21. Lexi

21

LEXI

While Noah ate his sandwich, I went to hide in my bathroom with the excuse of brushing my teeth, uncomfortable with how he had looked at me after I'd made the comment about us being fake. Today had been crazy. My dad didn't want me anywhere near Noah. But I just couldn't do what my dad wanted me to do anymore. I was sixteen years old. I had things that I wanted in my life. And right now...I wanted Noah. Deep down I had always wanted Noah.

Even though it was impossible to think he might want me back.

But that kiss... Oh. That kiss and the way he'd confided in me and no one else was making me think that crazy things like that might be possible.

The memory of our kiss under the bleachers swirled over me as I gripped the sink, trying to calm down my racing heart. We kept saying this thing between us was just for Raven, or Harrison's benefit, but I barely even cared what Harrison thought of me anymore.

I brushed my teeth in fast circles as I tried to figure this whole thing out. If by some miracle Noah did like me, was it even possible for us to have a future? Easton had been okay with us pretending to be together, but I doubted he'd be okay with it being real. He'd said so himself that he knew what Noah was like with girls, and that he'd beat him up if he touched me for real.

And I already knew for sure that my dad wouldn't be okay with it.

But was it so crazy to think that none of that mattered? That if Noah did share my feelings, we could beat the odds stacked against us?

There was a quiet knock on the bathroom door. I stilled my toothbrushing. "Yes?" It came out sounding all garbled.

"Is it okay if I brush my teeth?" Noah asked from the other side of the door.

I quickly rinsed my mouth and said, "Yeah, sure." Then I let him in.

He stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. He must have noticed the alarm on my face because he said, "I'm just shutting it in case your dad or Easton come into your room while we're in here. "

My eyes went wide, but I nodded. "That's a good idea." I was tempted to lock it too but didn't, since that was probably taking things too far.

He squeezed past me, his frame towering over mine, and went to the sink. He turned on the water.

I leaned against the wall behind him, looking at his reflection in the mirror. I hadn't noticed when he'd first gotten here since my room was only lit by the lamp in the corner, but his eyes were tinged with red around the rims.

Had Noah been crying?

On the phone, he had sounded like he might be trying to cover up a wobbling voice. It hurt my heart to think about it.

His hair was messier than usual. He sported a few-days-old scruff on his face. I touched my chin, vaguely remembering how it had chaffed against my skin earlier as we'd kissed. I'd been so caught up in the sensations of everything else that the roughness of it hadn't bothered me. In fact, I wouldn't mind feeling it again.

Would it be wrong to tell him I needed more practice?

I forced my gaze away from his face, not wanting him to think I was staring. I took in his broad shoulders instead. He was so much taller than me, I was practically a dwarf next to him. But that was part of the pull I had for him. It made me feel petite, like a girl instead of the tomboy I felt like most of the time—though it was also probably part of the reason why he'd always treated me like I was such a kid.

His arms were really nice, too. Toned, and still tanned from football season. And I found myself wanting to find a reason to be wrapped up in them again.

I shook my head. What was coming over me? Daydreaming about Noah when he wasn't around was one thing, but daydreaming about him when he was looking right back at me through the mirror was another thing entirely.

So I decided to talk about something that would make my ogling less obvious. "Do you know why your card was declined?"

He spit in the sink and shrugged. "I called my dad, and turns out, he transferred all my money out."

"What? Why would he do that?" Because there was about no chance he was having money problems. Noah's dad was loaded.

Noah set his toothbrush down on the counter, not really looking at me. "He thought I was using the money for drugs."

"Drugs? Really?" My dad had said as much, but it was still weird to hear it from Noah.

"Apparently, your dad isn't the only one who thinks that I'm bad." He turned and leaned against the sink, so he was facing me instead of my reflection. "Anyway, when I told him that I was sleeping in my car, he kind of changed his tune."

"If he knows you're sleeping in your car, why didn't he invite you to his house?"

"He said he was gonna talk to my mom or something, but it wouldn't surprise me if he got too distracted by Paige's dance recital tonight. He was in a hurry again to get off the phone with me."

"That's so messed up. I'm so sorry, Noah."

He shrugged like it was no problem. "It's what I'm used to. Whatever." He picked up his things. "Anyway, I think I'm ready to turn in for the night."

I pushed myself away from the wall. "Right. Me too."

We both tried to go out the door at the same time and ended up bumping shoulders. My skin sparked to life where our arms touched. And I wanted to touch him again.

But he stepped back, creating some distance between us. "You first." He gestured for me to walk ahead of him.

"Thanks."

I led the way back into my bedroom. He turned off the light in my bathroom before coming out.

I went into the closet and turned on the light. "I, um, put away the blankets you used last night since I didn't want my dad to see them."

He stepped up closer and easily pulled them off the top shelf, his bicep flexing with the movement.

"Do you know how unfair that is?" I asked.

"What?"

"That you never have to use a step stool."

He smiled. "Do you really want to be six-three like me?" he asked.

"No."

"Good. Because I bumped my head in the same place twice today."

"Ouch."

He chuckled. "Yeah, ouch." He dropped the blanket to the floor before turning back to me, looking like he wanted to say something.

"What is it?" I asked.

He shrugged, and when he looked at me, his dark eyes made me feel warm all over. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "I like how short you are."

"Y-you do?" I asked, my pulse starting to thrum to life again.

"Yeah." He let his hand drop to his side. We just stood there staring awkwardly for a moment as I tried to figure him out.

Did he like me?

I really, really wanted him to.

But instead of asking and possibly making things really awkward between us, I turned to walk back out of my closet. "Well, I'm going to bed now."

"Lexi?" he said .

I turned back, my heart in my throat. "Yeah?"

He took my hand in his, stepping closer. After just a moment's hesitation, he leaned closer and pulled me against his body in an embrace. "Thank you for being there for me," he whispered in my ear, sending warm, blissful chills down my spine.

I hugged him tighter, taking advantage of this rare moment to breathe Noah in. He smelled amazing. He felt amazing. I didn't ever want to let go. "I'm here for you anytime you need me. Always have been."

I expected him to step away, but he didn't. Instead, he just kept holding me. We were so close. I could hear his heart beating against my ear. I wasn't a doctor or anything, but it seemed like it was beating a little fast. Possibly as fast as mine.

He was affected by our closeness.

I could actually make his heart race. All these years of thinking the feelings between us were one-sided, and I finally had evidence that Noah Taylor might feel something for me.

He slowly pulled back, and when our eyes met, I burned. Because the way he was looking at me was like nothing I'd seen before. His eyes were full of desire, and when his gaze flicked down to my lips, my stomach muscles tightened. He was going to kiss me.

But he didn't. He just kept looking at me in a way that made my stomach twist up in so many knots I didn't think it would ever come untangled.

"What do you think is the most appropriate way for me to show you my thanks?" he whispered as he ran his thumb across my lips. My nerve endings went nuts, and I had to bite my lip to keep from going crazy.

I swallowed. "Um..." But I couldn't say anything more because Noah Taylor was touching me and making it impossible to think. Impossible to talk.

He smiled in a detached sort of way at my reaction, and then his hand traveled down my neck and along my shoulder, a path of fire following everywhere he touched.

Maybe it wasn't such a smart idea to wear a tank top to bed after all, because the way his electric touch was making me feel made it hard to remember why I shouldn't just throw myself at him right now.

I blinked my eyes shut.

This is Noah Taylor. He's a player. My dad would kill me if I got involved with him.

But when I looked back at him, all I saw was the guy I'd wanted for years. And he was looking at me the way I'd wanted him to for as long as I could remember.

"Lexi, I..." he started.

"Yes?" I asked, my heart swelling with anticipation. This seemed like it might just be the most important moment of my entire life.

"I—" He blinked his eyes shut and shook his head. When he opened them, the look in his eyes had changed. "I-it's getting late. We should probably go to bed."

I swallowed, feeling my hopes drop into a tailspin of broken dreams. "Yes. W-we should."

It took all my strength to make myself step back from him and break the magnetic hold he had on me. I slowly turned, trying not to let him see the disappointment crashing over me like waves on a sailboat in the middle of a storm.

I moved one foot out of the closet. Then the next. Forcing myself to leave when all I wanted to do was stay.

"Lexi, wait." He gripped my arm and my pulse turned frantic.

Knock. Knock.

"Can I come in?" Easton's voice sounded from the hall.

I jumped away from Noah like he was on fire and pushed him back in the closet, shutting the door on him. Then I quickly turned around to make sure Easton hadn't opened the door already. Thankfully, he hadn't, so I launched myself onto my bed.

Just as I was about to tell him to come in, I saw Noah's backpack in the middle of my floor.

"Just a minute," I called, my heart beating wildly in my chest. "I'm just putting on my pajamas."

He hadn't seen me already wearing them when I was in the kitchen making a sandwich, right?

I jumped off my bed and swooped Noah' s backpack up, and quickly shoved it at him in the closet. I didn't get a chance to actually see him since he'd thankfully thought to shut off the light, but I heard him groan like I'd just hurt him with his backpack.

I'd probably thrown it at his head, like everything else he'd bumped into today.

Once I'd shut the door, I jumped on my bed again and pulled my phone off my nightstand, hoping I'd look like I was calm and relaxed. "You can come in now."

Easton stepped inside and shut the door behind him. "Hey, I just got done talking to Dad."

"Yeah?" I asked.

Act cool. Don't look at the closet.

"What exactly were you and Noah doing when he got home? I thought you two were just pretending to date. This didn't somehow suddenly turn real, did it?"

My stomach went into my throat, but I tried to make a face that didn't show him anything weird was going on.

"Of course it's not real. I just fell asleep, and I guess Dad thought I was cuddling with Noah or something."

Easton leaned against the wall. "I knew it was probably something like that."

"Could you imagine me and Noah together for real?" I laughed awkwardly. "That's nuts. I'm sure he can barely stand to be around me most of the time."

"That's true. You guys do fight a lot."

"Yeah," I agreed, though we hadn't really been fighting very much lately. Sure he teased me here and there, but it was starting to be more like flirting than anything else. Was that stupid of me to think he was flirting with me? Because it sure seemed like he was about to kiss me a few seconds ago. And I wanted to believe that I didn't have a reason to think it was just another practice.

"Good. That's what I told Dad. So your secret fake relationship is still safe with me."

Fake relationship. I was really starting to hate those two words. I wanted it to be real.

"Thanks."

"Speaking of you and Noah spending more time together, have you noticed anything off with him this week?"

"What do you mean?" My voice came out higher pitched than usual. I sat up a little straighter, feeling uncomfortable talking about Noah when I knew he could hear everything from his hiding place in my closet.

Easton slid down the wall until he was seated on the floor. "I don't know. It feels like he's been avoiding me. I know I've been working a lot this week, and you two have your thing going on. But it just seems like something is off. And after what his dad told Dad today..." he trailed off.

"He's not into drugs, if that's what you’re wondering."

Easton looked up at me. "Okay, that's good. I didn't think so, but I just wanted to see if you knew anything. "

I did know something. But I couldn't betray Noah's trust. If he wanted my brother to know, he'd tell him.

"So, are you grounded from Noah, too?" I asked.

He laughed. "He tried, but I learned through the years that sometimes you just have to stand up to Dad."

"Wish I was better at that. According to him, I'm going to end up just like Maddie if I spend any more time alone with Noah."

Which was so stupid. I knew how babies were made. And Noah and I were most definitely not going to do those things together.

I still didn't even know if he even liked me in that way.

I glanced at my closet and my cheeks heated when I realized Noah had probably just heard what I'd said. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Easton looked away and coughed. "Anyway," he said awkwardly, clearly not liking the thought of me and Noah being together. "Maybe I'll see if Noah wants to do a hot tub night tomorrow after the game. We haven't done one of those in a while."

"I'm sure he'd like that." Then an image of Noah without a shirt popped into my head. He really looked good without his shirt on. It probably would be a good idea for me to find something to do tomorrow night, so I wouldn't be tempted to watch them.

I shook my head. Way to be creepy, Lexi .

"Yeah, I'll shoot him a text. "

Just don't text him right now . Because a ringing sound coming from my closet would not be good.

I expected Easton to get up to go now that we'd covered the topics at hand. But he just stayed there with his back against the wall.

Why wasn't he leaving?

"So random question,” he said, “but doesn't Juliette get back soon?" He stared at his hand which he was rubbing along the gray carpet absentmindedly.

I frowned. "Yeah, she gets back next week. Why do you ask?"

"No reason, really. She just popped into my head today while I was working." He shrugged, but still wouldn't meet my eyes. Weird.

"Is everything okay between you and Mercedes?"

"Sure. Things are fine. We're gonna go to the game together tomorrow. She's nice."

Nice? Hmm. Something was off with my brother. He'd just called her "the hottest girl in school" last week. But now she was simply nice ?

Did any of this have to do with Juliette coming back? They had acted really weird around each other before she went to Paris.

"Well, I better get to bed. Thanks for the chat." He stood and made ready to leave. Finally.

But just before he opened the door, he turned back and asked, "Hey, do you still have your skateboard repair kit?"

The repair kit that was currently in my closet?

"Why?" I asked, since opening my closet to look for something was about the last thing I wanted to do right now. "Are you going skateboarding? It's the middle of winter."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I was thinking about going to the indoor skatepark in Syracuse soon. I just wanted to get my skateboard ready."

"Um, well, it's probably buried in there. I'm kind of tired and don't really want to dig through my whole closet if you don't really need it."

"That's okay, I can look for it."

I jumped from my bed and blocked him from opening my closet door. "No. That's okay. I'll..."

He narrowed his gaze. "Why are you acting so weird?"

I laughed awkwardly. "No reason. It's just...um...I hung my bras up in there to dry and I don't want you to see them."

He stepped back, clearly not wanting to see my underwear, either. "Okay, yeah. I'll, um, just get it from you later."

I nodded, and my erratic heartbeat slowed a little. "I'll get it to you tomorrow."

He put his hand on the doorknob. "Thanks. Goodnight. "

"Night."

I collapsed against my closet door as soon as he was gone. Whew. That was close!

The closet door behind me opened a crack, making me jump.

"Is it okay to come out for air now?" Noah asked through the crack.

I swung the door wide open, feeling bad for trapping him in there for so long. "Yes." I looked around quickly just to make sure Easton really was gone and not coming back in. "You can come out."

He crawled out and stood, giving me a lopsided grin. "Now wasn't that exciting?"

I shook my head but smiled despite myself. "I don't know if exciting is the right word for it."