Chapter 14

Gabriel gazed at Rowan as if the proverbial light bulb had almost blinded him. Could it be that simple? He'd been struggling with letting go of what he thought he wanted, lifestyle-wise, at the same time as wanting—desperately—to see Rowan happy and cared for.

Because he didn't see how the two would mesh.

But not just that. He ached for Rowan to see him as his lifeline, his anchor. He wanted to be what Rowan was looking for as much as he hoped Rowan was exactly what he needed. He loved what he did, but the transitory nature of many of his play-partners always left him looking for something else.

If he was honest with himself, in his heart, being a Dom wasn't anything to do with his skill in wielding a bull whip. That was just trappings. And he hadn't gotten satisfaction from that in a long time.

"I'm a Dom, Rowan," Gabriel said, completely unapologetically. It was in his nature, and trying to stifle that was making him miserable, and blind to what might be right in front of him.

Rowan's beautiful eyes suddenly filled, and he hurriedly looked down, but Gabriel caught his chin. "Rowan, listen to me," he commanded, and Rowan's gaze immediately shifted to his, almost as if Gabriel had flicked a switch.

"But that's not just what I am," he continued. "There are many types of Dominants, about as many as there are different types of submissives." Rowan didn't look away even when Gabriel stroked Rowan's jaw with his finger before he dropped his hand. The small tremble and the way Rowan angled his head a little toward Gabriel's finger spoke volumes, but Gabriel tried to tamp down his excitement.

"We need to talk, really talk. The foundation of any relationship is honesty, and I think you lied to Master Paul, and probably never read that shame kink is a big part of his requirements." Rowan blinked rapidly and Gabriel reached for the tissues, grabbed a few, and then passed them to Rowan.

"I thought he picked me because I wouldn't say no," Rowan confessed.

"Oh sweetheart," Gabriel groaned. If anyone ever needed a keeper… "And I'm betting you didn't read the contract you signed." Rowan flushed in answer. Gabriel sat down, hitched up the bed until his back was to the wall, and lifted his arm in a beckoning gesture. Rowan didn't hesitate, he barely took a breath before he was tucked into Gabriel's side.

"Now I'm going to say what I think you're wanting in a master, but you have to absolutely promise me that if I'm wrong you will say so immediately." Gabriel held Rowan's gaze. "If you can't promise me honesty, then we have no future."

Rowan's eyes widened and he nodded.

"Use your words," Gabriel nudged him.

Rowan swallowed, "Yes, Daddy."

Gabriel's heart skipped a beat. It seemed to stop then speed up as if to make up for lost time and it took everything Gabriel had in him not to react to that honorific, except to brush a kiss on Rowan's head. "Good boy," he murmured.

"I think you're a natural submissive, Rowan." Gabriel let that sentence hang for a moment. It wasn't exactly earth-shattering, but being a submissive and being a little weren't always the same thing. "I believe that you're naturally a submissive and that you only let yourself become little when you feel super-safe, and I don't think you've even scratched the surface of what being a little means to you."

Rowan tilted his head and met Gabriel's questioning gaze. "Maybe," he said cautiously.

"Any part of a dominant and submissive relationship is about establishing boundaries, and recognizing that sometimes those boundaries have to widen…" He paused. "And sometimes they have to narrow." Rowan looked a little puzzled. "I think you need a safe space to experiment. You play with your friends at the club. You build, you color, but I'm guessing even if you have had a really bad day, it would never occur to you to take a teddy and curl up on the couch, maybe take a nap."

Rowan shook his head, and his cheeks pinked a little. Gabriel kissed his head again and made sure his arms were curled around Rowan.

"But wouldn't you need a boy that can do other things?"

Gabriel thought about that. "You mean the things I do in the club?" Rowan nodded. "Possibly. As we're talking honesty and I'm having a come-to-Jesus-moment, have you ever seen Master Ezra and his submissive Rachel?"

"Some," Rowan admitted. "When I've been on the door."

"And you know Rachel is what is sometimes offensively called a pain slut?"

Rowan shrugged. "I suppose."

Gabriel smiled. "Well, the thing is that Ezra isn't a sadist. He likes to have rules, and enjoys Rachel submitting, but his idea of punishment would be smacking her ass." Gabriel inhaled and for a moment got lost in that visual, except it wasn't a female brunette lying across his knees, it was a certain young man with huge blue eyes and pale skin that would look perfect with some red handprints on it. He adjusted himself discreetly. "So, they have an arrangement. Master Deacon is a sadist that enjoys what he does but isn't interested in anything except the basic after-care. Deacon whips Rachel up into a frenzy, then unties her and passes her off to Ezra to enjoy the fruits of his labor, so to speak."

Gabriel doubted if Rowan's eyes could get any wider. "I wouldn't say I'm in any way a sadist. I enjoy what I do, but I'm also looking for a different level of relationship as well." He chuckled a little self-consciously. "I want a boy to spoil. To care for. And to be honest, I've never found anyone that matches both those areas of my life, so I was wondering if I needed to make that match. In the same person, anyway. But that would take an enormous amount of trust from the person that I enjoyed the other part of my life with. The boy that I took home with me." The one I kept there.

Rowan was listening very intently. "Which boy would you take home?" he almost whispered.

"The one that needs my care." Gabriel had just lectured Rowan about honesty. He needed to step up. "It would be you, Rowan." Then he knew he had to be a hundred percent honest. "I can't guarantee forever."

"No one can," Rowan said quickly. "I doubt any married couple imagines they will get divorced."

Gabriel hugged Rowan in relief and pleasure. Rowan was intelligent, and that was as much a turn-on as his need to submit. "Now, if we are to try this out it means I will be a little more assertive, but I will be clear in my wishes and I expect you to ask and not assume." He paused but knew this was important. "As my sub, you are charged with taking care of my most precious possession."

Rowan's mouth opened a little, but he didn't speak. Gabriel simply waited.

"How will I know what your most precious thing is?" He looked around the room as if expecting to see some masterpiece hanging on the wall, or an antique gracing the corner.

"Rowan," Gabriel said gently. "In this scenario you are my most precious possession, and if I find you mistreating my property you will be punished." Rowan gasped. "For instance, I expect you to drink every drop of the water I give you. If you ever try and pull the same ridiculous stunt you pulled with Master Paul where you let yourself get so dehydrated, I will smack your ass so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week." Gabriel arched an eyebrow. "Is that clear?"

Rowan gaped, and very gently Gabriel hooked a finger under Rowan's chin to close his mouth, then just because he wanted to, he brushed a kiss on his forehead. Well, he wanted to kiss other areas as well, but that was another conversation and Rowan was in too vulnerable a place right then.

"But don't worry. If I give you an instruction you're not clear about, you may ask."

Rowan nodded but at Gabriel's stillness he quickly caught on. "Yes, Daddy."

"Good, now what books do you like?"

Rowan seemed non-plussed at the question, but Gabriel knew Rowan was likely exhausted. He was going to suggest a movie but selfishly Gabriel was extremely comfortable with Rowan curled up in his arms. He reached over to the nightstand and picked up an old copy of Emily Jade's The Last Mage. He'd put a few different books out in case Rowan might like to read one. Gabriel simply started reading. He doubted Rowan was awake by the time he got to the end of chapter one, and thinking that seemed like a good idea, Gabriel closed his eyes.