’t think. It goes on and on and at one point, I hear him shout, the shudders taking over his body. He’s coming too. And then it’s over.

Gradually, I become aware of my surroundings. Rowan still inside me. The sound of his harsh breathing in my ear, his mouth right there. My butt aches, still pressed against the old, slightly rough door, and my legs are wound so tightly around his waist, I wonder if we’ll ever be able to break apart.

But we have to. No matter how much I would love to stay locked with Row forever, I can’t.

He kisses my cheek before pulling out of me, then sets me on my feet. I step away from him and search the room with my gaze, spotting a box of tissues sitting on a shelf that runs the entirety of one wall. I go to it and snatch a tissue out of the box, handing it to him and he takes care of the condom, wrapping it up and tossing it in the trash.

Once we’re both put back together, it becomes almost awkward. And it’s never awkward between us. Not anymore. We’re always in tune, as if we know what the other needs and now, there’s this weird … space between us. Despite us declaring our “I love yous,” it doesn’t feel right.

I don’t know what to say so I blurt out the first thing that comes to me.

“I have a paper I need to finish.”

He sends me a look I can’t decipher, brushing the hair out of his eyes. “I’ll let you get back to it then.”

Within seconds, he’s gone, leaving me alone. He didn’t kiss me or tell me he loved me, and I would’ve really liked to hear him say that again. Though the fact that he does love me brings me happiness—and an equal amount of pain. Maybe he feels the same way. What we’re doing is going to end badly.

Especially for me.

I’ M BACK in my dorm room and at my desk trying to finish that damn English essay when there’s a knock on my door. I rush to answer it, fully expecting to find Rowan standing there. But instead, it’s my friends, Hadley and Simone.

“You’ve been ignoring us,” is how Hadley greets me, Simone nodding in agreement. “We just wanted to tell you that.”

I blink at them, shocked at the slightly hostile tone in her voice. “I’m sorry. Ever since I came back to campus I’ve been—”

“Busy messing around with Row? Yeah, we noticed.” Hadley shoves her way past me, entering my room with Simone trailing behind her. I shut the door and turn to face them, my gaze locking on the gift bag Simone is carrying. Hmm.

Hadley gets right to the point. “We miss you. We get that you’re with your dream man and probably having really great sex or whatever, but you used to hang out with us all the time and we miss having you around.”

Simone holds up the gift bag. “We got you a birthday present.”

“You guys.” I rest my hand on my chest, touched by the gesture. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Well, we’re your friends. Of course, we want to give you a gift for your birthday.” Simone shakes the bag. “Take it.”

I do as she asks and peek inside the bag to find it’s full of an abundance of tissue paper. Shoving it aside, I pull out a box. “What is this?”

“Open it and find out,” Hadley encourages.

I set the bag and tissue paper on my desk and crack open the box to find a pair of earrings. They’re in the shape of a starfish, with tiny crystals dotting them in a variety of shades of blue. “They’re beautiful.”

“I found them in the Bahamas and texted Simone a photo. She agreed they looked like something you would wear,” Hadley explains.

“I adore them. Really.” I glance up to find my friends watching me. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Simone says with a faint smile.

“How was the Bahamas?” I ask Hadley before I turn to Simone. “And what did your parents think of your boyfriend?” The realization smacks into me. “We have a lot to catch up on.”

“If you weren’t hanging all over Rowan every minute of the day, you’d already know by now.” The snide tone in Hadley’s voice is obvious. Even Simone sends her a questioning look. “I’m sorry. I sound like a bitch, but it’s just so unlike you, Arabella. You’ve always been there for us. Through thick and thin. It feels weird not having you around. We—”

“We miss talking to you,” Simone finishes for her, offering me a gentle smile. “I get wanting to spend time with your new boyfriend, but please don’t forget about us.”

“I never thought you would,” Hadley adds. “Maybe that’s why I’m … so mad about it.”

My heart crumples and I go to them, wrapping them both up in a group hug, clinging to them. They cling back, squeezing me tightly, and honestly, I’ve never felt so loved. This isn’t like what I experience with Rowan, though. My friendships with these girls go back a few years. I’ve known Hadley the longest and while I valued their friendship, I never actually believed either of them thought of me in the same way.

I’m used to being ignored. Forgotten. And instead of reaching out to my friends when I returned from break and telling them all of my good news, I ignored them completely, when I should know better.

“I’m the worst friend ever,” I confess with a sniff when I pull away from them.

Simone shakes her head. “No, you’re more like the best friend ever. That’s why we missed you so much.”

“It’s true,” Hadley agrees. “We were hoping you’d want to hang out tonight.”

I think of the paper that I still need to finish. I’ve become too distracted by my hot encounter with Row in the library and I can’t focus. It’s due tomorrow at midnight so I still have a little time.

“I’d love to,” I tell them, glancing down at the box that’s still clutched in my hand. “I love my gift. Thank you again.”

“Did you have a good birthday?” Simone asks.

“The best one I’ve ever had,” I say without hesitation.

“Thanks to Rowan?” Simone’s smile is sly.

“Definitely. But also, his entire family is … so sweet.”

“Unlike Rowan?” Hadley asks.

I immediately feel defensive. “He is sweet, once you get to know him.”

They both make the oooh sound and I start laughing, my defensive feelings evaporating. I have to remember that he was grumpy toward everyone and had been for a while. Hadley even warned me about him, which is amusing to me now. Imagine if I’d taken her advice? Talk about a missed opportunity.

“Stop. You guys are embarrassing me.” I can feel my cheeks go warm.

“You need to fill us in. I feel like I know nothing,” Simone says, going to my bed and collapsing on top of it.

“There is a lot I have to tell you.” I think of me leaving for Paris. “And some of it you’re not going to believe.”

Simone pats the mattress, Hadley joining her. “Okay, it’s time. Spill your guts, please.”

I join them, stretching my body out and settling my head on a pillow. “What do you want to hear about first?”

They both practically scream my boyfriend’s name and I launch into my story, spilling my guts, just as Simone requested. And by the time I’m finished, I know by the grave looks on their faces that they feel sorry for me. Which I suppose is expected.

I feel sorry for myself too.