Chapter 40
“What just happened?” Rafe says as we both stare at the tail end of the car disappearing out the driveway.
“I have no idea.” The words die away as I recall his words, trying to make some sense of them because he wouldn’t just leave us, not Constantin... would he? Despite the warmth of the day, a coldness forms in my core, dread pooling in my bones.
Rafe turns to me, bewildered. I want to say it’ll be all right, and that he can’t mean it, but in truth I don’t know.
His phone rings, and he pulls it out of his pocket. Frowning, he says, “It’s my dad.” Before turning away to answer it.
I watch as the colour drains from his face, turning his golden features ashen.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I’ll let you know.” He rings off and stands stock-still in the middle of the driveway, looking lost. I tentatively move to him, wanting to offer comfort for whatever it is, not knowing if it’s something he’ll want. As soon as I get close, he pulls me to him and I hug him tightly as he burrows his head into my shoulder. It takes several minutes before he lifts his head enough to rest his chin on my shoulder.
“My mum’s in the hospital. She collapsed. I need to go home.”
“I’m so sorry. Do they know what’s wrong with her?”
I feel the slow shake of his head. “They’re running tests.”
He pushes back a little so he can look at me.
“I’m sorry, Flo. I need to book a flight.”
I swallow back the panic that threatens to overwhelm me, the one that makes me want to scream that it’s unfair he’s leaving too. Instead, I say, “What can I do to help?” His small, grateful smile wrings my heart dry.
I’m not much help. I just trail after him, unwilling to let him out of my sight as he reserves a seat on the next flight out, books an Uber, and then packs up his notes and laptop from the Hollywood room. I sit on his bed as he stands in front of his case, randomly throwing things into it.
When he’s zipped it up, he sits next to me and takes my hand, interlacing our fingers.
“I’ll be back, Flo.”
I want to cling to him, beg him to promise me he will. But this isn’t about me, he has his own worries for his family, and I don’t want him to make promises he can’t keep, so all I say is, “I’ll be waiting.”
He gently touches my cheek and pulls my head round, giving me a sweet, sad kiss. I ignore the fear that this might be the last one and swallow past the lump in my throat, finding the strength to say.
“You go. I hope your mum will be well.”
“Thank you. I’ll call you,” he says as his phone buzzes that the Uber has arrived .
And so, for the second time in under two hours, I watch a car drive away, taking with it a man that I love.
I want to believe that Rafe will come back, but I noticed he said he needed to go home. I can’t shake the feeling that being back in England will feel like home to him, and he’ll forget me, us, and what we have been building here.
In reality, we’ve built nothing but a house of cards, blown away by the wind.
In the end, everybody leaves me.
I make it back to my room and curl up into a ball. Only then do I let the tears I’ve been holding back spill over and I don’t stop until the coverlet is soaked and I fall into an exhausted sleep.