FORTY-TWO ROWAN

FORTY-TWO

Rowan

TIME IS GOING by too damn fast.

I try to savor every moment I can with Arabella but we hit the ground running the moment we were back in class. We’re bombarded with assignments and projects and tests. We have the group assignments in two classes and while we’re able to chat and flirt and I can sneak in a touch here and there, it’s not enough.

It’s never enough where she’s concerned.

Arabella’s school workload has become more intense thanks to her leaving early. She has enough credits to graduate, but there’s still some work to be done, and my Bells is tired. She’s also nervous. Scared.

I still don’t want her to go, but I remain quiet. Encouraging her instead, always trying to lift her up. Sometimes I’m trying so damn hard I feel like I’m talking to one of my teammates before we go out onto the field, about to face a formidable opponent.

After being in school for a few days, I went to talk to my coach, asking him what my future options were. And while they weren’t terrible, they weren’t necessarily what I wanted to hear either. Coach warned me the colleges that offered are still interested, but they want to make sure my ankle is good to go and right now …

It’s not.

Not sure what I was thinking—I don’t have a future as a football player. Definitely not professionally. I’m no Callahan Bennett who comes from a long line of ex-NFL superstars. He’s a wide receiver and has tons of offers, all of the big D1 universities dying to snap him up thanks to his family’s legacy. And then there’s the fact that he’s a great football player. He’s so modest about it too, like it’s no big deal.

I’m with him right now in the training room after school. It’s Thursday. The weekend is almost here and the minutes keep ticking right on by. Counting down to the moment she’ll leave me.

I can barely stand the thought.

We’re both running on treadmills, and I catch Callahan shaking his head, smiling to himself. I yank out my AirPod.

“What’s so funny?” I ask.

“I don’t know. My thoughts were wandering and I got stuck on the idea of you and Arabella actually together. I go away to Mexico for a week and come back to you all lovey-dovey toward each other,” Cal explains, chuckling.

“Lovey-dovey?” I take offense to that.

“You two are all over each other at lunch.”

In my dreams. Bells won’t let me get too crazy with PDA. Claims she’s not that kind of girl in public. In private though?

Watch out.

“Define ‘all over each other.’” I slow my pace, wincing when I feel a twinge in my ankle.

“Holding hands. Sitting close. Lost in your own little world. I never thought I’d see the day that Rowan Lancaster fell in love. With Arabella too. I mean, I could’ve predicted that shit, but then again, I didn’t think it would happen.”

I come to a complete stop, staring at my tan friend. The guy looks like he went on a tropical vacation and I’m envious. Not that I would change what happened to me while I was on Thanksgiving break. “You think I’m in love with her?”

Cal comes to a stop as well. “Well, aren’t you? You’re totally into her. You talk about her all the time.”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“You’re the one who brought her up.”

“Because you two are practically shoving your relationship in my face. I’m not complaining. I think it’s great,” he adds, no doubt noticing the snarl on my face at the shoving in his face remark. “You’ve been so closed off the last couple of years. You know how many girls would talk to me, asking how I could help them get access to you? The list was endless.”

“Did Arabella ever talk to you about me?” I feel like an idiot for asking, but I have to know.

“That’s what’s so funny. She never did. Not really. I mean, we would talk at parties, and sometimes we would talk about you, but she never asked if I could help her out. It’s like she worked her magic on you and eventually figured you out. I like her with you. She makes you less serious.”

“She’s leaving.”

Callahan frowns. “What do you mean?”

“She’s graduating early. Leaving after we take our finals. Moving to Paris to work for a famous jeweler. She’ll be an apprentice to designers and study there for like … two years.” I absently rub at my chest, trying to ease the always present ache there. Saying it out loud makes it all too real and I fucking hate it.

“She won’t come back after winter break?” When I shake my head no, Cal whistles low. “That blows, man. You’re going to miss her.”

“Yeah. That’s why I can’t tell her I love her.” I clamp my lips shut, startled I said it out loud. But damn it, it’s true. I’m in love with her. I can’t stand the thought of her not being in my life. Why’d I have to go and fall in love with her now? I should’ve done it months ago. Years ago.

We’ve wasted so much time.

More like I have. She’s been chasing after me for over two years and like a dumbass, I blew her off. Didn’t think she was my type. Instead, she’s turned into my only type. The only girl I want.

“Why can’t you tell her?”

“And make her feel like shit when she leaves? I won’t do it.” I shake my head. “It’s a mistake.”

“Maybe she wants to know where she stands with you. It’ll make her feel more secure, knowing that the two of you are in love.”

“Since when did you become a relationship expert?” I taunt.

“I’m not, but I have an older sister. And a dad who’s always big on talking about his feelings.” Cal shrugs. “You should tell her, bro. She’ll love it.”

“What if she isn’t in love with me?”

Callahan bursts out laughing. “Are you fucking for real right now? That girl adores you. She’s been crushing on you since sophomore year. Everyone knows she’s in love with you.”

I think about what Cal said when we’re done with our workout and I’m taking a quick shower. When I hurriedly get dressed before I go in search of her. She told me she’d be in the library working on an English essay, and I find her quickly, deep in the stacks in the back of the building, sitting alone at a table and tapping her foot to the beat of whatever she’s listening to on her headphones.

Stopping behind a tall shelf loaded with books, I spy on her for a bit like a creepy stalker. Her outfits aren’t as wild since we’ve come back, though she’s still putting in a little effort. Today she has on that bright pink sweater my parents gave her for her birthday, wearing it over her white button-down, and the glasses with the bright pink frames. Guthrie barely gave her a second glance when Arabella glided into first period. Even complimented her on the sweater, and I swear Bells was disappointed.

She likes causing a bit of a scandal. Our being together has done exactly that. The rumors started the moment we arrived on campus Monday hand in hand. I wanted to show everyone that she belonged to me. After that first day back, I was satisfied with the point I made.

They all know.

“Rowan, you’re freaking me out.”

My gaze jerks to her face but she’s not even looking at me, though her lips are curled in the faintest smile. Stepping away from the bookshelf, I go to the table and sit across from her, watching as she hits a button on her phone screen and takes off her headphones, setting them down.

“How did you know I was there?”

“I saw you. Well, I smelled you first. You have a very distinct scent.” She has that dreamy look on her face that she gets sometimes, mostly when she’s looking at me.

“You smelled me? Is that a good thing?” I took a shower right after we worked out. No way do I stink.

“It’s a great thing. You smell delicious.” She reaches out and grabs my hand, picking it up and bringing it to her nose. She gives my wrist a sniff. “It’s your cologne.”

I did spray some on after my shower, right before I put on clothes.

“You like it?”

“I absolutely love it.” She smiles and drops my hand, and I become entranced with her beauty like I always do and say the first thing that comes to my mind. That’s been heavy on my mind since my conversation with Callahan. Even before that.

“I love you.” The words come out of me as if I have no control over myself.

Her smile fades and her brows come together in confusion. “What did you just say?”

“I said …” Aw fuck. Did I do this all wrong? I should’ve told her this in a more romantic setting. When we’re alone in my room and she’s naked in my bed. Not in the back of the school library where it smells like old books and dust. But she loves books. She likes to read. Maybe she does find this moment romantic. “That I love you.”

She’s blinking rapidly, like she might have something in her eye, but I realize that her eyes are filled with tears and if that doesn’t make me feel like shit …

“No one ever really says that to me,” she whispers, then swallows hard. “That they love me.”

I rest my clenched hands on my thighs, wishing I could punch something. I hate hearing that. Her parents are so fucking shitty.

Bells blinks again. “I’m not used to hearing it.”

“Well, get used to it.” I sound lame. I feel lame. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Stupid Callahan. His advice was for shit.

I hear the scrape of her chair being pushed back and she stands. Rounds the table until she’s in front of me. Next thing I know she’s trying to sit in my lap and I let her, scooting my chair back to accommodate her. She straddles me, her skirt flaring, and I can feel the thin cotton of her panties. Her heat pressing against my junk.

She winds her arms around my neck, her gaze level on mine when she whispers, “I love you too, Rowan.”

The relief I feel at hearing those words is followed swiftly by complete and total elation. Bracing my hands on the table just behind her, I cage her in, trapping her, though I know she’s going nowhere. There’s nowhere she’d rather be than right here in my arms.

I feel the same way.

Leaning in, I kiss her, keeping it chaste. No tongue. We’re in the library for Christ’s sake, but she won’t have it. She parts her lips for me, her tongue darting out, and then it’s on. The kiss turns wild and I wrap my arms around her slender waist, my hands pressing into the cashmere-soft sweater. She’s got her hands buried in my hair and she’s pressing her chest to mine. Grinding her sweet little pussy against my already hard cock.

“Think anyone will come back here?” she asks, her mouth still on mine.

“With our luck, I’m positive someone will come back here.” I devour her mouth to keep her from encouraging me to take this further, enjoying the moment. Imprinting it on my memory for later, when she’s gone.

That thought sobers me completely and I end the kiss, rearing back from her still-seeking lips. “We need to stop.”

She frowns, a little pout forming. “You’re no fun.”

“You’re seriously calling me no fun right now?” I rise up on my feet, taking her with me because she doesn’t weigh that much. She squeals, her arms tightening around my neck as she wraps her legs around my waist, and I send her a stern look. “You’re loud.”

“You’re strong,” she returns, shifting in my arms. “What are you doing?”

“You’ll see.” I carry her deeper into the building, leaving behind our stuff at the table. Until we’re at the very back of the library and I find one of those study rooms that no one uses, giving the handle a quick twist with my fingers before kicking open the door.

“I’ve never been in this room before,” she starts but I seal my mouth over hers, shutting her up, pinning her against the door. She returns my kiss with matching enthusiasm, moaning low in her throat. The sound so damn sexy, I press against her, letting her feel what she does to me.

She turns me inside out. Makes me want things I can’t have. Like her.

Forever.