Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

OWEN

Rory

Hey, you. Jakob and Anders are coming over tonight. Daddy and Uncle Reed are doing some sportsball thing with my parents. Do you want to come? We are going to order pizza.

Jakob

say yes emoji Not a playdate, only pizza.

Anders

We'd love to see you.

Owen

I'm going over to Barrett's tonight.

Jakob

Oh, that sounds promising. Anything you'd like to share?

Rory

Pretty sure he just did.

Jakob

No, I want the gory details.

Rory

If it's gory, are you doing it right?

Anders

No kink-shaming. Some people like knife play

Jakob

Owen, do you like knife play?

Owen

Never tried it.

Jakob

There ya go. It's a metaphor.

Owen

I'm going to go do my job now.

Rory

Don't forget about our design day. You're still coming and bringing Barrett with you, right? Jakob, Uncle Reed, and Anders are coming to check out the progress too. They can't see it tonight because Tye was very clear we aren't allowed near his work site.

Owen

Yikes to that. And yeah, but I know you like to have playdates. It's not a big deal. I can come some other time.

Jakob

I'll stay big. I promise. Please don't cancel.

Rory

^ see above

Owen

Are you sure? I don't want to ruin your night.

Anders

Our night will be ruined only if you *don't* come.

Rory

That is correct.

Jakob

^see above

Owen

Okay, I'll be there.

If there were awards for foolish decisions made with your dick instead of your brain, I'd be the clear favorite to win. When I'd agreed to the month Barrett wanted, it was because the chance to get everything I'd ever desired was too tempting to turn down.

Now that I was in it, it seemed like a short-sighted plan. What hadn't figured into my decision was how I would focus on enjoying myself when I knew he'd gracefully bow out. Unfortunately, now that I idled in his driveway with a kitty carrier on the seat next to me, I'd run out of time for that project. With a resigned sigh directed at myself, I put my car into park and shut off the engine.

"Hold on, Elizabeth, let's get inside, and you can get out of there," I told the meowing cat.

She'd gone easily enough into the carrier but was unhappy after I zipped it. Barrett must have heard me pull up because he opened the front door and started down the steps as I unloaded my overnight bag.

I'd always loved Barrett's house. It backed up to a dedicated urban nature preserve, so the massive trees surrounding it were in no danger of being cut down for urban sprawl. It was a 1930s Cape Cod that sat at the end of a private cul-de-sac.

The original development had prioritized privacy, so even though he had neighbors, it felt like the house sat alone in the woods. The house itself was a labor of love between Barrett and me. We'd spent countless hours hunched over sample books to find the right colors and patterns that fit his vintage style with a modern aesthetic. I was proud of how it turned out.

"Babe! Let me get your bag. You worry about Elizabeth."

Barrett was freshly showered and wearing casual shorts and a beat up T-shirt. The ends of his hair were still damp and curled up a little. It was longer than he usually wore it, and he needed a haircut.

In the before times, I would have reached up and tousled his hair and told him I'd make an appointment for him. Our current situation made it difficult to know how to interact with Barrett without making it awkward.

I gripped Elizabeth's carrier with both hands to keep them occupied. Her meows had gotten more insistent the closer we got to his house.

I didn't want to get into a tug-of-war, so I let him take the bag, clutched Elizabeth a little tighter, and followed Barrett inside the house. When he glanced back at me and grinned, I knew something was up.

"Okay, Bear, you're shit at keeping secrets. What are you hiding?"

"Me? I'm not hiding anything."

"You are a terrible liar because your voice goes up at the end like it's a question. So, yes, you are hiding something. Might as well just tell me."

"Have I ever told you that you're a pain in the ass?"

"Not recently, no."

"Sorry for my oversight. You're a pain in my ass, babe."

"I'm pretty sure that's my line," I said as I swept past him into the kitchen.

His guffaws followed behind me, and for just a second, we were back to us. When I glanced around the house, I noticed the knickknacks from the living room were stacked in the kitchen. "Are you redecorating?"

"Well, that's kinda what I wanted to show you." He grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the living room. "The reason Tye and his crew were delayed at Stone and Vine was because I had an emergency job for them to do here."

"What emergency? Did something break?"

"Nah, I needed them to build a catio."

"Oh my God, you did not."

Why did this man always do the things that made me want to jump on his dick? Of course I did notice he'd built it at his house so I'd have to bring Elizabeth and myself into his world.

"Oh, but I did."

He tugged me forward and was jumping around like an oversized kid. I followed him out to what used to be a covered back porch. What I found was a kitty paradise. He'd enclosed the area with glass windows that slid on a track so it would be easy to get fresh air. There were multi-level catwalks, allowing Elizabeth to run and jump overhead. And higher swinging options in a few different resting places. It included an enclosed walkway that led to a fully enclosed fence around some grass and garden beds so she could feel the grass too.

I tried to be manly and stoic, but I failed. My chin started to tremble and my eyes leaked. My attempts to hide were given away by obnoxiously loud sniffles. Bear turned back to check on me and then enveloped me in a tight hug while he chuckled.

"Babe, don't cry. I wanted you to like it."

"I do like it. That's why I'm crying…how is anyone supposed to measure up to you? You built me a catio. A catio! What other man would do that? I don't know a single one."

"I'm not going to apologize for ruining it for other men. Sorry, not sorry on that front. What other men? The Canadians were aspirational. "

Ugh. This man was so dense sometimes. Obviously, I knew I was the one who hadn't explained anything in a way that made sense, but he was my best friend. Why hadn't he figured out how to read my mind? A real friend would have done it by now. Hell, even Elizabeth seemed to know what I was thinking before I even thought it. I huffed a breath because it was slightly more socially acceptable than screaming.

"Hey, Itty Bitty, let's get you out of here, and I'll show you your cool new room while your Owen has an existential crisis of his own making because he refuses to explain anything."

Barrett turned the carrier I'd placed on the countertop toward him. He unzipped the enclosure and lifted her out. Her soft meows sounded questioning. I reached up to scratch her ears. My annoyance was never directed at her.

"Bitty, your Daddy is so silly," Barrett murmured.

Another ugh. Seeing this giant of a tattooed man cuddle and coo to my tiny cat—even if he was talking smack about me while he did it—made me want to tell him the whole embarrassing story.

Barrett took her into her new space while I stood in the kitchen contemplating my fate. Once I figured out they were gone, I followed them in there. The lump in my throat was still there, but I'd gotten myself under control enough that the threatened tears weren't so prevalent. Bear put her down on the ground and let her explore independently. As she sniffed around, he came over to where I stood in the doorway and dropped his arm over my shoulders.

"Do you really not like it?"

"What? No, I love every inch of it. How on earth did you get so much work done so fast?"

Elizabeth explored over our heads and occasionally yipped down at us. Barrett still had me cuddled up to him while we watched her jump and prance along the catwalks .

"I paid a shit ton of overtime to his crew and did a lot of begging. I just had the basics done and weatherized. There was no way I'd try my hand at the decorating part. Good thing I won a design consult. Gabe may or may not have had a hand in figuring out the layout. "

"Why did you do this?"

"Because I want you to understand that I want every part of you in every part of my life. I'm tired of pretending I'm cool with being best friends and nothing more when I want every messy part. I honestly don't understand why you pulled away back then or shut me out now." Bear paused to take a breath before he continued, "And since we're laying shit out on the table, it hurts my damn feelings that you don't trust me to keep my word to you."

"Bear, I trust you."

"That's not true. You didn't tell me the truth when you lied about the fucking Canadians."

This wasn't how I imagined my sleepover would start, and suddenly, a thought crashed into my brain like a freight train. Just tell him. If I told him everything, then whatever happened would happen.

I'd spent ten-plus years worrying I'd be judged or left behind or some other horrible fate. Suddenly, I was exhausted. Not quite exhausted enough to tell him I'd had a crush on him for ten years even though he could probably sus that out on his own. That was one humiliation too many for today.

I turned and encircled Bear's torso. I leaned against his chest and felt his arms tighten around me. "I was scared."

Bear moved his hands and framed my face. "Babe, when?"

"Can we go upstairs?" If I was going to tell him everything, I wanted to be in my favorite spot in the house.

"Of course, let me get Bitty."

"I like her nickname. "

Bear smiled softly at me before he said, "Yeah, she doesn't seem to mind it."

As we spoke, Elizabeth trotted out of the catio, straight to the stairs off the living room, and walked about halfway up before stopping and looking back at us. Barrett took my hand in his and we followed her up. She waited at the top and followed us to his bedroom.

Off to the side of his bedroom was a bookshelf door that hid a secret room. Barrett pressed the hidden lever and the shelf swung open. He tugged me forward, checked to make sure Elizabeth was with us, and then closed the door.

I jokingly called the hidden room Barrett's lair, but it definitely had a feel for it. It was the reason I immediately endorsed picking this house when he was doing his house hunting. Bear sat on the couch in front of the gas fireplace and pulled me down on top of him so I was cradled in his arms. Elizabeth joined on my lap. All my excuses vanished.

"Lay it out for me, babe. What's had you running away from me for so long?"

"In hindsight, maybe it's dumb."

"How dumb can it be if it's something you've kept hidden for so long?" Bear asked gently.

He rubbed soft circles on my thigh while I worked up the courage to speak. I kept myself tucked tight into him.

"Do you remember that weekend you went home?"

"Yeah. When I got back, you said you didn't want to play with anyone at clubs or anywhere else. You shut down our flirtations too." Bear wasn't looking at me, which helped.

"I went to the club because I thought maybe I could find someone, and then I could stop obsessing about a thing I shouldn't have been obsessing about. I changed into a onesie, attached my paci, and went into the playroom. I was already regressing pretty deep and struggling to communicate. "

As I continued my explanation, Bear's body tensed under my own and his breathing went from steady to harsh. "The status difference was the reason I shut down any possibilities, but there was a group of Daddies there. A few of them tried to talk or whatever with me, but I was too little, and it was a struggle. They weren't that far away, and even if my words couldn't be understood, I could hear just fine the horrible things they said."

"What the fuck did they say?" Bear's coiled muscles were rock solid beneath me.

"That littles like me weren't worth the trouble they took. The worst ones were the kind that just wanted play and nothing else, and I was a great example. If I was too dumb to know how to talk, why was I even in a club when that was the point of being there? Some of the littles around me were nodding and agreeing with them."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, babe. It explains why you want your little time to be so private."

"I can't, like, just snap out of my little brain, so I couldn't find the words, and I was scared, and what if they did more than just trash talk?" The last was said with a shudder. It was my worst nightmare.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What was the point? You liked the club and playing with the littles. You started dating that guy right after, and it just seemed pointless." I finished with a shrug.

"What about Rory and Jakob? They're your friends and would never be mean."

"Yeah, but what if I ruined their little time? I'd feel terrible about it, and they'd feel guilty when I couldn't make myself more like them. It's just easier to be on my own."

"Babe, listen to me." With a slight grunt, he manhandled me until I straddled his lap. "I don't want part of you. I want all of you."

I rolled my eyes because that's what I'd always done.

"No, you're not doing that. You won't roll your eyes and pretend you're giving me a chance."

I tried hard to keep my jaw from dropping. Barrett never spoke sharply to me. Ever.

"You can't keep me out and then say I didn't want in. Let's go," Barrett said.

"Where are we going?"

"I can't think without my dick getting in the way when you're this close to me." Obviously, I'd felt his thickening cock swell under my ass, but I was too polite to mention it. "So I'm going to start dinner, and you're going to do a checklist."

"For?"

"So I know what you want, what you absolutely don't want, and what you're open to trying. And a little list too."

Barrett tapped my hip to get me moving. He marched downstairs like a man on a mission. After a brief stop in his office to grab an already printed list of interests, he installed me at the kitchen table with a pen while he prepped chicken for roasting.

After about twenty minutes, I held my list over my head in triumph. "And done." That was enough to stop the waves of annoyance rolling off Bear.

Bear looked over his shoulder and gave me a crooked grin. I responded with my own and it felt like a full weight had been lifted from me.

"Could you please go get mine? It's in my office and should be right on top."

I dutifully nodded and headed over there. When I got close to Bear, he snagged my arm and pulled me close. Being anywhere near this man sent my body into overdrive. His proximity was enough to send a flush of heat up my cheeks.

"Thank you, babe."

His words were said into the side of my neck where he'd buried his face. His nose nuzzled the skin behind my ear, and I went weak in the knees. I might have crumpled just a bit because Bear's deep chuckle implied I might not be as smooth as I hoped. With a yelp from me, he hoisted me up on the countertop. He stayed between my legs and just grinned at me.

"What?"

"What?"

"Why are you staring at me? You're making it weird."

Barrett leaned forward and nibbled along my neck. I didn't want to be rude, so I lifted my chin to provide better access for him. His mouth found the pulse point at the base of the neck, and he sucked on it.

My blood turned to fire and my muscles turned to jelly. I felt his mouth smile against my skin and the movement sent a shiver through me. He pulled back long enough to card his fingers through my hair and draw my mouth to his. His tongue slipped between my lips and danced with mine.

It was a lazy kiss that lovers secure in their standing would share. It surprised me that Bear and I were sharing one, but I wanted a million more. There was no rush or sense of urgency, just sweet kisses in a kitchen on a random evening.

"Jesus, babe, you taste so good," Bear whispered against my lips after he'd drawn back for some air.

I chased his mouth because I wasn't ready for it to end. Bear obliged and captured my mouth again. I wrapped my legs around his hips and deepened the kiss. What had been languid turned hurried and desperate. My throaty mewls punctuated the air and I desperately wanted him.

Bear yanked my hips forward so we were grinding against each other. My cock was swollen behind my zipper and Bear's was the same in his shorts. My hands found their way from clutching Bear's back to cupping his ass.

"Ugh, we can't start more than we can finish." His harsh breathing made me feel so damn powerful. "We have to do other things before we go further. Stuff that should have been done before."

Bear was right, of course, but that didn't mean I liked it. I wanted him.

"Fine, we'll do it your way."

I untangled my legs and pushed him back a few steps. I jumped off the counter and headed to his office. The list was where he said it would be, but I got distracted by the photos dotting the room. There were a few of his mom and an obligatory one of his dad, but the rest were either of us or of me alone.

I'd been in this office countless times, but the photos had never registered. Our trip to Cabo was a few years ago, and I got horribly sunburned. We'd spent most of the vacation in our condo watching telenovelas we didn't understand and eating from all the restaurants we wanted to try, which thankfully delivered.

There were a few from our trip to Salem to visit where I spent my childhood and where my family spent the previous three hundred-something years. My favorite was the trip to Italy, where we decided to plan nothing and just wake up and see what happened. It was so much fun exploring with him.

"Could you not find it?" Barrett asked when he swept into the room. "It's right here on the desk." He stopped when he noticed me looking at all the pictures.

"Have these always been here?"

Bear came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders .

"Yeah. Babe, have you seriously never noticed them? I add to it every time we go on a trip."

"Am I the reason your relationships never last?" I hated the idea that our friendship had kept him from finding love with someone.

"Where did that come from? I've had successful relationships."

"Yeah, when? Because you're not in one now and haven't been for a while. I guess the guys you date seem to last longer than the women, but still. Is that because of me?"

Barrett sighed before he answered. "Yes and no. No, because I'm in charge of my own life. Yes, because it's hard for them to measure up to you. Realistically, who wants to put up with that long-term? They get tired of it. We've always been a package deal, babe."

"Barrett, oh my God, is that how you phrase it? Holy shit, no wonder you can't keep anyone." I squirmed to look up at him. He grinned back down at me.

"Well, I don't put it quite like that. I'm more subtle about it."

"Is there a good way to tell someone I'll be third-wheeling your entire relationship?"

"Not successfully," Bear answered with a grin. "C'mon, dinner's about ready, and we can exchange lists."

Once again, Bear pulled me by the hand into the kitchen. I wasn't clear on why we needed to hold hands in the house, but I wasn't going to mention it in case he stopped. He deposited me at the table again and handed me his list. Bear occupied himself with dishing up dinner plates while I read.

"Bear, is this for real?"

"Why would I create a fake list?" he asked incredulously.

"No way you're into this stuff. "

Barrett had checked off pacis, ABDL, bottles, rocking, reading stories, cribs, and baths. We were virtually identical.

"Why can't I be?"

"Because you only play with middles. I've seen you. You never go for the little littles."

"Why would I do that to myself?"

Color me confused because I had no idea what Bear was talking about.

"You're a little little. I'm not a masochist. It's better to avoid it altogether if I can't have what I want." Barrett took a deep breath and then blurted, "Owen, move in with me for the month." My only response was to stare at him. "I'm serious. Move in with me for the month and let me be your Da."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"It's the perfect solution. How will you know I can care for you if you don't let me? And you promised to make a real go of it. This would be a real go." Barrett recognized the stubborn set of my jaw, so he pulled out the big guns. "Owen, think about how much Elizabeth would love that catio. Do it for the cat, Owen."

"Goddammit, Bear. That's really unfair." I tried to school my expression, but when all I could manage were narrowed eyes and scowling, I knew I'd failed. "You're certifiable."

"It's fine. Think of it like a staycation. And now that that's decided, I'm gonna get finished on that dinner I promised you."

Barrett nudged me out of his way and strolled off to the pantry. He ignored my mutterings about high-handed men and how the discussion wasn't over. He and I both knew I'd lost. But because I was me, he knew I needed a little explosion before I settled and admitted defeat.

By the time he returned to where I'd landed at the kitchen table and began setting out plates, I was already using my phone to search one of my favorite showroom sites for sunroom-appropriate furniture.

"Did you find anything?"

"Hmmm?" The world ceased to exist when I was lost in my designs. "Did you say something?"

"I just asked if you found anything?"

"No, not really. I want to create a mood board first. We should talk about what you want in there."

"I want what you want. It's your cat, so you'll channel her and decide."

"I don't think a lair of dead mice and catnip posters will work."

"I am shocked," Barrett answered with all the indignation he could pretend to muster, "that you think Elizabeth is anything but the soul of refinement. She is a lady with class."

"She licks her ass."

"That ass has class. So you're moving in, right?"

"I swear to God, Bear, you're like a dog with a bone."

"That's a yes?"

"Yes."

Barrett's whoop of victory rattled the window and sent Elizabeth running in to check on us. He scooped her up and danced around the kitchen in victory. Her purrs sent a second wave of rattles.