22. Noah

22

NOAH

This was getting dangerous. Not only did Lexi's dad not want her to spend any more time with me, but now Easton had almost caught us.

But it was probably a good thing that Easton had come in when he had. I’d been about to kiss Lexi, and that would have been really bad. We were just fake dating, and I couldn't have any feelings getting involved. I wasn't supposed to be with a girl right now. I was supposed to stay single and not let anyone else get mixed up in my messy life. I needed to figure things out myself.

But something Lexi had said bothered me. I needed to ask her about it.

So after we were in our respective sleeping areas—her in her bed, me scrunched up in her closet—I asked. Hoping the darkness, and the inability for her to see my face, would make this less uncomfortable.

"Is it true what you said to Easton?"

"What do you mean?" she asked. "I kind of told a lot of lies just barely."

"I'm talking about what you said about me. Do you really think I don't want to be around you?"

She was quiet for a moment too long, and I worried I may have messed something up. "Well, kind of. I mean, ever since I've known you, it seems like I've just been this proverbial annoying little sister of your best friend."

That may have been true in the past. But it wasn't true anymore. "That couldn't be further from the truth, Lexi." My heart raced, feeling like I'd practically admitted that I liked her. What would she say? Would it scare her to death? I was two years older than her.

"What do you mean?" she asked in a quiet voice.

I turned on my side so that I could see her silhouette better in the darkness. "Well, in the very least, I'd like to think that we became friends this past week."

She turned to face me, too, her head resting on her arm as she laid on her pillow. "Yeah, I guess we're friends."

That was good. At least she saw me as a friend.

"But how long do you want to keep this fake relationship going? I mean, for me and my purposes, I think that it has fulfilled its need. I thought I liked Harrison and all, but I don't really care anymore. "

She didn't care about the trumpet player anymore? "I guess if you don't want to keep this up we can stop," I offered. It probably wasn't fair for me to keep this going with Lexi anymore. Things were already confusing as they were. "Do you want to break up tomorrow?"

"Um, sure. That would probably be good. I think Easton is missing you, anyway."

"Yeah, probably time to get things back to normal around here." The thought made me sad. Really sad. I didn't want to lose what Lexi and I had together.

"So you want to do it tomorrow at school? Make it a big public thing? Or just tell everyone?"

"I think I've had enough of public spectacles to be good for a long time," I admitted. I was tired of always putting on a show.

"Okay, yeah. We can just tell people if they ask. I don't want to make it a big production, either." She rolled onto her back.

I wanted to say something more but didn't know if I had the guts to say it.

But it was time for me to start acting like a man. So I said, "It’s going to be kind of weird not hanging out with you as much after this week." Which was strange. We'd known each other since I was in middle school, yet in just one week I'd gotten to know her better than I had in the last six years.

"It was fun while it lasted." She sighed. "But Juliette will be home next weekend anyway, so I guess the timing is probably about as perfect as it could be. Things will go back to normal and it will be as if this week never even happened."

She said it like it was a good thing. But I couldn't help feel the complete opposite.

"Well, I guess this is probably the last time you'll have to hold my hand," I told Lexi as we walked into school the next morning. My heart squeezed in my chest just a little bit as I thought about how our week of pretending was coming to an end. If I'd known how things were going to go from the beginning, I probably would've done things a lot differently. Found more reasons to cuddle with her. Hold her hand. Kiss her. Just be with her more. But we were ending. And I needed to be okay with that. It had been fake from the start. We'd only kissed that one time because the situation had demanded it.

And if I'd known that one kiss was all I was going to get, I would've made it last longer. Savored it. And probably have tried to steal another.

But we had accomplished what we set forth to accomplish when we started this. Kind of.

Except for the fact that she didn't really care what Harrison thought of her anymore. And I didn't care what Raven thought, either. All I cared about was if Lexi wanted to date me. All I cared about was what Lexi thought of me now.

"Yeah, you can go back to hanging out with all your girlfriends after tonight." There was a sadness in her eyes that I couldn't miss.

I squeezed her hand. "We'll still see each other all the time. I mean, it's not like I'm going anywhere. I'll still be Easton's friend unless your dad really does stay true to what he said yesterday."

We made it to her locker, but I didn't want to let go of her hand. I wanted to hold onto it forever. She didn't seem in a hurry to let go either. Which made me wonder if we were really doing the best thing. Would it be so bad if what started out as fake turn out to be real?

She cleared her throat and let go of my hand to open her locker. I watched as she set her books inside, just soaking in everything that was Lexi. Her long brown hair that she liked to keep in a ponytail most of the time. Her thick-rimmed glasses that I'd always thought made her look geeky, but now I found them adorable. Her tomboyish clothes and Chuck Taylors. Everything I had never thought I would like about a girl was suddenly all my favorite things.

She finished putting her books away then turned to me, catching me staring at her. She bit her lip. "So do we start telling people this morning? Or just save it all for after lunch?" she asked.

If we waited until after lunch, I'd still have another chance to hold her close. More possibilities to enjoy being with Lexi without worrying about it being wrong. But also, more opportunities that I knew wouldn't be real.

Which was better? To cut it off now? Stop myself from pretending that there was a future between us? That she might possibly someday see me as something more than this homeless guy she pretended to date once?

Or was it better to get my head out of the clouds and face reality now?

"Let's wait until after lunch."

I tried to get a read on what she was thinking, but I couldn't tell. She just appeared neutral about the whole thing.

Maybe this wasn't affecting her as much as I'd hoped.

But then she said, "Yeah, I think that's best. I don't usually like answering questions this early in the day, anyway."

"Me neither." I smiled, happy that she was at least going along with this with me. "Want me to walk you to class for old time’s sake?" I offered my hand to her again, my heart pounding as I prayed she wouldn't turn me down .

She only hesitated for a second, and the feel of her hand in mine made my heart calm down. It just felt right. Like I was meant to hold her hand forever.

"I'd like that," she said.