Chapter 21

Madden

I wish I could shut up my mouth, but it's way too late now. Penn knows everything. Maybe I'd regret it, but I'm too relieved that the cheating wasn't cheating and what Penn and I shared was real.

He wants me.

Just me.

I'm too scared to move in case this all disappears and I find out I'm dreaming.

My heart is trying to beat out of my chest the whole time he stands there, looking at me. Those deep brown eyes that I love so much are searching for something, and I don't think I'll be able to breathe again properly until they find it.

"Do you still have feelings for me?" he asks.

"I don't think I'll ever stop."

Penn closes the distance between us and goes to press his lips to mine, but I duck out of the way before he can make contact.

"What—"

"I've pictured our first kiss for a really long fucking time."

"Okay …"

I reach for Penn's hand and gently tug him over to the couch. "Come with me."

Penn follows, obviously curious, as I drop back into the cushions and pull him down beside me. I relax against the back, him mirroring me, and then we turn our heads so we're facing each other.

"We've been like this a hundred times before," I tell him. "And every single time we've sat across from each other, talking or looking or … soaking up being with you, all I've ever pictured doing was this."

I lean in slowly, both to give him time to change his mind and to live in this moment for the last time. Our first kiss. The ridiculous number of times I've pictured this and how it would happen doesn't come close to the nerves taking over as I close the distance between us.

Then Penn leans in too.

In every single one of my fantasies, I caught Penn by surprise, but as his hand wraps in the front of my shirt and pulls me closer, I'm given something it never occurred to me to want.

Penn needing this as much as I do.

Our lips meet, mouth on mouth, and a wash of lust sweeps through my whole body. Penn's stubble scrapes my skin, delicious and rough, and the soft sigh he lets out sets my blood on fire. I sweep my tongue over his lips, and he opens for me, tongue meeting mine. Masculine, warm, tasting like Penn and all I've ever wanted.

I can't stop kissing him. He's having the same problem. Penn's mouth feels like a dream .

He gently pushes me back until I'm stretched out over the couch and his body blankets mine. All hard lines, solid weight, and way too many fucking clothes.

My cock is aggressively hard, trying to push for more as I take my time, extending our first kiss for as long as I can. I'm not in a hurry, and if Penn only wants to kiss me tonight, it'll still be the greatest night of my life.

The rushed hand jobs might have been fun, but the crash right after them wasn't. Here, now, there are no secrets between us, and he's kissing me anyway.

Penn rolls his hips, bringing his hard dick down into contact with mine, and that's the thing that has our mouths separate.

"Oh, shit," I gasp.

"This okay?"

"When it comes to sex, I will never say no."

He chuckles, and I love the way his eyes light up. "You must have some limits."

"None."

"Foot stuff?"

I shrug awkwardly under him. "Not my thing, but with you, yes."

"What about a golden shower?"

"If it's what you really want."

"Well, I'm not into either of those things, but there still has to be something."

I take a second to actually think about that seriously. "I have no limits when it comes to you."

He kisses me again, and this time, there's more urgency to it. More confidence. Penn's a fucking incredible kisser, and while I hope I'm the first man he's ever kissed, that isn't holding him back.

"You're wearing clothes in my apartment," he says, nipping my jaw. "You know how I feel about that. "

I swallow roughly and ask, "Undress me?"

"Yes. I'd love to."

Penn reaches for the bottom of my polo shirt, and I help as he pushes it up and over my head. Then he kneels and reaches for my shorts. Having his hands so close to my aching cock is a recipe for torture, and as his fingers curl under the waistband to gently peel my shorts down my thighs, it's the first time I've ever felt so raw and vulnerable with my clothes off.

I wonder if he likes what he sees.

A shaky exhale gives me my answer, and Penn leans in to swipe his tongue over my nipple.

"Wait." I sit up, face level with his chest, his dick digging into my pec, and I push his shirt up his body. Penn tugs it over his head and tosses it on the floor, and then I hold his gaze as I undo the button on the front of his work pants.

I'm desperate to get his cock in my hand again, but I take my time, loving that I get to do this. That I get to reveal his body, and this time, I can look my fill.

I slide his pants down to his knees, then reach for his boxer briefs. His dick is straining hard against the front of the material, a large spot of precum visible even on the black fabric, and excitement pumps into my veins as I slide them down his legs.

Penn's hand dives into my hair, sending pleasant shivers down my spine. I keep holding his gaze as I lean down and wrap my lips around his cock.

I can't stop the moan that builds. Penn's taste spreads across my tongue, salty and heady, nothing I could have created in my fantasies. I'm not in a rush, content to just suck on the tip, running my tongue over the slit and flicking it over the underside of his head. I want more, but I've already had more than I ever could have imagined with him, and I'm so scared he's going to back off or put a stop to things, but Penn's hand is still gripping my hair, and I'm still tasting the only cock I've ever wanted .

His hand tightens, gripping my hair almost painfully as he feeds me more of his length. Each pass over my tongue, each nudge to the back of my throat, I love the feel and heat and weight of him. And when I look up and it's Penn looking back, it's an out-of-body experience.

He pulls from my mouth. "This is so fucking weird."

"Why?"

"Because … because it's you."

I give him time to work through that thought. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No. Fuck no." He swallows, looking like he's got something he needs to say. "I never thought … this, us, was a possibility, but now that I'm with you, it feels like the only possibility." His hands roam from my hair and over my shoulders. "I need this."

"Yeah," I croak. "Me too."

He straddles my lap, and I pull him to me. All this heated skin pressed to mine feels like the greatest gift I've ever had. Penn's a solid anchor in my lap, cock flush against me, and I seek his lips, desperate for another kiss.

He gives it to me.

Fills that ache for him in ways I couldn't have imagined. I take his hips in my hands, coaxing him to thrust against me, still slick from my blow job and the rapidly building precum. I could get used to this, showing Penn how much I want him, how my life isn't complete without him.

Sure, we've been friends forever, but now that these lines have been blurred, I'm scared there's no going back for me. With any luck, Penn will feel the same.

I burrow my hand between our bodies and wrap it around our cocks. There's nothing like the feel of a dick against mine, jerking them both together, building us both toward orgasms, but it has a whole other level when it's Penn .

His mouth breaks from mine. "Why does that feel so good?"

"Because dicks are a massive turn-on?"

He groans, head dropping back, and my gaze sweeps over his body. I remember our baseball days, when he was tanked, but I love this lean look just as much. Feeling bold, I slip my free hand from his hip to his ass and rest my forefinger at the top of his crease.

Penn's eyes snap to mine.

Slowly, I stroke my finger down a little and back up again. He watches me, and I swear I detect a hint of curiosity, so I do it again, dipping further down this time. Then further again. Penn's pupils have almost taken over the brown in his eyes, and this time, I slide down far enough to brush his hole.

His inhale is sudden, and his cock jumps in my grip.

"This okay?" I ask.

"I haven't told you to stop yet, have I?"

My balls tighten at how lust-drunk he sounds. I jerk us off faster, with more purpose, as I gently circle Penn's hole. He's leaking over my fist, lips parted and panting, struggling to hold himself up as he leans forward and presses his face to my hair. His whole body is rigid, grip on my back turning painful as I play with his hole, and his fingernails cut into my skin.

The pain brings everything up a notch. Penn thrusts into my fist, and I do my best to join him. He's grunting out his need, and my brain has taken on that soft, fluffy feeling it gets right before I come. I'm overstimulated, skin feeling so sensitive and raw as our sweaty bodies work together to get to the edge.

Penn's first. He bites down on my ear as he unloads over my fist and abs, and feeling him throb against me sets me off. My thighs shudder through my release, both needing more and needing it to end and neither of those things being enough.

When things ebb, settle, Penn's in my arms. His lips brush along my jaw in a way that makes me feel wanted .

"Are you going to run out on me this time?" he asks, sounding unsure.

I hate that I did that to him in the first place. It's his fault for not telling me the truth, but knowing that it was his first time with a man—presumably—as his best friend, I could have been there for him better.

"You're going to have to pry me off you."