Chapter 34

Penn

I'm trying really, really hard not to be offended. Not to feel like Madden lured me here with yummy food and his glorious body, all to drop this bomb on me. My default is to feel rejection. To feel like Madden is picking Damien over me, but then I'm reminded of him choosing not to move in with me, and while the hurt is still there, so is the knowledge it was right for him.

Probably for us.

The more I've thought about it the last few days, the more I like having a chance to miss him. Whenever we see each other again after a day or two apart, we're both so consumed by each other that we forget the rest of the world exists. I don't want to lose that feeling. And he's made it clear I'm not losing him.

Even if it really, really feels that way.

That's my issue. Not his .

So, pulling myself back from the brink of self-sabotage, I take a long, deep breath. Madden's not doing this for Damien. He's not picking between his new boss and me. He's picking himself because when I really think about it, when I picture Madden somewhere he can be himself, I imagine him happy. There are some levels of happy I can't give him, and I either need to accept that or face losing him.

I refuse to lose him.

"That sounds perfect for you."

Madden's twisting his hands together, big, blue eyes vulnerable. "And you?"

"I have some thinking to do."

"Can you tell me what you need to think about?"

I remind myself that this isn't all on me. " We need to talk about what we want to do with the business. What makes the most sense."

He nods. "And … the job."

"I need to think about that too. I'm torn because on one hand, I'd love to work with you constantly. On the other, maybe we need to not do that."

"But I want to work with you."

I know he does. I want to so badly as well, but he's taken the option of the business away from us, and while Peach Acres won't be open anytime soon, this really feels like the end. The end of everything we've worked toward. I'm not a quitter, but while Madden has a perfect opportunity waiting for him, my job prospects are bleak. Dryden can't afford to give me more hours, and even if they could, I don't know that I'd want to take them.

Without the business though, I'd need something to keep affording my apartment.

This is another reminder that I've been so focused on building my life around Madden's that I forgot to keep building my own as well .

So maybe instead of viewing this as an ending, I need to see it as a beginning. A way for me to figure out what I really want.

Keep running this business solo and hope that I can make it work or accept the job with Damien and see what I can line up for after that comes to an end.

I wish I had Madden's ability to trust my gut.

But this choice is going to be on me.

The old house looks completely different to when we first met Damien here. It's obvious he and Madden have been hard at work, and the main living area looks like an actual office space now. Madden told me they plan on making upstairs actual offices and having downstairs more recreational, which is possible with how big the building already is, but Damien plans to make some improvements on it as well. I'm standing on the large wraparound porch, looking out over all that land, when Damien and Madden join me.

"It's a big job," I say, like they don't already know that.

"It's why we need the best, Penelope."

My lips twitch. After we finished at Howell Beach yesterday, he dropped me home and then went back to his place. I needed time to think, and I knew he could feel some tension directed at him, which I didn't want. Learning to focus on myself is going to take time and practice.

"Well, I'm listening, Madeline."

His smile makes being here worth it. But even with that thought, I remind myself to pay attention and actually think through whether being here will make me happy too.

Damien does most of the talking, running me through what they have planned, then the bits and pieces they have earmarked as future additions if everything goes well. It's still very much a gamble and a lot of money that Damien has put in, but he and Madden have been talking to a lot of local nudist communities, and the word is already getting out there. Seattle is as good of a place as any to do this.

As they talk, I take a minute to look over the huge area again, picturing some of the things they have in mind. I'm not going to lie, it's sparking excitement in me, but my highly risk-averse side worries if Madden and I both throw everything into this and it fails, what the fuck do we do from there?

Unless …

I take the land in again, from a maintenance point of view. Tennis courts need maintenance. The land needs proper irrigation and retaining. There will be paths and gardens and buildings that need to be looked after. This isn't a job that can be completed and left to its own devices. Even now, the grass is getting overgrown and hard to manage.

The idea that wells up in my mind feels promising. This could be my chance to secure my own future without tying myself completely to Madden and Damien.

"I have a business proposal for you."

Madden and Damien go quiet.

"For us?" Madden asks. It's understandable he's confused, but if Damien agrees to this, it means we can both throw our time into this job with lower risk on our end.

"Yeah. Obviously, walking into this is a huge gamble for me and Madden," I point out. "If I'm going to do this, I need a guarantee."

"What's that?" Damien cocks his head, but he sounds more curious than anything.

"If I do the engineering and design for this as a contractor, I want the maintenance contract."

"Ah, what?" Madden blinks at me.

I nod his way. " We want the maintenance contract. Leaf It to Us. A job this size means we can employ more personnel, and it'll keep the business alive and operational while we go through this project. We also want to be the ones landscaping this right from the start."

Damien's lips twitch. "Tough negotiator. You're currently a three-man operation. A job this size will need triple—quadruple—that number. It's a gamble for me to hire a company with no experience managing that large of a business."

His question throws me for 0.2 of a second. "It is, but it's also a gamble for us to give up everything on this idea of yours. You want my engineering, you'll hire our company. At a fair price, of course."

Damien has nothing to say to that, and I'm not about to push him. This is the kind of thing I'd love to do, but I don't have a personal stake in it the way Madden does, so I can afford to make an offer there's a very high chance he'll say no to.

I hold out my hand to Damien for him to shake.

"I'll leave you to think on it. If it's a no, that's totally fine with me, but at least we tried."

He looks torn between confusion and amusement. "You realize it would be a lot cheaper for me to hire another landscaping engineer."

"Probably. I'm sure we can come to an agreement that suits us all, but run the numbers and make us an offer, then we'll see how that works on our end."

I'm feeling really fucking good about this.

I grin at Madden. "Madeline. I'll see you at home."

Then I leave, trying to calm down my nerves over being so fucking assertive while I know, deep down, this was the right call.

Now I have to hope he agrees with me.