Chapter 31

Madden

I'm unsettled by how we left things, but I woke up renewed to make sure that nothing gets in our way of spending time together tonight. Every couple has rocky moments, and we're still finding our footing as boyfriends. My parents might not have taught me much, but one thing that they always followed through with is if one of them fucked up, the other got elaborate gifts as an apology.

I don't have the money for elaborate gifts, but I sure as hell can apologize.

I'm off work before Penn is, and I stop by the grocery store on the way to his place. Last night, I firmly believe that I made the right choice. Xander needed me, and I won't be sorry for that, but Penn's not just my bestie I'm blowing off, and if I want a real-life boyfriend, I need to do better.

I could have handled things differently. Look at me growing and changing .

I'm smiling to myself as I push into his apartment, hopeful that tonight we can have a proper date night together, but when I step inside and strip off, I pause at the sound of the TV down the hall.

"Penn?" I call cautiously. He's supposed to be at work for another hour.

He appears in the entrance to his living room, and his face splits into a smile. Before I can say a single word, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into a kiss. His body is close, his tongue is insistent, and his fingers card through my hair and give a desperate tug.

I'm spared oxygen when he breaks from my mouth and trails loving bites along my neck.

"What's, uh … what's all this?"

"I'm sorry."

The words make me pull up. "That's what I was going to say."

He laughs, taking a moment to inhale deeply and letting his forehead rest against mine. "I think I'm going to be a shitty boyfriend before I get used to it. I've never done this before, Mads."

"You're not a shitty boyfriend."

"I am. I was hurt, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's not like you made a choice. You did what you had to."

I ease back, cupping his face and taking a moment to search his eyes. He looks genuine. "Why did you take it so badly?"

"When I bought this place, I sort of thought you'd move in here with me, but you had all these fun, cool roommates who you loved, and I sort of resented them a bit. You were spending more and more time with them, and I felt like the afterthought." He scrunches up his face. "It sounds so stupidly immature when I say it out loud. But it hurt, Madden."

The afterthought? I study him for way too long, trying to work out how the hell he thought that. "I wanted to move in with you too, but …"

"Yeah?"

"I've been in love with you for a really long time. The longest time. I knew if I lived here, I'd never have the chance to move on, and that's why I stayed there. The more time I spent with you, the deeper my feelings got, and I was so scared one day you'd figure it out and I'd lose you. I'm sorry, Penn. I'm sorry it's gotten to the point where I'm so used to covering up how I feel that I'm not showing you when you need it. I promise I'll do better."

He's staring at me in shock, and I get it, it's a lot. Just dumping all this in his lap isn't what I'd planned to do because I know he needs time and?—

"I love you too," he says in a rush. "I love you so fucking much, Madden. It drives me crazy sometimes."

Then his mouth is on mine again, groceries forgotten at our feet, and I return the kiss with as much passion as he's giving me. He tastes and feels like my best friend, but the way he's kissing me fills that need I've had for years.

It's me and Penn and all of my dreams coming true.

We stagger backward down the hall, only breaking apart long enough for me to push his T-shirt up over his head. Our bare chests collide, hands fused to skin, and I touch him in all the places I've ever wanted to touch.

Penn's hard beneath his sweats, so I push those down to free him and line us up together as our legs tangle, and we don't get anywhere far.

He's panting as he laughs into my mouth. "I feel like I have eight legs."

I thrust my dick against his. "Don't wanna let you go."

"Only until we get to the couch."

I shake my head, redirecting him to his bedroom, and there's a question in Penn's eyes as I back him up into there. "Your bed."

"My bed?"

"I want to fuck you in it."

Something flares deep in his eyes, and after a breathless minute, he answers. "Okay. Yeah. We can, uh … will it hurt?"

I stroke his face gently, loving his stubble under my fingers. "Maybe uncomfortable at first. Since you've never … but we can stop at any point you want to."

He turns his head to kiss my fingertips before climbing up onto the bed. "How do you want me?"

"Ahh … on your back like that. Yeah … legs wide."

I'm suddenly a whole lot more nervous than I was. It doesn't make rational sense, but I want this to be good for Penn. We've had sex so many times before, and I can never stop touching him, but this is new for us. It's something a lot of men don't like, but I really want to share it with him, and hopefully, he'll like it as much as I do.

I grab a pillow and get him to lift his hips so I can stuff it under them. His cock is hard and jutting up toward his stomach, so to remind myself there's no pressure here, I lean in and suck it into my mouth.

Penn lets out a loud sigh, hips tilting slowly as he fucks my face.

Then I pull off, grab the lube, and get into position.

I pour out some onto my fingers, then give myself a few tugs to take the edge off. The sight of Penn on his back, knees spread and ass offered up to me like that is making it hard to concentrate. I'm determined to make it good for him though, so I push all my needs aside, pour out more lube, and move in closer.

He's still breathing harder than usual as I run my fingers down his crease. He loves when I tease his hole, and it's no different now as I find that perfect spot and his inhale hitches with want.

"Feels good, huh?"

"For now." He lets out an easy grin. "You can give me more though."

I love that he's trying to sound confident, but I take my time anyway, loosening up the muscles before I ease the tip of my finger in.

He keeps breathing as I keep moving slowly, watching his face for any sign of discomfort or need to stop. I get all the way in to my knuckle before slowly drawing out again.

"How's that?"

"Good so far."

I take my time, fucking my finger in and out, and then, before I add another, I lean in and suck his cock into my mouth. Distracting him with a blow job helps because the second finger is harder, and I'm even slower this time as I give his body time to adjust to the stretch. My main focus is on keeping him hard, on teasing his head with my tongue as I loosen him enough for a third. It's not until I add the next digit that Penn tenses up.

He slips from my mouth as I glance up. "Breathe, Penn. You've got this."

He nods, eyes vulnerable, making a clear attempt to breathe in deep and relax. He doesn't ask me to stop so I keep stretching, taking way longer than I normally would, and when Penn rotates his hips, pressing back onto my fingers as he fucks my mouth, I take it as a sign he's ready.

I let his dick free again and straighten up, slowly drawing my fingers out of his hole.

"You ready?"

He tries to smile. "I have no way of knowing that."

"True." I tear open the condom and roll it down my length before covering it in a ridiculous amount of lube. "I don't care if I'm balls-deep inside you and you need to stop. If it happens, you tell me."

The look in Penn's eyes makes me weak. "Promise."

I position myself at his hole, dick aching at how close I am to pushing inside, and I hold back for a moment while I savor it.

I've got him stretched enough that there isn't much resistance as I push forward, and it's bone melting the way his body wraps around me. My dick is in heaven, and while the lube and the way his ass is sucking me in would make it so easy to push forward with one thrust, everything in me is holding back. I have one hand braced on his thigh and the other fisting my balls as I force myself to take my time. I'm watching Penn, and his gaze is directed toward where I'm entering him.

"You good?" I check.

"I'll tell you if I'm not."

I've got to keep trusting him to do that.

It feels like an eternity before I give the last small push and I'm fully inside. My muscles slowly unlock, and I carefully lower myself until I'm hovering over Penn. He immediately wraps his legs around my waist.

"Need a minute?"

"I think so." He shifts in position, and it feels so good on my cock. "I think it feels okay."

"Can I move?"

"Give it a try. Slowly."

It's torture to draw myself out and slowly sink back in, and when his lips part and he doesn't protest, I do it again. My first few thrusts are slow and measured to let him adjust to the intrusion, but the more I move, the more lust flares to life in his gaze.

"Ahhh. That felt good," he rasps.

I give him the same angle, and his nails bite into my shoulder .

"Keep going."

There we are. Knowing Penn's at that stage where he's enjoying it is exactly what I needed. I don't give in to the urge to fuck him hard but press deep, move faster, loving the way I fill him.

"Shit, Madden." He twists a hand into my hair and pulls me into a kiss. My scalp stings under his grip, and the pain trickles down to my balls. I'm so fucking hard it's nearly impossible to keep up my steady rhythm, but somehow, I manage to stay in control.

His hips rock to meet mine, mouth bruisingly hard, and his legs wrapped around my waist are tugging me to him over and over.

It's so hard to believe this is Penn. After wanting him for so long, dreaming about this, touching myself to fantasies of him riding me, we're actually here, doing it, and he's as eager for it as I am.

He grunts into my mouth, grip on my back hard as he runs his nails down it. "More."

I give way to my instincts. I curl fists into the sheets as I break our kiss and fuck him as hard and fast as I can. My mind-melting orgasm is so close, and when Penn starts making delicious noises under me, when he reaches for his cock and I get to watch him jerk off while I fuck him, it's a struggle not to let go.

I really doubt I can make it, but I'm determined to see him come before I do. With his first time under me, I want to give this to him. My eyes are glued to the way his cock peeks out of his fist with every down stroke, precum leaking steadily out of the darkened tip, and just when I think I'm not going to last, Penn clamps tight around my dick and comes. His cock pulses with every shot of cum, and that sets me off.

I unload into the condom, milking the high for as long as I can before collapsing on top of him .

When I've finally caught my breath, I force myself to pull out, and then I get up, ditch the condom, and duck out of the room to grab a wet cloth so I can clean him up.

Penn's biting down on his lip when I get back. "So …"

"Did you like it?"

He laughs and gestures to the cum on his skin. "Oh, yeah. And you're wearing the evidence of it."

" I am?" He didn't get any cum on me.

"Look at your back in the mirror."

I move in front of it and turn, finding deep red scratches all over me. "I look like I've been attacked by a tiger."

"Sorry."

It kind of stings, but the sight is hot as fuck. Penn's clawed me up good, and it's a turn-on to know those marks aren't going to fade anytime soon.

I turn to him. "Liked it that much?"

"I didn't even know I did it. I'm?—"

"Don't say sorry again. I fucking love knowing I got you so worked up."

Like he always does for me. No matter what little things come up between us, our friendship is solid, and our chemistry is off the charts. I know we can get through anything as long as we always have each other.

I love Penn. And he loves me.

We were always supposed to be together.