Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BARRETT

"Barrett, your lunch meeting is here," Kim called on her way out of the office for her break.

Even though it likely didn't matter, I straightened my tie and smoothed out my shirt. My meeting this morning had been with the bank, which unfortunately meant wearing a suit.

"Hey," Owen said when he peeked his head through the doorway.

He looked like he always did, wearing slim-cut slacks and a button-down shirt. As usual, his hair was carefully styled to look windblown. The dark hair and gold eyes made a striking contrast. He was handsome, and I was smug because I was the one who had him, albeit temporarily. I'd said I wanted a month to convince him we could work, but without question, I wanted more than that.

"Thanks for meeting me up here. The finance meeting went long." It probably could have been quicker if they hadn't needed to repeat everything to me because I'd been distracted by thoughts of Owen. "I think we got it straightened out, so it was worth it. "

"Was it about the lodge?" Owen found the keys I was patting my pockets looking for on a side table and handed them to me. "Never mind, that's not my business."

" Whoa . Where did that come from? There's nothing I do that you aren't welcome to know about. And, yeah, it was about the lodge."

I took a good look at Owen. His edges seemed a little frayed today. Last night, I'd slipped out of his bed and house to return to my empty one. He'd been sleeping peacefully then but was just a bit off in the light of the day. "I think we are finally at a point to finalize."

"Fingers crossed," he said absentmindedly. "Where did you want to go for lunch?"

Owen plucked at the nonexistent lint on his pants. Something was clearly up, and it needed to be aired before we went anywhere. I crossed the room and locked my office door. Owen was so lost in thought that he never even noticed. He startled a little when I dropped my hands on his shoulders.

"Babe, what's going on?"

His shoulders were like rocks beneath my hands. Without much thought, I began to gently knead them. Owen stayed stiff but made no attempt to pull away. With a little urging, he leaned back against my chest, allowing me to wrap my arms around his shoulders.

"Tell me what's going on?"

"I-I-I…" Owen blew out a frustrated breath before he continued, "I just don't want to lose you. What if it doesn't work? What if we're not compatible? What if it's weird and awkward, and we can't come back from it?"

The rising panic in Owen's voice was palatable. I hugged him tighter and ducked my head to nuzzle his neck.

"Babe, I won't let you lose me. That's all there is to it. I know what I want, and I've known for a long damn time. No fucking way will I give you up because of a few bumps."

"You barely know this side of me." Owen snorted. "A night or two is hardly enough time for you to decide."

I turned Owen around in my arms and kissed his nose. "Bold of you to think I haven't been paying attention to you or what you like. I know you well enough to know that you are hangry. And Hangry Owen is not Nice Owen." I quirked my eyebrow, waiting for the gesture I knew was coming.

Owen, always the sweetheart, extended his oh-so-elegant middle finger at me. "I'm not hangry."

"Only a hangry person would deny it. Let's get food in you before you try to do something drastic."

"Such as?"

"Cook something yourself?"

"Ew, no. It's not that bad."

"Let's go, babe. We'll even get dessert."

That was enough to get Owen marching out the door like a man on a mission. When he heard my chuckling from behind, he raised his nose and extended his finger back into the air.

That's my boy.

"All right, guys, here's your chowders. Do you need more water for your tea?"

Our server, Jasper, was new but already great at his job. The kitchen had mentioned how much smoother service ran when he was on shift. He might be getting a promotion and a raise soon. Right now, I had more pressing concerns than the staffing at Stone and Vine. I needed some understanding from Owen's perspective, and we needed to establish some ground rules .

"Thanks, Jasper. I think we are good with our tea," I said after a confirming nod from Owen. "You're busy inside. No need to check on us. If we need anything, we'll come in and get it ourselves."

Jasper nodded and returned to the restaurant's interior. Since Owen and I were eating in the unopened beer garden, we had privacy to get some things out on the table. Just because he'd agreed to a month last night didn't mean he was still down for it. Obviously, something was weighing on his mind. Hell, something had been bothering him about his little self since I met him.

"Babe, let's eat before we talk about anything else." In what I hoped would become a habit, I unrolled his utensils from his napkin. I handed him the napkin and put the spoon in his steaming clam chowder bread bowl. "Cold chowder is good for no one."

"Yeah, okay," Owen agreed, but with his distracted gaze looking around the garden, I knew his agreement would evaporate in two point five seconds. "I wish we could've finished it for Oktoberfest, but I don't think it will happen."

"I double-checked with Quinn, and there's no way his crew can make it happen. He said you have Tye tied up at Gabe and Rory's house."

Owen tried to look innocent, but it was a lost cause with the twinkle in his eyes. He was enamored with our friends' historic Victorian.

"Maybe I pushed for a few extra jobs to be done before they came back over here, but it's for a good cause, so it's fine."

"A good cause?"

"Well, you know how Rory decided to leave teaching, right?" I nodded. "He needed an office, and he couldn't have one without a library or shelves. Where would he put his reference materials? "

"Doesn't he write fantasy?"

"He'll still have reference materials. He blends actual history with mythology. Have you read any of it?"

"Not yet. Have you?"

"Yes, it was part of my payment that I got sneak peeks."

Owen looked mighty pleased with himself as he sat across the table from me. I reached across, took one of his hands, and entwined our fingers.

"That means no freaked-out emails from you about how the deadline I made is stupid. Love that for me," I said.

"Uh, yeah," Owen said laughing, "there is no way I will promise that. Who am I if I'm not panicking about a deadline? It's what I do."

"Hmm, true story. Fine, but you have to limit it to twice a day."

"Deal, but you should come with me when I go. I'm going to do a progress check and we are going to finalize some of the color choices. They seriously might be the easiest clients I've ever dealt with."

"Easier than Jakob and Reed?"

"Oh my God, yes. Jakob always comes across as so sweet, and he is, but that man knows exactly what he wants. Lucky for me, he has great taste, which is helpful when being dictated to about where to put the couch."

"Sure, I'll invite myself along with you. They probably won't mind."

"Actually, they won't mind at all because they asked me to ask you to come, and I forgot to do it earlier."

"In that case, it's a date."

Owen's cheeks flushed a pretty pink. "Is it though? A date?"

"I want it to be one."

The color on Owen's cheeks deepened, and the eye contact he'd given me disappeared instantly. Suddenly, whatever was in his lap was the most fascinating thing ever.

"I want my month, but I want you to want me to have it."

Owen blew out a resigned sigh and withdrew his hand from mine. He wrapped his arms around himself and huffed out another breath. "It's not that I don't want the month, but I know how it will end, and that's what worries me. If we lose us, I don't know what I'll do."

"Owen, I told you what my first thought was when I met you. Do you want to know my second?"

"That you wanted me to move my crap so you could study?"

"No, you started talking to me, and I was a goner. Back then, I thought we might end up in a different sort of relationship, but when I returned from that trip with my parents, everything had changed. I wasn't going to push it, so I took what you were willing to offer. You only wanted friendship, so that's what I accepted and kept."

After I said my piece, I sat back and let Owen process my words. He was a man who didn't make rash decisions. He usually liked to mull things over before he made a decision. He always said he regretted the decisions when he didn't take the time to give them the thought they deserved. I'd always secretly hoped part of that philosophy was because of how quickly he shut down whatever possibility had existed between us. Likely wishful thinking, but I'd had more than ten years to grasp at straws.

When Owen still hadn't spoken, I figured there was nothing else to lose. "What changed after that?"

"It wasn't only one thing."

"Could you explain one of them?"

"I thought you were out of my league."

"What the hell does that mean? "

"I was some poor kid from central Washington who had the dumb idea that he would major in art in the big city of Seattle. That's a rich people major because we don't have that luxury. I know you've made the family business way more successful than your dad did, but you started with money."

He looked up at me for an acknowledgment of that truth. I gave it to him, and he continued, "I knew you had a little crush on me, but I didn't want to be tossed when you found someone who could keep up with you. Friendship had a lesser risk of that. I never told you how we ended up out here, right?"

I shook my head, and he continued, "You remember that both my parents are from Salem, right? And you know my dad brought us here for a job and then ditched us. My mom had a life in Massachusetts that she never got back. She had a good job, and it was gone. She's doing okay now, but it's not doing what she loved."

"Jesus, Owen, I had no idea you felt like that. Did I do something for you to be worried or was it a general thing?"

"When you are poor like we were, you don't have the luxury of waiting for the other shoe to drop." Owen paused for a shaky breath before he continued, "You told me about your plans to expand your dad's company and that you wanted me to be a part of it. It was literally everything I would ever want handed to me. If we were dating and broke up, poof, that dream would be gone."

When I started to protest, Owen's hand came up to cut me off. "Yeah, yeah, of course, you wouldn't be the kind of guy to do that, but how could I take the chance? Then, when I figured out you weren't that guy, the ship had sailed on any possibility of being more than friends."

"What the fuck are you talking about? It never went away. Never."

Hearing Owen reveal a part of himself he'd always kept hidden hurt my heart. Intellectually, I understood his logic and reasoning, but it still hurt. Hell, I would give the same advice even if it hadn't been us. But it was us, and it hurt like a bitch to hear him spell it out.

After such heavy revelations, we sat silently in the back of the half-finished beer garden. Owen was too far away, though, and I needed him closer. I stood, pulled him from his bench, took his spot, and placed him on my lap. I ignored his yelp of surprise and just snuggled him close.

"Bear, what you are doing?"

"Babe, what's it look like I'm doing? I'm hugging you." I squeezed him until he laughed and then squirmed. "And now I'm going to feed you."

"Oh my God, you are not." Owen tried to get off my lap. "You can't do that. What if someone sees you?"

"Who is going to see? No one is back here, and we told Jasper we'd come inside if we needed anything."

Having Owen so close settled something in my chest. This was how it was supposed to be with us. I knew it as much as I knew my name. Nothing about him needed to change. There were no unwanted parts of him. "Please let me. I like taking care of you."

At my words, Owen abruptly stopped his protests. Instead, he settled back and dropped his hands to his lap. "Bear, that's not fair. How am I supposed to say no when you put it like that?"

"I guess you can't."

I tried to hide my grin but failed. I wasn't playing fair, but we were both winners, so meh. Forgivable. I carefully tucked his napkin across his lap and then brought the spoon to his mouth. He relaxed against me as we settled into a rhythm. He seemed to be floating into little space, but I'd figured out how vulnerable it made him feel, so I knew he'd fight it.

And I hated that for him.

I loved being a Daddy because nothing brought more satisfaction than caring for my partner in every way I could. Over the years, I'd played with middles because it wasn't fair to play with someone and actively imagine they were someone else. The first time it happened, I forced myself to take care of the little and chalked it up to Owen simply being on my mind. The second time, I was able to have another Daddy step in so I could take myself out of the scene. I didn't allow a third time to happen.

After that, middles or strictly vanilla relationships were the only option for me. I didn't find either particularly satisfying, but I tried to move on. It hadn't worked, and I'd eventually just given up. I'd rather be alone than halfway out the door on someone else.

"Thank you, I can't eat one more bite, Bear."

I put the spoon back in the bowl and used Owen's napkin to wipe his mouth. I lingered a bit at the turned-up corners. Owen's gold eyes sparkled with laughter and something more. Lust? I angled down, and he met me halfway in a sweet kiss. It was chaste but packed the same wallop as the filthy ones we'd shared. It was beyond me how this man could have thought I didn't want him. I'd never needed anyone the way I needed him.

Owen fiddled with the buttons on my shirt and my eyes returned to his lips. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I softly tilted Owen's head to kiss his lips again. It was sweet and innocent, and I wanted more. Unfortunately, we had some things that needed to be discussed first. I only had a month and needed every minute to convince Owen I could be his Da.

"I'm having dinner with my dad tonight, and I won't subject you to that twice in a month, but are you available tomorrow? "

"Yes, I think so. I need to review some banquet upgrades with the manager at Quill, but we'll be done in plenty of time."

"Okay, when you're finished, can you come to my house? Bring Elizabeth, and I'll worry about dinner."

"You want me to bring the cat?"

"Of course I want you to bring the cat. You two are a package deal. I'd really love it if you wanted to stay the night too."

"Are we having a sleepover?"

"Only if I'm lucky."