Chapter Eleven

His words are still ringing in my ears an hour later.

"Are you hungry?" he asks, coming into the bedroom where I"m busy folding clothes and finding a place to put them.

I"ve been in here, hiding, because I wasn"t sure how to deal with the disappointment that curled in my stomach at what he said. It"s been sitting there, right below the surface, fighting to get loose. If I were the type of woman who enjoyed conflict, I"d have yelled like a Jerry Springer guest back in the day, but I"m not. I shrug. "I could eat."

He sighs heavily. "I know you didn"t want to hear what I said earlier. Would it be easier if I lied to you? We saw what happened last time."

"No." I throw the shirt I"m folding down. "I don"t want you to lie to me. What I want is for you to be really honest, and I don"t think you"re doing it. I"ve known you for a long time, Jasper. You can"t fool me. You may have asked me to marry you because you felt like you had no other choice, but the fact of the matter is you were fully aware you could trust me at the same damn time." I stop my words by pressing my lips into a firm line. "I"m not happy about this, and it"s my fault. I"m always going to think I can change you, but all you keep doing is proving I can"t."

"I am who I am, Daisy. I don"t know how to be any other way."

You"re going to have to take me as I amis left unsaid between us. I"m still mad, but now I"m mad at myself. I exhale heavily. "Yeah, I"m hungry. What do you have to eat?"

"Frozen pizza. It"s the easiest thing to make."

"Fine." I get up from where I"m kneeling on the floor and head to the kitchen with him. Going through the motions here, just like I"ve been doing for far too long when it comes to Jasper Hamilton.

Thirty minutes later, I"m helping him get a frozen pizza out of the oven. It"s all we had the energy to do. Barrett is coming over and bringing salad. I can"t believe he had it, but according to Jasper, Barrett does enjoy eating healthy sometimes, unlike the rest of them.

"Can you let him know that the pizzas are done?" I ask Jasper, who"s sitting on the couch.

"Sure."

He gets up and goes over to the wall, which I didn"t expect. I thought he"d go out the front door and walk over to Barrett"s. I"m even more surprised when he raises his arm, and beats on the wall with his fist.

"He"ll be over in a few minutes."

A bubble of laughter bursts up from my chest. "You two do that a lot?"

"It"s ninety-nine percent of how we communicate with each other when we"re home. Fuck calling, texting, or walking outside. It took a little getting used to. For a while I had something on this wall, until he knocked it down enough."

"Does he beat on the wall?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yeah, he has no awareness of how hard he knocks. He"s like a bull in a China shop, causing destruction wherever he goes. Just ask Gabb," he quips.

I can"t believe he just made a joke. It"s been years since I heard him make a joke. I laugh softly. "I remember Gabby telling me that she"d swiped right on him, and they"d gone out on a date or two."

"They did, and now they"ve spent the last couple of months tiptoeing around each other. I have no idea what"s going on with them, but I have a feeling something big is going to go down."

I try to hold back the yawn, but it works its way past my throat. "I"m so tired. Today has been the longest day."

"It has, and I"m sure it"s been emotional for you." He rubs at the back of his neck. "I"ve never told anyone this, but the worst day of my life wasn"t when my parents died. That was awful, don"t get me wrong, but the worst day? It was when I realized I was going to be living with my grandfather for the next fourteen years. Little did I know I"d be in this situation right now."

While I was mad at him earlier, I"m again reminded of why he is the way he is. My heart hurts for the kid he"d been, and the man he"s become. "What was his house like?" I ask softly, afraid if I say anything louder, he"ll realize he"s confiding in me; something he"s never done before.

He doesn"t say anything for so long, I think maybe he"s not going to answer, and I"ve pushed too far, too fast. But then, his deep voice echoes through the quietness between us. "Cold and dark. Fuckin" formal. I was scared to do anything there; afraid I would move a knick knack too far and it would set him off. He"s always been the type of man not to have a lot of feelings toward anything, but his lack of feelings toward me was terrifying as a child. I could sense it, and it kept me up at night more often than it should"ve."

I"m about to try and delve in deeper when the front door opens, Barrett strolling in. That effectively cuts off the conversation. I"ve never wanted someone to go back to their house as much as I want it right now. It takes everything I have not to ask him to leave so I can have some time alone with my husband. But since he knows that right now we"re married in name only, that might sound a bit weird, and he might realize something else is going on here. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, or not.

Barrett grumbles. "I"m here and ready to eat my fuckin" weight in crust, pepperoni, and cheese. Please tell me there"s one full pizza here with my name on it, I am starving."

"I am, too." Jasper rubs at his stomach, making a noise as well.

When I realize why he"s starving, because he helped me move all my shit today, my chest squeezes. I should be thankful, should be telling him how grateful I am for him, but instead I"m annoyed. Not just at him, but at me, too. This is the shit I should"ve been asking him when we were dating, and he started pulling away. I try to give myself grace and realize that I was young too. I didn"t have the maturity it took to understand he was hurting as much as he was. Now that he"s told me a little about what his life was like when he went to live with his grandfather, I can understand what I"ve been fighting against the past few years. "I am, too." I get up from the couch and walk over to the stove. "Where is the pizza cutter?"

Jasper takes a drink of a beer, his head indicating the drawer next to where I"m standing.

I pull it open and dig around until my fingers grasp the handle of the cutter. Within minutes, I have all the pizzas cut and the pieces served on plates, along with the bag of salad Barrett brought over. "It"s ready if y"all are ready to eat."

My eyes meet Jasper"s brown ones. "Oh, I"m ready."

And I can"t help but wonder if he means he"s ready for the food, or what else seems to come along with us.