Chapter 15

Gabriel was awake. Secret spidey senses told him Rowan was as well. Okay, maybe not secret spidey senses, but the fact that Gabriel's cock was trying its best to drill into Rowan's ass cheek, despite the pad, and the fact Rowan was barely breathing might have been the confirmation he needed.

So what should he do?

Until last night he would have faked an obvious wake up, removed himself—and his cock—from Rowan, and gone about seeing to breakfast.

But last night had happened. Or the acknowledgement, at least to himself, that being a Daddy-Dom was where his heart and his libido might actually lie. People changed. He knew that, of course, he did. His biggest worry was that Rowan was too vulnerable for experimentation, but where did that leave Rowan?

Alone.

Rowan didn't have the self-confidence to search out a Daddy on his own. He had demonstrated that his idea of "close" was good enough with Master Paul, even when it clearly wasn't. Humiliation was Paul's kink, but understandably it wasn't Rowan's, or not in a public setting, at least. Gabriel was a Dom. He knew that. To be honest, he'd known that since he was fifteen and didn't have a name for how he felt. Rowan was submissive. That was clear. The only unclear part was how much of a little Rowan was. Was he a little just to fit in with his friends? But he had stuffies. But…they could be a childhood comfort thing, and not a demonstration of where Rowan's head was at, and Gabriel was convinced that given the chance, he would likely go deeper into his little space. And if Rowan embraced his little because of trauma, what happened when he healed? Although, that didn't match the fact that Rowan had to feel super-safe to be little in the first place.

God, he was confused. And if he was so mixed up, how did Rowan feel?

One thing was clear. Gabriel had to step up. For a dominant, he'd been giving Rowan too many choices. Way too many. Rowan could safeword. He needed to do that if Gabriel did something he wasn't comfortable with, but that needed to be made clear.

"Good morning baby boy." Boy was too generic, but baby boy seemed to fit. He would try out a few names. Gabriel moved and patted Rowan's ass fondly. He felt Rowan stiffen a little, then loose a tiny gasp that sounded almost like pain. Anyone else might have missed it, but Gabriel had trained himself to be in tune with body language and unspoken cues. "What is it?" He kept his voice even, unalarmed.

"I just need to pee."

As soon as Gabriel heard the words, he knew they were a lie, or not exactly the truth. Of course, Rowan would need to pee, but that shouldn't cause him pain. Gabriel sat up. "Please confirm your safeword."

Rowan looked down, almost ashamed. "It's not really pineapple. I actually like pineapple, but it sounded better than just red."

Gabriel brushed a kiss on his cheek. "Good boy, for being honest. Let's use red for now until you decide on one you like."

And Rowan almost lit up. Yep. He needed praise like a plant needed sunshine. "You go to the bathroom. You get a few minutes" privacy before I'll be in there to help you with your shower." And as fast as Rowan had brightened, his face fell. Gabriel understood embarrassment, and clearly Rowan had strong feelings about his body which might range from shyness to actual body dysmorphia, but until Rowan got a therapist, Gabriel would have to go with his training.

"Go on," Gabriel said gently but firmly and watched the second wince Rowan tried to hide as he got out of bed. Was it because his pad was wet? It hadn't felt heavy, but Gabriel had only patted him gently. No matter, Gabriel was responsible for all of Rowan, and if Rowan safe-worded, then so be it, but until then—even cautiously—he expected Rowan to let him take care of him.

Gabriel had slept in boxers so Rowan wouldn't feel uncomfortable, and he listened as the toilet flushed, then he went in as the water came on so Rowan could wash his hands. Rowan startled a little, but Gabriel had warned him. Rowan had taken his PJ bottoms off, and they were on the floor, neatly folded. It took Gabriel barely a glance to see he'd hidden his pad underneath them. Rowan had wrapped a towel around his waist.

Gabriel wanted to see Rowan walk now that the pad was off in case that was the problem, so he stayed where he was and just opened his arms. Rowan tried to rush over, obviously craving the contact, but another hitch of pain hit his face as he took a step, so Gabriel stopped him. "Baby boy," Gabriel soothed and took his hand. "There's obviously something wrong. Let me see."

Panic flared in Rowan's eyes and he bit his bottom lip. Gabriel could feel the tremble in Rowan and stepped closer to warm his body. Rowan sagged against him and almost burrowed into Gabriel's chest. "Do you remember what I said about looking after my most precious possession?" Gabriel's heart was breaking, but Rowan had to let him in. "If you're my boy, I need to make sure you're okay."

Rowan mumbled something Gabriel struggled to catch. "Are you sore?" he asked gently, and Rowan nodded. He full-body trembled. "Baby, I'm going to sit you on the stool on a clean towel and take a look."

Gently, Gabriel led Rowan to the stool, pulled down a dry towel from the shelf for him to sit on, and guided him down, undoing the towel around his waist at the same time. "Sweetheart," Gabriel murmured when he saw what looked like red welts under where the pad's tabs should be, old scars beneath them and then the worst was the chapped and inflamed areas on the inside of his legs at the groin where the pad had rubbed him nearly raw.

Gabriel looked up. Misery seemed to cling to Rowan, clear from the tear-filled eyes he studiously didn't look at Gabriel with to the flush staining his cheeks. Gabriel liked the color on him, but not the reason it was there. So he needed a bath, not a shower, and these pads obviously didn't fit him properly. Gabriel cupped Rowan's cheek. "Thank you for trusting me, sweetheart." Rowan blinked a couple of times and leaned into Gabriel's hand. Rowan was absolutely starved for affection. That was clear.

Gabriel got up and looked under his sink. He was sure…yep. He pulled a bottle out. Colloidal oatmeal. He'd never used it because he'd never brought a sub here, but it was perfect for inflamed skin, and would certainly sooth Rowan's.

Gabriel ran the bath water and added the oatmeal carefully. "This is perfect for inflamed skin. I've never needed it because I've never brought a sub here, but every self-respecting Dom has it in his bag of tricks."

He didn't give Rowan a chance to fret anymore, simply helped him take off his top, turned off the water when it was full, and guided Rowan to get in. Rowan hissed a little as he sat, but Gabriel knew it would help. "I'm going to grab a shower while you're having a soak." And after peeing himself and washing his own hands, Gabriel stepped into the shower. He hadn't bothered to offer Rowan any toys; they didn't seem that much of a hit last time. He would have to work on that. Gabriel rushed through his own shower to spend time with his boy. Rowan never moved all that time, but Gabriel had plans for him. He'd also been thinking about the pads, and the fact that every time he saw Rowan take one off, it looked dry. He knew wearing diapers was a facet of the Daddy/little scene, but he had a feeling if Rowan didn't need them, they would be a hard limit for him.

Andback to the medical issues. It was a never-ending circle until Patrick got him some appointments.

Gabriel threw away the towel and grabbed the clean boxers he'd come in with. He wasn't shy about being naked, but he didn't want Rowan to worry Gabriel wanted something else. He wanted to make them both feel good, but he needed Rowan to trust him first. He'd watched Rowan consent out of desperation, which wasn't consent at all, and he wouldn't put him in that position. Rowan was lying back looking for all the world asleep, but the way his eyes were tightly closed and his short breaths belied the impression he was trying to give.

"Rowan," he said quietly, bending down. "Did you enjoy the soak?"

Rowan opened his eyes, full of caution, and nodded. It was almost like he was expecting it to be a trick. Gabriel stifled the sigh. Rowan was so wary, but then, he didn't have any reason to trust Gabriel. In fact, Gabriel had let him down.

He had.

He'd known how Rowan felt ever since the debacle with the other sub.

Which gave him pause…

Rowan was ashamed of himself. What if Gabriel took him to the club and made it clear how he felt about him? He smiled to himself. Rowan badly needed self-confidence. Maybe Gabriel had just thought of a way to provide some.

"You ready to get out, baby boy?"

"I haven't washed," Rowan said.

"I don't want you rubbing and making yourself sorer. We can always do this again before bed." Ignoring Rowan's reluctance, Gabriel drained the bath, and stood Rowan up, toweling him very gently, including and especially his sore areas. Then he helped him to the same stool draped with a clean towel.

"I want to put some cream on you made from similar stuff to what we put in the bath, but I need to ask some questions and I need you to either answer truthfully or safeword."

The gaze that Rowan levelled on him was so sad Gabriel wanted to wrap him up and say it didn't matter, but Rowan clearly wasn't taking care of himself, so Gabriel had to. "Baby boy, why are you wearing this size of pads?"

Rowan's eyes widened as if he couldn't believe the question. "I—I have to."

Gabriel expected the answer, but it still didn't fit with what he'd seen.

"Who told you you'd have to?"

Rowan opened his mouth, then closed it.

Gabriel could guess. "Then tell me this; if you prefer to wear them, why are you wearing pads that don't fit?"

It took Rowan maybe two beats of Gabriel's heart before he crumpled and broke into the most heart-rending sobs Gabriel had ever heard. He gathered Rowan up, towel and all, and carried him to the old stuffed armchair in the bedroom, sat, and clutched Rowan close. Every harsh sob was a knife to his heart. Every tremble, every cry, and eventually every whimper. Gabriel just hoped they sliced away some of the rot inside Rowan and even though they both bled, healing would happen.

When Rowan had quieted, he started talking without Gabriel's prompting. "They're the same size from when I first went."

It took Gabriel a moment. "You mean from when you first got sick?"

Rowan nodded, and for another long moment, anger rendered Gabriel speechless. "I don't get it, baby. You're an adult now. How can they be still giving you the same size?"

Rowan shuffled in Gabriel's arms, relaxing. "Because Mother said it encouraged me to lose weight."

The cruelty of that statement blew Gabriel's mind. No wonder. No fucking wonder Rowan thought he was fat. He was still trying to force his body into something made for a thirteen-year-old.

"Baby boy, can you remember the last time you actually needed your pads?"

Rowan stiffened. "It happens all the time."

But Gabriel really didn't think it did. "No, sweetheart, I mean specifically. Is there a time recently when you needed them, or your pants might have been wet?"

"After Master Paul," Rowan mumbled into Gabriel's chest.

So, stressful situations. Which made perfect sense. "And before that?" Gabriel asked gently.

Rowan thought. "I can't remember."

"Is nighttime worse? Are you worried you might need them when you're asleep?"

He could almost feel Rowan thinking. "Sometimes. It's just I never know."

"Okay sweetheart, then this is what we're going to do. For today, you're not going to wear anything to let your skin breathe and heal. If you prefer something tonight, then we can order you something more lightweight, but your skin needs to recover."

Rowan kept his liquid gaze on Gabriel's. "No one cares."

Fuck, he was breaking Gabriel's heart. "Well, I do, baby boy," Gabriel promised. "I do." And he knew he always would.